by Laura Hilton
***
“Oh, come on, Shanna. You know I won’t hurt you. Call your dad back and tell him to forget it. You can wait until Tom gets back and jump-starts my car. Church is no big deal. You hardly ever go when you’re at school.” Nate put his left arm on the steering wheel in a relaxed stance. “Come on inside. I don’t know why you have to be such a prude.”
“I can’t help it, Nate. I guess a prude is what I am. And Daed’s already called for a driver.” She couldn’t believe he’d done so without taking the time to lecture her about her poor choices. Of course, that discussion would probably happen when they got home. She’d hear another version of the “Why don’t you listen to me?” talk Daed was so good at giving. Like he was the be-all and end-all of knowledge. Well, come right down to it, he was usually right. Why couldn’t she listen to him?
She sighed. It probably boiled down to pride, just as Daed had told her.
Nate tried a few more times to convince her to come inside. When she steadfastly refused, he called her a few choice words, further opening her eyes to his character, before jumping out of the car, slamming the door behind him, and disappearing inside the house once more.
Shanna sat in the darkness with nothing but her thoughts and the shadows to keep her company. She mulled over what Daed had accused Nate of the last time. After a few minutes, she leaned over and popped the hood open. Then, she got out of the car and lifted the hood, propping it on its support. Nate had left the outside light on, and she was able to make out the battery. It had been disconnected. Evidence seen with her own eyes. Why hadn’t she believed Daed in the first place?
Fury, fast and hot, overtook her, and she started for the house, prepared to give Nate a piece of her mind. She’d barely taken two steps when her foot touched something, and she stumbled. She shrieked before looking down. A cat. A silly cat. She picked it up, cuddling it in her arms. Just then, the door burst open, and Nate strode out.
“You okay? Thought I heard a scream.”
“The cat scared me.” Scared the anger right out of her. She tried to find the remnants of it. “And I just checked under your hood. Your battery was disconnected! I can’t believe you did that. Everything my daed said about you was true.” To her dismay, tears burned her eyes. She refused to cry now.
“Aw, Shanna. You’re so lovely. I want you, but you seem happy just being friends. How else am I supposed to make you see me as more than just a friend?”
“Definitely not by lying to me or tricking me. Wrong move, Nate.”
He stepped forward and took the cat out of her arms, dropping it on the ground. It landed on all fours with a hiss and a swish of its tail. Ignoring the animal, Nate grasped Shanna by her upper arms, yanking her to him. His mouth searched for hers and landed with a hard kiss.
Shanna jerked away, resisting the urge to slap him. “Leave me alone, Nate! I don’t want to see you again. Ever.” She stomped down the driveway, hesitated a moment, and set off down the sidewalk toward a gas station.
Nate shouted a few uncomplimentary names after her, but he didn’t follow her, thankfully.
Shanna fought down mounting fear as she walked toward the gas station. Gangs roamed these streets, and the news often reported murders and rapes and other bad things happening in this area.
She kept imagining she heard footsteps, but whenever she checked behind her, she saw no one.
Still, Shanna was almost running by the time she reached the relative safety of the convenience store, praying that it wouldn’t be robbed by an armed gunman while she was there. That would be the last straw. It was a good thing she didn’t have any money to be relieved of.
A bunch of young men stood under a burned-out streetlight at the edge of the parking lot, and some teens were smoking, laughing, and pushing each other in front of the door. They parted down the middle for her to dart through.
“Where’s the fire?” one of them asked. The others snickered.
Inside the store, Shanna skidded to a stop in front of the desk and pressed her palms against the counter as she gasped for breath. The clerk stared at her for a moment, then looked over her shoulder. “Are you being followed?”
Shanna turned around and saw a creepy-looking man whose arms were covered in tattoos enter the store. He strolled past her to the cooler in the corner, pulled out a quart of milk, and carried it to the counter, where he set it down while Shanna backed away. “Just need some milk for the kid.” He slapped some cash down and looked at Shanna. “Haven’t seen you in here before.”
She shook her head.
The man shrugged, took his change and the milk, and walked out.
“It’s going down tonight,” said one of the guys gathered outside the open doors.
Shanna turned and met the clerk’s eyes. “You’re not being robbed, are you?”
Chapter 21
Matthew took in their surroundings as Tony pulled the minivan into a driveway. The headlights flashed on the faded numbers hanging from the beat-up black mailbox, then on Nate’s old blue Chevy. But Matthew didn’t see any sign of Shanna inside. He was glad Levi had decided to come along.
When Tony stopped the van, Matthew and Levi scrambled out the door and up the driveway. Matthew was first to reach the faded brown front door. He raised his hand and gave it a sharp rap.
Moths and other ugly-looking insects flew around the dim light. With his other hand, he swatted them away from his face. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the door opened to reveal Nate, his brown hair tousled, his shirt untucked and unbuttoned. Matthew hated the idea of Shanna sitting in his house with him in this state. What could it mean? He didn’t want to think about it.
Nate smirked as he studied him and Levi. “May I help you?”
“We’ve come for Shanna.”
“Yeah, so? What makes you think she’s here?”
“Where is she?” Matthew growled.
Nate shrugged. “You expect me to know?”
Levi stepped forward. “She gave me this address, and I told her to stay put.”
Nate chuckled mockingly. “When have you ever known her to listen?”
Sorely tempted to grab Nate by his shirt collar and jerk him around, Matthew glanced at Levi. Violence was not their way. He sucked in a breath and forced himself to calm down. “Listen, we came for Shanna, and we aren’t leaving without her.”
“You the boyfriend? The one she dumped for me?” Nate sneered. “Not just a boarder, huh? I don’t know where she is, okay?”
“Do you need some help jogging your memory?” Matthew balled his fist. Ach, the temptation.
Lord, please let him tell us what he knows.
Nate’s shoulders slumped, and his head dipped. Maybe it was because of the two Amish men standing there motionless, the implied threat, or the Lord’s hand; or a combination of the three, but he finally yielded. “Okay, okay! I don’t know where she is. My battery wouldn’t turn over and she got all drama queen on me and took off. I don’t know what her problem is.”
“Which way did she go?” Matthew resisted the urge to shake him.
Nate raised a trembling hand. “Um. That way. Probably went to the convenience store.”
“Right.” Matthew stepped away. “She’d better be there.”
“Hey, she’s not my responsibility.” Nate backed up and grasped the doorknob. “If she isn’t there, don’t go blaming me.” He slammed the door shut.
***
After what seemed like hours, a white minivan pulled into the parking lot. Shanna hesitated a moment to make sure she knew the driver. It was Tony, so she hurried outside. She’d been so distracted by the possibility of witnessing a robbery right before her eyes, she’d forgotten to call Daed to tell him that she’d left Nate’s. Fortunately, there hadn’t been a robbery, but her nerves were still overworked.
The front passenger door opened, and Daed got out. He looked completely haggard. “I’m trusting this won’t happen again, daughter.”
She shook her head. “I�
�m never talking to Nate again. It was awful. Daed, you were so right. I should have listened to you.” It almost hurt her throat to confess that. She wished she could throw herself into her father’s arms for a hug, as she used to when she was little. She could imagine his reaction, though. They hadn’t embraced in years.
Daed’s frown deepened. “You made a foolish mistake. You weren’t hurt, were you?” Concern flashed across his face. “He didn’t—” He blushed.
“Nein.” Shanna sucked in a sharp breath. She’d been hurt, but not in the way he meant. Emotionally rather than physically. This was betrayal, the deepest sort of hurt.
She pulled the sliding door open and hesitated. Matthew sat there, hunched forward, his hands clasped between his knees. He met her gaze, his eyes full of pain, and then he frowned and looked away. Shanna’s heart collapsed. Perhaps he and Daed did have a sense of what she was going through. She slid into the middle passenger seat and finally found her voice again. “Danki for coming for me.”
She wished she could curl up against Matthew’s side and soak up some strength. Hers seemed all but depleted after this evening. If the convenience store had been robbed while she’d been there, she probably would have been curled up on the floor in a fetal position, whimpering and not moving. Or maybe she would have taken on the robber single-handedly. She’d surprised herself by standing up to Nate as she had.
She glanced at the silent man sitting beside her. Rock solid. Dependable. Strong. Dedicated to the Lord. Jah, she loved him. Wanted a life with him—someday. She shifted a tiny bit closer to him, but he moved the same distance in the opposite direction. She sighed. She’d hoped Matthew would be willing to go on a long walk down the lane after they got home so they could talk. She needed to be with him. To explain. Beg his forgiveness. She’d grovel, if need be.
The van door slid shut, and Daed climbed back into the front seat next to Tony. Moments later, they merged onto the highway.
Tears slid down Shanna’s cheeks. At least the darkness would prevent anyone from witnessing her humiliation. Except for the man sitting beside her. The one ignoring her. She decided that her tears could wait. A good meltdown would be beneficial, but not until she was alone. Would Daed allow Tony to stop for some ice cream? A pint of chocolate would go a long way toward making her feel better.
She leaned forward. “Tony? Do you mind stopping by a grocery store? I need ice cream.”
Daed chuckled.
She jolted her head back in surprise. Daed was laughing?
Tony glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “Would the one in Seymour do? Or do you need it right now?”
“Seymour will be fine.” Now would be better, but she leaned back, content to wait. “Danki.”
“Ice cream?” Matthew whispered. His eyebrows rose.
“Comfort food.”
“And a spoon, jah?”
Was he really joking with her? Perhaps all wasn’t lost with him. She grinned. “Maybe two.”
He didn’t answer.
Fifty minutes later, after a quick trip to the store, the van pulled into the circular drive outside the house and stopped. Daed handed Tony some cash and said something to him. Shanna glanced outside and saw that all the windows were dark. Everyone must have gone to bed. Matthew slid his door open and climbed out of the van, then came around to her side to help her out.
She searched his face, but it still seemed as if it were set in granite. A muscle flickered in his jaw. Shanna lowered her eyes, grasped the plastic bag that held her ice cream, and hopped out. She started for the barn but stopped when she felt a touch on her elbow.
Daed stared down at her, silent, as Tony drove off. His eyes glistened. A moment later, he pulled her against him. His face was damp with moisture when he pressed his cheek against hers. But he quickly released her and turned away without a word.
“Daed?” Shanna blinked at the tears burning her eyes. “Ich liebe dich.”
He glanced over his shoulder. “Ich liebe dich, too, Shanna.” His voice was gentle. “Gut nacht.”
***
Matthew stood and watched Levi head inside. He wished he dared to tell Shanna everything that was on his mind. Wished he dared to embrace her like Levi had. If he pulled her into his arms, though, he might never let her go.
There was too much to resolve before that could happen.
By his going inside, it seemed that Levi had left the lecture to Matthew. Not something he looked forward to. He took a few deep breaths. “We need to talk.”
She looked up at him, crinkling the plastic grocery bag in her hands. “I’m sorry, Matthew. And, jah, we need to talk. Let me put this ice cream in the freezer so it doesn’t melt. Unless you would rather sit at the table and eat it while we talk…?” Her voice brightened.
“If we talk in the kitchen, we’re sure to be overheard.” Matthew preferred privacy. “The ice cream can wait.”
“I could grab a couple of spoons and take it back to my apartment.”
That kind of privacy he didn’t need. Too much temptation. Matthew shook his head. “Let’s walk.”
He waited on the porch while she hurried inside, then returned moments later without the bag. They descended the porch steps and started toward the road. “You can go first,” he suggested. If she had second thoughts about him, he needed to know right away. And, if she told him she did, she’d get to her ice cream a lot faster, because they’d have nothing left to discuss.
She sucked in a breath. “Nate called and asked me if I wanted to see a movie. I didn’t want to, I don’t care about them at all, but I did want to find out whether Daed’s suspicions that he’d rigged his car to break down were valid. I wanted to ask him.”
She’d abandoned him to ask Nate a question? “You couldn’t ask over the phone?”
“I needed to be able to see his facial expression to know whether I could believe him. He was my friend.” Shanna’s voice cracked. “Past tense. I don’t know if I can call him a friend now, and that bothers me more than anything. And to think I hurt you for this…I’m so sorry.”
“You ran out on our date for another man.” Even he could hear the hurt in his voice.
She raised her head, and, in the light of the moon, he saw surprise flitter across her face. “A date? I didn’t know it was a date. It was an uneven pairing and…and I couldn’t remember if I’d invited myself, or if you’d invited me. I thought maybe I was interrupting your date with Annie Beiler.”
Maybe he hadn’t been as clear as he’d thought. He shuddered. “With Annie? Nein. She invited herself along when Becky mentioned it to her. She’s nice enough, I guess, but she’s sort of scary. Not for me. And, before you ask, neither is Ruth.”
“Who is for you?” Her tone said she was teasing, with a hint of laughter, but there was an undercurrent of uncertainty.
He frowned. He couldn’t answer her, not until they’d finished the rest of their discussion. “If I’m courting someone, I expect it to be exclusive—as in, all other previous relationships are history. And stay that way.”
“Jah.”
He heard disappointment. Did she think he was ending the relationship? Or was it that she couldn’t promise exclusivity? She fell silent.
“Care to commit, Shanna Stoltzfus?” he asked after a long stretch of quiet.
She kicked something in the road. He heard it clatter against the ground. A soda can, maybe. “I still have some reservations.”
Reservations? His heart felt as battered as the pop can.
“Not about you.”
They’d already discussed that. Matthew frowned. “The Ordnung.”
“Nein, my nursing degree. It might be about pride, but I do want to earn it. If I came back here as a midwife, I’d want to have all the training I could get to do the job right. I’m also not sure the bishop will permit me to return. You saw how he looked at me. He accused me of lying without even bothering to verify whether I’d told the truth, which I had.”
He sympathized with her. Afte
r all, it seemed he had some explaining of his own to do. The bishop had seen him cuddling with Shanna in public, not to mention driving her car.
“Would you return if he let you?” A hard question, but he needed to know. If she said nein, he’d need to decide if he was willing to leave the Amish for her.
“Would you leave if he didn’t?” She kicked the can again.
Matthew closed his eyes and considered it. Since he’d already joined the church, if he left, he’d be shunned. But he doubted that would harm his relationship with his family. Daed’s sister had been shunned, and Daed still welcomed her into their home whenever she visited. He’d be afforded the same grace. But could Matthew abandon his beliefs? His current relationship with God? He knew that some Englischers professed belief in the Lord, but this faith was all he knew, and he didn’t want to lose his Savior.