by Claire Adams
“I think I already have,” I said.
I could see all the color in his beautiful hazel eyes. I could see flecks of green and gold. I could see all the colors of autumn. There was nothing remotely frightening about those eyes. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, purely because I wanted to.
We broke away naturally, and Zack's eyes softened when he looked at me. “I thought we agreed not to go there.”
“When this is all over… we’ll probably never see each other again,” I said. “So until then… why not be together while we can?”
Zack considered that for a moment, and then his face broke out into a slow smile. “That sounds… very reasonable.”
“Does it?”
Zack pulled me closer into the curve of his body, and then I felt his hands travel up the skirt of my dress. I felt myself shiver in response, just like I had the night we had slept together for the first time. I was more aware of what to expect this time, but it still felt like the first time. There was all the same anticipation and excitement and wonder.
As he lay me down on the soft earth, I stared up at the leaves of the trees, dangling over us like dancing wind chimes. I should have been self-conscious that we were out in the open. Anyone could have walked right up to us. But at that moment, I couldn’t have cared less. I felt my inhibitions float away as though I’d never had any at all.
Even as Zack pulled down my panties and slipped inside me, I couldn’t bring myself to care about anyone or anything. Not even Walter Black was important enough to draw my focus or interest. There was only Zack and I… and the trees.
Chapter 23
Zack
“Hi there, honey,” the waitress greeted as she came over to me. “I hear you’ve been asking some questions around here.”
She was tall and willowy, and she was wearing a short black skirt that showed off her legs. She had dark eyes and dark blond hair that could have passed for brown. She was obviously pretty, and I knew that on any other day I would have hit on her, but today she held no interest for me.
“I’m looking for someone,” I replied. “He’s a big guy, tattooed, about my height. Goes by the name Walter Black.”
The waitress frowned, but I could tell from her expression that she hadn’t heard the name before. “Sorry, hon,” she replied. “I haven’t heard of anyone with that name.”
“Has anyone come in here that fits that description?”
“It’s not much of a description,” she said.
“He has a tattoo of a siren on his right calf,” I said. “And a massive tattoo of an eagle that covers his entire back.”
The waitress smiled at me. “Most of our customers come in with their shirts on,” she said. “We have a lot of customers, and most of them have tattoos. I haven’t seen anyone come in here with the tattoos you just described. But even if he had… they’re not exactly in places that I would have seen.”
“Fuck,” I said, under my breath.
“Listen,” she said. “I don’t want any trouble, ok?”
“I’m not trying to make trouble,” I told her.
“In my experience… men like you coming into places like this and asking questions never ends well for anyone involved. I know you run with a gang—”
“We’re not a gang,” I corrected.
“Doesn’t matter what you call yourselves,” she said. “It amounts to the same thing. You don’t play by the rules. You do things your own way. Which is fine, as long as you keep the rest of us out of this. I have a son to raise, and this bar is my only livelihood.”
I nodded. “Understood,” I said. “I’ll be going now.”
She nodded and watched me walk out of the bar. I walked down the street and turned down the corner where I had left my bike. Devon was already waiting for me. He didn’t look as bad anymore, and the swelling on his face had gone down considerably. He was smoking a cigarette and leaning against his own bike.
“Well?” I asked. “Any leads?”
“Dead ends,” Devon replied, in obvious frustration. “Every single one. What about you?”
“Same,” I replied. “No one seems to know anything about this fucker. He’s a ghost.”
“What do we do?” Devon asked, with a raised eyebrow. “We can’t just let this go.”
“No, we can’t,” I agreed.
“Do you have a game plan?”
I sighed. I wished I had, but the truth was I had no clue what to do. Approaching Godwin openly would be a huge insult. It would give him the opportunity to deny everything outright, and that would leave me without an opportunity to retaliate. Of course, I was assuming a lot. What if Godwin simply admitted to everything? Then that would mean I would have to act and approaching him would mean walking right into his turf with only a handful of my own men. I couldn’t exactly show up with an army at my back and claim I was there just to talk.
This was one of those days when I wished I had chosen a different life. I had never wanted to be leader of this club. I had wanted to ride my Harley and live free, outside the rules that other people lived by. But after Dad had died… somehow everyone had looked to me to carry on his legacy. This wasn’t a fucking dynasty. I had repeated that till I was blue in the face, but the vote had been cast, and my name had been drawn. I had no choice but to accept the mantle with some amount of humility.
“Zack?”
“I’m thinking,” I snapped.
I looked towards the street. It wasn’t the best area to be in, and the good crowd tended to be on the opposite end of the town where there were ice cream parlors and bakeries and old record stores that played music from different decades. That was the world that I didn’t belong to… and yet sometimes I wondered.
“You can head back now,” I said, snapping out of my fog of thought.
“That’s it?” Devon asked.
“Why?” I asked. “Is there another lead that needs to be looked into?”
“No,” Devon replied. “But…”
“But what?” I demanded. “If you have any ideas that won’t start another war with the Knights, then I’m all ears.”
Devon looked at me curiously.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he shrugged. “I just assumed a fight was what you were looking for.”
“Maybe I was,” I said. “But maybe that’s changed.”
Devon raised his eyebrows. “What’s changed exactly?”
“None of your business,” I said shortly. “Go home.”
“Where are you heading to?” Devon asked.
“I need a drink,” I replied. “A strong one, and I won’t find that back at the house.”
I got on my motorbike and turned into the street while Devon finished off his cigarette. He was watching me intently, and I was on the verge of demanding what his problem was, but then I thought better of it. What did I care what his problem was? I had my own shit to deal with, and I didn’t need Devon’s opinions in my head.
He had kept his distance from me since the fight. It wasn’t like we were mad at each other or anything. That wasn’t what our lifestyle was about. We had disagreements, we had fights, but we always rolled back on our feet, dusted ourselves off, and got on with it. Only children held grudges, and Devon knew he had it coming to him. I was a grown man, and his sister was an adult who knew her own mind. A part of me didn’t really blame him for being protective of her though. I had noticed how close the two of them had gotten over the last several weeks.
I drove off and found another bar a few streets over. It was one I had frequented often. None of the Knights ever came in here because the owner had been a good friend of my father’s. He had passed away some time ago, too, and left the bar to a nephew he liked, but the tradition had stuck and while the Angels were welcome, the Knights kept away.
I used to be a regular at the bar on Friday nights. It was one of the best places in town to pick up women. I don’t know why I felt drawn to it tonight. Maybe I was trying to capture a part of my past
self, the man I had been before this whole thing with Walter Black had started up. Somehow, I could sense a difference in myself. It was subtle, but it was prevalent and I wasn’t sure what I should make of it.
The bar was mildly crowded. There was low music, and the lights were dim. There were a couple of people at both pool tables; another group of people playing darts, and a handful at the tables. There was no one at the bar, however, so I sidled up and took a seat.
“Look who it is,” Aaron said, turning to me.
He was wearing his usual ponytail and a bunch of wooden bracelets on both wrists. “Hi man,” I nodded to him. “You died your hair again.”
Instead of the red color that I had grown accustomed to seeing him with, he was now a platinum blond. He had one of those chameleon faces that seemed to be able to pull off anything.
“A couple of weeks ago,” he nodded. “You haven’t been in here for a while.”
“Been busy.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard,” Aaron nodded. “You and your boys have been making noise.”
“And anyone sticking their heads out because of it?”
“A few,” Aaron nodded. “But none that I’ve ever recognized… otherwise, I would have let you know.”
“You wouldn’t happen to know a Walter Black, would you?”
“Never heard the name,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “Friend of yours?”
I smirked. “Sure… let’s say he’s a friend of mine. If he comes in here at any point, let him know that I’m looking for him and I just want to say hello.”
“I’ve never heard of a hello sounding so sinister.”
I smiled. “Give me something hard to drink.”
“Any preferences?”
“Just something strong,” I said. “That’s all.”
I was waiting for my drink to show up when I felt someone come up behind me. I tensed for a second before I caught a whiff of her perfume, and I relaxed immediately.
“Hi there, stranger,” she said, coming up at my shoulder and putting her hand through my arm like we were close friends.
“You look familiar,” I said, staring at her face.
She had stony blue eyes and blond hair that looked brown in the dim lighting. She was voluptuous, and she had chosen to highlight that by wearing a tight blue dress that looked like a second skin. Her breasts were pushed up high, and they looked about ready to pop out of her dress.
“I look familiar?” she laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I don’t kid very often,” I said without a smile.
She didn’t seem at all perturbed by my mood. In fact, she almost seemed to take it as a challenge. Her grip on my arm got tighter, and she batted her eyes at me a little harder.
“You should remember me,” she said. “You fucked me three times.”
I frowned. “I’ve never taken the same girl home twice, let alone three times.”
She laughed as though everything I said was the funniest thing in the world. “What I meant was that you fucked me thrice on the same night.”
“Oh, that makes more sense.”
“That was the most orgasms I’ve ever had with one man,” she said.
“Can’t say I’m surprised.”
“You look a little lonely,” she said. “How about I keep you company tonight like I did the last time?”
I gritted my teeth. All I had really been looking for was a strong drink and a little quiet. But I realized now I wasn’t going to that here.
“I’m good,” I said firmly.
She looked a little taken back, but she refused to give up. “Oh come on… it’ll be fun.”
“It’ll be fun for you,” I replied. “But for me, it’s going to be a chore.”
She frowned at that one, and her smile faltered a little. “You fucked me once before,” she said as if that were a real argument.
I sighed. “Exactly,” I nodded. “Which means I don’t need to do it again.”
I stood up just as Aaron set my drink in front of me. I shook off her arm and pushed the drink towards her. “I’m afraid this is all I can give you tonight. Night, Aaron,” I nodded to him.
Then I took off with her eyes on my back. I got onto my motorbike and started my way back to the clubhouse. It wasn’t like I wasn’t horny. It was the fact that the girl I wanted was not in that bar. The girl I wanted was sitting in my house right now waiting for me.
Chapter 24
Mila
It was dark when I came downstairs. I had just showered after a long training session in the ring with a few of the boys. Zack and Devon had been missing in action, and I knew I was the reason. They were busy trying to find new leads that might tip them off as to where Walter might be.
Some days, I woke up and it felt like he was a nightmare that I had conjured up out of nowhere. There were times when I could almost believe the nightmare and convince myself that Walter Black had never existed at all. He was just a figment of all my insecurities and fears rolled into one. I had started going over that night obsessively in my head. I would force myself to recall that moment when he had wrapped his hands around my neck and tried to strangle me because I refused to sleep with him.
I wasn’t a sadist. It was my way of trying to build up my resolve, my courage, and my determination because I had started imagining a possibility that used to terrify me in the past, but now it only filled me with expectation. I started imagining what it would be like to come face to face with Walter again. Except this time would be different. I was no longer the shy, uncertain, terrified woman he had picked up and carefully groomed. I was not a possession to be acquired and then used. I was strong. I had confidence, and I felt like I could take him on.
I wasn’t sure if that was coming from a place of ignorance. After all, it was easy to be brave when you secluded in a cocoon of safety, surrounded by men who you knew would fight to protect you. I wondered how I would feel if I were to move out of the house and continue on with my life as if nothing had happened.
Some days, it actually felt like a viable option. I knew how to defend myself now. Wasn’t the whole point of that to be able to live my life without fear? Maybe I wouldn’t need to move to another state at all. Maybe I could stay here… close to Devon and close to… no. I forced myself to end that thought. We both knew we had no future. It was pointless to dream about things that would never be. It hurt more when you had to walk away from them.
The living room was empty when I walked in. I could hear a few of the boys in the kitchen and a motorbike outside. A second later, I heard the engine die. I walked outside, hoping to see Zack, but it was just Devon, and it appeared he had come back alone.
“Hi,” he said, walking towards me.
“Hi,” I nodded back. “Heard anything?”
“No, sorry,” he said, and I could see the frustration on his face.
“Maybe you should call it quits?” I suggested.
“While that asshole is out there, walking around and lying in wait?” Devon responded. “Fuck no.”
“I thought you went with Zack?” I asked, trying to sound indifferent about it.
“I did.”
“He didn’t come back with you?” I asked.
“No… he looked like he needed a drink.”
“Oh,” I said, hoping that my disappointment wasn’t evident in my tone or my face.
“I don’t know if he’ll be back any time soon… just in case you were waiting for him.”
“I’m not,” I said quickly. “I was just… wondering.”
Devon looked at me carefully for a moment, and then he sighed. “Don’t tell me you’re actually falling for him?”
I knew that deflecting the question would only work against me. So I thought about how to respond. “I’m… not in love with him,” I said.
Devon gave me a smile. “That sounds like a lie.”
“Fuck,” I sighed, looking down. “It did, didn’t it?”
“Pretty much,” Devon nodded.
&
nbsp; “Fuck me,” I said again. Then I noticed Devon’s eyes on me. “Oh don’t look at me like that,” I said. “It’s bad enough this has happened.”
“What has happened exactly?” Devon asked.
“Everything,” I said. “I hated him when I first met him. I genuinely thought he was an asshole and an idiot.”
“Both true—”
“But then… something happened along the way,” I admitted. “I got to know him a little better and suddenly… he wasn’t just an asshole and an idiot. He was also this deeply complicated man who had a complicated past. I mean… we all have our shit, don’t we?”
“We all have our shit,” Devon agreed. “It’s just some of our baggage is heavier than others.”
“I know you don’t approve.”
“Does it even matter?” Devon asked. “Zack made it clear that I’m to stay out of his business, and I’m sure you feel the same way.”
“I do,” I nodded. “I’m not looking for approval or advice. I just want… someone to talk to. I didn’t really have that before.”
Devon smiled. “Me neither.”
“Just out of curiosity… if I were to ask you for your advice?” I said, glancing at him shyly. “What would you say?”
He smiled. “I would say… trust your gut and go with your instincts.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “That’s the best you’ve got?”
“Sorry,” he laughed. “I’m not really good with romantic advice. None of us are really. I’ll just say one thing.”
“Ok?”
“I’ve known Zack a long time,” Devon told me. “And I’ve never seen him with the same woman twice. He’s never been interested in relationships, and he’s always been honest about that.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“That being said… he’s been a little… different lately.”
I looked up. “What do you think that means?”
“I have no idea,” Devon said. “It could mean anything. I don’t know the exact reason for this change. All I know is that I started to notice it after you moved in here. Interpret that how you want.”