by Claire Adams
I was sorely tempted to kiss her full, luscious lips, but that would be wrong of me. I was the one who had asked for time. I had asked for time so that I could make a decision about us. I didn’t have the right to kiss her now…especially since I hadn’t given her any indication of where we stood. I stared at her until I fell back asleep. The second time I woke up, she had turned away from me, so I couldn’t see her face.
I stared at her back, imagining how lovely it would be to just call out her name and have her to turn towards me with a smile on her face. I wondered how I would feel tomorrow when she was no longer sleeping by my side. The thought itself depressed me, and I wondered if that was my answer in a nutshell and I was just too damn proud to admit it.
When I woke up the next morning, feeling a little pain and discomfort in my leg, the left side of the bed was empty. I sat up slowly and looked around. I could see Megan’s things lying around, so I knew she was still in the apartment.
“Megan?” I called.
A couple of seconds later, she rushed into my room. “Hey,” she said. “Are you all right? How do you feel?”
“Uh… I feel…”
“Pain?” she offered.
“A little,” I nodded.
“Painkillers,” she said immediately. “But first, you need to eat something.”
She helped me out of bed and into the bathroom, where I brushed my teeth while Megan stood next to me. Then we went into the kitchen through the living room where breakfast was already laid out on the table. My eyes went wide as I realized how much trouble she had gone to. There were pancakes, waffles, chicken, cream cheese, salmon, orange juice, and an assortment of different kinds of fruits.
“Whoa,” I breathed.
“I didn’t you what you’d be in the mood for,” Megan said. “And I figured…breakfast buffet!”
“This is insane,” I said, as she helped me into a chair.
“No, it’s not…”
“Salmon and cream cheese,” I said, pointing out all the food. “Strawberries and kiwi…you’ve blown a chunk of your paycheck on this breakfast.”
“Hey, I’m not being totally altruistic. I’m planning on stuffing my face, too.”
I smiled. “You really shouldn’t have done all this.”
“I wanted to,” Megan insisted. “Now come on… what can I get you? Waffles or pancakes?”
“Why are there two plates of pancakes?” I asked.
“The pancakes on the blue plate are chocolate almond pancakes,” Megan explained. “And the ones on the white plate are potato pancakes… savory and sweet. I have maple syrup, too, by the way.”
“You are amazing,” I said, shaking my head at her.
“Making pancakes is easy…and therapeutic as it turns out.”
“Really?” I asked. “Maybe I should mix up a batch then.”
“I highly recommend it.”
We locked eyes over the table, and I felt a burn of electricity pass between us. Suddenly, my appetite disappeared, and I realized I had things I needed to say. And there was no time like the present.
“Megan?”
“Savory?” she asked, as she tried to pass me the plate of pancakes.
“Uh, no…not right now.”
“You need to eat something before taking your pills,” she said gently.
“I will eat,” I promised her. “But I need to say something to you first.”
“Oh.” Megan nodded, and I could see from her face that she knew what I was about to bring up.
I could also tell from her expression that she was nervous…or scared…or maybe even both. A part of me was nervous, too. I had never experienced this kind of emotion before and copping to it would also be exposing myself to pain somewhere down the road, assuming things didn’t have a happy ending.
I was about to speak when Megan interrupted me. “I’m starting my courses soon,” she said, in a loud voice.
“Oh…um…that’s great,” I said, taken aback.
“Yeah.” Megan nodded. “And also, I’m moving.”
“What?” I asked, unaware that she was moving.
I felt my heart drop and I wondered if I had brought about this change. Maybe she was leaving because she was running away from me.
“Yeah.” She nodded, as she looked down. “I need a fresh start somewhere new.”
I was so in shock that I didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t be leaving… She was my best friend. What would I do without her?
“A fresh start?” I repeated. “You don’t need a fresh start.”
“I really do.” She nodded. “If I stay, I’ll be reminded of Brent all the time and I just… I don’t think I could do that.”
“Fuck him,” I said vehemently. “Don’t let him run you out of town; don’t let him win. He messed up his life, don’t give him the power to mess up yours.”
“Whoa… Wait,” Megan said. “He’s not running me out of town.”
“What?”
“When I meant I was moving, I just meant that I was moving apartments,” she explained. “I didn’t want to continue living in Brent’s old place.”
“Oh,” I said, finally understanding. “Thank God.”
“Thank God?” she repeated, with raised eyebrows.
“Uh, yeah…”
“Does that mean you would miss me if I left town?”
“I think you know the answer to that,” I said.
She smiled. “That’s good to know.”
“So just to be clear, you’re not moving from Philly, are you?” I asked.
“No,” Megan confirmed, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “No, I’m not moving out of Philly. I’m just going to be moving into an apartment ten minutes away from Brent’s place. I’ll have a new roommate, but the rent is affordable, and the apartment is small, but decent. I can manage there for a few years until I save enough to be able to afford something on my own.”
I nodded silently.
“Like I said, I’m taking some courses, and I’ve resolved to finish my degree in some way. That way I can climb up the ranks and can get to a managerial position someday. It’s a long way off, but it’s a start.”
“Right…”
“And, I don’t know…you hear stories every day. People from bad neighborhoods who rise above their circumstances, work hard, keep their heads down, and they achieve great things. Maybe one day I may even start a company of my own. I mean, I don’t even know if I can run a company on my own, but I figure, the world is my oyster, right? I’ll give it my best shot, and if it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. At least I tried… At least I—”
I stared at Megan as she rambled on. I tried to interrupt her a couple of times, but she just kept talking over me as though she were scared to let me speak. In the end, I decided to let her talk and see how long she could keep this up.
Somehow, she transitioned into her parents from her future plans, and I tried not to smile as I listened to her in amusement.
“I think Mom and Dad still see me as a little girl. Brent was always their favorite. I know most kids just think they’re parents have favorites, but I know it for sure. Brent was their golden child. He could do no wrong. He would come home from school with Cs, and he would get major praise for working so hard, but if I ever came home with an A-minus, I would never hear the end of it.
“Maybe being independent and making it on my own will finally show my parents that I’m not a kid anymore and that I am obviously the more responsible one of their two children. Still, I have a feeling that Mom and Dad won’t get over this Brent thing easily. I mean, not that I expect them to… He is their child, after all.
“Oh man, am I being a total jerk by being so self-centered while my brother is in jail and my parents are heartbroken over it? It’s not that I don’t care about Brent anymore, it’s just that I hate what he did and—”
“Megan!” I said finally.
Her eyes went wide, and she stopped talking. “Uh…yes?”
�
��I don’t mean to interrupt you,” I said. “But you’ve been talking for seventeen straight minutes.”
“Have I?”
“I think you know you have.” I nodded. “Are you nervous about something?”
“Well…maybe.” She nodded.
“What are you nervous about?” I asked gently.
“You said you wanted to talk to me about something,” Megan said. “And I suppose I was trying to prolong the moment before you told me…whatever it is you wanted to tell me.”
“Why?”
Megan looked down and stuttered over her first few words. “Well… I… I suppose it’s because I suspect I know what topic you’re going to bring up and I’m frightened that it’s not going to be what I want to hear. So I figured if I just kept talking… It obviously wasn’t a very well thought out plan.”
I smiled at her and reached out for her hand. Megan stared at my open palm for a second and then tentatively, she slipped her hand into mine.
“Your palms are sweaty,” I said.
“My palms sweat when I’m nervous.”
I leaned down and kissed her hand softly. “Megan, I care about you so much.”
I saw her face fall slightly, and I realized she thought that this was just my polite way of ending things with her for good.
“You are my best friend,” I continued. “And I also happen to believe that you are the love of my life.”
I could see that she was holding her breath.
“Which is why I have no choice but to forgive you.”
Megan stared at me for a moment and then her breath released in one happy gasp of joy. “You…forgive me?”
“I do.” I nodded.
She was silent for a second and then she burst out of her chair and into my arms. She was so excited that she accidentally knocked into my injured leg. I winced in pain, and she gasped in horror.
“Oh fuck,” she cried. “I am so sorry, are you okay?”
“Don’t worry,” I said, trying to shake off the pain. “I’ll live.”
“I am such a klutz… I’m so sorry.”
“Just come here,” I said, grabbing her arm and pulling her onto my lap.
She sat down on my lap and then I pulled her face to mine as I kissed her hard on the lips. It felt like coming home after a long absence. I realized how much I missed the feel of her nestled against me. I missed the taste of her lips and the weight of her in my arms. Suddenly, the world was righted again, and I felt whole. Despite the burn down my leg and the pain emanating from it, all was well with my world.
“I was so sure you were going to end it for good,” she admitted as she wrapped her hands around my neck.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to do this,” I said. “It was a no-brainer, really. I was just…”
“Hurt,” he finished for me. “I know.”
“I was proud, too,” I said. “Too proud to forgive you because I was still hurting, but I realized that my pride was not worth losing you over. I love you too much.”
“Oh, Phil,” Megan sighed. “You have no idea how much I love you.”
And then before I could say anything more, she bent her head down and kissed me again—until I had completely forgotten what I wanted to say in the first place.
Megan
I felt my need for him surface like an addict who’d caught sight of meth after months of enforced sobriety. I felt my body lean into his, my breasts were tender and sensitive, and I felt moisture pool between my legs. But despite my desire for him, I pulled back, reminding myself that he was injured, and I needed to put his health first.
He seemed unwilling to let the kiss end, but the moment his eyes caught mine, he smiled. “I’ve missed this,” he said.
“Me, too.” I nodded fervently. “It’s been lonely without you.”
“Like my life wasn’t—”
“Complete,” I finished for him. “I know exactly what you mean.”
Phil smiled. “I suppose it was inevitable that we would end up together. I think I felt it the first time I saw you in Brent’s smoke-infested apartment.”
“Did you really?” I said, frowning at him.
“I did.”
“People always say that, love at first sight; but I never really bought it.”
“No?” Phil asked. “Why not?”
“It’s not that I’m cynical,” I said. “I just never thought it was very realistic.”
“It may not be,” he said. “Maybe it’s just lust that turns into love if you if it the scope to grow, and then you just always assume it was love from the start.”
“So you’re saying you fell in lust with me?” I smiled.
“Lust…love? I don’t really know,” Phil replied. “All I know for sure is that I fell for you… and I don’t think I’ve stopped falling since.”
I cupped his face in both my hands and stared down at his perfect, clear eyes. He was a beautiful man, but it was more than that. We shared a connection that went beyond our physical bodies. It was what made our conversations so good, it was what made our bond so deep, and it was what made the sex so great. But before we could continue with our newly-renewed relationship, there was something I needed to get off my chest.
“Phil,” I said slowly. “I want you to know that I will never doubt you again.”
He held up his finger to my mouth. “Hey, it’s already forgotten. You don’t have to do this again.”
“Actually, I do,” I said, pulling his hand away from my mouth. “I do because this is important. You are important, and I need you to know how much I regret my lapse in judgment. See, the thing is part of me knew that Brent couldn’t be the one who was innocent, while you were the one in jail. But I chose to ignore my gut because Brent was my brother.”
“He’s still your brother, Megan,” Phil reminded me gently.
I sighed. “I know we share parents, but he seems like a stranger to me now. He very nearly ruined my life, and he certainly would have ruined yours had his plan not been found out.”
“I understand you being upset,” Phil said. “But if you feel you have to stay mad at him for my sake, then don’t worry about that. I don’t begrudge you a relationship with Brent just because of what he did to me. He is still your brother at the end of the day, and if you want to write to him or visit him, then I’ll gladly support that.”
“That’s really big of you,” I said, in awe of this amazing man I had my arms wrapped around.
Phil smiled. “I just don’t want there to be any awkwardness between us.”
“There won’t be,” I insisted. “Not anymore. And as for Brent… I don’t feel like I have to cut him off because of you. I’m doing this for me. I’m ashamed of him—his decisions, his lack of remorse, his complete and utter disregard for his impact on other people’s lives. And for right now, I don’t want to see him. Maybe that will change in the future, but right now… I need some distance from him.”
Phil nodded. “Then I support you a hundred percent.”
“Thank you.” I nodded.
“Now we can put this part of our lives behind us,” Phil said. “You’ve said you’re sorry, and I’ve forgiven you; we don’t have to revisit this topic ever again. From now on, I just want to focus on us—our relationship and our life together.”
I loved the sound of those words. I leaned in to kiss him again and again the kiss turned from soft and tender to passionate and hungry. Phil’s hands moved ferociously down my body. He slipped his hands up my blouse and removed my bra seamlessly. I gasped, as his fingers enclosed around my nipples and massaged them until I was moaning in pleasure.
“Wait,” I gasped, barely able to string a thought together. “We shouldn’t be doing this…”
“Why not?” Phil asked, and he sounded calm and in control by comparison.
“Because you need to sleep… I mean, you need to get better…recover…”
I felt his body shake with silent laughter. “Not a chance—this is the best medicine for me rig
ht now.”
“What?” I asked, unable to find the answer when his tongue was tracing lines down my neck, and his hands were squeezing my breasts that way.
“You,” Phil replied simply.
“Are you sure?” I asked, unable to resist him.
“Positive.” He nodded. “You’ll just have to take the lead.”
Filled with excitement, I pushed myself off Phil’s lap and stood before him. My bra was off, but my clothes were still on my body. Brimming with newfound confidence, I decided to do a little striptease for him. As he sat there on his chair, I noticed the protrusion in his crotch and it was obvious that he was already hard as a rock. The sight inspired me further, and I started swaying seductively from side to side as I pulled off my t-shirt.
I threw my t-shirt at him, and Phil laughed. Then I teased off my pants until I was standing there in my underwear. I was dancing close to him and, so he reached out and touched the skin just above my panty-line.
“You’re lucky I’m more or less invalid at the moment,” he said, in a voice that was thick with desire. “Because otherwise, I would have attacked you by now.”
I turned around slowly and pulled down my panties with exaggerated slowness. Then I kicked them off and turned back to Phil.
“Seriously,” he said, in a strained voice. “This is more painful than the fucking burn.”
Smiling, I walked up to him and then lowered myself down to my knees between his legs. I unzipped his pants and released his erection. His cock sprung free of the constricting material, and I realized how much I’d missed all of this. It wasn’t just the pleasure and release of an orgasm. It was the titillation of foreplay, it was the heat of his touch, and it was the knowledge that we could lose ourselves in each other’s bodies.
I ran my hand up and down his erection a few times before bending down and licking the tip of his penis. Phil moaned, and I slipped the head of his cock into my mouth. I sucked him gently for a minute while my hand worked on the shaft. Then, when I was good and comfortable, I opened my mouth wider and took the full length of him inside my mouth and to my throat.