by Claire Adams
I paused for a moment. “She’s… Well… I like her. I’ve always liked Molly.”
“That doesn’t say very much,” he said. “I’m asking you what your feelings towards her are?”
I sat back in my chair, feeling a headache come on. It felt like there was a throbbing at the back of my head. “It’s complicated,” I said at last. “I’ve known Molly since I was eighteen and she was fourteen. In some ways, I’ve watched her grow up.”
“She’s not fourteen anymore,” Ben pointed out. “Why are you so hung up on the girl she used to be?”
“It’s not that,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s me… I’m not sure I’m the kind of guy who can commit to one woman. And even if I could, I have no idea how I’d be in a relationship. I’m more likely to ignore her after the first few months. I just don’t want to attempt something I know I’m not going to be good at…not with Molly.”
“So you’re trying to protect her from yourself?”
“Yes,” I said. “She’s special, and I don’t want to hurt her. And not just because of Jason. Because she’s a good person, she’s a kind person, and she deserves to be happy.”
Ben looked at me carefully for a while. “I feel like there’s history between you two.”
I bit my lip. “I wouldn’t call it history,” I clarified. “But we did kiss one night six years ago.”
“And, have you thought about that kiss in the past six years?”
“More often than you would believe,” I admitted.
He raised an eyebrow. “I think that means something.”
“It means I’ve idealized the whole thing,” I said. “That kiss was a mistake, just like last night was a mistake.”
“You’re saying it wasn’t any good?”
“Please,” I scoffed. “The sex was amazing…probably the best sex I’ve ever had, actually. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m saying that crossing that line with Molly was a mistake. We should have just stayed friends.”
“I wasn’t aware you were friends with Molly.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on,” he laughed. “She’s been here more than two weeks, and you’ve barely spoken to her. You haven’t even had a meal with her. Apart from that one conversation the day she arrived, when did you make the attempt to welcome her to your resort?”
“I was busy,” I said.
“Wouldn’t you have carved out the time for Jason?”
“Yes…”
“But not for Molly?”
“Molly’s different,” I said lamely.
“Molly’s different because you want to sleep with her,” he said bluntly. “Which is not a problem you face with Jason.”
I wanted to deny it, but even I couldn’t make myself lie that blatantly. “If you have a point, I suggest you get to it fast.”
“You’ve been wanting to sleep with Molly for years,” Ben said. “Probably since that first kiss, probably since before that kiss. When she showed up here, older and more confident, you were immediately attracted to her, so you decided to keep your distance. Except you didn’t do a great job of staying away from her. So you finally slept with her after years of thinking about it. I guess my question is, is the interest in Molly gone now? Was she just an itch that needed to be scratched?”
I had never considered that before. I thought about it, but my mind couldn’t seem to settle. Was that the real reason I had snuck out of Molly’s suite this morning? Was protecting her just an excuse, or was it the more convenient way out? At this moment, I wasn’t quite sure.
“Have you ever been in love?” I asked abruptly.
“Once,” Ben replied promptly.
“And did you know right away?”
“Of course not,” he replied. “Sometimes it’s not as simple as just looking at someone and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love them. Sometimes it creeps up on you. Sometimes it takes you years to figure out. I was in my senior year of college when I realized I was in love with my best friend. We had known each other since high school.”
“Did you tell her how you felt?”
“I told him,” Ben nodded.
I raised my eyebrows. “I’m sorry, you’re gay?”
He smiled wryly. “Have been all my life,” he nodded.
“Fuck, how did I not know that?” I said. “You’ve been my assistant for years now.”
“You miss a lot when your only focus is work,” he said. “And, you’ve never cared to ask me about my life before now.”
I shook my head and sighed. “You’re right,” I nodded, feeling ashamed of myself. I had been so focused on being successful that I had forgotten about all the relationships I was sacrificing along the way, with friends and with women. “But I’m interested now. Tell me.”
“I told Eric, he freaked out, and we haven’t spoken since,” Ben said without emotion.
“Fuck,” I said. “And that was it? Your friendship was done, just like that?”
“Just like that,” he nodded. “Luckily, I started working for you almost immediately after and never slowed down long enough to feel sad about it. By the time I gave myself a little room to slow down and resurface for air, a few years had passed, and it didn’t hurt quite so bad.”
“You buried yourself in work to escape the pain of your personal life?”
“Yes,” he nodded. “Which is why you’ve always surprised me.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve sacrificed your life without ever really experiencing it in the first place,” Ben explained. “You’ve never had a real relationship or a steady girlfriend. How will you ever know if you can commit if you’ve never tried?”
“I know myself,” I replied.
Ben smiled and shook his head at me. “I’ve spent more time with you over the last few years than anyone else, Tristan. And trust me when I tell you, you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do.”
Chapter 18
Molly
I was staring out at my spectacular view, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than what had happened between Tristan and me last night. It wasn’t last night that was bothering me, though. It was the fact that he had snuck out this morning without so much as a goodbye.
I turned around and walked back into the living room. I had wanted to go for a swim this morning, but I couldn’t seem to face the idea of planning anything at the moment. I went to my own personal walk-in closet and swapped out the slip nightie that I had put on for a pair of jeans and a simple long-sleeved t-shirt. I went back into the room and was hit with a torrent of memories from the night before.
For me, it had been a perfect first time. It had been everything to me, and my joy was now clouded over by Tristan’s disappearance this morning. Somehow, when we had been in the throes of lovemaking, I had convinced myself that he felt as strongly as I did. I had felt certain that he had simply been fighting this attraction for years, just like I had.
It had all made sense last night. It had all seemed simple.
In reality, I had no idea where Tristan stood. Was he going to address what had happened between us, or was he just going to pretend that nothing had happened?
I flashed back to six years ago. It had been the night after the kiss, and I had waited expectantly the next morning to see Tristan. But he hadn’t even acknowledged it. He had given me a cursory smile and then looked through me for the rest of the morning until he had left with Jason. I didn’t see him for six years after that.
I was determined not to let that happen again. I wanted to talk about it this time. I wanted to know where he stood, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear from him. I left my room, but realized when I was in the lobby that I had no idea where to go to find Tristan. I wasn’t even sure which suite was his. I changed direction and headed for the lounge where I knew Alani was on duty.
She was talking to a few guests, so I hung back until she had spotted me. When she was free, she walked over with a smile. “Hell
o, there,” she greeted. “Do you have something you need to tell me?”
I frowned. “Um… What?”
“Last night,” she said, wagging her eyebrows at me.
“I don’t—”
“Don’t act coy,” she said impatiently. “I saw Tristan follow you out of the party.”
“Oh,” I said. “That.”
Her face fell immediately. “Did nothing happen between you then? I was so sure that things were going well last night. Tristan looked mesmerized by you. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
“Apparently, sex does a good job of taking a man’s focus away from you after the fact,” I said bitterly.
Alani looked at me in surprise. “You slept together.”
“Twice,” I said. “But this morning I woke up, and he was gone.”
“Oh…”
“Do you know where he might be?” I asked. “I need to talk to him.”
Alani looked doubtful, but I wasn’t about to back down now. I wasn’t going to let Tristan ignore me like he had the first time. We were going to talk about what had happened, and I was going to get closure, one way or the other.
“Um… I know he has meetings all morning,” she said. “Things have been a little stressful. We’re opening to the public on Christmas day and apparently, a few of the staff have been let go.”
“What?” I said.
She nodded. “Two of my friends have already been fired.”
“Why?”
“They were hired on a temporary basis and were going to be taken on permanently only after their performance had been reviewed,” she explained. “Apparently, their skills with guest interaction was poor, and they were let go for that reason.”
“Shouldn’t they have been trained first?”
“Everyone went through a brief course before they were put on duty,” Alani said. “But in some cases, a little more training is necessary.”
“Isn’t there someone here who’s in charge of the staff?”
“Tristan was supposed to hire someone weeks ago,” she nodded. “But I don’t think he ever got around to it. He’s handling everything…he and Ben. I think they’re both spread a little too thin.”
I sighed, remembering that Tristan had apparently earmarked me for the job. I wondered how he would feel about that offer now that we had slept together. All the more reason I needed to talk to him and figure out where we stood. The prospect of such a conversation would have terrified me six years ago, but now, I was older now and more capable of handling rejection.
“Tristan will be in his office, you said?”
“Not just yet,” Alani replied. “He might still be in meetings. But he should be in his office in another hour or so.”
“Okay, thanks,” I said.
I walked out of the lounge and headed to the elevators, retracing the path that I had taken on my first day at the resort with Alani. When I got to Tristan’s office, the door was locked, and no one was around. He was obviously still at his meetings, so I decided to sit outside the office and enjoy the view until he got there.
Exactly forty-one minutes later, I heard footsteps in the hall, and then Tristan turned the corner, with Ben at his heels. Both men hesitated when they saw me sitting there. I stood up as they approached.
“Good morning, Ms. Sinclair,” Ben said.
“It’s Molly,” I reminded him.
“Right,” he nodded. “Of course.”
“Ben, would you mind if I had a few moments to talk to Tristan alone?” I asked boldly. “There’s something I need to talk to him about.”
“Of course,” he nodded.
He turned and walked back the same way he had come, leaving Tristan and me alone. Tristan’s expression was calm and contained, but I sensed nervousness in his stance as he unlocked his office door and held it open for me. I walked inside and waited till the door had been closed behind us.
“You left this morning,” I said, cutting to the chase.
Tristan sighed. He walked around to this desk and sat down. “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked formally.
“No, thank you,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Why don’t you sit down?”
I remained on my feet. “Are you going to address what happened, or are you going to talk around it indefinitely?”
“Molly, what happened last night… It was a mistake.”
All the hopes that had been resurrected last night pummeled to their death, and I found myself grappling to stay calm. “You really believe that?”
“It should never have happened,” he continued. “It would never have happened had I not been so fucking drunk.”
“You weren’t that drunk,” I pointed out.
“I’ve been stressed out with the opening looming,” he continued like I hadn’t said anything. “There are tons of problems that have cropped up at the last second. I was drinking a lot last night, and I was just…looking for a release. I would have slept with anyone last night.”
I cringed away from his words. “So it was just about sex for you then?” I asked, keeping my tone flat. “You don’t have feelings for me?”
He looked away from me awkwardly. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” I snapped. “Don’t do that. I don’t want your apologies. I want your honesty. Do you remember that kiss between us six years ago?”
“No,” Tristan replied without missing a beat.
He answered quickly, but I saw something flicker in his eyes. It looked like recognition, and it sounded like a lie. “You’re lying,” I said accusingly. “I don’t why you’re lying, but I know you are.”
“Molly—”
“What was all that jealousy about if you didn’t care about me at all?” I demanded, talking over him. “Why did you care that I was on a date with Gregory? You had no right to come up to us and interrupt our dinner, but you did because something about seeing me with him upset you. What was that, Tristan? Explain that to me.”
“Gregory’s not the right guy for you.”
“Who are you to make that judgment?” I demanded as my voice rose dangerously. “I don’t know why I keep having to repeat myself with you. I am not a child, Tristan. I’m not the fourteen-year-old girl you met ten years ago. You have no right to decide who is best for me. You’re not my brother, you’re not my boyfriend, and apparently, you’re not even my friend. You’re nothing to me—and you’ve made that very clear.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” he said quietly.
“And yet, here we are,” I said, unable to compose myself. “You want to know what I think? I think you’re a weak and spineless coward. You do have feelings for me, no matter what you say; I felt it last night, and I know I’m right. You’re just too afraid to admit it. You’re scared about something, and you’ve convinced yourself that staying away from me is the safest option for you. But all you’re doing is lying to yourself.”
Tristan just sat there, taking my rant with his eyes hooded and his head tilted away from me. He looked lost, and I wasn’t sure if my words were hitting him or if he simply wanted to get me out of his office. I stared at him for a long time, waiting for him to say something—anything really, but he just kept silent.
It dawned on me that perhaps I had been the one lying to myself this whole time. Maybe I had created a character around Tristan and built a man in my head that didn’t really exist. Maybe I had spent the last ten years of my life chasing a daydream that never really existed in the first place. I pushed back my hurt and anger and forced my voice into a tone of calm.
“Thank you for allowing me to stay at your resort,” I said without meeting his eye. “But I think I’ve overstayed my welcome. I’ll pack my bags and be out of here soon.”
“Molly,” Tristan said, standing up. “That’s not—”
“You don’t have to worry about Jason or your friendship with him,” I said, cutting him off. “I don’t intend to tell him any of this.”
With
that, I turned and walked out of Tristan’s office, wondering if it would be another six years before I saw him again.
Chapter 19
Tristan
The bourbon burned my throat, but it was a nice, comforting burn. I wanted to numb myself against everything that had happened between Molly and me, but the more I drank, the more I seemed to feel. I put aside my glass and tried to figure out how to get on with my work, despite the conflict raging inside my head.
I knew that Molly had already called reception to inform them that she was checking out tomorrow morning. I looked towards the calendar standing on my desk and realized tomorrow was Christmas. It was also the official opening of the resort. There were a ton of things I needed to check on, but my mind just wasn’t capable of focusing on work.
When Ben walked in, I looked at him gratefully, hoping that he might be able to distract me. “Is everything on schedule for the ribbon cutting ceremony tomorrow?”
“Everything’s fine,” Ben nodded. “Just a few last-minute adjustments I need to take care of.”
“And the staff?”
“They’ve been briefed, and they’re ready.”
“Have you had a word with senior staff members?”
“They’ll be overseeing everything,” he assured me.
“And things are in order for the ribbon cutting ceremony?”
He frowned. “You already asked me that.”
“I did?”
“As I walked in,” he nodded.
“Uh… What did you say?”
Ben sat down opposite me. “Is everything alright?” he asked. “Because you look… Well… You don’t look so good.” His eyes fell to the half-empty glass of bourbon next to me. “It’s a little early to be drinking, don’t you think?”
“My resort is opening tomorrow,” I said. “I’m allowed to celebrate.”
“Except you don’t look like you’re celebrating anything,” he pointed out. “In fact, you look like you’re in mourning.”
I looked away from him, unable to keep the disappointment from my face.