by Claire Adams
“That was a wonderful thing he did,” Alani said. “Did you have anything to do with his decision?”
“Not even a little bit,” I said, giving credit where credit was due. “That was all Tristan, and I couldn’t be prouder of him.”
“You’ve been a good influence on him.”
“Oh, I don’t think that decision has anything to do with me.”
“I think it does,” Alani said with certainty. “Tristan was a decent boss beforehand, but he was never very involved with the staff. Nor would he have handled the situation with the Beaumonts the way he did if you hadn’t been there.”
“You really believe that?”
“I honestly do,” she said. “I can’t believe you haven’t noticed the difference.”
I thought about it for a second and then sighed. “To be honest, we don’t spend enough time together for me to notice much of anything.”
“He’s still very busy, isn’t he?”
“It’s been months now, and things don’t seem to be letting up.”
“He does have other hotels to see to,” she pointed out.
“I know,” I said. “And I don’t hold it against him for being busy all the time; it’s just sometimes…”
“What?” she pressed.
I sighed again. “I guess it feels like our relationship is stagnant. It’s like we’re living in this bubble that’s removed from the outside world. We work, and we come together at the end of the day, but sometimes it feels like sex is the one thing that bonds us.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Alani said, with a smile.
“It wouldn’t be,” I said. “But sometimes it’s the only thing we have. And that does bother me. Also, he hasn’t told my brother we’re dating yet.”
“Why haven’t you told your brother?” Alani wanted to know.
“Because Tristan asked me not to,” I admitted. “He told me that he needed to be the one to tell Jason. And, I understood that. They’ve been friends for years, and it seems right that Jason should hear about our relationship from Tristan. But it’s been awhile now, and he still hasn’t mentioned anything to my brother.”
“And that’s bothering you a little, too?”
“Well, it’s like he’s ashamed of us.”
“You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“No, I guess not,” I sighed. “But it does feel like he’s scared… Not of telling Jason specifically, but of announcing to the world that he’s in a committed relationship. Because that would make it real, and once it’s real, then we’re looking at the future and the next step, and I don’t know if Tristan is ready for all that.”
Alani listened carefully and nodded. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Of course,” I said, smiling slightly.
“Where do you see this going with Tristan?”
“I honestly have no idea,” I said.
“Okay then, where do you want this to go?” she asked, amending her question.
I bit my lip. “I love Tristan. I want to be with him. I think about the rest of my life, and he’s the only man I can picture myself with.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” I said, in a subdued voice.
“And, do you think he feels the same about you?”
“The thing is, there are moments when it feels like he loves me as much as I love him,” I said. “But then there are times when I notice the hesitation in his eyes. I see panic and fear and confusion, and it makes me question his feelings for me. I’ve grown up hearing about Tristan’s conquests. I know he’s not good at keeping a long-term girlfriend. And, I guess I’m wondering if I’m just naïve to believe that he would make that kind of change for me.”
“It’s possible.”
“But not probable,” I said.
“Sometimes it just takes the right person to change you,” Alani pointed out.
“See, that just sounds like a line from the movies,” I said. “Real life is more cynical than that.”
“Or maybe it’s just you that’s cynical.”
“Can you blame me?” I laughed. “I need to consider the possibility that Tristan is just not a one-woman kind of guy.”
“He’s trying to be,” she pointed out.
“And what if that’s a mistake?” I asked. “What if he’s trying to be something he’s not and that’s the real problem here. What if he’s only trying so hard because he got involved with his best friend’s sister?”
“What do you feel?” Alani asked. “What are your instincts telling you?”
“Can you really even trust your instincts when your emotion is so involved?” I asked. “I’m in love with him, and that is clouding everything else.”
“You’re questioning your whole relationship,” she pointed out. “Which means you’re not completely blind.”
“Just scared,” I said. “And worried.”
“Do you think that maybe you might be overthinking?” she suggested.
“Not in this case,” I said. “This is Tristan… I know him. I’ve watched him for ten years and paid attention to all the little things. He’s not as sold on this relationship as he claims to be.”
“Then you need to talk to him about it,” Alani said.
I smiled. “A simple suggestion,” I said. “And yet somehow, I find it the most complication option.”
“Are you scared of what he might say?”
“That’s an understatement,” I admitted.
“But wouldn’t you rather him be honest with you?”
“Of course,” I nodded. “Except that things are a little complicated now, what with the fact that I work for him.”
Alani’s eyes went wide for a moment. “If things don’t work out, would you continue to work here?”
I had been thinking the same thing over the last few days. The thought had popped into my head a few days ago and refused to budge until I had given it proper credence. I had suggested to Tristan that we make another visit to his private island for a little alone time. He had smiled and nodded and told me we would do exactly that when he had a day to spare, but that had been two weeks ago, and no trip had occurred.
I had been to the island only once, but I had formed a deep connection with the house and its picturesque surroundings. I longed to be alone with Tristan in that space again. It felt like we were cut off from everyone and everything…including my fears. I wished we could go back there, but I was trying to be considerate of Tristan’s workload.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “I keep going back and forth. Sometimes I think we’re both mature enough to work together even if we did split up. But then… I really think about it, and I know that I couldn’t do it.”
“Oh, Molly…”
“I’ve been in love with Tristan for ten years, Alani,” I said. “If my feelings for him haven’t faded in that time, then they’re not going to. How can I possibly continue to live here and work for him? I’d have to watch him move on with his life, date other women, build a life for himself separate from me… It would be torture.”
Alani’s eyes were sympathetic, but I could tell she didn’t like the idea of me leaving. “This is all very premature,” she said. “Who knows, you and Tristan could end up married one day.”
I smiled. “I don’t know if Tristan is the marrying type.”
“Convert him.”
I laughed. “Easier said than done.”
“I have an idea,” she said, clapping her hands together.
“What?”
“I think the main problem here is that you don’t get enough time with him, right?”
“Well, yeah,” I said uncertainly.
“You’re both busy, it’s perfectly understandable,” Alani continued. “So what you should do is make time.”
“Uh…”
“What I mean is be spontaneous,” she said. “Surprise him when he least expects it.”
“Um, I’m not sure I understand.”
“I heard
Ben talking with Tristan this morning,” she told me. “Tristan mentioned that he would be heading to his suite this evening to check on something… I’m not sure what, I didn’t hear that part. Why don’t you head on over to his suite and surprise him? Even if it ends up being a quickie in the shower or a fifteen-minute conversation, it’s something. Given how fast-paced your lives are, that’s what you’ll need to do to keep connected.”
I considered that for a moment. “You know, that’s not a bad idea.”
She smiled. “Excellent.”
“Wait,” I said. “I don’t have a key to Tristan’s suite.”
“You don’t?”
“Well, he’s always in my suite,” I said, with a shrug.
“It’s not a problem,” Alani smiled. “I can give you the staff key.”
Alani and I headed over to the reception where she handed me the staff key to Tristan’s suite. I thanked her and headed up to his room to surprise him, feeling slightly more positive and very excited.
Alani was right—given how much we both worked, I needed to be pro-active about time with Tristan, as opposed to brooding about it. If I wanted things to work out between us, I needed to try as hard as I could.
I got to Tristan’s suite and opened the door softly. I tiptoed inside and looked around. We were rarely ever in his suite. It was slightly smaller, and my view was far better. Still, it was a large and beautiful room. I heard the shower running in the bathroom, and I headed over there. I pushed the door open slightly and peered in. The shower was running, and someone was inside, but one look told me that it wasn’t Tristan.
I could see a faint outline through the smoky curtain. I could see the perfect silhouette of a naked woman. I froze in shock as my body reacted to seeing a strange woman in Tristan’s shower. Her clothes were all over the bathroom floor, and I could hear her humming softly under her breath. Realizing that she hadn’t noticed my presence, I backed out carefully and shut the door.
I stood in Tristan’s bedroom for a minute, trying to process what I had just seen. Was it possible that Tristan had just been stringing me along this whole time? Had he been sleeping with other women the whole time he had been sleeping with me? I felt hurt and disappointed and betrayed.
But most importantly, I felt like a complete and total fool—a fool who had clung to a perfect daydream instead of facing cold hard reality.
Chapter 31
Tristan
I had just finished a Skype meeting with my senior manager at the LA resort when I heard a sharp knocking on my office door. Frowning, I checked the time. My next appointment was not for another hour, and Ben was not due back for another fifteen minutes at least.
“Come in,” I called.
A second later, the door to my office flew open, and Molly walked inside. Her face was pale and strained, and her eyes looked angry and slightly red. I stood up and walked to her immediately, worried about what had caused her to react that way
“Molly,” I said, reaching for her. “Are you alright?”
“Don’t,” she said, turning her hand up to block mine. “Don’t touch me.”
I froze in place as I felt a wave of confusion take over. Obviously, she was mad at me… I just didn’t know what I had done. She had given me no indication that there had been anything wrong in the last few days. Was it perhaps something that had happened just now?
“I… Molly,” I said slowly. “I don’t know why you’re so upset?”
She stared at me for a moment, as though she were trying to figure something out. Her hand was still up, preventing me from approaching her. There was something in her expression that made me both scared and sad at the same time. There was intensity in her eyes that made me take pause. Whatever she was feeling right now was serious. Whatever she had seen or heard had made a big impact. I noticed that her body was stiff, but her hands were shaking.
“Molly, can I get you a glass of water.”
She didn’t answer me. In fact, it felt like she hadn’t even heard me. I let the silence stretch out, hoping for some indication of what was going on. Finally, she turned away from me, as though she couldn’t bear to look at me any longer.
“Molly, please,” I said. “I’m worried… What’s going on?”
“How long?” she asked at last.
“What?”
“How long has this been going on?”
“What?” I demanded. “How long has what been going on?”
“The women, Tristan,” she said, and her voice shook on my name.
Her emotion broke my heart, but I couldn’t bring myself to approach her. I was trying to understand what she was talking about. Had someone tried to break us up by telling Molly some ridiculous story about another woman? Or maybe it was Jennifer… had her presence here inspired the staff to spread rumors that had maybe reached Molly? What if she’d found out about Molly and me and was trying to get back at me? A hundred different possibilities rolled around in my head.
“Molly, I don’t get it… What women are you talking about?” I asked. “Who told you this? I would have thought you’d know better than to believe anyone else.”
Molly smiled, but it was an angry smile. “I believe my own eyes,” she said. “Can you argue with them?”
I frowned. “Can you please, please explain to me what happened? How am I supposed to defend myself if I don’t know what you do?”
Molly’s expression seemed to smooth out for a moment. “I wanted to surprise you today,” she said. “I heard you were going to be in your suite this evening and so I decided to head down there and surprise you.”
“I—”
Molly cut me off before I could say anything more. “I walked in hoping to find you, but what I found instead was a naked woman in your shower.”
I stared at Molly for a moment and then suddenly everything clicked into place: Emma. Molly had seen Emma in my shower. I was just about to open my mouth to give her the explanation when Molly spoke.
“Unless… Did you even know someone was in your suite?” she asked, and there was desperation in her tone. “Was it just some employee taking advantage of the amenities because they know you rarely use your suite? Is that it? Is this just a huge misunderstanding?”
All I had to say was a simple yes. And yet, I realized that I couldn’t do it. My tongue curled in on itself and suddenly it hit me. I saw the pain on Molly’s face. I saw what the possibility of my future mistakes could do to her. I had been battling with this very thing for the last few weeks. I had been terrified to let her down. I had been terrified to revert back to my old ways and leave Molly broken and devastated.
What was our future? I honestly didn’t know. Could I give Molly everything she deserved? Could I give her a life of domestic bliss? Could I give her the safety of a home and the promise of children? Could I give her fidelity and loyalty and attention? I wanted to do all those things with her, but I wasn’t sure if I could. I wasn’t sure if I had the propensity to go the distance.
If I said yes, then she would believe me wholeheartedly. She would throw herself into our relationship and would beg for my forgiveness for presuming that I was cheating on her. We would move on, and we would get further into this relationship. A few years would pass by, and things would start to change. What if I realized that commitment was not for me? What if I decided that I was happier without the pressure of having to consider someone else all the time?
They were selfish thoughts, and I knew that the fact that I was having them in the first place meant something. I needed to save Molly from myself, and in order to protect her later, I would have to hurt her now. It was a split-second decision, weighted by the bulk of my own insecurities, doubts, and fears, but I felt at the moment that it was the noble thing to do.
“No,” I said.
“No?” Molly repeated, and her eyes turned sad again. “There was no misunderstanding?”
“I should have told you about this sooner,” I said.
“About what sooner?” s
he demanded.
“The woman you saw in my suite… I’ve known her for a long time,” I said, choking out the words and trying to make them convincing. “And I care about her very much.”
Molly stared at me for a moment and then she turned her face away. A curtain of golden hair hid her expression from my view, and I was grateful for that.
“I trusted you,” she said softly, and her tone was like a knife to my gut.
“Molly—”
“I trusted you!!” she screamed, throwing the full fury of her eyes onto me. “And worse… I loved you!”
“Molly—”
“I thought you loved me, too,” she screamed. “I thought we had something special. It was a long wait for me, and I thought it was worth it. It was worth it to me…until…”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
Her blue eyes flashed to mine, and I cringed against the emotion there. “How can you say that to me?” she demanded. “How can you look me in the eye and say that to me? You did this to hurt me—how could you not have. I should have known… It was only a matter of time. I was such a naïve fool to think that I could change you, to think that I could be enough to change you.
“This was the real reason you never told Jason, isn’t it?” Molly continued fiercely. “You knew it wouldn’t last between us. You knew I would find out sooner or later, and you wanted to keep Jason from ever knowing so that you could keep your friend after you were done with me?”
I looked down; it was hard for me to look her in the eye. “This is for the best, Molly.”
I saw her eyes go wide as though I had slapped her. “Did it mean anything to you?” she asked softly.
Tears were sliding down her face, and I felt my heart bleed at the sight. I so desperately wanted to reach out to her, touch her, pull her towards me, and beg her to forgive me—but I couldn’t.
“Of course it meant something to me,” I said. How could I lie to her about that? I couldn’t even if I had wanted to—she was too important to me, and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else.