She looked away and pretended to brush sand off her legs. It was a struggle to find the right words. She didn't want him to know that she had already been experiencing the first real pangs of homesickness. It was bad enough she'd appeared weak in so many other areas…
Clearing her throat, she opened her mouth. “Yes. Well. I'm an adult now. And Blink's family is probably worried about him too. I'm all he has at the moment, so getting him home is what I have to focus on. He is my priority.”
If only you weren't complicating things, she added, silently.
They both stared at the flames, watching them rise. After a little while, the silence grew uncomfortable.
Radianne decided to be bold. It was her turn to ask the questions.
“Henrick?”
“Yes?”
“Where were you going when I met you back in Eugladia?”
He rubbed his neck and looked away.
“I already told you. Anywhere. Everywhere.”
He shifted and Radianne could tell he was very uncomfortable with the conversation.
“I'm not one to sit still. I like to float around, like the wind. There's nothing like chasing the wind. I can't be tied down. No other freedom like chasing the wind.”
He said the last words firmly, as if to convince himself he wholeheartedly believed in what he was saying.
Chasing the wind. Radianne's heart thudded in her ears, skipping around wildly.
All those conversations she and her mother had often shared about such things… how she'd always thought chasing the wind had sounded wonderful, though her mother would disagree. And now, someone else was confirming that chasing one's dreams could indeed be a wonderful thing. Sharing her exact thoughts.
But did he really believe that? Radianne wondered. She knew Henrick wasn't telling her a lot of the story. She was not that naive. He was trying to escape something. His moods certainly gave that away.
She was quiet for some time as her mind drifted once more to her life back home and the many nights she'd dreamed of escaping it. The idea of “floating around” had sounded so romantic and adventurous, as she'd always thought, but then again, she'd always been in one stable place and had the luxury of a family who loved her. Had she taken all of that for granted?
Henrick, on the other hand, lived a lonely life it seemed.
What if she hadn't had her family and all the comforts that a routine existence could bring? Would the thought of chasing the wind seem so appealing then? Or would the idea just seem empty and pointless?
She rubbed her hands along her arms to comfort herself and ease the confusion swirling around inside. A slight ache moved through her heart when she thought of home now.
Was that how if felt to be a Wanderer? To ache for something you couldn't have? Were they all just lost souls, looking for their places in the world?
If she was starting to feel such things after such a short time away, how must Henrick feel? How long had he felt the sting of loneliness and longing?
And yet – as she listened to the sound of the crashing waves of the ocean, she also could not deny the other powerful feelings she was experiencing at the moment. Though she truly was starting to miss the comforts of home and the familiarity of her family, there was something deeply enticing about the wildness and the unknown. She couldn't deny it. Adventure had gotten under her skin. She supposed that was a big attraction for Wanderers as well.
She'd felt such powerful freedom several times already – when she'd first found Blink, while dancing with the giant flowers in Eustasia, when riding the Gentle Giant… getting lost in a moment in the ocean waves.
Looking to Henrick again, she felt the uncomfortable feelings return. Was this part of it? Were these silly feelings and this attraction simply part of becoming an adult? Newfound freedoms and the desire for new experiences?
He was new, interesting. That's all. She could not help but be intrigued. So why was she also suddenly so afraid of him?
Maybe, she thought, maybe such things weren't to be feared. Even if she'd never had those kind of feelings for a man before. Such feelings were an experience, after all.
All the thoughts racing through her head at that moment made it hurt. And worst of all was the sudden urge to move closer to Henrick and rest her head on his shoulder. But she pushed it away.
Blink was the priority.
“Well,” she said to Henrick, drawing him back into conversation once more, “what about your family? Somewhere out there, you must also have someone, or some people, missing you. Don't you?”
The words hung in the air on a question voiced with hope. She waited, praying he was not truly alone in the world.
But his face turned stony, his eyes grew hard and cold. He clenched his jaw, and she could tell that she had struck a nerve.
Heart sinking, she tried to quickly think of something to say, anything to stop him from feeling like he had to explain, but the words wouldn't come fast enough.
“You want to know a little bit about me and my past Radianne?” He lowered his voice and leaned toward her with narrowed eyes. “Maybe then you will realize not everything in this world is sunshine and rainbows. So be it.”
There was a terrible pause. It suddenly seemed as if a dark shadow had fallen over their camp. Henrick did not speak for a few minutes, and then when he did, the words came out sharply.
“My entire family is dead.”
Shocked, Radianne brought one hand to her mouth. Her heart seemed to drop to her toes and through the ground. She shouldn't have pried. She shouldn't have pushed him as it was none of her concern.
“They died when I was thirteen,” Henrick continued, his voice hard and angry. “I've been a Wanderer ever since.”
He stopped talking again and stared into the night. He was suddenly far away, lost in the past and an unpleasant moment in time, remembering.
“We were on our way to Shondalina – my mother, father, sister and I…” He paused, taking a deep breath. “My parents loved to travel, unlike most Eugladians. They thought it would be a great experience for us.”
There was another pause before he continued. “It happened in Eustasia. This was back when the Snorgs were first starting to cause trouble, but before they'd really taken over The Center. There we were, laughing and walking through The Center, recalling fond memories. Then we walked past that black lake of death.”
Silence again. Radianne was surprised he was sharing his story. She knew that what he was about to reveal was very difficult and she hugged herself for comfort, bracing for the rest of the terrible tale.
“The beast came out of the darkness and attacked my father, carrying him off screaming into that bubbling blackness. It was a young monster then, but still powerful.”
Several emotions flickered over his face as he recalled the memories and the horror of the dark day his family had been taken from him.
“We could not help him. We could not do anything but stand there in terror, screaming his name. Then the Snorgs came, several of them,” he continued. “My mother told my sister and I to run and I argued with her, but as she screamed at me to run again, some primal instinct kicked in and I listened. Like a coward. But my mom and little sister – they didn't get away quickly enough. They couldn't keep up with me. The Snorgs killed them. I heard them screaming, their shrieks piercing the air as their lives were taken.”
Henrick seemed to gasp for breath for a moment. As if the mere fact he was breathing – and his father, mother, and sister weren't – was a truth too painful for him to endure.
“I left them,” he choked out. “Like a coward. I left them.” He lowered his head into his hands. “I could not save any of them. I failed.”
Radianne slowly let out the breath she'd been holding in.
His tragic story had all come out in a rush. She felt ill as she took in the magnitude of what Henrick had just revealed to her. His life made sense now. Yet, it was more information than she'd bargained for.
She had
n't meant to bring back such painful memories… she couldn't imagine what she would have done if something like that had happened to her family… how different her life would have been.
“I traveled on to Shondalina, dragging myself forward somehow,” Henrick continued quietly.
Once he started to share his story, it was as if a dam had released water that had been pent up for far too long. Henrick wasn't sure why, but when he'd started to tell Radianne the truth, he couldn't stop. He'd carried his secrets inside too long and they had been killing him.
“Though I was young, I didn't care what dangers awaited me,” he said. “I thought the Winged Ones would help me wage a war against the Snorgs. After all, we'd all heard the stories of their valiant natures as children. But even though they pitied me and my situation, they would not help my cause. They said the time had not yet come for such actions.”
He looked up at the stars as he continued.
“At first, I was angry with them, but they treated me with kindness. The Winged Ones told me I could stay in their kingdom for as long as I wished. But I left. I vowed I would get my revenge on the Snorgs. I would go back and kill that beast, make it pay for what it had done to my father. I would then get rid of the Snorgs, one by one, in payback for what they'd done to my mother and sister.
“But when I returned to the black lake and hid in the shadows, observing, I found I was greatly outnumbered by Snorgs,” he continued. “I plotted and bid my time. I watched them gather. But their number was massive and alone I knew I couldn't handle them. I'd have to wait until I had an army, or I'd join up with an army aimed at dismantling them.”
He turned to Radianne.
“To my ultimate shame, that day has not come. There are no Wanderers who wish to rise to the challenge. The Snorgs are feared more than you know. But the war will happen. Soon. Don't take the Snorgs lightly, as you seem to do. You really have no idea how many of them there are. They are like roaches. You have no idea of the things I saw when I went back…” he trailed off. “I had no choice but to run for my life, putting revenge on hold until I knew the right time had come and I could recruit an army. But I did, and still do, feel like a coward for that as well. For not exacting my revenge at that precise moment in time.”
“Does that satisfy you?” he whispered, anger and hurt stirring in his eyes. “Is that what you wanted to hear Radianne? That I'm a failure without a family? A failure of a man, and not a hero? Does it help justify those first thoughts you had about me? That I'm just a strange Wanderer with no direction in life?”
He held her gaze and waited for a response, his eyes burning into hers.
As her heart pounded in her chest, Radianne found that for the first time, she couldn't look away. She was so caught up in his angry passion, and the hate and pain that seemed to radiate from his body filled her eyes with tears as she thought of his great and terrible loss.
“I-I'm sorry.” She managed to tear her gaze away and looked down at the sand. Her fingers toyed with the grains nervously. “It was none of my business. I'm very sorry for prying and for the loss of your family. I cannot imagine what I would do in such circumstances.”
She paused for a moment.
“But you have to know, it was also not your fault,” she continued. “There was unfortunately nothing you could do in those circumstances.”
“If you say so. Well, one day I will have my revenge. I will make up for my cowardice.” Henrick pounded a fist on the sand, as if sealing a vow. “Mark my words. Now if you don't mind, I think that's enough of the questioning for tonight.”
He turned his face and body away from her then, closing his eyes, shutting her out.
Radianne sat in the darkness, confused by the sudden turn of events.
She felt sorry for him but also knew Henrick had to deal with his pain instead of burying it deep inside. The emotions were eating him alive. It was not his fault, but he obviously had not made peace with the fact he could not have prevented the incident. She figured he probably wouldn't, until his revenge against the Snorgs and their fiendish pet was complete.
Would it even be possible, she wondered… to gather an army? He said there were no Wanderers willing. She knew the Thunderfeet probably would be willing to help, but word was that they were waiting until the right time to launch a full-out attack themselves. Just like the Winged Ones.
Everyone was waiting. Always waiting for something bigger to happen. As she had been on that night Blink fell from the sky. The whole journey had begun because she wanted to help Blink find his way back home to the stars. But she also discovered so much more was taking place along the way. There was so much more out there than the life she knew.
She was learning much more about her world than she'd bargained for… including the darkness and horrible secrets it held. She was being forced to confront some difficult life truths. Things she hadn't wanted to think about. Like that fact that the Snorgs were more of an enemy than she'd given them credit for.
Suddenly, she was exhausted. Lowering her body to the sand, she rested her head next to Blink. His light comforted her in the darkness.
She would help him find his way home. And then – maybe – she would also find a way to help Henrick, if it were even possible.
-12-
In The Jungle
O
pening one eye, and then the other, Radianne gazed up at a perfectly blue sky. Perhaps the loveliness of it would bode well for the day ahead, she thought.
Stretching, she rolled over onto her back and tried not to let the memory of the conversation she'd shared with Henrick the night before ruin the start of her day. As dismal as it had been, she had to remain positive. Especially for Blink.
As she turned her head to look at her star friend and check on his well-being, there was a loud moan to her left. Startled, she sat up.
There was Henrick, lying right beside her.
How had that happened, she wondered? She scooted away quickly, as if burned by fire.
He had turned away, she fell asleep… wait a minute… she recalled a vague memory of Henrick crying out in the middle of the night. No doubt reliving the horrors of this past in his dreams.
She'd gone over to comfort him, to set a reassuring hand on his back the way her mother had done for her when she'd had nightmares as a child. It was the only thing she could think of to do.
Radianne supposed she had drifted off right next to him during the night. So it was her fault…
As he opened his eyes, she jumped up. She hoped he wouldn't remember the night before.
In an attempt to appear nonchalant, she raised her arms over her head and stretched again. Then yawned. She would pretend everything was normal and well. Speaking of well… she quickly looked to Blink once again make sure her friend was still in good health.
With relief, she noted he still seemed to be in good spirits, sitting and drawing star shapes in the sand, humming a song to himself. His weak states were coming and going, but at least his glow was still holding out strong.
She started to prepare some of the coconuts they'd gathered for breakfast. As she and Henrick ate, they talked about the day's plans.
Much to her relief, Henrick seemed to forget all he'd revealed the night before, for the time being. She wanted to help him but she wasn't sure how, and she was still sorting her feelings out about the matter. It was all so tragic.
“So do you suppose we will make it to the jungle today?” Radianne asked him.
Though at first his knowledge had seemed annoying and sometimes boastful, she was beginning to find all he knew very useful.
“Almost certain,” he said.
And indeed, several uneventful hours later, the trio arrived in Vancor.
The jungle of Vancor was dense and humid, a tangled mess of varying green hues. It was a feral place. Lush trees grew in wild clusters amid plants that seemed to sparkle under the dimly lit canopy. There were numerous exotic animal and insect species, and Radianne, of course, found
them all to be quite fascinating.
Her usual awe was short-lived, however, when a chubby blue bug she'd thought looked so adorable suddenly sank sharp little teeth into her hand and drew out bright red droplets of blood.
“Oww!” she cried, swatting the insect away.
“Welcome to the endless jungle of Vancor,” Henrick announced, as he also swatted at a shiny red bug that promptly landed on his arm. Grabbing a large branch that had fallen nearby, he began to clear a path for them to progress through the foliage, beating at the dense vegetation as they went.
“Endless Jungle?” Blink asked Henrick, as he sat on Radianne's shoulder. “Why is this place endless?”
“Endless,” Henrick pressed on with another whack of his stick, “unless you are an expert in the wild, like I am. Have no fear Blink. It's just a name given to this place to strike terror into the hearts of those who dare venture in. This jungle will not get the better of us. I've come through here several times. We will be out soon enough, without incident.”
Ughh,” Radianne joked. “Someone is very sure of himself.”
She knew it was a facade even though he seemed to have left his anger and sadness and self-perceptions of failure behind in Sandalia.
He bottled things up so easily. She supposed it was how he had to deal with things. Burying the pain, forgetting, pretending all was well. Just so he could survive one more day.
Though his shifting moods were bothersome, she was coming to understand that Henrick was really a hurting person trying to find his way in a world that had suddenly and violently left him alone. She suspected maybe not all Wanderers were so strange after all. Just misunderstood.
Henrick cast her a haughty look and raised an eyebrow. “Don't you know how utterly lost you would be without me? You should be forever grateful.”
Radianne made a gagging sound. But secretly, she knew there was truth to what he said. Even though she knew he was teasing her, she did feel very inexperienced and she had to admit she would probably still be stuck somewhere barely outside of Eugladia if it hadn't been for him.
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