I was young back then. Stupid and naïve and thought that was love.
That was control, that was manipulation, and that was unhealthy.
I can see it all very clearly now. Age and getting away from it has helped.
And I do thank God nearly every day that Rod left me. I’d still be right there in that if he hadn’t.
After he left and when I was anywhere in town, I’d hear people talking about me. Saying how they thought I was smart and how they never saw me messing up my life with someone like Rod Manning.
I just thought I’d be humiliated by the whole town knowing he left after we were supposed to get married. How wrong I was.
I should’ve been humiliated before that. Once I heard how people thought about me even being with him had me thinking more about myself.
That’s why I decided to get out in the world. Go off to college and try to grow a lot more than I had allowed myself. Or Rod had, anyway.
And maybe Lane is right. Maybe I should date. But God knows I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid there’s a weakness inside me I can’t see but others can. A weakness which allows others to control me. A weakness I’m not sure I’ve overcome yet.
Without being sure of myself, I can’t risk getting myself into a similar situation. Alone is best. For now, anyway.
My phone lights up as it buzzes and I pick it up and see a number I don’t recognize has texted me.
Involuntarily, my body tenses.
What if it’s Rod?
I swipe my finger over it and read the message. -Hope you aren’t mad. Lane gave me your number. It’s Cam from one of your classes. I know you keep to yourself and I want you to know I respect that. But I also want you to know I’m a good guy. And I’d like us to get to know each other. So how about I bring you a coffee to our class and afterward we can talk. Just talk, Jenna. I swear. I see a sadness in you that actually hurts me. I don’t think I can fix you or anything. But I’d like to be your friend. You seem to keep people away. As you well know as we’ve learned in our child development class, keeping away from the group is unhealthy and as teachers, we’re expected to not only notice these kinds of things but help the person who needs it. I’m here to help, Jenna. That’s all. No pressure. Some coffee and conversation. That’s it. So tell me what kind you like.-
I wait for three minutes while I contemplate this. He is right. We have studied this very thing, and it’s an unhealthy way to be.
Can I believe he wants only friendship from me?
Friends are a thing I let go for Rod. They’d never have understood our relationship, so I cut them off.
It was stupid of me back then. And refusing a friend now is just as stupid. So I text back – Mocha, caramel and thanks. I’ll take you up on the friend thing.-
-Great! See you tomorrow-
I put the phone down and feel like I’ve just taken a huge step forward. A step out of this mess I’ve made of my life. A good step toward a normal future.
Rod Manning is my past. A past best left in the dark shadows of my memory. A thing I need to learn from but not let cripple me.
So I close my eyes and hold my breath for as long as I can as I let the memories flood my mind. This is it, this is the last time I’ll allow myself to be held back by Rod Manning.
His face, his muscled back, his tight abs, his ash blonde waves, his steely blue eyes. His smell, his voice, his essence flash through my head.
There all put away in the recesses of my mind. The leather belts, the collars, the nipple clamps, the bungee cords, the hook all put away with the rest of the things I associate with Rod Manning, shoved into the small space.
No longer will I allow that to be at the forefront of my mind. It’s over and the fear and shame and the fact there will never be any closure I throw in there with the rest.
It’s time to start fresh. Become who I am meant to be. I want to be a teacher of young children and I need a healthy mind if I am to be the right kind of influence on them.
It’s a big responsibility and my college days are nearly over. A year away from graduation and becoming a real teacher. I have to work as hard on myself as I have my studies.
So I’m going to drink some coffee with a member of the opposite sex. I’m going to leave the shit with my first relationship where it belongs, in the past.
I’m going to stop thinking of myself as a weak idiotic female with no will of her own.
Nope, that young girl is gone. She’s grown up and now she will be influencing young minds. And with such a responsibility has to come to terms with life now, not then.
I take in a deep breath to replenish the air my body has used up and stop thinking about myself in the third person.
I am going to be better than okay. I am going to sleep tonight the Jenna Foster I am now. I am waking up with a new attitude and outlook on life.
All men are not trying to control me. All men are not assholes. All men are not a thing I have to fear.
The man I’ve been so afraid of showing up and using a piece of paper to take me back to a place I don’t want to be in any longer is not a thing I will give power to anymore.
Four years is enough!
Chapter 12
REED
The last two years have been hard on my mother. With Rod still missing in action, she’s just not herself. So I’ve taken the summer to come and stay with them and try to bring some kind of normal back into their lives.
The New Year’s parties and Christmas parties were forgotten the last two years. She claimed to not feel well for all those occasions. Even the traditional Christmas evening immediate family only dinners were canceled.
I had them flown into Los Angeles last year and they joined me at my place.
They didn’t ask about how much money I’ve made when they saw the mansion in Bel-Air. I think they understand why I’m not advertising it to anyone.
It’s the first weekend since I came here at the beginning of the week and I’m going to bar-b-que for them. I sent them off to the car lot to buy new cars.
I swear they make me insane with wanting to hold onto cars past their prime. I told them you get more for the trade if you do it every two years. But Mom claims a love for her car and so does Dad.
But I made them take them down when I told them the money had already been paid. It hasn’t, I’ll go down and negotiate later, but the sales guy wants the commission so he lies to them for me.
The tiny supermarket in Jerome always leaves me yearning for something better in this tiny town. The meat looks like crap and I think I just might make a run to Prescott to get the steaks I wanted to cook tonight.
I turn my basket around to check out with the bag of potatoes and the salad that will be fine but I have to look elsewhere for the meat.
A pair of red heels catches my eyes as I turn and then they move up the long, perfectly formed legs they’re attached to. Those legs end in a tight black skirt which hugs some demanding curves.
A slender waist is accented by a thin red belt and I find a white silk blouse tucked into the top of the skirt. It billows out over a pair of voluptuous tits. A gold chain with of all things, a cross, hangs between those perky puppies and my eyes keep on going up as my dick grows long and hardens.
“Hey, you,” comes the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard. “What are you doing in town?”
Silky blonde hair hangs to her shoulders and her green eyes have tiny wrinkles at the outer corners from the smile covering her gorgeous face.
I haven’t seen her since that Christmas…
“Jenna,” I say and the sound comes out all breathy.
“Reed,” she says and my name sounds so damn good when it comes from her sweet red lips.
Two steps she takes toward me and I’m in her arms or she’s in mine. I can’t tell which as we hug and I inhale her.
A nice perfume I smell, some cinnamon and honey. And her.
Jenna.
I don’t want to but I end the hug, then move my h
ands to her arms and hold her back as I look her over. “My, my, you have grown up.”
Her hand moves over my shoulder and I feel the heat and electricity her touch has always given me. “So have you. How can you have even more muscles, Reed?”
I let her go and kind of kick my foot at the floor and look down as she’s making me feel all odd. “Don’t know. I work out and stuff.” Then I look back at her. “And you look better than I’ve ever seen you look before.”
She palms her hair and smiles. “I’ve learned a bit about style. And thanks to the scholarships you gave me, I’m a proud graduate of Arizona State and will be taking the certification test in September to become a real teacher, Kindergarten through third grade.”
She moves in close and her lips touch my cheek for only a moment then she pulls back. “Thank you for that, Reed. I really do appreciate it.”
“You never sent me a graduation invitation, Jenna,” I say as I trail my hand up her arm.
“I didn’t want you to feel obligated. I know you’re a very busy man.” She takes a step back and my hand falls to my side.
“So, you’re home for how long?” I ask.
“The summer. Then I’m going to go to Tempe and take the test and get the hell out of Arizona. I’ll be looking for somewhere to teach in the meantime. Anywhere other than Arizona.” Her lips stop moving and I become acutely aware of just how much I’m looking at them.
I look back into her green eyes. “I’m also here for the summer. Trying to talk Mom and Dad into moving. This place is so far from everything. And Mom isn’t doing well. She’s felt bad every time anything comes up. You know, not like her at all.”
Her eyes grow a little dark and droop a bit. “Well, that’s to be expected I would guess. When your kid goes missing I don’t think it’s an easy thing to take.”
I immediately feel like an ass for bringing up my family at all. “Jenna, I’m sorry. Let’s not talk about them. Hey, I was going to cook out tonight, but the meat here is terrible. I’m going to head on over to Prescott to find some decent meat. So I’m switching the bar-b-que to tomorrow night. Wanna come with me?”
She looks at me for a moment and I see conflict in her eyes. Her mouth opens and the word I want to hear comes out, “Yes.”
I nearly fall backward with relief. I had no idea I was holding my body so tensely. “Great. Oh! What were you here for? Do you need to grab something?”
She blushes and looks away. “Um, yes I do need to grab something. Want to meet me in front when you’re done? I can leave my car here. If my parents knew I was going anywhere with you, they’d get their lectures written up and I’d get to hear them all summer long.”
I think the same about mine and nod in agreement. “Sure.”
“See you outside then.” She walks away and I turn to watch her go.
My God the girl has grown into the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen!
I watch her pull a phone from her red leather purse and put it to her ear and say, “Mom, I met an old girlfriend in the store and will be spending the evening with her. I have my house key. No need to wait up.”
No need to wait up!
My cock jerks and I hurry to check out. My heart is pounding in my chest. I can barely function as I put the two things I bought on the counter and the young girl rings them up. I hand her my card and she runs it and I leave, carrying the bag of potatoes in one hand and the prepacked bag of salad in the other and realize I didn’t even allow her to bag them.
I’m kind of giddy, I realize as I go to my car and get in then decide to drive up to the front of the store so Jenna can get in without anyone realizing she’s leaving the parking lot with me.
Thank God I got the rental with tinted windows!
Carrying only one small bag and shoving it into her tiny purse as she comes out, I roll the passenger side window down and call out at Jenna, “It’s me!”
She smiles and pulls her sunglasses out of the purse and gets into the car. “Nice,” she says. “A rental company that rents Mercedes, Reed?”
“When asked for, yes.” I drive away as she buckles her seatbelt.
The vibe I feel is weird. Taboo, danger, electricity, and elatedness.
I have Jenna Foster in my front seat!
I’ve mooned over this girl since she grew tits in high school. Watching her from a distance, I thought I was a little too old for her when she came into school as a freshman and I was a junior.
Who knew I was well within her age-range?
Then my asshole brother set his sights on her and somehow convinced the sweet girl to come into his lair of evil. He nearly ruined her.
But as I take a sideways glance at her I can see she was far from ruined by him.
She has overcome what he did to her. I’d have to say she is more woman than I ever envisioned her being. Confidence radiates off her now.
Jenna was always on the shy side and lacked basic confidence. A thing I blame on my older brother.
When he got his hands on the young girl, who’d never been allowed to date until she turned eighteen, he had a naïve girl with no idea about how relationships work.
He controlled every last thing she did. If it wasn’t for me getting her into college, I shudder to think what she’d have become under his tyrannical reign.
The silence between us suddenly hits me as I drive out of town. “So, ready for the future, Jenna?” I ask and feel kind of dumb with that question.
“Um, yeah.” She looks over at me. “I have you to thank for that.”
“You did all the hard work. I merely put the opportunity in front of you, Jenna.” I tap the steering wheel to keep my hand occupied as I keep having the urge to reach over and take her hand in mine.
A hand which is resting on the tanned skin which looks silky soft, just above her knee.
Then my hand moves off the steering wheel all on its own and my fingertip drifts over the ring finger where Rod had put an engagement ring two years ago. “What did you do with the ring?” It just comes out of my mouth and I bite my tongue because of it.
“Your mom didn’t tell you?” she asks.
My finger is still on hers and I leave it there as I say, “No.”
She moves her hand. “I gave it to her before I left to go to Tempe.”
“Oh.” I place my hand back on the wheel. “I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”
“It’s okay. It’s not like you and I can never talk about that part of my life. You were there after all.”
“Not for all of it. Do you care to elaborate on anything that happened between you two?” I look over at her and have to wonder if she will ever tell anyone about what all happened between them.
Everyone knows about the incident where their neighbor called the cops as Rod pushed her down in their front yard and drug her around it. So there’s not a doubt in my mind he did far worse things to her inside the house on other occasions.
“Reed, I’m in your debt for paying my way through college. I appreciate you and your help more than you will ever know. But what happened between me and your brother is a thing I’ve put away. I don’t care to relive any of it. So if you don’t mind I’d love it if you and I could build a friendship based on you and me, alone. Okay?” She pulls her shades down and looks over them at me.
The word friendship kind of stabs at me but I say, “Sure.”
“Great,” she says then puts her glasses back up, covering her beautiful eyes, and looks straight ahead. “So tell me what kinds of things you’ve been up to in California, Reed.”
I grip the steering wheel once again and say, “I’ve been up to doing business deals and making more money. Can I tell you the truth, though?”
She looks at me and takes off her glasses. Her eyes are full of concern and it makes my heart skip a beat that she seems to care at all. “You better tell me the truth, Reed. Are things going bad for you?”
“Life is not all that great when you live it alone. All the money in the world isn’t eno
ugh if you have no one to spend your life with.” Admitting it feels both great and embarrassing at the same time.
But the after effects are phenomenal!
Her slender hand with a nice pink manicure runs up to mine which is on the steering wheel. She takes it in hers and pulls it to her chest. Fractions of centimeters from her perfect breasts.
Her words are soft and sweet, “Reed, that breaks my heart. How is it you haven’t found someone?”
Because I love you and always have…
But what I say is, “I have a certain kind of woman in mind and she’s not in California.”
Her thumb moves over my knuckles as she looks at me and keeps my hand right there close to her heart and subsequently, her tits. My mouth begins to water as I can feel her chest rise and fall with every breath she takes.
“Reed, you’re perfect. How can you not have found one of the women in California to be a good candidate as a serious girlfriend?”
“I’m perfect?” I ask as I look at her.
She smiles. “Eyes on the road!”
I turn my head and have to smile.
I think she might like me!
“I think you’re pretty perfect too. So have you met anyone interesting at college? You know a new man?” I glance at her and she puts my hand back on the steering wheel.
“I’ve made friends.” Her arms cross and so do her legs. She looks out the window and her body language tells me a lot.
“Any that ended up in your bed?” I know I shouldn’t ask but I’m dying to know.
She looks back at me and her lips part then they close tight then they open again. “No. I’ve not let anyone even kiss me. I did make friends, and I did become social again. And that’s about all I could manage to do.”
What did my brother do to her?
“Think that’s normal?” I ask.
“No,” comes her very quick answer. “I don’t. But normal has never really been something that happens for me. No normal childhood, no normal first love, no normal sex life. Nope, nothing has come normal for me.”
Shattered: A Billionaire Romance Series (Contemporary Romance Novels) Page 77