by Amy Davies
“Don’t say anything please, Li. He can’t know.”
“Are you shitting me right, now?” His voice is angry, his brow dips and his lips pinch together. I shake my head and look at my feet.
“Liam, enough. You’re scaring her. Addy, we will wait outside for you and then we will talk.” I nod my head and walk through the door without a backward glance. I try to smile at the nurse as she waits by the door for me but I fail epically.
“Are you okay, Addison?” I nod my head and answer.
“I’m good, just bumped into someone I didn’t want to see.”
“Old boyfriend?” she asks. I can’t blame her for being curious. I would be the same. I shake my head, no. “Okay, then. Hop up onto the table and we will see what this baby is up to today.” My heart flutters at the thought of seeing my baby. But then the guilt hits me when I look at the empty ‘dad’ chair. I pull my vintage green ‘Rush’ t-shirt up and push my leggings down over my baby bump. The nurse fiddles with the machine and then picks up the gel.
“This will be a tad cold.” She smiles warmly at me. She squirts the gel on my belly and starts to rub the wand over my bump. “Okay, there the baby is. It is looking good. Let me just measure the length.” I wait in silence, staring at the monitor. I can see my baby, well as much as the grainy black and white image lets me. Dex’s face pops into my head and my smile drops. Would he be happy to be a father now? Would he want to be with me for me and not just because I am carrying his baby? Would he be pissed at me for keeping this from him? Would he actually be a good dad?
Fucking hell, so many questions.
“Well, Addison, the baby is measuring on the smaller side but like the Doctor told you, this may change again, but try not to be so worried. Babies are so unpredictable.” I nod and she looks back towards the monitor. She clicks the buttons a few times and then leans over to pick up my new images of my baby girl. I thank her and leave the room, dread hitting my stomach, knowing that Liam and Penny are waiting for me. The only thing that is keeping me from having a full-blown panic attack is the photos in my hand.
I step out of the lift and see Liam pacing back and forth in front of Penny. I stop in my tracks and watch him. His shoulders are bulging in anger. Fuck. I walk towards them and Penny sees me first. She snags Liam’s hand and nods her head in my direction. Lucky for me, Penny never lets his hand go as he tries to step towards me. My breath catches in my throat. Liam has never made me afraid of him, but right now I am fucking scared of the bloke. He angrily points to the main entrance and I nod my head. He helps Penny to her feet and she offers me a small smile. They don’t wait for me, they just walk out. I follow behind them, my heart beating a mile a minute in my chest. My palms are sweating like crazy. I am scanning the car park, half expecting Dex to come out of nowhere screaming at me for keeping the pregnancy from him.
Liam and Penny are standing next to his Jeep. Liam is looking fucking angry because of my secret. I don’t know what Penny is doing because Liam has me locked in a gaze that even Mike Tyson himself would cower from.
“What the fuck are you thinking?” he spits out. Okay, then, no ‘how are you, Addy? How is the baby, Addy?’ Dick.
“Liam.” Penny says his name, her voice lowering in warning.
“Don’t ‘Liam’ me, Bambi. She knows what she has done wrong.”
“She is still a pregnant woman, Liam. And I will not stand by and watch you scream and shout at her, getting her upset, it isn’t good for the baby.” Oh I love you Penny Miller.
“Fuck. Fuck.” He grips the back of his neck. This man took care of me when I was a little girl and here I am repaying him, by asking him to do to the unforgivable.
“He can’t know, Li.” He spins around to face me and Penny gasps.
“WHAT?”
“He isn’t ready for this.” I motion at my baby bump. “He can’t let go of Fiona. What the fuck makes you think he will take on a baby with me? He will never let her go. And I am not going to be with a man just because we have a baby together.”
“True. Maybe he will just want the baby! But he deserves to know.”
Holy fucking shit. That one hurt.
Where the fuck did this pain come from? I stumble back at his words, like he just did some kind of expert karate kick to my chest. I lean against the car behind me, and take deep breaths.
“Oh my God, Liam,” I hear Penny screaming his name. I can’t see her, the black spots are filling my vision, breathing is becoming harder to do. My legs feel like jelly and I can feel them give way, but I never hit the floor.
“Fuck, I got you. Addy, look at me. Look at me, chick.” I blink a few times and bring my face up so I can see Liam’s face. “That’s it. Good girl. Breathe in for me, slowly breathe out. That’s it.” I do what he says, trying to regain my senses. Anxiety is a bitch. Liam smiles a sad smile at me and I take in one last deep breath. I struggle to get to my feet, so Liam and Penny help me. I smile at Penny as I pull away from Liam, his touch making my anger surface. I hate what I am about to do, but it needs to be done. This is about Dex, me and the baby. No one else matters.
I look him dead in the eyes and unleash my threat.
“If you tell him, I will never forgive you. I will never speak to you again. I will tell Dex when the time is right for me. For us. I don’t think he is ready for this. I will decide when it is the right time to tell him. Me!” His face is pale and filled with pain. My chest aches but I need to do this.
“You can’t be serious?” His voice is filled with anguish.
“I am,” is all I say. The tears run down my face. I don’t bother trying to stop them. I can’t take my eyes off Liam’s, but I can hear Penny crying softly beside him.
“But-but, this is his baby, Ads. Please, don’t make me keep this from him. It will kill him.” I hear his words loud and clear, but he isn’t hearing mine.
“I can’t face his rejection again. You are right; he may want the baby but not me. I am not sure I am strong enough for that just yet.”
“But this is his baby,” he says again.
“I know. I was there when she was conceived, dude.” Penny chuckles quietly.
“She?” Penny inquires and I shrug.
“I think so. I feel like she is a girl.” I touch my belly and smile down at it. My baby is safe in there, not knowing the heartache that is happening around her and that is the way I will always keep it. She will never know heartache like I did.
“So, what are you going to do? I hate that you are threatening me with this. You are making me choose between you both. I love you both. You’re like my brother and sister. I am not sure who I would hurt more by keeping this a secret. Shit.” He turns away from me and leans on the bonnet of his Jeep, his shoulders bunched up, making his t-shirt tighten over his tattooed muscles. I turn my head away, not wanting to see the pain that I am causing him. I love Liam like a big brother but I have to put me and the baby first.
Movement catches my eye and I turn to see Penny rubbing Liam’s back, soothing him; their love flowing between them. I want that.
Fuck my life.
“I’m sorry. But you have to understand why I have to do this.” Liam doesn’t look at me, but Penny answers.
“I think he does in a way, Addison, so do I. But you have to see the pain he is in. You are asking him not to tell one of his best friends that he is going to be a father with another of his best friends.” The guilt hits me square in the chest. “How are you going to handle this, Addison?” Penny always says my full name, and she always makes me feel like a child when she does. It isn’t her fault I feel like this, it is just because I am so used to being called ‘Addy’ or ‘Ads’.
“A friend gave me some advice and I am taking her up on it.”
“Friend? Which friend?” Liam’s asks, finally facing me again.
“Her name is Lauren. I met her when she brought her husband Joe into the shop to have his dick pierced. We’ve been friends since.”
“So, she kn
ows that you are pregnant but I don’t. Well, fuck me, just kick me when I’m down, Addison.” Liam saying my full name hurts.
“I am going to phone Dex and we are going to talk over the phone. Build something first before I tell him. I need to know where his head’s at, Li. Please, let me do this my way.” I move towards him and wrap my arms around his waist. He doesn’t waste a second, wrapping me up in his beefy arms.
“Fine. That fucker is going to go ape shit and kick my arse when he finds out I knew all along that his girl is carrying his baby.” Hearing him call me Dex’s girl makes my stomach do girly things. But it could just be the baby right?
“I’m not his girl, Liam.” He rolls his eyes in a ‘what-the-fuck-ever’ way.
“So, how is baby Bradley, today?” I add. A big arse smile spreads across Liam’s face, the dimple in his left cheek showing itself. Penny giggles.
“Baby Bradley is fucking amazing. But it looks like baby Castle will have a baby cousin to keep her company playing with dolls.” He winks at me. Yeah, it didn’t go unnoticed that he called my baby ‘Baby Castle’. Bastard.
I look from Liam to Penny. “Are you hoping for a girl then?” I ask.
“I will be happy with a boy or a girl. As long as the baby is healthy,” Penny says, while lovingly rubbing her tiny baby bump. The love shining through her eyes is heart warming.
“Poor Knox, if the baby is a girl.” I laugh.
“Yeah, he is not going to be happy if it is a girl. But he will take on the big brother role well.” And he will. Knox is an old soul, just like his dad. He takes care of what is his, even at his age.
“He will. Listen, I really have to go. I’m working this afternoon at the studio. I promise I will get in touch with Dex. We will go from there. I am sorry that I threatened you but I didn’t know what else to do. I panicked.” Liam wraps me up in a big hug and kisses the top of my head.
“It will kill me, but I get it. Don’t take too long, okay?” I nod my head and offer a sad smile. “And keep my niece or nephew safe,” he says, as he lays his hands over my bump and kisses the top of my head.
We say our goodbyes and I watch them drive out of the hospital car park. I sit in my car and look at my phone like it will jump up and slap me in the face any second. I know I need to tell Dex. I will tell him face to face.
The ringing scares the shit out of me, but so does the name that flashes on the screen, telling me who is calling.
“Hello, Dex.”
“Hello, Dex.” Her voice comes through the phone and my dick jerks with happiness. Honest to God, I never expected her to answer to me but I am super fucking glad she did.
“Hey, babe. You okay?” I ask her.
“I’m good. You?”
“I’m just fucking happy to be answered, baby. The studio is doing good; the new bloke, Luke, is fitting in great, but a few of our regular clients are missing you. You remember Dave?” She giggles before she answers me. That sound alone could make me come in my jeans. I love her laugh. It is so feminine compared to her hard rocker exterior.
“I do. What did he have this time?”
“He had a naked pin-up girl on his calf, with the name ‘Daisy’ above it. This is girlfriend number five that he has had tattooed on him, this bloke is never gonna learn. Fuck head. Plus, he wanted his ball sack pierced, but when he learned that it was Luke doing it he bolted out the door screaming to let him know when you come back.” She bursts out laughing, making me laugh with her. I sit back on the sofa and soak up the sound of her voice. She snorts, making herself laugh even harder. I can actually see her bending over, clutching her stomach with laughter, tears running down her face. My dick is hard in my jeans, pressing against the zip.
“Fucking hell, that man cracks me up. Tell him when you see him next that I will sort his dick out when I come back.” My laughter stops, immediately replaced with anger.
“Not a fucking chance in hell,” I spit out. I stand and grip my hair. “Mine will the only dick you fucking sort out, baby.” Jesus. Where the fuck has all this jealousy come from? I was never like this with Fiona.
“Dex. Calm the fuck down. I was talking about piercing his sack, for fucks sake. But if I want to sort out other dicks, it has nothing to do with you.” Her temper matches mine through the phone.
“The fuck it has nothing to do with me. You belong to me, Addison Cole,” I grind out.
“I belong to you? Are you fucking serious, right now? I belong to no fucker, Dex. Holy shit, I cannot believe you just said that.” I can hear her heavy breathing through the phone, but at least she hasn’t hung up on me. I know I need to back peddle.
“Shit, I handled that all wrong. Sorry. I lost my shit when you talked about sorting other blokes’ dicks out. The thought makes my blood boil, babe.”
“So, male ego then?” I chuckle and answer.
“Yeah, babe. Sorry. I think we need to move on from the dick talk, Ads. We need to talk about us.” I leave that last sentence hanging there. The wait is fucking killing. Why isn’t she saying something back? I pull the phone away from my ear to check that the call didn’t drop out.
“Addy, are you there?”
“I am. What do you want to talk about, Dex?” Her voice is a whisper, like she is too afraid to talk.
“I miss you, babe. Like, really miss you. My heart aches at the thought of not seeing you at the studio every morning. I know that I have said some shit in the past, but, baby, you leaving brought the feelings to the surface. A lot of the things I have said weren’t true. I was confused and I lashed out at you. You were the easy target for me. I am sorry for every-fucking-thing I have said to you that has upset you. That has made you cry. I swear if you ever give me the chance to be with you, I will make it my fucking mission to never make you cry again.”
“Be with you?”
“Out of all of that, I am so fucking glad you heard that part.” My heart stutters in my chest.
“Yeah. I don’t know if we can be together, Dex. You aren’t ready to let Fiona go. Like I said, I cannot compete with a ghost. I need you to find your peace before we can start something. If we start something.”
“Don’t you get it, Ads? I have let go. Fiona wouldn’t want me to live my life like this. She would want me to move on. She thought the world of you, but I always pushed her feelings about you to the side through fear of my feelings for you coming through. I pushed down so much shit in the past, but it isn’t fair to either of us to ignore these feelings now.”
“I have never ignored my feelings, Dex. They were always out there, but you enjoyed rubbing it in my face that you were fucking every other girl but me, to what? Hide your feelings for me? That was a shitty way to do it. You could have just spoke to me and explained that you weren’t ready to move on, not get your dick wet every fucking night.”
“Not every night,” I say, and I instantly regret it.
“Well, fuck me for getting that detail wrong.” I love a pissed off Addy. She is sexy when she’s all riled up.
“You’re right. I should have explained and not hurt you the way I did. But I am a bloke, Ads, I fuck up with the whole talking malarkey. Can we meet up and talk face to face?” I ask.
“Not just yet, Dex. I-I need to sort some things out. Soon though, okay?”
“It had better be sooner rather than later, babe. I miss seeing your face.”
She giggles. “It is still the same face- no more piercings, but I did add a new tattoo.”
“Oh yeah? So still just the nipples then. What did you get?” I ask her. I fucking love her nipple piercings. I have mine done as well, Ads did them and I helped her do hers.
“Yeah, just my nipples, but I have been thinking of getting my nose done and possibly the orbital and tragus done as well. We shall see. But I had a Hamsa Hand tattooed on my back, between my shoulder blades. Do you want to see it?” she asks. Do I want to see it? Of-fucking-course I want to see it.
“Yeah, baby. Send me a pic of the new ink.”
&
nbsp; “Okay, give me a minute to find it. I’ll send you the pic that Wendy took the day Mike did the design.”
As I wait for her to look through her gallery to find the photo, I get up off the sofa and walk into my kitchen. Opening the fridge I take out a bottle of beer and take a long drink once I open it.
“Sent,” her voice comes through the speaker. Then the ‘ding’ sounds from my phone.
“Okay, let me see this. This had better be a fucking epic tattoo, baby, or I am going to be one pissed off dude,” I joke.
“He did amazing,” she tells me. I put her on speaker and open the ‘attachment’ and take another mouthful of beer. The photo pops up and I spit the drink all over my kitchen floor when I see it.
Well fucking hell.
“Ads,” is all I can say.
I see the tattoo gun, the three hearts and the family tree. The whole tattoo is based on us; Liam, Jay, me and Addy. Holy shit.
“I needed it, Dex. It means a lot to me.”
“Yeah, babe.” Fuck, she has me speechless. A chuckle comes through the phone.
“Cat got your tongue, Dexter Castle?”
“Yeah, babe,” I chuckle. She truly has no idea how much this tattoo heals my heart. “I love it, Ads. It is truly something and from what I can see, your boss did a bang up job. I can’t wait to see it in person. Which will be soon, right?” I ask, hinting again.
“Soon. I promise.” She goes quiet for a few seconds. “I like this,” is all she says. I swear my man card is in jeopardy. If the boys could see how much her words have reduced me to a fucking puddle of mush, they would take the piss out of me. They would never let me live it down.
“I like it too, baby.”
“Why have you started calling me ‘babe’ and ‘baby’, Dex? You have never called me anything besides my name.” I knew this was coming. It just felt right calling her those names. I never did with Fiona. She was always my ‘sweetheart’, but Addy is different. Yeah, she is a sweetheart, but she is my baby.
“It fits. You are my ‘baby’. I want you to be my ‘baby’, my ‘babe’. Fuck, my girl, Ads.”