by David Palmer
(Matter of opinion, I thought; but decided to keep lip buttoned for once. Also wondered at use of impersonal pronoun: "It" seemed unnecessarily rude.)
Really do like cats myself, though not rabid "cat person" per se: Terry comes first, period; and cats, birds uneasy bedmates—not that idiot twin afraid of, particularly at risk from, normal domestic housecat. Has encountered before. Generally clicks bill loudly, suggestively; settles feathers in menacing fashion; cat remembers pressing business elsewhere, departs unhurriedly. All very civilized. Has even been friends with one well-behaved neighbor cat over the years.
"I really can't imagine why it still bothers to hang around," Rollo continued. "Our relationship is quite limited. Whenever I leave the house it glares at me—no, amend that: Sometimes it sits on the window ledge and glares in at me, too."
Adam surprised me. Never had pets while growing up; no experience with cats. Last person would expect to be cat person. But blurted out then, "I don't know what 'good shape' means in a cat, but he looks awfully thin to me. Could we bring him in, just for the evening, and feed him? I'll watch and make sure he doesn't do anything he shouldn't."
Rollo debated momentarily, glanced at me, then smiled. "Sure, why not."
Once inside, Rollo disappeared to clean up. I returned to van briefly to fetch Terry's stand; set up in living room in unused corner. Then we waited for Rollo.
Tora-hōhi jumped into Adam's lap without hesitation. Adam looked surprised as cat butted him authoritatively in stomach, performed three formal turnarounds, then settled down firmly to accompaniment of soft, rusty-sounding purring. Volume increased by full order of magnitude when Adam hesitantly scratched under chin. Sounded like cement mixer.
(Knew then Adam genuine cat person; has "touch": One of those people who unerringly scratch right place every time. Tora-hōhi knew, too: Adam hooked.)
" 'Tora-hōhi' doesn't mean 'Tiger-breath,' " said Adam softly. Expression, as scratched cat's neck, chin, stroked here, there, in response to unconscious clues, invited comparison with mother in Michelangelo's "Madonna and Child." "I competed in the Ozawa Competition in Tokyo a couple years ago. I never got fluent at Japanese; I just learned enough to get by—but we kids did learn all the wrong words. 'Tiger-breath' would be 'Tora-kokyū.' I think 'hōhi' means 'fart.' I wonder if Rollo knows he's got it wrong. I'm going to call him 'Tora-chan.' That means 'Tiger-dear.' " Broke off to scratch particular spot behind cat's left ear. Tora-chan responded by snuggling even closer, stepping up already impressive volume, closing eyes as expression of total satisfaction overspread diabolical visage.
Smiled to myself: Adam unaware, of course, but had just announced intention of adopting crusty old warrior, regardless how relations might go with Rollo. Of course, had little real say in matter—such decisions belong to cat alone.
Rollo reappeared about an hour later, announced: "Is this better?" And received no answer because both Adam and I staring open-mouthed.
Had accomplished nothing less than transfiguration: Was clean, smooth-shaven, hair cut roughly but adequately; wearing clean, quietly stylish, casual clothes. Smelled good, too: aftershave (Coty's musk, I think).
Appearance now matched demeanor: Rollo poised, elegant; tall, slim, quietly handsome; perhaps mid-40s; touch of gray at temples; high forehead, cheekbones; firm, dimpled chin; astonishingly blue eyes; lots of laugh lines—cut singularly impressive figure.
Told him so. Looked pleased. Then suggested we adjourn to kitchen; intended to whip up festive dinner. Followed, bringing Terry's stand.
Adam fed Tora-chan, who ate until sides bulged. Rollo produced old litter pan from broom closet, filled, offered to cat. Tora-chan glared, but took advantage. Adam fascinated by performance: Had never known cats bury own waste. Also bury anything too spoiled to eat, garbage in general, Rollo added by way of information.
Then Tora-chan noticed Terry. Jumped up on counter next to stand; sat, stared. Twin clicked bill several times; fluffed, settled feathers; stared back without rancor. Tora-chan considered pros, cons; decided had better things to do. Returned to Adam's lap. Then pooled energies with bird, glaring as Rollo hustled around kitchen, making dinner, small-talking nonstop (over long months' isolation, had built up substantial conversational pressures).
Couldn't understand Terry's attitude; Rollo so nice—apart from not being cat person, of course. And even there, had—well—not totally unreasonable justification for conduct. Perhaps brother's opinion based on initial appearance, smell; or spur-of-moment approval of cat—offended by Rollo's treatment of new friend at door.
But, though never known him wrong about stranger, inclined to be less conservative myself now that meeting Adam turned out well; now I had partner, reliable backup if crisis developed.
Besides, wanted meeting Rollo to turn out well; wanted for friend. Embodied most good qualities friend should have: intelligent, understanding, good-humored—funny (for five dreadful minutes he and Adam engaged in pun-ishing contest: Adam won, but issue in doubt right up to final groan).
Plus, as predinner conversation turned into dinner conversation, developed that Rollo had been everywhere, done everything: Peace Corps physician for years in Africa, India, South America. Spent year traveling as resident physician with Ringling Brothers Circus. Vacations included photo expeditions through Malaysia, Australia, Alaska. Had driven race cars in Europe (Adam's eyes bugged; already assembling list of questions), semis during summers while in school; flown sailplanes in Lee Wave over Minden, Nevada; snorkled Caribbean, South Pacific; climbed K2 in Himalayas. Wrote textbooks, had own TV show on local station, was two-term state house representative. Finally got into private practice, teaching, then administration. Both Daddy, Teacher had guest-taught at his school at one time or another.
This led to discussion of Teacher's work, H. post hominem theory, physical characteristics of new breed. Rollo listened intently to précis of events leading to species' discovery. Asked occasional questions. Finally shook head in amazement: "Damn, I wish I could have participated in that study. McDivott invited me to take part years ago, but I was just heading off to Save the World in the Peace Corps. Wonderful. . . ."
Then we got into my, Adam's survival, meeting; trip to this point, zoo-animal problem; clues unearthed thus far, purpose, hoped-for ultimate destination. Rollo impressed: Offered long, low whistle at narrative's conclusion. Opined were braver than he, out exploring by ourselves. His reaction to tragedy was dig hole, climb in, pull in after him: Withdrew, feeling sorry for self, grieving over loss of wife.
Rollo met her there at school. Twenty years his junior, she ". . . kept me young and interested—and our sudden marriage caused all kinds of entertainingly wicked gossip for first few months. When nothing materialized, it all petered out on a disappointed note.
"We never did have any children—much less that nine-pound preemie everyone expected. It wasn't a question of age; 25 would have been a fine age for Sally to begin bearing children; and, by microscopic examination, it looked as if I'd be fertile until they hammered down the headstone. We were waiting for me to retire so we both could be full-time parents. I had a bunch of investments that would have matured in another two years. We did take the precaution of freezing a quart or so of my semen, just in case my prognostications proved overly optimistic. . . .
"Which brings us to our next topic . . ."
Leaned back, sighed, patted his tummy, still amazingly flat despite quantity put away. "Golly, that was good. I wonder what I did right." (Adam stared vacantly at ceiling; Rollo hadn't noticed him sniffing pots during preparation.)
". . . which is, of course, Candy." Rollo smiled fondly at me. Smiled back; such a nice man. Turning then to Adam, Rollo sat up straight, folded hands on edge of table, assumed serious mien.
"Sir," he began, "it appears that you are in sole possession of something we both want. In the absence of law, it becomes necessary to settle the matter between us personally. The question is: Shall we resolve it like the gentlemen w
e purport to be, or must we fall back on the time-honored method?"
Adam's expression the very picture of noncomprehension. Rollo regarded him soberly. "In other words, will you share Candy with me or must we fight over her?"
Adam's eyes snapped open. Understood now—and so did I. . . !
Mouth open, retort quivering on tip of tongue; but Adam beat me to it. Did good job, too; covered every point would have raised myself, plus angles hadn't thought of (and language more diplomatic than I would have employed): "Candy is not my property. She is no one's property. I doubt if she ever will be anyone's property. I have no authority over her, nor is my permission required for any arrangement anyone might or might not reach with her. If you want to discuss sharing anything with her, you will have to talk to her."
Rollo pursed lips thoughtfully. Then nodded approvingly. "Fair enough, sir. And spoken like a gentleman. Thank you."
Turned to me. "I'm sorry; I misapprehended the relationship between you. I think I have it now.
"All right; are you willing to share Adam with me, or must we fight over him?"
If Adam startled before, completely dumbfounded now. Mouth flapped soundlessly. And surely doing no better myself.
Situation static for long moments. Rollo stared, aspect implacably serious, waiting for reply. Then eyes twinkled. Seconds later snickered, went directly thence to belly-laughing. Tears running down cheeks before managed to stop.
Personally saw nothing funny, but held counsel, pending explanation.
"Oh, I am sorry," he puffed at length. "I wish I had a picture of your faces just then.
"Okay. . . ." Rollo sobered finally; mood darkened, became almost somber. "I gave you both a shock. I did it deliberately to make sure that I had your undivided attention. I was teasing, of course; sex is the Oldest Funny Subject, and it's easy to get sidetracked. Besides, it sometimes helps to joke when the issue is serious. And this is very serious.
"You two are too young to understand just how serious sex can be in an adult world. But believe me when I tell you: No subject lies closer to the raw, untamed primitive in every man. Men have killed, and will kill again, over sex. Sex is serious business: That's a boiler-plate given; an unalterable fact of life. Don't forget it. Ever.
"Now, I don't know whether you two have become sexually involved yet or not—frankly, I don't care. That's history; it's none of my business. What is my business is the fact that I am a healthy adult male. I'm in the prime of life. I was married for five wonderful years to an equally healthy adult woman, whose sex drive was as well-developed as mine. We enjoyed an enthusiastic, extremely active, and marvelously fulfilling sex life. . . ."
Paused, eyed me bleakly. "I miss her—and it—very much."
Adam later reported was tossup whether my eyes or mouth open wider.
Rollo nodded sympathetically; continued gently: "Yes, that's precisely what I'm getting at. And yes, you are younger than anyone with whom I've contemplated sexual relations. But not by much.
"I got involved with a girl almost your age during the time I was stationed in Ujjain. She was a street child: no parents, no means of support, starving, regularly raped. I took her in to protect her—that's what I told myself. And for a good two months that's just what I did. Then one night she turned up in my bed and matters continued predictably from there. She claimed she was 14 when we first became intimate—I have my doubts. 'Love' was not involved on either side; we were merely very fond of each other and had complementary needs: Hers were for food, shelter, and protection; mine were for companionship, someone to take care of, and a sexual outlet.
"When I was transferred, two years later, I left her with friends, a good family, with a trust fund to take care of her—in India, back then, it didn't take much money to accomplish such things. Thereafter she married well and, by the time of the attack, had three children. I've never experienced any guilt at having 'taken advantage of a child'; and if she harbored any resentment, she never gave any indication of it—then or since, and we corresponded regularly.
"In fact, she brought the subject up herself once in a letter shortly after the birth of her first son—women's lib hadn't gotten very far in India by then; sons were important. She observed that she had me to thank for her happiness: her husband, her son—her very life. It bothered her that she would never be able to repay the debt she felt she owed me; it disturbed her even more that she could never make me understand the magnitude of that debt.
"I mention her as an example of the variability of the concept of right and wrong, depending on place and time. That was there and then: It was socially acceptable.
"Now, before the attack—here and recently—I'd have been leading the tar-and-feather brigade myself if I got wind of someone my age suggesting sex with someone your age: It would have been wrong within the social structure that existed.
"However, this is here and now. That social structure no longer exists—and with it have disappeared the laws and mores of which it consisted. Right and wrong no longer have meaning except where specific individuals meet and apply them to issues affecting them both. All that remains is the principle of enlightened self-interest, when dealing with reasonable people, and superior-versus-inferior force otherwise.
"One of the key elements of enlightened self-interest is the principle of supply and demand. Anyone possessing a commodity for which there is a demand is in a position to set her own price.
"But price is a very delicate question, and requires knowledge of all the factors potentially bearing upon the transaction. One of the more important of those factors is the presence or absence of competition, and the importance of your offering to the marketplace. If your commodity isn't particularly critical and there's plenty of other outlets, setting your price too high merely means no demand. However, where you have a monopoly, you can set any price you like; and if it's a really vital commodity, your customers will manage to scrape up the price, somehow.
"Or . . ."—Rollo fixed me with gimlet eye—" . . . if they perceive that you're taking unfair advantage of your position, they may simply take it from you. By force.
"I've started out discussing abstracts," he continued quietly; "but you know as well as I do that we're talking about two specifics: you and sex. Like it or not, to every male over the age of ten you represent supply—a commodity. It's not fair, I'll grant you, but it is a fact: Through no fault of your own, you are in the position of holding the key to satisfying a need—an extremely urgent need. Unless you administer that commodity in a manner perceived by your market as fair and reasonable, you're going to find yourself in frequent trouble, at best—at worst, and much more likely, you're going to find out what it's like to have control over your commodity taken from you. Yes, by force."
Rollo noticed me slowly edging chair back from table. Possessed no inkling of real capabilities, intentions, should events continue in direction indicated; probably thought was preparing to bolt. But immediately sought to quiet fears.
"Please don't get the idea that I would use force," he stated emphatically. "I wouldn't—ever. Sex with Sally was such a joy, so much just plain fun for both of us—I got at least as much pleasure from watching her enjoyment as from my own physical sensations—that I'd rather give it up entirely than have an unwilling partner, or even a grudging one."
Paused, then, eyes closed. Expression unreadable, but impression of an empty space somehow materialized next to him. Briefly Rollo looked terribly alone.
Moment passed. Opened eyes; shook himself all over. "But," he continued resolutely, "I am certainly in the minority in that regard. Hell, I'm probably unique." Smiled wanly.
Assurance had desired calming effect: Relaxed, settled back in chair, watching alertly. Never truly concerned over outcome had Rollo offered to supplement advocacy with violence, but happier knowing demonstration unnecessary.
However, still on guard. Lecture circular so far, but surely headed somewhere. Had feeling already knew punch line.
"Now, duri
ng the brief time I've known you I've come to several conclusions: One, you are the de facto leader of this little party, despite being a few years Adam's junior; because, I suspect, you know more about survival and life since the attack, and because you have specific goals in mind. Right?"
Adam nodded slowly, face a mask.
"Two, you're terribly intelligent—both of you are; you're at least as bright as I am. My advantage is limited to education and experience, and I wonder how much of an edge they really are. I'm pretty sure that you've already sized me up and you were thinking of asking me to join you in your search for the AAs—at least you were before this discussion began. Now you're having second thoughts. But you know I'm widely traveled; have a broad practical background in life in general and survival under primitive conditions. You also know I'm a doctor. You know how valuable I'd be as a member of your party.
"Now, I would like to join you and help. However . . ." Rollo paused, choosing words with care; "I cannot and will not endure your company on a celibate basis if, after speculum examination, it is my professional opinion that you are physically capable of accepting me as a lover. If you can't, fine; if you wouldn't enjoy it, neither would I. Then I'll take care of my physical tensions as I've been doing since losing Sally, and conduct myself as a member of the party anyway—and without reservation.
"But if you can and won't, the distraction of your presence, constantly near and unattainable, will simply drive me around the bend; and I'm not going to subject myself to that kind of frustration.
"Yes, I know: If I had a decent bone in my body, I'd wait a while. The fact that you met Adam, and now me, lends credence to Soo Kim's thesis: There are people out there, somewhere, and surely there'll be women my age among them; it's just a matter of finding them. But who knows how long that might take—I could be dead tomorrow. You, on the other hand, are here now; and I've been a disciple of the 'bird-in-the-hand' school for a very long time.