I craned my neck up to look back up at him and he peeled me away from him, just enough so I could see straight into his eyes. His jaw ticked as his eyes flickered across my face. I had no idea what he was searching for, but he must have found it, because he crushed his lips against mine. Without meaning to, a moan escaped from within my throat. His body tensed when another moan reached his ears and he let his hands fall lower, to my hips. His fingers dug into my skin and the kiss became frantic. Hungry. Needy. He pressed my body into his, which meant I could feel how much he wanted me. I reached up and clasped my hands around his neck, standing on my tiptoes. I couldn’t think about anything other than how he felt against me. How his lips caressed my own. How he was making me feel wanted. I couldn’t think of another time in my life I had ever felt a guy want me as bad as it seemed Bryant wanted me.
Without breaking the kiss, he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked forward until the toes of his shoes hit the wooden frame of the hotel bed. He lowered me down, kicked off his shoes, and pinned my hands above my head. Holding both of my arms with one hand, he let his free hand skate down the side of my body. I shuddered under his touch. I felt it all, like I’d been cloned with a heightened sense. The tiny body hairs on my arms stood up showing him what he was doing to me. I broke the kiss, arching my back as goosebumps erupted across my body. He dipped his head down so his lips could reach my neck and he paused, his breathing rapid and uncontrolled.
Our hearts kicked against our chests, grasping for each other, beat after unbearable beat. This had to be the closest I had ever been to anyone. His kisses reached right below my neck for the second time. Right then I wanted him to claim me as his. A little possessive in all the right ways.
“I want you.” He whispered before allowing his lips to connect with my neck.
What he didn’t know is he already had me. Every. Single. Part. Of. Me. I was his and I wanted him to be mine.
I couldn’t think, and I was pretty sure my breathing had fallen off course. His tongue came out and touched my neck before he pulled back just a little and blew out a breath over the wet spot he had created. My eyes rolled back. I bit my lip to prevent myself from squirming too much beneath his touch. My skin couldn’t decide which temperature it wanted to own. Hot and cold. Back and forth it went, indecisive though the soul within wasn’t. Whatever this was between us was passionately powerful. The kind of intense that made anyone who witnessed it wanting to experience it.
He nipped at my ear before whispering again, “I want you, Amberly.”
I couldn’t respond. I wanted to but I couldn’t. Either he was asking permission or he was confessing the three words to me. I didn’t know which one it was but either way, I wanted him too.
His free hand lifted my shirt so my abdomen was exposed. He let his fingers dance across my skin and it sent another group of goosebumps down my spine. I could feel my heartbeat pounding inside of my chest and my breathing intensified when he unbuttoned my jeans. His lips found mine again as he worked his hand further down. At this point, I couldn’t separate any of my emotions. I felt them all as his hand dipped further into my jeans.
“Tell me to stop.” He murmured against my lips.
I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted him to keep going. For whatever reason, I wanted him to touch me, in places no one had touched for over a year. He was erasing my sadness the further he went. Bit by bit, my memories evaporated and were replaced with what we were doing in this moment. Exhilarating. I had no idea what that was until the first moment he’d kissed me. Each kiss was more extraordinary than the last. I wanted his lips to be the last lips I’d ever have against my own.
When his fingers touched in between my legs, I gasped and bucked beneath him. “Tell me to stop, Amberly. I won’t stop unless you say it.”
He was pleading with me now, his fingers still touching what was beneath my clothing. “You’re so wet.” He choked on the words, finding it difficult to even say them.
Everything he was saying to me was sending my senses into overdrive. I could hear the desire in his voice. Feel it in the way he touched me. He kept running his fingertips up and down and I heard myself whimper. I couldn’t control it. I didn’t want to control it. He was teasing me while asking me to tell him to stop. It was cruelty at its finest. I wanted the type of cruelty he offered.
“Tell me to stop.” He repeated, his head falling between my shoulder and my cheek. He kissed my neck. “Tell me to stop.” He was begging me. I had control over how far he would take this. A game with two separate endings. I could tell him to stop but the second he pulled away, I would feel empty. I could say nothing and let my actions speak louder than my words, but that had me wondering what we would feel when it was finished.
I tried to find the words. “I don’t want you to stop.” The words came out strained. My eyes fluttered closed, and my chin lifted to the air, allowing him more access to my neck.
He groaned and pushed my jeans down, easing my panties to the side. I drew in a sharp breath as his fingers connected with my wetness. I knew within seconds I would be pushed to an orgasm.
“I love when you bite your lip like that.” He nibbled at my lip, pulling it from between my teeth.
Then his phone rang. The ring tone blared through the room, halting our movements and breaths. “Shit.” He let go of my hands and reached for his phone that sat snug in his back pocket. He showed me the screen as Adam’s name lit it up. He pushed himself from the bed and answered it.
With my hands still placed above my head and my jeans pulled down, I laid there. I didn’t move as Bryant paced the hotel room. I couldn’t even concentrate on what he was saying because my skin buzzed from his touch. The cool air settled against my stomach, when seconds ago it was on fire. Reluctantly, I pulled my jeans up and fastened them. I got to me feet right as Bryant ended the call from Adam.
He stared at me, one hand grasping his phone. For several moments we looked at each other. He cleared his throat and shoved his phone back into his pocket.
“He said he could get us another hotel room. There’s one right down the street with two available rooms. I guess Blondie downstairs called him for us.” He chuckled, but I could still sense nervousness in his voice.
It was as if the past ten minutes hadn’t happened. He hadn’t just had his hand down my pants, touching me the way no other man had or could.
I contemplated the offer Adam conjured up. If we stayed in this room together, things would be taken a lot further and neither of us would be able to stop it. Bryant had no restraint so he had asked me to stop it. I failed.
He held out his hand for me to take. “Let’s go grab something to eat and we’ll talk about it.”
Satisfied with that, I took his hand. I didn’t want to talk about how bad I didn’t want Adam to get us another room. I didn’t want to admit how I was bordering on ‘slut’ territory, or the fact I really didn’t care. I would let Bryant do it over and over again and wouldn’t give a damn about the repercussions.
“Where do you want to eat?”
I grabbed my purse on the way out. I couldn’t think about eating. It wasn’t what I wanted to do. I was light headed and weak, my hunger geared toward one thing only: Bryant and I finishing what we had started. Needing him in this way didn’t seem healthy. Weren’t a lot of relationships like that though? I didn’t want to be dependent on him in that way. I didn’t want him to give me things I couldn’t make myself become. Hope. Strength. Happiness. Weren’t those things you were supposed to acquire before involving someone else into your world? Wasn’t that what I had been lacking before I had gotten with Eric? I didn’t want to feel whole with Bryant. I wanted to feel whole without him. I wanted him to be an addition to the person I already was.
Chapter 16
Thinking Out Loud
Bryant
I could still smell her on me even though I had taken a shower last night. I felt like an asshole for letting my phone being t
he only thing that stopped me from taking things further with her. When I realized what I was doing, I begged her to tell me to stop. She hesitated before telling me she didn’t want to. Those words accelerated my actions. She wanted it, I wanted it. Still, I should have had more control. She said I might be the reason she doesn’t give up and hell if I didn’t want that for her. It was a green light when it should have been a red light. I couldn’t let her depend on me that much. It wasn’t right, taking advantage of her vulnerability that way.
I kept my mind focused as we decided not to spend any more of Adam’s money, as the hotel room wasn’t refundable. We stayed in our room and I kept my hands off of her. I couldn’t even kiss her, knowing we were alone and it would head to a place she might regret. I didn’t want her to regret it. I didn’t want her to regret me. If we stopped it now, she wouldn’t have to regret anything.
The next morning, we woke up, went to the car show, and put last night behind us. Amberly showed me the ropes of selling our services. I got to meet several of the shops that were in competition with Adam, as well as the customers we had and more we could gain. Things weren’t awkward, though tension hung in the air like a bad habit. I couldn’t read Amberly throughout the show. She acted as if things were fine when they weren’t. She was hiding something and as each second passed, I wanted more and more to take her into the car trailer and ask her about it. We never got the opportunity because people were stopping by to ask us about Skrillex Customs. She worked one crowd and I worked another. Not a second passed that we didn’t have someone asking us about what the shop had to offer. I’d never expected the business to gain this much interest and wondered how the show went when Amberly and Cricket were in charge.
We sold a few rims that had been built by Adam himself, and handed out dozens of cards. Adam’s phone would be ringing off the hook next week. That is, if he was lucky enough. I wouldn’t doubt that a few would try to call him over the weekend instead.
As we loaded up our things, I watched Amberly. She smiled at a few passerby’s, her smile fading the second her eyes found mine. She cleared her throat and continued with what she was doing before she had gotten interrupted. It was at that moment I wished we hadn’t drove separate cars down. She came up behind me as I latched the lock onto the trailer.
“That wasn’t so bad was it?” She tried to keep her voice light, with little emotion.
I turned around to look at her. Her hands were tucked into the pockets of her dark denim jeans. She looked more than adorable in the Skrillex hoodie she was wearing. There was something about this woman in jeans and a casual sweater. I couldn’t tear my eyes from her when I answered, “I’d say it was pretty successful. Who knows, maybe Cricket will get replaced.”
She scoffed and pushed my shoulder. “Adam would never replace his girl. This was nothing but a learning experience for you.”
I gathered up the sign we had used, wrapped it up, and tossed it into the toolbox in the bed of the dually. “Think so?” I winked at her, something I had been doing all day and hadn’t gotten a response from her.
She pressed her lips together and her eyes fell to the pavement below our feet.
I walked to her and lifted her chin with my finger. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She said with simplicity.
“Amberly, what’s wrong.” I repeated, not believing her response.
She shoved my hand away and shut the tailgate to the dually. “It’s Haylie’s birthday. Aside from that, nothing is wrong.”
I knew it was Haylie’s birthday, it was why I had worked for a week straight trying to figure out what I could come up with that would help make the day easier for Amberly. Too bad I had forgotten all about it. I hadn’t expected the car show to be as demanding as it was. “Are you sure it isn’t more than that? You seem upset with me?” I told her, knowing there was more to the way she was acting.
“We’ve got to get on the road. Maybe when we get back into town I’ll tell you.”
The drive back was excruciating. I stopped counting how many times I glanced at my phone, willing it to ring. She was going to make me wait the entire way before she gave me anything.
After we dropped the dually and the car off at the shop, I gave Amberly a ride to her apartment. She had said she could call Cricket to come get her and that she would call me later, but I wouldn’t let her off the hook. I had to know what was bothering her, because I knew it was more than Haylie’s birthday.
I kept the truck running but the doors locked when I pulled into the same parking space I always parked in.
“What?” She asked, throwing her hands in the air before crossing them against her chest.
I lifted an eyebrow and urged her to spit it out. “Tell me what’s going on. What did I do?”
Was she mad that I had her half naked in a hotel bed?
She huffed, her breath sending a piece of blond hair in the air. “I didn’t ask for you to come into my life and screw it up.”
I started to open my mouth but she signaled for me to keep it shut.
“I didn’t ask for any of it. I was going through life just fine until you decided to get a job where I work. I had a plan on where my life was going to go. I was giving myself two more years before I wanted open myself up to a relationship with anyone. Then, you come in and make me question my time line. You go from telling me you want me to ignoring me all in one night. I was opening up to you, ready to let me guard down.” She shook her head, tears treading down her cheekbones. “I did let my guard down. That may not be a big deal to you but it is to me, to anyone who knows me. And then, you reminded me why I wasn’t ready for that yet, why I wasn’t ready to let anyone in. I’m not a paper weight, Bryant. I don’t stand strong when I should. I’m nothing but paper thin, able to crumble at any moment. You give me what I need to be the opposite of that but when you rip it all away, it’s unbearable.”
She was sniffling, swiping away the tears with her hands as fast as they emerged from her eyes.
I cursed beneath my breath and shoved the console up so there was nothing separating her from me. I pulled her over, forcing her legs to straddle my lap. I pried her hands away from her face and made her look down at me.
“I wanted you, Amberly. I still want you. I didn’t want you to think I was an asshole who just wanted to fuck you. That’s why I didn’t touch you again. I couldn’t trust myself to even kiss you after that. It’s not because I don’t want you, it’s because you were letting me do whatever I wanted, and I didn’t want you to regret it. I don’t want to be the guy who makes you think you’re not ready. I want to be the guy who makes you question, why not sooner?” I paused and looked down. Her hands were trembling between us. "I don't want you to regret me."
She dried her eyes and gazed at me for a long moment, silence becoming our unspoken enemy.
When she didn't say anything, I opened my mouth again. “I didn’t want your first time with me to be in a hotel room, on a bed where countless women had probably spread their legs. It is so damned hard to keep my hands off of you, Amberly. But, I don’t want you to ever think I don’t want more than just one night with you.”
“But you just got divorced. Isn’t that what you want? Something with no strings attached?” Her voice was so small as her words tumbled out of her.
I ran a hand down my face and grabbed her thighs again. I didn’t want her name to come from my lips, but how could I get Amberly to understand when I didn’t understand it myself?
“Mac and I have been over for two years. The only reason the divorce took as long as it did is because her lawyer fired her. At first, I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t want to involve myself with anyone after that. But,” I lifted my hand to her face, “then you showed up and it didn’t matter what plans I had because I didn’t see any of it without you in them.” Thinking out loud, that’s what I was doing.
“What are you saying?”
I used the pad of my thumb to pet her chin and her eyes flut
tered closed for a few seconds before opening again. “I’m saying that you need to hurry up and give me some more rules so I can take you on a date. I want to do this the right way. It took a lot for you to open up to me, and I’m a prick for making you think I was ripping everything away from you. I wasn’t ignoring you. I was trying to protect you.”
She thought for a moment, a finger coming up to cover her lips. She looked adorable. “Number five you take me dancing.”
I broke out into a smile. “Dancing on our first date? Not a problem, we might need to go through a few more lessons first. Number six has to be, I’ll open the door for you wherever we go and you can’t protest it.”
We were now painfully close to number seven. I wanted her to spout off one more rule because if she didn’t, I was going to.
Her lips twitched a few times and I realized she wasn’t going to give me another one, and I had no idea what number seven would be. I wanted to put thought into it. I wanted it to mean something.
“I’ll walk you to your door.” I gave her room so she could crawl back to her seat to get her things.
I couldn’t blame Amberly for thinking I wanted something with no commitment. That’s all I had thought about the minute Mac walked out of my life. I had sworn to not let another woman in. I didn’t want to go through the process of feeling everything for one person, only to watch it fade into nothing as years dragged on. I wouldn’t be able to stand another relationship where my girl distanced herself from me. I couldn’t take going months without sex or months without a full make-out session. I wanted someone who was going to make my heart race from the first kiss to our last. I wanted someone who felt that way about me. I wanted someone that wanted me.
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