by Tiffany Snow
His mouth claimed mine, marking me, the hold he had on my jaw gentle but firm, keeping me in place. As if I was going anywhere. Please.
Then, as abruptly as it began, it stopped.
He was gone, out of my arms, and I opened my eyes in confusion, bereft at the sudden loss.
Parker was standing in front of the windows, staring out. His shoulders were rising and falling with the breaths he took and I watched as he pushed a hand roughly through his hair.
I wasn’t sure what to do. What had just happened? Why had he stopped? He’d obviously enjoyed kissing me, I wasn’t naive enough not to have noticed that, so why quit?
I took a few tentative steps toward him, staring into the windows that reflected our images. His arms were crossed over his chest and he seemed to be looking at nothing.
“Parker?” My voice was small in the expansive space, and he didn’t answer.
Deciding to gamble a little more—at this point, what did I have to lose?—I moved until I stood right behind him. The bare skin of his back presented a temptation I couldn’t resist. Sliding my arms around his waist, I nestled against his back.
I pressed my lips to his skin, slowly scattering soft, open-mouthed kisses across the tight muscles in his back and shoulder blades. A shudder ran through him at the touch, which encouraged me. I rested the side of my face against him and just held on. My eyes slid shut.
“Sage.”
Parker turned and stepped away. My arms dropped to my sides and I looked up at him. His eyes were crystal blue and beautiful, but they were filled with pain, and I knew before he spoke again what his words would be.
“We can’t do this,” he said.
I stared at him. “Why not?” I asked. “Because of work?”
“Partly,” he replied. “But that’s not the only reason.” But he said nothing further.
I felt vulnerable—too vulnerable—with my shirt untucked and the bruises showing in stark relief on my face. Crossing my arms defensively across my chest, I said, “I think I deserve a better explanation than that.”
Parker was quiet for a moment while I held my breath, waiting. “You’re right. You do,” he said.
I slowly let my breath out, then wondered if I’d made a mistake. Maybe what he had to say would be worse than anything I could’ve imagined. Then what would I do? Perhaps the outright rejection would’ve been easier to live with.
“You’re a beautiful woman,” he began.
Okay, good so far.
“And we make a great team. I couldn’t ask for a better assistant than you.”
Not exactly what I’d been hoping for, but okay.
“But I’m…not relationship material, Sage. I’m toxic to relationships. Take you, for instance. All you do is work for me and look at what you’ve gone through because of that.” He stepped toward me as though compelled, his eyes glued to the bruises on my cheek. Lifting his hand, I thought he was going to touch me again, but he stopped. His arm fell back to his side. “I’d be a fool to think it’d be any different with you.”
I was confused. What was he talking about? Toxic to relationships? What did that mean?
“I don’t understand,” I said. “If you’re not interested in me…in that way…it’s fine. I can handle it. I’m a big girl. You don’t have to throw me some line that’s just a variation of it’s not you, it’s me.”
“It’s not a line,” Parker insisted. “Trust me when I say I wouldn’t be good for you.”
“So…that’s it?” I asked. “I don’t get a say in it? You’ve had girlfriends before, Parker; it’s not like you’ve lived the life of a monk.”
His face turned hard. “Having a woman around for fucking is not the same thing as a relationship.”
Well alrighty then, though at the moment with him half naked, I wouldn’t have minded the former category and screw the relationship.
I was embarrassed and angry. Probably angry at being embarrassed. This was twice now I’d gone out on a limb with Parker, and damn if I’d ever do it again. Not to mention his “reason” for us not getting involved was probably the lamest I’d ever heard.
“Whatever,” I said, spinning around and heading for where I’d dumped my purse. I snatched it up, then thought of something else I wanted to say. I turned, then jumped about a foot because he’d followed without me even hearing him.
“Will you stop doing that?” I snapped. “Listen, you just remember that you said no to this”—I waved my hand to indicate the two of us—“which means you’ve given up touching privileges.” I poked his chest for emphasis, then wished I hadn’t because the muscles layered underneath his skin were hard and firm and I found my fingers lingering to touch before I jerked my hand back.
“I’m your secretary. That’s all,” I said.
His blue eyes stared down at me, his expression serious, and he didn’t answer.
I cleared my throat and looked away. “I mean, administrative assistant.” My voice sounded strange and with dawning horror, I realized I was on the verge of tears. That wouldn’t do. That wouldn’t do at all.
“I gotta go,” I mumbled. I had to get out of there before my anger faded entirely and left only crushing disappointment in its wake.
“Don’t go back to see Hanna,” Parker said. “Stay away from that area entirely, understand?”
That made me angry all over again. Here I was trying to protect him from the cops, and he wasn’t doing anything to help himself out of the situation. “I know you’re working for them,” I blurted, throwing caution to the wind. “I know that guy is threatening you. He’s an assassin for them. Ryker told me. If you don’t go to the cops, they’ll arrest you for conspiring with them. They’re watching you, and no one will be able to prove otherwise.”
Ryker would kill me if he knew I’d just tipped off Parker like that, but I couldn’t help it. Despite being rejected—twice—I was still on his side and didn’t want to see him get hurt or go to prison.
Parker’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean they’re watching?”
“The cops,” I said. “Who else?”
“Ryker’s told you this?”
I gave him a look that, roughly translated, said Who else, dipshit?
Parker looked furious. “Stay away from him, Sage,” he ordered. “He has no idea what he’s doing. He’s putting you in danger and I won’t have it.”
My eyebrows flew up. “You won’t have it?” I echoed in disbelief. “I’m sorry, did I miss something somewhere that entitles you to have that kind of control over my life? Not to mention that I really don’t think he’s the one putting me in danger. You are.”
Parker’s lips thinned at my angry sarcasm and he didn’t reply.
“Ryker’s actually told me what’s going on, which is more than I can say for you,” I continued berating him. “You’ve told me nothing. How can I help you if you won’t talk to me?”
“I didn’t ask for your help,” he bit out, “and Ryker shouldn’t be either. This isn’t a game, Sage. These people are dangerous—”
“You think I don’t know that?” I retorted, cutting him off. “Look at my face, Parker, and tell me I don’t know they’re dangerous!”
That shut him up. He looked like I’d hit him, and I regretted my outburst, but not enough to apologize for it. I was still angry and hurt.
I tried to open the door, but Parker slammed it shut again, his hand holding it closed.
“Don’t leave.”
I looked up at him, confused. “Why not?”
“I’m worried,” he said. “You’re too exposed, and if you’ve been talking to the cops, they’ll know it.”
I swallowed, the urgency in his voice making me anxious. Ryker had said something similar. What if they’d seen me go to the police station today? Would they kill me like they had Niki? But staying with Parker was out of the question.
“I’m not staying here,” I said. “That’s crazy. I’m leaving.”
But Parker had a hold of my arms, forc
ing me to stay still. “You could’ve died, Sage,” he said. “They would’ve raped you to within an inch of your life and left you for dead.”
“Then go to the cops and end this!” I said, exasperated. “Tell them what’s going on, how they’re threatening you.”
“I can’t.” His tone was implacable.
“Then I guess we’re at an impasse,” I said, “because if the cops want me to help them, then that’s what I’ll do, and you can’t stop me. They killed Niki. Tania is a prisoner, and Hanna is being forced to be a prostitute. I don’t want to be the kind of person who’d just ignore something like that because it’s safer and more convenient for me to do so.”
Parker didn’t reply, so I turned and walked out the door, leaving him staring after me.
Chapter Twelve
Friday was business as usual between Parker and me, or at least that’s what people saw. On the inside, I died a little every time I looked at him.
You would never have known anything had passed between us the night before. He greeted me at my desk the same way he did every day, glancing through his messages before heading into his office. He called me in for various things he needed, e-mailed me documents, and inquired for updates on projects. It was as normal as it ever was.
And it was incredibly hard to take.
So when Megan popped by my desk to grab some lunch, I seized the opportunity to spill my guts to someone. I trusted Megan. She wasn’t a gossip and could keep a secret, so over matching grilled chicken salads with lime-cilantro dressing (on the side—they always put too much on), I told her what had happened between Parker and me and how he’d turned me down flat.
“Aww, honey, I’m so sorry,” she said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and giving me a careful squeeze—I was still sore from the “mugging.”
I shrugged, pushing some wilted lettuce with my plastic fork. “It is what it is. I just thought, you know, maybe…” But I didn’t finish the thought.
“I guess I didn’t realize you…liked Parker that way,” Megan said.
“I’ve always thought he was hot,” I replied. “Who doesn’t? But it was kind of in a visceral way, you know? The way you think some movie star is hot or something. It’s not as though he was a possibility.”
Megan looked skeptical, so I elaborated. “I know it seems strange, but I like him. I like that he acts like a complete hard-ass, but can be considerate and kind, too. I like how intense he is about, well, everything. I like that he can handle billions of dollars of other people’s money without blinking an eye. I like that he relies on me and needs me. And I like how well we…fit.” I shrugged helplessly. It was the best way I knew to explain it. “Only now that I’ve thought about it in a real way, it’s all I can think about. I feel heartbroken and we’ve never even gone on a single date.”
She nodded sympathetically.
“So how do I go back?” I asked. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Sad and pathetic and rejected. How do I go back to how it was before?”
“I have no idea,” she said. “Men can compartmentalize that stuff so well. Women just can’t, at least I’ve never been able to and none of my friends have ever been able to.”
“But I don’t want to have to find another job,” I said.
“You could find another administrative assistant position like that,” Megan said, snapping her fingers. “Probably pay better, too.”
“Yeah, but then I’d never see him again.” Saying those words was harder than I thought it’d be.
“Maybe that would be for the best,” she said. “If you feel this way and he doesn’t, then what’s the point of sticking around? It just makes things harder for you.”
I couldn’t argue with her logic, although quitting my job was something I didn’t want to consider. Yet what choice did I have?
“Maybe I just need some time,” I said. “I’ll get over it. I mean, it just happened. I shouldn’t make any big life-changing decisions right now.”
“True,” Megan agreed. “There’s no time limit. You can just think on it. You don’t want to quit one job without having another anyway, right?”
I grasped on to that like a lifeline. “Exactly. They say it’s always harder to get a job when you don’t currently have one. Makes you seem less desirable or something.”
We both ate in silence for a moment before I pulled myself out of my lethargy and sighed. “So any news on Brian?” I asked, because hello, we’d been talking about my love life (or lack thereof) for a good thirty minutes.
She brightened. “No, but you know the new attorney they just hired for contracts?”
“Yeah.”
“He asked me to dinner tonight.”
“That’s great!” I said. “He’s really cute, too, isn’t he?”
She nodded. “His name is Todd and he just moved here from Omaha.”
“Omaha,” I repeated. “So a corn-fed country boy?”
Megan grinned at me. “He did grow up on a farm. He’s real polite and nice. Has manners, you know?”
“A man with manners,” I mused. “They’re getting harder to find. Let’s hope this one treats you how you deserve to be treated and doesn’t send you scathing Bible verses.”
“You’ve got that right,” she agreed with a laugh. “I think Brian was just playing with me anyway, using me to feed his ego. Half the time he wouldn’t even reply to my texts. It was like trying to have a conversation with a brick wall.”
“That really sucks,” I said. “What a jerk.” I decided Brian was one weird guy. Megan was pretty, sweet, smart, and funny. He’d have been lucky to date her, and instead he’d given her the cold shoulder. Girlfriends stuck by each other, and the next time he came by my desk to fix something on my computer, I was going to unload a good piece of my mind on him.
“Pretty much,” she readily agreed, smiling even though I knew her feelings had been hurt. It just made me want to kick Brian in the nuts. If he had any.
“So what are you wearing tonight?” I asked, which brought on a whole other—much more pleasant—conversation.
I was almost late getting back from lunch but had hit my chair and had even had time to touch up the heavy-duty makeup attempting to cover the bruises on my face by the time Parker returned from his lunch with a client. He walked past me into his office without a word, which hurt but was probably better than any alternative I could come up with inside my head.
A few minutes later, he came out carrying his briefcase. I was studiously avoiding looking up from my computer, but he stopped at my counter.
“Sage,” he said, causing me to look up. “How are you feeling today?”
For a second, I just stared blankly at him. Was he really asking how I was doing after the brush-off he’d given me last night? How was I even supposed to answer that question?
He gestured toward my face. “Your eye. How’s it doing?”
Oh. That.
“Um, yeah, it’s better,” I said, forcing my gaze away from his. I didn’t want to look at him. Didn’t want to notice the deep blue of his eyes, the wave of his dark hair, or how good he looked today in the powder blue shirt with white French cuffs, deep navy suit, and perfectly knotted scarlet tie. “Thanks for asking.”
I resumed typing, hoping he’d get the hint. He stood there for a moment, watching me, then said, “I’m leaving early for a meeting. You’re welcome to take off, too.”
That made me look up again, my eyebrows flying upward. Parker never gave me time off, not “just because.” Maybe it was his version of another apology—as if a couple of hours on a Friday would help—but whatever. I’d take it.
“Yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks.” My voice and expression were as blank as I could make them. I didn’t want him to see how much he’d hurt me. I’d rather he just think it was a one-time, in-the-moment kind of thing.
“Maybe you could, you know, go visit your parents this weekend,” he continued.
I looked at him. “Go visit my parents,” I repeated.<
br />
“Yes. They live in Lake Forest, right?”
Parker knew where my parents lived? How? I nodded. “Yeah.”
“I’m sure they’d love to see you,” he said. “I can even have my driver take you there so you don’t have to ride the bus.”
My mouth dropped open. “You can’t be serious.”
“That your parents would want to see you? I’m certain they would,” he said. “As a matter of fact, I left a message for them earlier, telling them you were getting some extra time off so you could go. Take Monday, too, if you’d like. I’m sure they’re looking forward to it. I even made reservations for dinner tonight for the three of you.”
And I abruptly realized what he was doing. Looking around to make sure no one was close by, I leaned forward and hissed, “This is about getting me out of the way for this deal you’re doing, isn’t it. What a shitty thing to do, calling my parents, for God’s sake! Tell me you didn’t really do that.”
Parker’s face hardened. “Maybe you need to look in the mirror again,” he said, his voice low. “You’re a vulnerability I can’t afford right now.”
His frankness surprised me, draining the heat from my anger.
“The car will be here in an hour,” he said. “I want you in it. No arguments. I’ll see you Tuesday.” He stepped away and a moment later had disappeared inside the elevator.
That just pissed me off all over again. So he wanted me conveniently out of the way until after the deal was done. Whether it was for my supposed safety or because I didn’t want him to do this deal, I didn’t know. Either way, him ordering me around like that—especially after last night—rubbed me all kinds of the wrong way.
No, I wasn’t going to visit my parents—like I wanted to spend the weekend hiding my depression from my too-intuitive mother. Not gonna happen. But take off early on a gorgeous Friday afternoon? That I would do. And if I was lucky…
I pulled up the White Sox website on my computer. Yep. There was an afternoon game at three.
Logging off my computer, I grabbed my purse and hit the elevator. I had just enough time to run home, change into more appropriate clothes, and make it to the stadium.