by Shane Morgan
She says nothing the whole time I’m in the kitchen having breakfast, but she wears an irate expression on her face.
Finishing what’s on my plate, I grab the car keys off the counter and start for the front door. Aunt Leah steps ahead of me, blocking my way.
Her face hardens. Her gaze is unrelenting. She edges forward, folding her arms as I back up towards the stairs.
“What’s wrong?” I ask in a whisper.
“You stay right there,” she points.
Walking over to her purse on top of the table in the foyer, Aunt Leah takes out an already opened envelope and hands it to me. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this. Were you just going to ignore something so important and never mention a thing?” she shrieks, her voice dripping with disappointment.
“I don’t understand,” I say, taking it from her. “What’s this?”
She regards me with a questioning look in her eyes. “You really don’t know? You’re going to stand there and tell me you have no idea how you applied to Berklee College of Music?”
My eyes widen. My jaw drops.
“What?”
She waves her hand. “Read what it says.”
I open the envelope and take out the letter, reading it through as fast as I can. “Oh my God!” I blurt out.
“I’m not sure if I should congratulate you or yell at you for making me believe you didn’t want to go to college.”
“No, you don’t understand,” I yelp, waving the letter at her. “I didn’t apply to them. I have no clue whatsoever about this.”
Aunt Leah relaxes her face. “So… someone applied on your behalf?”
“That’s exactly what happened, and I can bet you any amount of money that Emma’s behind this.”
Excitement blooms on her face now and I know exactly what she’s thinking.
I fold the letter up and stick it inside the envelope, walking past Aunt Leah out the front door.
“Well, wait a minute.” She follows me out in quick strides to the car. “What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean, what am I going to do?” I stop at the door and glance back at her. “First, I’m going to give Emma a piece of my mind for meddling, and then I’m going to apologize to the school for wasting their time. Aunt Leah, I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to college.”
Her eyes expand like a deer in headlights. “What? You can’t do that. You should let them know you’ll be starting this fall. This school is the place to be, especially for music! I’ve heard good things about them.”
I sigh and open the car door, hopping inside. “I told you, I’m not leaving Seville.”
She lowers at the window as I buckle my seatbelt and start the car. “So let me get this straight, you’re just going to throw away a good opportunity because you’re too scared to leave the comfort of your home?” She shakes her head in dismay. “I can’t believe you! Do you really think that your mom and my brother would want you to waste your life like this, Rora?”
A sudden ache strikes my heart. Why did she have to drag them into this? The last thing I want to do is disappoint my parents. Aunt Leah is right. I am afraid, and not only of letting them go, but of not having enough confidence to make it out on my own.
That’s the real reason I want to be a songwriter; it’s easier to hide behind words instead of standing on a stage singing them.
Sure, with the band it’s not so bad. I’m surrounded by my friends. Going solo is scary as hell.
Looking at her, I utter under my breath something I know I should never say, but it slips out anyway. “What’s it to you? You’re the one who said you’re stuck with me. Why do you even care what I do with my life?”
Aunt Leah straightens and backs away from the car. Tears well her eyes.
I turn my gaze straight ahead and pull off the driveway. As I look into the rearview, I see her still rooted in the same spot.
She pulls the band out of her hair and ruffles it with both hands.
Gosh! I feel like the biggest jerk in the world right now. Sure, she’s said some things out of frustration when I was younger, but that’s no reason to dismiss her concerns for me.
She cares a lot about me, and I need to try harder. If not for my parents, then for her.
9.
I plop down without saying anything to Emma in the seat next to me. She reaches over and flips my ponytail with her pen. “Morning, love.”
No answer.
She pokes me in the side and says again, “Good morning, dear.”
I look at her with a scowl. Her smile curves downward. “Geez, cranky much? Did you guys have a bad show last night?”
“Actually, something rather interesting happened this morning,” I tell her, turning in my seat.
“What?”
I shrug. “Oh, nothing major, just that Aunt Leah received a letter from a college I have no recollection of ever applying to.”
A wide grin spreads across her face. “Really? What did it say?”
“Scratch that. Why did you apply to Berklee behind my back?”
She waves me off. “Because you should. Rora, it’s a great school for someone as gifted as you are. What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is I don’t want to go.”
Emma throws a hand up. “Well, why the hell not? This doesn’t have anything to do with Milo, does it? I mean, it’s not like he’s sticking around in Seville.”
“Of course not. I just don’t want to go. And in any case, where am I going to get the money to pay for Berklee?”
Her eyes light up. “We could put on a concert to fund you?”
“Ugh, you’re crazy. This is Seville. Not Cleveland.”
She squeezes my shoulder. “Let’s talk about it more at lunch, okay?”
“There’s nothing more to discuss. I’m over it.”
Rolling her eyes, she turns and straightens in her seat. A moment later she says, “Once this boring class ends you better give me the deets about what happened with Alex. That short text of yours, ‘Ems, Alex told me he loves me’,” she mimics my voice, “had me anticipating the juice; it kept me up all night.”
I raise my index finger to my lips and shush her. Fortunately, no one seems to have been paying any attention to our conversation so far.
“Whatever.” She leans over so no one is in ear shot of what she is going to say next. “Drew told me you and Daegan were talking last night, like, having a real conversation. What’s that about?”
Guess that wasn’t going to be a secret for long. Silly of me to think Drew wouldn’t mention anything about him.
“What did he say to you?” Emma asks, intrigued. “I thought he hated us. Well, me—”
“No, he doesn’t!” I say a little too loud.
“Ladies,” Mr. Rhys calls out as he begins sending around worksheets. He dips his head to glare over his wire-rimmed glasses at us.
Emma quiets down, taking a blank sheet of paper from Pearce. He eyes her chest and flashes a smug grin before straightening in his seat. Boys.
I take a sheet from the kid in front of me and lean over to her side, whispering, “No, he doesn’t. I think he’s just shy.”
“Correction,” she says slowly, rolling her eyes. “As I was going to say before I was rudely interrupted, Daegan Stone hates me.” Emma points to her face for emphasis, then winks and wiggles flirtatiously as she says, “But, I think he has a thing for you, Law. I’ve seen the way he stares at you, like, all the time.”
“Ladies, I can hear you whispering!” Mr. Rhys throws his hands up in the air, his strictness taking flight. “Save the gossip until after class.”
I swear, steam is about to come out of his ears.
Emma and I chuckle with each other, and I wait for Mr. Rhys to go back to his seat and start his timer before leaning over once more. “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Daegan, but I’ll definitely talk to you later about Alex and Milo.”
“And Berklee,” she adds before starting the qu
iz.
We sit in the same spot on in gym where Daegan saw me working on ‘Crept inside me’ last winter. Emma and I are relaxing before coach goes overboard in Physical Education.
I give her the deets on what happened with Alex. Afterwards, I ask for her advice. “So what do you think? How do I deal with his feelings and still keep our friendship intact before he leaves?”
She pats my back, her blue eyes sympathizing with me. “Oh, Law, you want too much. I mean, it’s a real shame that Alex waited so long. Still, even if he told you he loved you back then, would you have reciprocated those feelings? No, you wouldn’t.” She flicks my forehead, something we always do in a duh moment.
“You like Milo. You’ve always liked Milo, and you can’t feel bad about that.”
She takes a breath, and I know a scolding is up next. “That was a crappy response, Law. Who the hell says that after someone confesses their feelings?”
A sarcastic laugh gusts out of her.
I hang my head in shame. “I know. I’m horrible. I just didn’t know what to say to him in that moment.”
With expanded eyes, she blurts out, “The truth! Look. I’m pretty sure your friendship will recover if you stay honest with him. Just explain as best as you can that you don’t like him in that way.” She cocks her head as if fishing for something. “You don’t, right?”
I reply fast, “Of course not. He’s like a brother to me.”
“Exactly, and I’m sure you’re not going to sacrifice your feelings for Milo to keep Alex happy, especially now that you’re starting a fresh with Milo.”
I twitch my mouth. “No. I can’t do that. I’ve waited too long.”
“Cool.” She grins, appearing satisfied. “Now, let’s talk about Berklee.” Emma is in her advice giving mode where all she wants to do is break down the pros and cons of life. “Think of how great it’ll be. We’ll both be in Boston for college, and we can hang out any time.”
I laugh short. “That’s all you want, isn’t it?”
Revolted, she throws her head back. “No. I want my best friend to realize her dream and not be so afraid of chasing it.”
“It’s harder than you think,” I whisper.
Not hearing me, Emma leans in. “What’d you say?”
Thankfully, our conversation is interrupted by the sound of Coach Maroni’s whistle, so Emma doesn’t get to press me on the subject.
She calls everyone over and places us in groups of five for dodge ball. Not my best sport.
By the end of gym I’m aching all over, not to mention Emma darted off, leaving me behind after getting a text from Drew.
Boys over friends, I guess.
My frown disappears when I run into Milo in the hall as he’s leaving his class.
“Rora, hey, how’s it going?”
I pretend as if I had the best morning ever, smiling as I reply, “I’m doing great.” My voice comes out a little high-pitched.
He stares at me with delight in his eyes. “I tried calling last night because I don’t remember you taking my number, but I guess your phone was off.”
“Oh, yeah, my battery died.”
“Don’t sweat it. I’ll call you now.” He takes his phone out and dials my number.
I save it while we walk to the cafeteria.
“So listen, later I have soccer practice for a game next Tuesday, but how about tomorrow we meet up after school at Denny’s?”
“Yeah, sure,” I accept in a rather calm and unfazed way, although my real excitement yearns to spill over in my chest. It’s a struggle to keep from doing a happy dance and screaming like a little girl.
Several curious eyes turn to us the moment we enter the cafeteria. Their staring doesn’t last long, though.
I glance over to my usual lunch table and Chris glowers at me while he mouths, “What are you doing?”
Alex keeps his eyes on his tray. Guilt pricks me all over my body. Then I remember what Emma said about not feeling bad for liking Milo.
I suppress the feeling and bring my attention back to him as we walk over to the lunch line. Once we fill our trays, I assume he’s going to make room for me at his table with his friends. Instead, he politely separates from me.
“I’ll catch you later then,” he says, giving me a nod as he walks off.
I’m naïve to actually believe for a second he would invite me into his clique. Like what the hell, he only started talking to me again recently.
Chris laughs under his breath as I set my tray down at our table. I’m feeling a little embarrassed.
“I told you to forget about him,” he snorts.
Keeping my eyes on my tray, I bite into the turkey sandwich and ignore him.
It’s as if my unfailing support has arrived when Emma shows up. “Okay, zip it, jokes over.” She slaps the back of Chris’ head as she squeezes in between us. “Don’t worry, hon, you guys aren’t exactly an item, yet.” She clamps her mouth shut right after and looks across at Alex to see his reaction.
He stays quiet.
For some reason I’m expecting an outburst of anger, some resentment towards me for walking away like that last night. Yell at me. Tell me I’m the worst.
But he just sits there, saying nothing.
It’s so like him, always waiting to receive. Be that as it may, I’m in no position to feel upset with him after shattering his heart.
I change the subject. “Em, where’d you go? Is Drew skipping?”
She steers away from me and starts to play with her food. I get the feeling that something’s wrong.
“You okay?” I squeeze her arm as I ask, “What happened?”
Emma slouches as she turns to face me. Her eyes appear troubled. “Well, I met him in the parking lot and he told me we can’t hang out after school today because he has something to do. When I ask what it is, he got all mad and told me I should stop questioning him like I’m his mother. Can you believe that? He’s never snapped at me like that before. On top of it, he thinks we should… give each other space.”
Oh no. That doesn’t mean he’s going to end their relationship, does it?
I stay quiet, not wanting to put any thoughts in her head.
Tucking her hair behind her ears, Emma continues. “Law, he’s been acting different. I don’t know, it’s like he’s trying to distance himself from me. When I asked about Cali and if he wanted to surprise me, he searched his brain for a crappy answer, telling me he’s still sorting stuff out and that he probably won’t go, anyway.”
Her face grows grim. She drops her eyes and hunches even more in her worry.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” I say, trying to help.
Chris clears his throat right after, drawing our attention. “What?” he asks, oblivious. Then he shifts uncomfortably on the seat and stares at his food.
His body language tells me he knows something. Well, of course. They’re cousins and best friends. They tell each other everything.
I ignore Chris’ behavior and switch back to Emma. “Anyway, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”
“Yeah.” She shrugs and feigns a smile; distress remains in her eyes. “Maybe I’m just being overly dramatic as usual, never mind.”
I drape my arm around her shoulder. “I’ll talk to him when we meet up to practice later, okay? Don’t worry about it.”
Chris whistles while combing a hand through his bleached hair. “Girls are such drama queens, don’t you think, Alex?”
All three of us look over at him. I almost forgot Alex was there. He’s been so quiet.
He finally peers up from his lunch, giving me a scorching look. I swallow the tightness in my throat.
“It’s none of my business,” he grumbles, then picks his tray up and leaves the table, treading out of the cafeteria after he trashes the rest of his lunch.
I glare at Chris while dipping my head. He throws his hands up as he rises from the chair. “Sorry,” he says, pecking Emma on the cheek. Then he hurries off to catch up with Alex.
<
br /> “Everybody’s acting weird of late.” Emma brings my attention back to her. “Listen. Let’s check out that party later at Wilson’s Barn.”
“Cool,” I say. “The guys will probably swing by, too. Maybe then you and Drew can talk some more.”
She nods, looking doubtful.
After school, Emma’s dad picks her up. He’s taking the family out for dinner in celebration of his promotion at work. Mr. Dobson is now the manager at Seville’s local packaging company.
Good for him.
So now I’m left to drive by myself to Drew’s house for practice.
I return a book to the school library and start for the parking lot. The element of surprise brings my steps to a halt as I discern the figure pacing back and forth by my car.
Feeling queasy, I contemplate on whether to walk back to the library before Alex sees me or stroll over and act casual with the guy who had been my best friend up until last night when he professed his love for me.
He looks across and catches me deliberating. I replace my anxiety with a feeling of “it’s only Alex” as I walk over to him.
“Hey.” I smile in an awkward way.
He moves closer as I unlock the car and toss my backpack on the front seat.
“We need to talk,” he says.
“Sure.” I’m confident that now is the time to clear up the situation.
Alex rocks back and forth on his heels before finally saying, “I’m waiting to hear how you feel.”
“I know.”
His eyes penetrate mine, the color almost disappearing with the afternoon sun.
I clear the lump wedged in my throat. With Emma’s words of being honest fresh on my mind, I come out and say it. “Alex, I’m sorry I walked away from you like that last night. But everything you said was too much and with you being my friend… I was scared.”
“Scared of what?” The expression on his face intensifies.
I draw in a deep breath and exhale before continuing. “I’m scared of losing my best friend. Scared you’ll go to France and hate me for the rest of your life because I don’t—” I stop and stare down at the asphalt.