Diary of a Drug Fiend
Page 66
“But you are ill, Cyril!” cried Sister Cybele. And in truth the boy could hardly stand.
“Action and reaction are equal and opposite,” explained Simon Iff, cheerily. “You will sleep, Brother Cyril, and you will then pass seven days in meditation, in one of the high trances. I will see to the extension of your leave.”
“There is a meditation,” said Cyril firmly, “given by the Buddha, a meditation upon a corpse torn by wild beasts. I will take that.”
Simon Iff acquiesced without comprehending. He did not know that Cyril Grey had understood that the corpse of Douglas was his own; that the perception of the identity of himself with all other living things had come to him, and raised him to a great Adeptship.
But there was one to comprehend the nature of that initiation. As Cyril walked, leaning on the arm of Sister Cybele, to the room appointed for his prescribed solitude, he beheld a great light. It shone serenely from the eyes of the Mahathera Phang.
Household Gods
A COMEDY BY ALEISTER CROWLEY
[Privately printed in 1912]
to leila waddell
SCENE
THE HEARTH OF CRASSUS;
AFTERWARDS THE LAWNS, THE WOODS, THE LAKE, THE ISLE.
CHARACTERS
CRASSUS, a barbarian from Britain.
ADELA, his wife, a noble Roman lady.
ALICIA, a servant in the house.
A STATUE OF PAN.
A FAUN.
HOUSEHOLD GODS
THE SCENE is at the hearth of CRASSUS, where is a little
bronze altar dedicated to the Lares and Penates. A pale
flame rises from the burning sandal-wood, on which CRASSUS
throws benzoin and musk. He is standing in deep dejection.
CRASSUS.
Smoke without fire!
No thrill of tongues licks up
The offerings in the cup.
Dead falls desire.
Black smoke thou art,
O altar-flame, that dost dismember,
Devour the hearth, to leave no ember
To warm this heart.
I see her still
Adela dancing here
Till dim gods did appear
To work our will.
The delicate girl!
Diaphanous gossamer
Subtly revealing her
Brave breast of pearl!
Now she’s withdrawn
At dusk to the wild woods,
Mystic beatitudes
That dure till dawn.
Let life exclaim
Against these things of spirit,
Mankind that disinherit
Of love’s pure flame!
[He bends before the altar and begins to weep.]
Ye household gods!
By these male tears I swear
That ye shall grant this prayer.
All things at odds
Shall be put straight
Harmonised, reconciled
By some appointed child
Of some far Fate!
[A curtain has been drawn aside during this invocation, and
ALICIA advances. She smiles subtly upon him; and, giving a
strange gesture, makes one or two noiseless steps of dancing.]
ALICIA.
Master still sad?
CRASSUS.
These faint and fearful shores
Of time are beaten by the surge of sense,
Love worn away – by love? – to indifference.
Who knows what god – or demons – she adores?
Or in what wood she shelters, or what grove
Sees her profane our sacrament of love?
ALICIA.
I saw her follow
The stream in the hollow
Where never Apollo
Abides.
So thick are the trees
That never the breeze
Stirs them, or sees
What satyr inhabits the glen, what nymph in the
pools of it hides.
Lighter of foot
Than a sylph or a fairy,
Sinuous, wary,
I passed from the airy
Lawns, where the flute
Of the winds made tremulous music for man.
I followed the ripple
Of the stream; I crept
Where the waters wept
The floss in the foss
Gurgling across
The bosses of moss,
Like a dryad’s nipple
In the mouth of Pan!
CRASSUS.
O pearl of the house! you came to the end?
ALICIA.
The dusk of the slave, the dawn of a friend?
CRASSUS.
Freedom is thine for the skill and the will.
ALICIA.
The skill is mine, but the will lies still,
Still as the earth that dare not stir
Till the kiss of the sun awaken her!
CRASSUS.
Yet at these secrets and riddles? Behold!
I can fill thy lap with a harvest of gold.
ALICIA.
Yet all the gold you could give to me
Would fall at my feet when I rose to be free.
CRASSUS.
What will you then?
ALICIA.
No gift from men.
Of my own free will I give you wit,
(O man so sorely in need of it!)
And happiness; and the flame that hath dwindled
On this dull hearth shall be rekindled.
But this you must swear:
To will, and to dare,
To seek the spirit and slay the sense;
And for this hour
To give me power
To lead you in silent obedience,
Though I bade you fall on your sword....
CRASSUS.
Enough!
I give my life as I gave my love.
ALICIA.
O! love you have not understood.
You have not guessed its secret food.
You have not seen its single eye;
But fear and doubt and jealousy
Have risen, and now your love is trembling
Like a mountebank dissembling
When his trick’s detected. Come!
To find home we must leave home.
CRASSUS.
Starless and moonless, hidden in cloud,
The night’s one flame of pearl.
ALICIA.
The bat flaps; the owl hoots aloud.
CRASSUS.
Lead on; I trust you, girl.
ALICIA.
You are bold to trust me; or, have you divined
My secret?
CRASSUS.
No; the crystal of your mind
Shows only faint disturbing images,
Things passing strange, as if enchanted seas
Kept their great swell upon it, and strange fish
Played in its oily depths. Some monstrous wish,
The shadow of some unspeakable desire,
Strikes my heart cold, and sets my brain on fire.
ALICIA.
Learn this, as we pass through the portico:
Fear nothing; there is nothing you can know!
And by these terraces and steps that gleam
Wintry, although the summer night is hot,
This what we seek is never what we find!
Life is a dream, like love; and from the dream
If we may wake, we never find it what
We would; for the wisdom of a mig
htier mind
Leads us in its own ways
To a perfected praise.
CRASSUS.
Why are these shadows thrown across the lawn
From the elms and yews? They were not wont to reach
Beyond the branches of that copper-beech.
ALICIA.
Attend the dawn
Of an unknown comet, that shall come
From the unfathomable wells of space
Into its halidom.
CRASSUS.
I know it not. Last night I walked alone
Here, and saw nothing.
ALICIA.
I was not with you!
There is no God upon the eternal throne
Of stars begemming the bewildering blue
Unless one has the eyes to see him. Think
How we two stand upon the brink
Of nothing! Here’s a globe, whereto we trust,
No larger than the smallest speck of dust
Or mote in the sunbeam is to that sun’s self,
And we are like dead leaves in autumn’s whil
Of wind upon it.
CRASSUS.
Mystify me, girl!
It is the right of an elf.
Surely your flickering fire
Will draw me to some mire!
ALICIA.
Here the stream dips its mouth into the wood.
So does youth’s calm and chaste beatitude
Touch the black mouth of Love, the ancient whore.
CRASSUS.
Girl! what a scorpion leaping from your lips!
ALICIA.
My mouth stings as no scorpion ever stang.
in this round impudent smiling face of mine
There is a poison fiercer than all wine;
And from these eyes more subtle sorrows pour
Than you can dream. These teeth have been at grips
With gods; I have sung what no girl ever sang.
These ears have heard
An insufferable word!
CRASSUS.
What do you mean?
ALICIA.
The secret’s in a kiss.
Here are no kisses. Here great Artemis
Rules; only in the woodland may a man
Hide his eyes from her, pledge himself to Pan.
Come! through the tangled arches
Of cypresses and larches,
Stoop; under Artemis we walked upright;
But this is Pan’s home, and the House of Night.
[They enter the wood.]
CRASSUS.
So when I stoop, my cheek comes close to yours.
Give me a kiss.
ALICIA.
The poisonous apple lures
Thus the boy’s mouth. Beware!
CRASSUS.
O you are fair!
Fairer than ever! In this tangle of trees
Your hot breath wraps you in perfume.
ALICIA.
There is some gloom or doom,
A bitter harsh ingredient
In these my sorceries
Of animal scent.
CRASSUS.
Yes! there is fear mixed with the fascination.
It is the reverence that chastity, be sure!
Gains from the impure.
ALICIA.
O virtuous nation!
It is the fear of the uninitiate
Before the throne of Fate
The hierophant.
CRASSUS.
Kiss me, however!
ALICIA.
Did I grant
This favour, all were lost. It is your truth
To Adela that tempts my youth.
[Henceforth Alicia shakes with silent laughter.]
CRASSUS.
What little breasts you have!
ALICIA.
Ay, maiden breasts!
Would you betray my oath?
CRASSUS.
My will contests
My wishes.
ALICIA.
Wait, and you shall surely see
Part of the secret that ensorcels me.
See all these bosses! It is not
As if a Titan smote himself into the earth,
And was caught into her, made one with her?
CRASSUS.
The scent is fierce and hot
Like a rutting panther’s slot.
Yet you are matched with mirth,
Shaking each other like two wrestlers.
ALICIA.
What should stir
Your melancholy but laughter?
CRASSUS.
Look, before us
Light streams, a tremulous chorus.
Oh, it is vague and vacillating!
ALICIA.
Love,
Young love of maidens, is the soul thereof.
And in the midst, behold, O man!
The image of great Pan.
CRASSUS.
I fear him.
ALICIA.
Go and lie there, at his feet.
Lie supine! Lie on that moss-covered root,
While I draw forth the flute
And make a marvellous music.
[She ceases laughing and begins to play.]
CRASSUS.
O I writhe
Beneath the force of lips, of fingers lithe
That touch the delicate stops so delicately.
ALICIA.
Hush!
I have drawn the bird from the bush.
Pan will appear anon.
CRASSUS.
Ah! Ah! ... Ah! Ah!
ALICIA.
This music moves you. Now I’ll play a tune
That would make mad the melancholy moon.
This.
CRASSUS.
Ah! you tear my soul out with the trills.
Your fingers play like summer lightning on the shaft.
It is like a storm on the mountains when it shrills;
Like the angry sea when it booms. Hark!
ALICIA.
Some god laughed.
CRASSUS.
Your mouth is like some god’s It burns and blooms
With fire unheard of, with unguessed perfumes.
O let me kiss you!
ALICIA.
So you stop my song!
[She ceases the tune.]
CRASSUS.
There is another song.
ALICIA.
You do me wrong.
For you love Adela!
CRASSUS.
By God, girl, no!
I love Alicia.
ALICIA.
Ah! you love her SO! [She laughs]
CRASSUS.
Your laugh is shocking; why do you mock me, dear?
ALICIA.
Because you will not guess my secret here.
But put your arms about my neck, and swear
You love me, and will always keep them there.
Then I might dare.
CRASSUS.
I swear it. O my sweet!
ALICIA.
Then take my kiss.
CRASSUS.
Your mouth is like a rose of fire. But what is this?
I cannot bear it.
ALICIA.
Ai! Uhu! Uhu!
It is my heart; this arrow strikes me through.
Stir not one muscle for a moment. Death!
You beast, you kill me with your urgent breath.
CRASSUS.
O how I love you! [He moves violently.]
ALICIA.
Fool! Now all my pain
Must be gone through again.
It is sure your chastity’s unstained by crime;
You do the wrong thing just at the right time!
CRASSUS.
Why do you taunt me? All the wood is spring’s,
And love is hovering o’er us with his wings.
ALICIA.
Sub pennis, penis!
CRASSUS.
Hush! you break the spell.
ALICIA.
Oh! you great fools of men, I know you well.
But nothing is so detrimental
To love as to be sentimental.
I will yet make you wise.
Know that I have the magic to disguise
Myself in many ways. Do you feel this?
(Lie still, this heaven were ruined by a kiss!)
I am a butterfly, such idle flitting
As to a flower like you is fitting
Now I’m a mole. Do you think you know me now?
Here is the earthworm severed by the plough.
CRASSUS.
You are a witch. I want your love; you give
Only love’s comedy.
ALICIA.
The way to live
Is to find comedy and tragedy
In everything. But if you cannot see
Through to the Bacchanal spirit, this should suit.
Here is the blacksmith hammering a flute.
CRASSUS.
Oh love, love, kiss me!
ALICIA.
I will forge a ring
Of bloom of blood-kisses upon your neck,
Till it is like a garden of roses in late spring.
CRASSUS.
“Soft, and stung softly, fairer for a fleck.”
ALICIA.
O marvellous nation!
Vanity, dullness, slobber, and quotation!
CRASSUS.
Why do you love me if you scorn me so?
ALICIA.
Why, did I say I loved you? I say no.
CRASSUS.
Why do you make love?
ALICIA.
To beguile the hour;
To crown my rose-wreath with a greener flower
To do my master’s bidding, that’s to give
Life to yourself, who only think you live.
But listen! Have you seen the nine waves roll
Monotonous upon the shoal,
Rising and falling like a maiden asleep;
Then with a lift and a leap
The ninth wave curls, and breaks upon the beach,
And rushes up it, swallowing the sand?
I am that ocean.... Now, you understand?
CRASSUS.
Alicia! O! this is unbearable.
Surely this wave washes the shore of hell!
ALICIA.
Each follows each