Lily had liked Dr Mackintosh and she trusted him. She knew he would do his best. ‘Is it the same as last time, though? Is it his breathing?’
‘It is,’ said Pammy. ‘If you go in to see him now, you’ll just hold the doctors up. Best to let them get on with things.’
Lily felt mildly reassured. She had seen Joe have a hundred attacks. He always turned a corner just as they began to get bad; he would do the same again, she was sure. ‘Thank you, Nurse,’ she whispered.
Sister Therese sat Lily down on the chair and put her arms around her.
Lily turned to face her, a look of alarm on her face. ‘What happened? Did Mam call you?’
Sister Therese looked sheepish. ‘No, Lily. I got to the house an hour earlier than you’d asked.’ She dropped her voice to a whisper. ‘I knew she would be gone down the pub by three, so I thought I would get there a bit earlier and try and have a word with her. I had a feeling about little Joe. But by two o’clock she had already gone. He was all by himself. He was so pleased to see me, but I could tell his chest was bad by the noise he was making. He very quickly went from being breathless to being very poorly. He was rambling and not making any sense, so I ran to St Chad’s with him in my arms. Mrs McGuffy helped me. She looked after Joe while I called the hospital. She’ll take your Katie in for her tea after school, if you’re still here, so you don’t have to worry, it’s all taken care of.’
‘I will have to thank her when I get home.’ Lily was suddenly overwhelmed by a great wave of tiredness and anxiety. She scrabbled for her handkerchief in her coat pocket. She wanted Katie to be there, so they could all be together in one place and she could see her. She felt she had let Joe down. She was the only person who truly cared for him and the same was true of Katie. She had to look after them both. Had she lost the battle to keep the family together? Would Sister Therese or Dr Mackintosh or someone else insist that Katie and Joe were taken into care?
‘Can I see him?’
‘Not just yet, love,’ said Pammy. ‘I have to get back to help, but I will ask Nurse Makebee to fetch you each a cup of tea.’
They watched as Pammy stopped a nurse at the office door and spoke to her. Silence fell between them as Sister Therese kept one arm around Lily’s shoulders. She searched for something to say that might wipe the look of despair from Lily’s face.
‘If they are giving him the same drugs as last time, I think he will be better fairly quickly, don’t you? You know, the ones that worked so well last time. Do you remember? He was right as rain not long after he had that, was he not?’
Lily heard the click of a rosary from somewhere beneath her habit and she knew that Sister Therese was praying. And lying.
A young pregnant woman left a cubicle. A man on crutches left another. Slowly the light faded and, apart from the occasional scurrying nurse or doctor, the casualty ward emptied. Sister Therese and Lily were the only two people left on the hard wooden chairs, waiting for news.
They watched Doreen as she put on her coat and hat. Catching Lily’s eye, a look of sympathy flooded Doreen’s face and she came over to them. ‘He’s with the best doctor in the hospital. The whole of Liverpool, I would say. You should take comfort from that. He looked after me once when I was sick and look at me now, eh? Chin up, it will all be fine.’ And with a squeeze of Lily’s hands and a kindly smile to Sister Therese, she left for home.
Earlier, Lily had gratefully accepted the tea from Nurse Makebee and felt revived by the sweet, hot liquid. She’d stopped shaking and her breathing had steadied. The activity around them – the pushing of trolleys, the comings and goings, the murmuring voices, the lack of panic, the sense of calm – it was all reassuring in its own way. They were looking after Joe.
‘All the doctors and nurses here are so lovely. Miracle workers, they are,’ she heard Sister Therese say.
Lily’s eyes were fixed on the feet under the curtained-off area that was Joe’s cubicle. She waited patiently for someone to come out and tell her what was going on. She wanted to see Joe’s smiling eyes, his cheeky grin. She wanted to bend down and let him play with her hair. She just wanted to see him. She wanted to be anywhere but here. She wanted Joe to be better.
‘Well, would you look what the wind has blown in.’
Lily raised her head as Sister Therese left her seat to greet Lockie, who had just walked in through the casualty doors.
‘We never see you around Clare Cottages any more, young man. Doing mighty well for yerself, so I hear now.’
‘I came as soon as I heard, Sister,’ he said, walking on towards Lily. ‘They told me when I went into McConaghy’s.’
He removed his cap and sat on the seat next to Lily. ‘How is he?’
Lily felt relief wash through her at having Lockie there. ‘He’s terrible, Lockie,’ she said, not holding back. ‘I’ve never seen him so bad.’
‘Poor little fella.’
Sister Therese decided to take advantage of Lockie’s visit. ‘Lockie, have you half an hour while I rush back for the Angelus and check on Katie?’
‘You go, Sister. I will stay until everything is sorted. I’ll knock at St Chad’s on my way back.’
Sister Therese had only just left when Pammy stepped out of the cubicle to have a word with Lily. Spotting Lockie, she said, ‘Hello, I’m Nurse Tanner. Look, we are going to have to keep him here again, I’m afraid. The chest doctor isn’t even here today, he’s at a big meeting in Manchester, so Dr Mackintosh wants Joe to be where he can keep an eye on him. He’ll probably go up to the children’s ward later, when we know he is going to be stable. Can I get you both some more tea?’
Lockie nodded his head. ‘It looks like Lily could do with some. Could I pop out and get her a bite to eat, Nurse?’
‘Of course you can,’ said Pammy and she gave them both a smile.
On her way back with the tea, she passed Dr Mackintosh, writing up his notes in the office.
‘Thought that was for me,’ he shouted out as she walked past. ‘Who is the second one for?’
‘It’s for Joe’s sister. Her young man has arrived.’
Dr Mackintosh leant back in the chair and looked out of the office into casualty to see who Pammy was referring to.
Lockie had put his arm around Lily’s shoulders and her head was resting on him, her eyes closed. Casualty was now empty apart from little Joe and they were the only two people in the waiting area. Sister Antrobus and Miss Van Gilder were long gone.
Dr Mackintosh’s heart sank at the sight of Lockie and his throat constricted with disappointment and jealousy. You should have known, he thought to himself. A young woman as dignified and pretty as Lily is never likely to be single.
Teddy Davenport was watching him. As he sat down, he said, ‘You can’t win them all, and don’t I know that for a fact.’ He sounded bitter and almost spat the words out.
Nurse Makebee spotted both of the doctors and, stepping into the office, she asked sweetly, ‘Would you chaps both like a cup of tea? Sorry there’s nothing stronger to put in it. More’s the pity.’
Both doctors looked up sharply. Dr Mackintosh was not terribly fond of Nurse Makebee. Her manner was so confident, she acted like a nurse who had been qualified for a very long time, not a probationer. He had seen her in action on casualty, flirting with the medical students. It was blindingly obvious her goal in life was to marry a doctor. One of the students had told him she already had a boyfriend, but you would never have guessed it from the way she behaved. Teddy, however, had no such reservations. Without any encouragement, he said, ‘As we’re quiet, how about I come and help you?’
As they walked away, they were observed by Pammy, whose face creased in concern, and Dr Mackintosh, who felt deflated, although he wasn’t quite sure why. He turned back to his notes.
Lily lifted her head up from Lockie’s shoulder and reached for her handkerchief.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to fetch you some food? Do you want me to go and tell the McConaghys that you m
ight not be in work tomorrow? I’m here to help. What can I do?’ Lockie said.
‘I couldn’t swallow food, Lockie. Do you think the McConaghys will be mad at me? What can I do? I can’t leave Joe here. I’m not just his sister, Lockie, I’m his mam and dad, too.’ Her voice filled with bitterness. ‘I have to be, because no one else is.’
She was all alone in the world. The responsibility she felt for everyone and everything had weighed her down for so long. She suddenly felt angry with Lockie. She felt so angry that she wanted to shout at him for having forgotten about her while he was cavorting with Amy and for the mess he’d got himself into with Amy. But she remained silent. They were friends, that was all. Lockie had no obligations towards her. It was just that today she had realized how alone in the world she was and she had never felt so frightened in all of her life.
‘After the training you’ve had, you will make a great mam one day,’ said Lockie. He could see the expression on her face had altered to one of resentment bordering on anger and he was reminded yet again of what a dreadful life she’d had.
Whether it was because of the surge of anger towards her parents or her terror at how poorly Joe looked, what Lily said next was very out of character. It was none of her business. It was between Amy and Lockie. But her sense of loyalty towards the only person who had ever regarded her as an equal fought down her natural instinct to keep her own counsel. The words beat a tattoo inside her brain, demanding to be expressed. She knew that once they were spoken, they could not be undone.
Lily recalled Amy’s confession and knew that before Lockie left her side she would tell him. She would hurt him, but it had to be done. She owed it to him to protect him, even though he didn’t know that he was in danger. She would help him in his hour of need, just like he was there for her today. And one day he might thank her. Amy was about to alter the course of his life. He deserved to know.
Once she made up her mind that she was going to tell him, the words just fell out.
‘Lockie, Amy is pregnant and she’s going to trick you into marrying her.’
Lockie moved away from Lily and looked at her with such horror, it was as if she had suddenly grown an extra head. Confusion flooded his face.
‘What in God’s name has just made you say that?’ he asked.
‘Because it’s true.’ There was not a hint of emotion in Lily’s voice. There were so many strong feelings inside her right then, fighting to make her sad or mad, that instead she displayed none.
The legs of the chair scraped along the wooden floor as Lockie leapt up. He turned his back to her, took off his cap, smoothed down his hair and for a split second appeared to study the ground before swivelling round to face her again.
Looking down, he hissed, ‘You are only saying that because you don’t want to have me and so you don’t want anyone else to either.’
Lily felt wounded. It was as though Lockie had slapped her across the face. He was towering over her and she could feel his anger beaming down at her. For the briefest moment, she felt scared. Her stepfather was the only other man who’d ever been angry with her and her heart began to pound in her chest. Her voice had lost all its strength and sounded weak and thready as she answered him.
‘Lockie, that’s not true. You are like a brother to me. But I know that Amy is pregnant and that is the reason she is showing you so much interest. The father of her baby is already married and won’t have anything to do with her. She needs someone to get hitched to and, Lockie, you are proving mighty easy.’
Lily tried to sound sympathetic, but it was near impossible. She had problems of her own which were much bigger. Would she ever be allowed to return home with Joe? What would happen to her and Katie? She had held it all together by the skin of her teeth, but she knew now that Joe had almost died. A line had been crossed. She was filled with a sense of impending doom. This attack had been by far the worst. She would never be able to leave Joe again for fear of what might happen. Now that her stepfather was gone, her mother was so much worse. Lily had needed to take the rent book to the corporation offices on her way to work yesterday and had paid the rent for two weeks in advance. It had left very little for coal or food. How would she manage if she couldn’t return to McConaghy’s? She felt as though she was running out of time and life was about to change for ever. As if she was sitting on the precipice of disaster.
Lockie’s face was suffused with disbelief and anger. She knew what was about to happen. He could not face the reality of what she had said. He would walk away. He would leave her there.
He was going.
Her chances of seeing Lockie again would be slim if she didn’t return to McConaghy’s. He never came anywhere near Clare Cottages. Before today, she would have felt apprehensive about revealing what she knew; she would have stammered and stumbled and probably changed her mind. But she had a job to do, and that was to tell him everything. So she did.
She was stunned at Lockie’s reaction. Instead of thanking her for saving him from making the biggest mistake of his life, he was turning on her.
‘You just don’t want me to be happy, do you, Lily? Life has dealt you a rotten hand and because something nice has happened to me, you are determined to stop it.’
Lily looked up into his face. ‘Are you mad? I am your friend. I’m not saying this because I want you for myself. How could you think such a thing?’
‘Because it’s written all over you, Lily. Amy isn’t pregnant, there is no other man, and I know that, because I see her every day at McConaghy’s. I’m going. Perhaps one day you’ll say sorry for all of this.’
And with that he turned and left.
She heard the doors swing shut, but she kept her eyes fixed on the curtains around Joe and didn’t once look over to see Lockie go.
As Lockie ran down the steps, he bumped straight into Dr Mackintosh.
‘Whoa,’ said Dr Mackintosh, reeling slightly, but Lockie didn’t reply. He took the stairs two at a time and his footsteps could be heard echoing across the yard as he marched towards the main door.
28
Another hour passed before Lily could see Joe and he was finally stable enough to be settled on to the ward. The sky was beginning to fade into night. Joe was calm, on a drip and sleeping. Lily felt faint with relief.
‘Has your chap left then?’ asked Pammy, interrupting Lily’s thoughts as she sat on the chair next to her and looked around.
‘Oh, he’s just a friend, from home and work. He’s no one special.’
‘Oh right. Well, I just wanted to say that one of my friends, Nurse Brogan, is the night nurse on children’s and so Joe will be in great hands. From what I remember from last time he was in, she adored him.’
Dr Mackintosh joined them and spoke to Lily. His heart leapt at the sight of her. She looked vulnerable and her face was tear-stained and strained. As she jumped up from the chair to greet him, she wobbled dizzily. He put out a protective arm to steady her.
‘Hey, careful there. Are you OK?’
Lily nodded. ‘Sorry, I just jumped up too quickly. How is he? Is he better now?’
Dr Mackintosh slowly removed his hand from her arm and she couldn’t help wishing he would put it back. It had felt warm and comforting through the wool of her cardigan.
‘He’s a better colour, but he isn’t back to normal yet. His airway was almost occluded and he went into a further bronchospasm. There is a great deal of mucus. I don’t mind saying, he gave me a bit of a scare. Do you know how long his breathing had been bad for?’
Lily furrowed her brow. ‘Well, it’s always bad to a degree, but the puffing for his breath, that was going on all of yesterday and last night. He told me he thought it was a bit better when I left for work, or I wouldn’t have gone. I would have taken him to the doctor’s, I would.’
‘I know you would,’ said Dr Mackintosh, ‘and so does Joe. These things can be very unpredictable. This time I’m putting a machine by the side of his bed, just in case. It’s known as a respirato
r, but don’t be frightened, we’ll only use it if we have to.’
Lily wanted to ask, just in case what? But she didn’t.
‘We will look after him to the best of our ability, Lily, and we’ll use everything we have in our arsenal. We have asked Dr Gaskell, the most senior chest doctor in the region, never mind this hospital, to take a look at him and he is heading back from a meeting in Manchester to do just that. He was due to stay overnight but he’s driving back. That’s how much of a priority your little Joe is to us. As soon as I explained the situation to him, he volunteered and told me he was on his way.’
Lily wanted to cry with gratitude. ‘I know it’s not allowed, but can I stay with Joe for a bit?’
Dr Mackintosh nodded. ‘You certainly can.’ He knew he would have Miss Van Gilder and the ward sister to answer to, but he had seen too many children die in the arms of strangers. Despite all of the doctoring and treatments at his disposal, he had often sensed that the presence of a mother could have made the difference between life and death. And where death was inevitable, it would have helped calm the child’s fear. He hated the visiting restrictions on the children’s wards and was determined to fight Lily’s corner. ‘Come with me,’ he said. ‘I will take you to the ward myself. They won’t argue with me.’
As they walked up the stairs to the ward, he was conscious that he had overstepped his own boundaries. He had never before escorted a relative to the ward. Never curious to know more about their life and background, never inclined to dawdle in their company. He wanted to sit with her. To hold her hand and reassure her.
When he left her sitting by Joe’s bed, he felt an acute sense of loss. He could tell she was nervous around him, to the point that she shook when he spoke to her. She was afraid of authority, had something to protect and hide. He had seen it before, so many times.
Lily’s could barely take her eyes off Joe. The strangeness of his pallor, the equipment, the whiteness of his skin against the large white bed. His arm protruded from a crisp white sheet and was strapped up in a wooden splint, a crêpe bandage wrapped round and round it to stop him bending his arm. There was a drip stand to one side of his bed and the respirator Dr Mackintosh had mentioned on the other. He was propped up on pillows and his bed was canopied in a tent that pumped out steam to help his breathing. The room smelt of camphor oil and something with a mild antiseptic edge.
The Children of Lovely Lane Page 36