by Frankie Love
“I don’t want you to go. I don’t give a fuck what Evie says. She’s my cousin, not my mother. And even if she were, it wouldn’t matter. I don’t ask permission. I do what I motherfucking want.”
“That’s the thing though, Jude—I operate the same way. I do what I want.”
“And right now you want to go?” Jude looks at me, clearly not believing a word I say.
“Yeah,” I tell him. “I do. I think it’s best.”
“Since when do you do what’s best? What happened to the Catalina from last night, the girl who was looking for trouble?”
“It’s a new day. Maybe it’s the day I start getting my shit together.”
“You don’t need to do that for me.” Jude shakes his head.
“I know. You haven’t asked me for anything.”
“You haven’t asked me for anything, either,” Jude says.
“Then we’re even.”
“I don’t get what just happened,” Jude runs a hand through his hair. “I thought we were having a really good time.”
“We were. But Jude, I think you deserve better than that.”
“Better than you? Besides, I thought you said this was just a hook-up.”
I feel like he’s testing me, like this is another question I need to answer correctly.
Would he actually push me away? It seems like he’s the sort of man who’s never pushed anyone away in his entire life. He pulls everyone in, like his duty is to take care of them.
“I’ve gotta go,” I tell him. “Let me know if you need anything, or want to get a cup of coffee some other time. Take Etta for a walk. I’m game for that.”
“Just not an afternoon quickie? Or not staying when the conversation gets complicated?”
“I think my answer, today, is both.” I readjust my purse on my shoulder, and lean over to give Etta a kiss on the cheek. Then, without thinking, I lift my chin and kiss Jude squarely on the mouth. Because I want to. Because I think he needs me to.
But mostly, because I can’t bear to tell him good-bye for good.
Later, I’m in the guesthouse, my laptop open in my lap, when Holden walks in.
“Hey,” I say, keeping my eyes on the screen. This sub-reddit has sucked me in, and I’ve been lost in the vortex of forums for hours, reading threads on single dads and taking care of babies and dating brothers’ best friends.
As if message board answers are the shit that could solve my problems.
“You didn’t come home last night,” Holden says.
“No, I didn’t.”
“You want to tell me where you went?”
“Nope. I do not.” I look up at him and smile widely. Obnoxiously. Like a little sister.
“Okay, if that’s how it’s going to be.” Holden rolls his eyes.
“Stop being so weird. I can have a life here. Isn’t that all you’ve been hoping for the last six months? I got one. I have things to do, people to see.”
“Yet it’s a gorgeous afternoon in Los Angeles, and you’re in your bedroom in sweatpants on your computer.”
“Oh, let me guess, you and Bexley have some amazing plans to go surfing or a jog or to go pick out a dog at the animal shelter.”
“No, I was just wondering if you want to go out for lunch. Bexley and I were going to swing by Jude’s and see what the hell is up with them. He hasn’t been around much. And then we’re headed down the coast. We got a room at a bed and breakfast.”
My cheeks burn, and I look back down at my computer screen, avoiding my brother’s gaze.
“Yeah, thanks for asking, but I’m going to pass.” Twisting my lips, I think on my feet. “Hey, but let’s see if Mom wants to do dinner with us one night this week.”
“Really? You want to plan a family dinner?”
“Yeah, if you’re paying.” I smile. This time it’s real.
It feels good, to be honest with him about something.
Later, in bed, I think about Jude. Think about him putting his daughter to sleep tonight. Think about what it would be like if I was at his house right now.
Mid-thought, my phone buzzes. For a stupid second I think it might be him. Maybe he’s thinking about me. Maybe he and Holden got into a weird conversation that mentioned his sex life. Maybe everything is a disaster and I’m in the center of it.
Instead, I see the text is from Yuri.
Yuri – I’m in LA. I want to see you.
Me – that’s not going to happen.
Yuri – I’m sick of you thinking you can tell me what to do. I’m going to see you, you know you’ve missed me.
I close my eyes, hating the way Yuri talks to me. Like he owns me. Like he knows me. Like he means something to me besides a bad decision. Lots of bad decisions.
Me – no. I’m done with you. Told you that plenty of times please stop calling me.
Yuri – you don’t get to tell me what to do. I know what’s best for you, baby.
This is the reason I should’ve told people about Yuri a long time ago. I wouldn’t have gotten so deep, wouldn’t have gone to a place I had no business being, in a place I never wanted to go.
Yuri – I see, you’re going to freeze me out. Not answer my texts. Fine. But I know where you are. I know where you sleep. I know you are living with your brother. Why don’t you introduce us?
I drop the phone on my bed, my skin crawling, not liking his tone. Knowing that if I’m getting this creeped out via text, it would only get worse if it were in person.
The phone buzzes again. I want to throw it out the window, but also want to know what it says. So that I can make a decision, a smart one.
Yuri – I’m coming for you and I’m going to kiss you good night.
I hear the door to the guesthouse open. My worst nightmare has just stepped inside.
Chapter 15
Of course I’m disappointed that Catalina left. Obviously she didn’t like running into Cash or Evangeline, and to be honest I don’t blame her. Evie was a complete bitch to her, and Cat did not deserve that.
Still, it gives me a chance to sort things out in my own head, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I really like Cat. As a woman, as a friend. We had such a great time together, and I hate that I let her go this morning without telling her that.
Still, I’m not planning on pushing her faster than she wants to go. She wanted to leave today, and I let her. And even though all I can think about is her tight little ass and her perfect pussy, I know that before I can move forward with Cat on any level, there’s some other shit I need to sort out first.
I decide to call Rachel. It must be my lucky fucking day because, shockingly, she answers.
“Hey,” she says. I swear she’s slurring her words, but I’m not going to start pointing fingers. Not right now. Right now I just want to make sure she’s safe. “Long time no talk, baby.”
“Right … that’s mostly because you haven’t returned my calls. Or my texts. Rachel, where are you?”
“Really, Jude? Are you seriously just calling to give me a bad time? You know I can’t handle that.”
“What can you handle, Rachel? I just need to make sure that you’re okay. I don’t want anything stupid to happen to you.”
“Calm down, Jude. And of course stupid shit is going down. You know I’m no good for Etta. I never was.”
“Are you at least in California? I have no idea where you are. People are asking.”
“I’m not asking for you to cover for me Jude.”
“I’m not covering for you. I’m covering for Etta. Do you really think I want everyone to know that you just ran off on your daughter?”
“That’s on me. Jude, I don’t want to be there right now. I just need a chance to breathe, a chance to … figure my stuff out.”
“Stop being so fucking selfish, Rachel.”
“Don’t start guilt-tripping me again. Our relationship is built on you making me feel bad for being the person I am.”
“That’s not true,” I tell her.
“I spent our entire relationship making sure you weren’t passed out, drunk, making mistakes.”
“Mistakes? Well, I got pregnant, didn’t I?”
“Etta is not a mistake. What you’re doing right now is. Come home. Get help.”
“I should never have answered my phone,” she says, “if this is the shit I’m going to get from you. Look, I’m in California. And I’m safe. And the longer this conversation lasts, the worse I want to get lit. Just give me some space. I’ll talk to you when I’m ready.”
“Could you call Evie at least?” I ask her. “She keeps asking about you. She’s worried. She’s your friend, remember?”
“My friend?” Rachel laughs coldly. “Jude, don’t be naïve. You know I never fit in with that crowd.”
“And me? Did you ever fit in with me?” I ask her.
“Let’s not do this. You know where I stand. I’m done.”
“Oh, honey,” I tell her. “I’m not asking you back for me. I’m done, too. I just want to make sure you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere.”
“I’m not ready to come back.”
“Will you ever be?”
“I’m not sure.” She hangs up before I can press her, and I wish I’d never called.
I do some work on the computer for a few hours. The night just drags on. Etta takes such a long nap that I know she’s going to be up late tonight. It’s my fault, but damn, who wants to wake a sleeping baby?
But now? Now the whole evening stretches out ahead of me.
Holden and Bexley stop by, and I vaguely tell them that Rachel is out of town, at her mom’s. When Bexley asks if she can do anything to help with Etta, I brush her off, not wanting help.
“So what are your plans tonight?” I ask them.
“Oh, we’re headed down the coast, Holden got us a room at La Donna.”
“Oh, that’s some fancy shit,” I say, giving a low whistle. “That’s cool. So Cat is just home alone?”
Holden gives a shrug, telling me he really has no clue about his sister and me.
“Yeah, she was in sweats when we left, said she was planning on watching TV and eating take-out all night.”
“You think she’ll have company?” I can’t help but ask. Fuck, maybe Cat has some guy she’s seeing.
Bexley laughs. “Uh, no, but I swear to God that girl needs to get laid.”
Holden and I both swing our heads to Bexley, who’s always on the tight end of up-tight.
“What?” she asks, smiling. “She should. I feel bad for her. Being in a funk sucks.”
“Damn, girl, you never used to talk like that,” Holden says, giving his girl a hard time.
Bexley laughs, rolling her eyes. “The city has changed me. Or maybe you’re just a terrible influence.”
They leave, believing that Rachel is returning in a few days.
As soon as they’re gone, I pick up my phone. If Cat is home alone, I want to join her.
Her phone is off—which, maybe if she’s binge watching something she doesn’t want any interruptions, but damn. I want to interrupt her something bad.
The way we ended things this morning was so anticlimactic. I mean, I know Evangeline was part of why Cat wanted to take off so fast, but still. I want her to know that Rachel and I are done. Beyond done.
And yeah, I don’t know what’s going to happen next for Etta and me, but I do know I’d like to spend more time with Cat.
Besides being damn beautiful, she also seems to get me in a way most people don’t.
I need to see her, let her know how I feel.
It’s not that I’m going to get to her place and announce my undying love for her, but I have no problem telling her that what I feel for her is more than a one-night stand. More than a hook-up.
All I know is I want to spend the rest of the evening with her. Not in her pants, necessarily, but talking, BS-ing, drinking some beer, and watching TV. That’s the sort of thing I’d really like to do with Cat right now.
I know what my gut is telling me. I need to go see her. Make a move.
Buckling Etta into her baby carrier, I grab my wallet and my keys. I get her in the car and head towards Holden’s house.
I don’t stop to think if this is a good idea. Because hell, maybe it isn’t. But right now I need to see the woman who’s been on my mind for days.
Chapter 16
One second, I’m lying in my bed, bored with my lack of plans. The next minute, Yuri is here. In my house.
This cannot be happening.
“Yuri, you can’t be here.” I jump up from my bed, trying to stop him before he enters my bedroom.
He isn’t big. His power doesn’t come from strength; it comes from control. His eyes are beady, his chin weak. He’s all bent out of shape. I know this look of his.
His dark hair and dark eyes and dark soul penetrate me in ways I wish they didn’t. But Yuri is the kind of man who can force people to do things they otherwise wouldn’t.
Like be his woman. Like stay as long as I did. Like forget about my dignity, and forfeit myself to him.
Maybe I’ve been here at my brother’s house for six months without any idea of what I actually want for my life, but I do know this: I do not want Yuri. At all. I’d rather sit in bed for the rest of my life than be with a man like him.
And now he’s here.
In my room.
Looking at me in a way that scares me.
“You think I’m just going to forget about the girl who left me?” Yuri steps towards me.
“Yuri, I’m not your girl anymore. We’re over. And you can’t be here. I don’t want you here.”
“You think I really care what you want? You think you can walk away from me, Catalina, without me having the last word with you?”
“Okay,” I tell him, trying to think on my feet, “if you something to say to me, that’s fine. What is it?”
I’ll let him keep talking, until I can figure out a plan to make him leave.
“Oh, Catty-cat. You know I don’t actually want to talk. I have other plans for you and me tonight.”
“Why are you in town, Yuri? You’re a long way from home.”
“I thought you could introduce me to your brother, but it looks like he’s not here,” Yuri says, looking around my bedroom.
My phone is off, and all I want right now I for it to be on so I can call Jude and ask for help. I want him to come.
Does that make me weak—that in my moment of crisis he’s the person I think of? That I want him to come save me, rescue me? Isn’t that the exact same thing that Evie told him he had a pattern of doing?
Still, I’m scared. I look toward my phone, willing it to turn on.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Catty?” Yuri walks towards me in two long strides. We stand face-to-face, and I’m trembling.
“Get away from me,” I tell him loudly. “Please, Yuri. Just go.”
“Oh, honey, that’s not going to happen,” he sneers. He reaches for my phone and throws it against the wall. “What, you think you’re going to call some boyfriend to come save you?”
“I don’t need saving. Yuri, go. I’ll give you whatever you want.”
“Hell, yeah, you will.” Yuri grins and reaches for my waist.
I’m in his clutches, and flashes of our past together pierce my memory. This is why I ran away. This is why I can’t go back.
“What are you going to do to me?” I cry. “Just get it over with. Please.”
“Oh, I’m going to take this nice and slow. I’m going to make you remember what you’ve missed.” He pulls me toward him aggressively, and I let out a cry.
“Yuri,” I tell him slowly, blinking, as if gearing myself up for what I’m going to say next. “Why don’t we have a drink, and catch up? I don’t want to make this difficult. And you probably deserve an explanation.”
“I deserve a hell of a lot more than an explanation.” Yuri pulls at my tank top, tearing my shirt, and pushes me toward the bed.
&nbs
p; I start screaming, yelling at him to stop.
The fighting gets worse, but I can’t hold back anymore. I grab the vase on the bedside table and smash it against his shoulder; the glass doesn’t faze him. Water and shards of glass fly, rose petals float to the floor.
He forces my shoulders down onto the bed, and I know he plans on having his way with me.
But I won’t let him do that. Not today. Not tonight. I start screaming as loud as I can, hoping that someone will hear me.
But I know Holden is gone, and that leaves me here alone. I need help. I kick at Yuri, my legs swinging wildly, but he’s bigger than me.
Then the front door swings open, and someone is here.
Jude.
“What the fuck?” he shouts, pulling Yuri off me. “Who the hell are you?”
Relief rushes over me, and when Jude starts punching Yuri, I get off the bed, reaching for my phone.
I need to call the police. My fingers shake as I power the phone on.
Jude swings a punch against Yuri’s brow, and then Yuri’s fist collides with Jude’s jaw. It’s out of control, and they just need to stop. Jude pushes Yuri against the wall, punching him straight in the face. Blood pours from Yuri’s nose.
“Just go, Yuri,” I scream. “Please, leave me alone.”
He must know that his muscles can’t compete with Jude’s; he must know he’s going to lose this fight. He shakes his head, blood on his face, screaming obscenities at me that I can’t even register.
I just need him gone.
“Fuck you, Catalina. You’re a cunt, but we’re not finished.” He walks from my bedroom, still yelling as Jude steps away from him. “Who the fuck are you?” he asks.
Jude and I are trailing him, and I assume he’s asking who Jude is. But he isn’t. Someone else has walked into my house.
My mom is standing here, a baby’s car seat in her hands.
Her eyes are wide as she takes in Yuri’s bloody face, Jude’s tights fists, and my dropped jaw.
I was not expecting her to see me like this. Ever.