Color Her Red

by Crystal Shaw

  “A little tequila and both you and her are absolutely shameless, security duo or not.”

  He’s right and the thought makes me shudder. I really hope she doesn’t sleep with him … again. She keeps going back to him, like a fly to shit. He says exactly what she wants to hear. I’ve missed you. I made such a mistake. I’m such an asshole; I don’t deserve someone as sweet as you. She eats it up and tries to comfort him, thinking he’s changed and that he really does appreciate her. They sleep together and then he gets what he wanted, and it’s over. He avoids her like the plague, only calling when he is drunk at two in the morning. I retreat with her to her sofa with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, our hero in red, helping her get over him… again.

  My body trembles slightly as we take off and Thomas squeezes and then kisses my hand. And just like that, we are in the air. I smile shyly back at him.

  “She said it seems like he’s changed.” My voice drifts; I know it’s not true. I don’t even know why I said it. I’m an optimist, but even I’m not that optimistic.

  “People don’t change, Emma.” He puts a comforting hand on my knee and lightly caresses my skin with his thumb.

  “But you changed.” I almost said the words as if it was a question, just as I was thinking of it. His hand froze and then receded. An icy look replaces the comfort in his eyes. His face is hard and a scowl grows across his lips. I shift uncomfortably; I didn’t mean to make him mad. “I just meant-” I don’t really know what I meant.

  “Emma, I don’t want to talk about me or my past.” He clears his throat and stares ahead, avoiding my gaze.

  “Why? Is it something to do with her?” I have to ask the question burning into me, again coming to my lips before I was conscious of the words.

  “Who,” he growls at me, “Lillian?” His eyes rip into me. I immediately feel reprehensible and guilty. “She’s someone I used to fuck and that’s it.” His voice is hard and cross. I feel like he slapped me. Tears prick at the back of my eyes and the hollow feeling of my twisted stomach grows lower.

  “Don’t cry, Emma.” He swallows hard and when he opens his eyes they’re somewhat soft, wretched but not angry anymore. “Please, I don’t want to talk about her. I feel guilty as it is.” He picks my hand up and kisses my knuckles before setting my hand gently back down in my lap. I stare down, absentmindedly watching the hem of my dress, concentrating on the threading, trying not to cry.

  I make a small nod with my head, still looking down. He exhales and leans back in his seat, looking miserable and defeated.

  “Please, just sleep, I promise things will be better when we land.” I feel his gaze on me, but I don’t turn to face him. Moments pass with nothing but awkward silence between us. My breathing calms and the threatening tears withdraw. I finally look at him; his eyes meet my gaze with hope that I’ve forgiven him for his outburst. I lean up out of my seat, leaning my weight on the armrest, and give him a small kiss on his wanting lips. I burrow back into my seat and close my eyes letting a moment pass.

  What could he have possibly done that he’s so ashamed about? We never actually had a conversation about his “dating” life. I never wanted to question him; I never felt the need. All I knew was what Kate had told me.

  I WAS ON THE SOFA READING over the edits to an article when I heard Kate banging on my door. It was late Saturday night, around 1AM. My head was still in the clouds; Thomas had dropped me off about an hour before after our third date. It was more than I had ever dreamed.

  At the time, I was working as an intern for LBB Inc. Literary agency on East 23. I remember walking out with Sarah Marins, a snobby editor who had an obsession with critiquing my coffee making abilities. Her mouth dropped when she saw Thomas waiting for me. I hadn’t told anyone that I was seeing him, other than Kate of course. I continued to walk as she stood in the middle of the street gawking. He was in his typical attire, dark jeans and a white t-shirt with a worn brown leather jacket. His hair was a bit messy, just enough to make it seem as though he really didn’t give a fuck. I gave a small wave to Sarah as Thomas opened the door for me. I slid in with a smug grin on my face. He knew exactly what I was doing and he couldn’t hold back his smile.

  “I trust you had a nice day at the office.” He grinned teasing me as he started the engine.

  “It dragged on a little too much.” I bit my lip as I blushed. I couldn’t help it; he made me melt.

  “I have something for you. I hope you don’t mind.” He reached into the back of the car and pulled out a bag from Barneys, the handles were tied with a small white ribbon and tissue paper was covering the top. I lit up like a Christmas tree.

  “You bought me a gift?” I asked quizzically, unable to remove my excitement and thrill of a surprise.

  “It’s just a little something for tonight.” He smiled shyly. “I hope you like it.”

  “Can I open it now?”

  “Of course.”

  I carefully untied the bow and removed the tissue paper. He bought me a gorgeous black charmeuse knee-length dress for me to wear for the evening. I pulled out the silky fabric and gazed at the dress. It was really lovely.

  “Do you like it?” He looked concerned that I hadn’t said anything.

  “I love it, it’s gorgeous.” It was breathtaking. All of a sudden, I didn’t know how to feel about it. He had bought me a gift, a rather expensive gift. Before I could think too much into it he distracted me.

  “I’m glad you like it. I thought we could go to the Artisanal tonight. Do you need anything to go with the dress?”

  “You’re too sweet Thomas. This dress is plenty.”

  “Should we head to your place so you can change?” I squirmed in my seat. I didn’t want him to see my apartment. He noticed my hesitation. “You don’t have to wear the dress tonight, I just thought that you’d like it.” He paused, “You look quite stunning as you are now.”

  He was being far too kind. I was in tight blue jeans and a loose halter chiffon top and nude stilettos, my favorite stilettos. I did try to primp this morning, knowing that I would be seeing him tonight, and I touched up my makeup before heading out to meet him in the parking lot, but I don’t think my appearance would fall into the category of striking. Now the dress I held in my hands, it was stunning. Before I could object to wearing my current attire, Thomas insisted.

  “You look stunning, we’ll save this dress for another occasion.” He grabbed my hand and gave it a small kiss as we pulled up to the red light.

  “I love the dress, I can wear it tonight.”

  “How about you wear it next weekend?” He grinned at me. “As long as you are available to see me then.” I blushed; I would be available for him whenever he wanted.

  He continued to charm me all evening. We sat in a private room and tried a variety of red wine with an assorted cheese fondue. I feel my mouth water just thinking about how delectable the food was. We spent nearly 5 hours at the restaurant, chatting and laughing, enjoying each other’s company. It was so easy talking to him. I wanted more though; I didn’t just want to talk. The previous two dates, I gave him a small kiss at the entrance to my apartment, and that’s how the night ended. I was fighting with myself; I wanted so badly to invite him upstairs. I wondered how that would make me look. Is three dates enough to sleep with him? I didn’t want to come off as a slut but I really wanted to sleep with him. He had to have known. Towards the end of the night I let the alcohol help me. I slowly caressed his hand, biting my lip. I made every not-so-subtle flirtatious suggestion, letting him know I was ready, that I wanted him.

  He held my hand as he walked with me to the entrance of my apartment. I smiled shyly at the ground; I’d decided to ask him, the wine gave me courage. He gave me a soft sweet kiss as he held the small of my back, holding me to him.

  “Thank you again for a wonderful evening, Emma. I look forward to seeing you this weekend, in your new dress.”

  “Would you like some coffee?” I asked biting my lip, trying to tempt him.
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  He shook his head, “I have to get going.” I parted my mouth to protest. His denial stung my ego. “I’ll see you this weekend.” He shut me down. I couldn’t believe it.

  “You looked beautiful tonight Emma.” I blushed. He gave me another small kiss and then released me. I was confused but happy none-the-less.

  I sat for almost an hour wondering why he hadn’t taken me up on my offer. I knew that he knew I wanted him. I considered texting him to ask why he had to leave but I put the phone back down. I smiled knowing that I was going to see him the upcoming weekend. That was enough for me to feel secure. I’d just picked up my article to give myself a distraction when I heard Kate banging at the door. I practically ran to let her in.

  “Are you okay?” I was honestly scared, I couldn’t imagine why she was freaking out, banging on my door. She was out of breath from running up the stairs.

  “Did you sleep with him?” The words trampled out of her mouth. I was completely taken aback. I looked at her with distress, speechless. “Emma, did he try to sleep with you?” Her face was serious.

  “No. What the hell, Kate?” I couldn’t believe she was asking me that. It was more the way she was asking that was shocking. If I had slept with him, I would have told her immediately.

  “Oh, thank God.” She released a deep breath and collapsed on my tiny sofa.

  “Are you going to tell me what the hell’s going on?” I was pretty pissed. What happened to my cheerleader doing kicks in the air? She was practically pushing me to have sex with him just the other night.

  “At the event tonight I recognized a woman that Thomas was photographed with, from one of the pictures online.”

  “Okay?” I nodded for her to continue and get to the point.

  “She told me all this shit about Thomas. He’s a real dick.” I jumped back off the sofa. There was no way she could be talking about the Thomas I’d been seeing. He was nothing but a gentleman. She grabbed my hand. “Please listen to me.” I shook my head; I didn’t want to hear it. I walked to the kitchen to make tea and Kate followed me.

  “She said all he does is sleep around. He charms the skirt off of a girl just to get them in bed and then he’s done.” I was in complete shock.

  “He literally just turned me down. I was practically begging him to have sex with me.” And with that, Kate was in shock. Again my ego took a hit. So all he wants to do is fuck every woman in New York except for me? The microwave beeped and I took out my mug and moved to the corner to grab the sugar, feeling the oncoming rush of tears, I choked them back.

  “You asked him to have sex?”

  “Well, not like that.” My reply was angrier than I had intended it to be.

  “He said no?” She was still in shock. “What the fuck? Why aren’t you good enough for that prick? He would be lucky to get into your pants.” I’m surprised and entertained by her anger. I let out a small laugh but at the same time small tears crept out, I gently brushed them away.

  “He said he had to go, but that he would see me this weekend.”

  “So he’s seeing you again?” Her voice had calmed slightly; she seemed confused. She sat down at a barstool keeping her eyes on me.

  “Yeah.” I furrowed my brows. Why was that so hard to comprehend?

  “I don’t get it.” Her comment really pissed me off. What was so hard to get, that he liked me?

  “Maybe the bitch you talked to was pissed because he wasn’t into her.”

  “No Emma, she knew a lot about him. There were other girls there too. Ones that he had slept with.” My stomach tied itself into a knot.

  “How many?”

  “Four of them. They all said the same thing.”

  “What was it like a Thomas Grant bashing party?”

  “It ended up being that. He basically slept with the entire staff at the Pegu Club. At least the waitresses.” I didn’t know what to say. I felt crushed and I didn’t want to believe it. I just shook my head and let out a small sob.

  “Emma, I didn’t want to make you upset. I just wanted you to know. You should know. You are just so naïve and gullible. He doesn’t have good intentions.”

  “Then why didn’t he sleep with me tonight?” I was intentionally bitter in my response.

  “I don’t know. I’m just worried. They said-” I cut her off resentfully.

  “I don’t want to know what they said. I don’t care if he slept with them. I really like him Kate. He’s sweet and romantic and funny and really fucking hot.” I took a deep breath and tried to regain a sense of calm.

  “Calm down, okay? I don’t want you to be mad. Please. I just want you to be careful.”

  “I don’t know what to do Kate.” I felt helpless. It just didn’t make sense. He wasn’t trying to sleep with me at all, yet she was telling me he was a man whore.

  “Don’t think too much about it. Just don’t sleep with him. Okay?”

  “I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I can’t believe he turned me down.” The knot in my stomach tightened. “I feel like such an idiot.” I sobbed into her shoulder and she gently rubbed my back.

  “Don’t. Don’t. Maybe it’s a good thing.” I looked at her questioningly. It’s good that of all the girls in New York, he just doesn’t want to fuck me?

  “Well they made it sound like his only concern was getting into bed. So maybe it’s good that he didn’t with you. And he wants to see you again.” I nodded my head weakly and rubbed my tears away with the back of my hand. “Just wait a while before having sex okay?” I nodded my head again and took a deep breath. “One month?”

  “One month.” I agreed. She stayed with me that night. I didn’t tell her about the date, my bubble had burst. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to hear anything else that the ex-fucks had told her either. I refused to believe that I was like those other women, not that I knew anything about them other than they’d slept with the man I was seeing. He was so perfect; I just couldn’t believe that he was using me, that he wanted me to be another notch on his belt.

  I was cautious that Friday when I saw him though, apparently I believed enough of what she had said to be utterly sick to my stomach. He knew something was wrong as soon as I got in his car and he pried it out of me. I’ve never been good at disguising my emotions.

  “Apparently you have a reputation.” I muttered under my breath, my eyes were staring at the floor of his car; past the hem of the gorgeous black dress I was wearing. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

  “A reputation?” His voice was low; it sent a chill down my spine. I was on the verge of breaking down. I picked nervously at my newly manicured nails. I didn’t want to say it out loud; I didn’t want to tell him I knew that he slept around.

  “Yes.” I barely spoke my reply. I felt the beginning of tears in my eyes. I thought he would end it with me for sure.

  “Emma, I don’t want you to worry about that.” His hand pulled my chin up so that I was looking at him, into his soft blue eyes. “You have nothing to worry about.” His words were so comforting. It was amazing how easily he consoled me. I gave him a small smile and he returned it with a sensual kiss, making my bottom lip moist. I took a deep breath, letting all of the tension go.

  “Is it all right with you if we go to the Museum of Modern Art and then I thought we could go to Blanca? If you would still have me.”

  “Of course.” I blushed. How could this sweet man possibly have such a bad reputation?

  My mind was at ease after talking to him. He didn’t want me to worry and honestly I didn’t want to worry about it either. I just wanted to enjoy my time with him, while he “charmed my skirt off,” as Kate would have put it.

  “You did change,” I almost whisper, but I know he heard me. He lays his head back with his eyes closed and lets out an irritated sigh. I place my hand on his in his lap, squeezing lightly and nestle my head into the seat cushion. We’re far above the clouds; I can only see marbled grey and blue from beyond the small window of the plane. I exhale
defeat, and drift off, waiting to land on more agreeable territory.

  WE LAND BY SUNDOWN. I slept nearly the entire flight, twelve hours. I feel rested although my body is still exhausted. Thomas woke me up sweetly, and given our desperate need for relaxation, neither of us mentioned the fight on the plane. I thought about asking him why I made him so upset, and apologizing, but I think it would only make him angrier. It’s better just to leave it be where it belongs, in the past.

  The view from the rooftop of the hotel suite is absolutely stunning. All we can see is clear blue water and the soft oranges of the sun as it sets tenderly over the ocean. The salty smell of the breeze is a welcoming fragrance. We had a small rooftop dinner lit by candles; he had it ready for us when we arrived. He really makes my heart melt sometimes; he can be so romantic. Michael took our bags and Thomas led me up the stairs; it was a pleasant and much needed surprise. He’s trying so hard to get me to relax and it’s working.

  “You know I will do everything I can to keep you safe? I won’t let anything happen to you.” I look up at him; his eyes are full of worry.

  “I know you won’t.” I don’t know what to say to reassure him. I trust him with everything in me. But I’m still worried. I know she wants me dead and she is out there, somewhere, with a gun. “I’m just scared.” He kisses me lightly on my forehead.

  “I know, Baby.” He brings me in close to him. I feel calmed by his warmth. I nestle my head in his chest and breathe in his fragrance. “I’m doing everything I can to make sure you’re safe.” He breathes for a moment, heavy, as if debating telling me something. “I’m having a panic room installed in the master bedroom.” He doesn’t look down at me while he talks. “Just in case something happens.”

  I slowly nod my head in his chest. A panic room, it wouldn’t have helped to have one today. She was the one in the master bedroom. I decide not to comment, I don’t want to make him angry and fight with him. If he wants one then it can’t hurt.