by West, T J
I keep my distance by staying near the front door, crossing my arms over my chest. Helene nervously smiles at me and invites me further in. “Daniel, won’t you sit down?”
“It’s Danny,” I utter.
“Sorry. Danny, won’t you please have a seat?” I can see she’s rather nervous being around me. Well….she should be. I’m not a very nice guy when it comes to backstabbing.
I take a seat in a blue, high backed chair, furthest away from everyone. I keep my arms crossed and bounce my right knee from the tension.
“Thank you for coming over here on such short notice. I know how tired you must be from your trip,” Helene says. I don’t respond. She then clears her throat and takes out a bunch of white envelopes from a manila folder. She has me sign something in order to receive whatever she has for me. “We each got an envelope with a letter from your father and a letter stating what we each received from his estate.” A letter? I don’t get how I was even in the will in the first place, much less receive a personal letter as a bonus.
I hesitantly take the envelopes from Helene and stare at the written name, Daniel Jay Montgomery on each one. I haven’t used my birth name for over twelve years, seeing it written for the first time in a long while hits me hard. I want to rip these stupid envelopes into shreds and forget I was even a part of Gordon Montgomery’s legacy.
Helene breaks the silence. “Danny….I am truly sorry Gordon missed out on your life - “
My head snaps up and I glare at her. “Are you….really? Aren’t you the one who took him away from me?”
“Danny-boy, come on,” Lucky intervenes.
I stand up. “What? She’s the one who’s digging up the past, I might as well help her remember that my dad chose not to have me in his life.”
Helene shakes her head and speaks up, “No. You’ve got it all wrong, dear. First of all, Gordon didn’t choose to leave you behind….your mother - “
That did it. Bringing up my mom turns me livid. “Don’t you dare bring up my mother!” I yell. “None of this was her fault!” Helene stands there, motionless and on the verge of crying. Faith is unusually quiet and Lucky stands up, ready to punch me or something. I’m tired of being a disappointment in his eyes. I know he’s had his fair share of family tragedies and mishaps in his life, but what I’m going through is my own mishap and tragedy. He may have been able to move past it, but I can’t. I’m not as able to let bygones be bygones.
I can’t take this shit anymore. Before this goes any further, I storm out of the suite.
DANNY GIVING ME THE COLD shoulder really hurt. Worst of all was him seeing Wayne molest me. I had no idea he was going to pick me up and smother his mouth onto mine and grab my ass. Ugh, it was horrible! Once Danny basically told me to take a hike, I yanked Wayne inside the BT2090 studio while everyone else was still busy outside taking more photographs and doing interviews.
I stomp toward the back of the studio where there are couches and a soda vending machine. Wish there was something stronger than soda available. I turn around and face Wayne, placing my hands on my hips. “Okay, you need to tell me what the hell that scene was back there!” I’m pretty pissed off right now and do my best to hold back the rage I am feeling..
Wayne crosses his arms and acts way too cool for his own good. “What scene, babe?”
“Stop calling me that!” I irritably say back. “We haven’t talked since our date, Wayne, and then the second you step off the bus you come crashing onto my lips, touching my ass and then telling me to play along? What was that? Was that for the press, because if it was I don’t want any part of it. I don’t want to be splashed onto every gossip magazine with rumors of me and you, when there is no me and you.” As everyone was stepping off the bus I could feel Danny’s eyes on me. He was getting closer and I couldn’t wait to give him a hug, but instead Wayne got in the way. He picked me up, kissed me, then whispered in my ear to play along and that he’ll explain later.
Wayne pulls his sexy grin on me. “It wasn’t for the press - well maybe just a little bit, but….,” he stalls.
“But?” What is with the stalling? I get impatient and raise my voice. “Come on!”
“To make Danny jealous.”
I cross my arms, confused with his answer. “Tell me exactly why you need to make him jealous, Wayne.”
“He’s got a thing for you sweetness,” he shrugs, like it’s no big deal, when it’s a very big deal to me.
I shake my head, not knowing what to say. “How…..”
“I saw you guys making out the night of the hotel party.” Oh, dear, Lord no! “He never stopped thinking about you the entire tour. He’s got it real bad for ya.” He goes over to the vending machine, puts money in the slot and presses a button for a Coke.
I am totally embarrassed, yet at the same time wondering why, after he saw me with Danny, he would still go out with me? Once Wayne retrieves his soda he sits on one of the couches, pops open the can and takes a long drink. I slowly sit beside him and lean on my knees. “But….you...me...we went out! You kissed me! Why?” I sit up and look at him.
He places his arm on the back of the couch. “Because I think you’re hot,” he bluntly states. “But, I knew in that kiss we were not going anywhere. It was like kissing my sister...gross,” he shutters. “Not how a man likes to imagine when he’s kissing a hot babe.”
I wave my hand, obviously irritated. “Alright, I’ve heard enough. I’m glad you don’t have any feelings for me, because I wasn’t feeling it with you either.”
“That’s cuz you have a thing for Danny,” he smirks. God, please take me away, just take me away! “You see...Danny is one of my best friends. He’s been pretty angry for the last few months and it’s not gettin’ any better. At the party I saw how he was with you. You drove him to a place I’ve never seen him - “
I cut him off from going any further, it’s very awkward to say the least. “You were watching us make out. Pretty creepy.”
“What can I say? I had to take a piss and you two were hoggin’ up the hallway,” he chuckles. “My point is, you just may be the ticket to get him out of this shit hole he’s dug for himself. It’s putting a strain on the band. Mostly he and Lucky.”
“I don’t understand how I can help him. What sort of problems is he dealing with?”
“Faith,” he states. “He hates her guts because they share a father.”
“I already know that, but how can I make him not hate her? That’s not my problem to fix.”
“I don’t know babe, but I believe you can.”
I am not comfortable with Wayne’s plan. I don’t want to hurt Danny if what Wayne is saying is true. He’s into me? Really? I mean, yeah, we had that one extremely amazing moment, but he pushed me away. Although, he could be putting up a front with me? Ugh, I still don’t like this crazy idea!
“Us pretending to be an item is not going to make this any easier.”
“Trust me, it will. He’ll come around and fight for you. He may end up hating me, but he’ll get over it because he’ll have you.”
“What if -”
“Stop questioning and just go with it.”
I shake my head, still not convinced. “I don’t feel comfortable doing this….at all!”
Wayne leans into me. “Sweetness….I know Danny...trust me.” He grins, finishes his soda and belches a big one.
Disgusting.
“You look deep in thought. You okay?” Faith snaps me out of yesterday’s fiasco. I cannot stop thinking about Wayne’s insane plan. I really don’t know how the whole thing will help Danny’s anger or how he’ll want to be with me more. He’ll just start hating me and I don’t want that. I really like him, and even though he’s hurt my feelings, I can still understand his intentions.
I’m sitting in the hotel’s coffee lounge, staring at my coffee as if it’s going to catch on fire. I blink a few times. “Yeah, I just have a lot going on. What about you? Did everything turn out okay with the will?” Faith has been s
o open to me, it surprises me. I’ve never had a close girlfriend before, so her telling me about the will and how Danny was also in it showed me that I was trustworthy and a good friend to her as well.
Faith sits across from me at the table and sighs. “I wish I could say yes.”
“Did things not go well with Danny?”
She scoffs, “Do they ever go well?”
“I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”
“Can you get him to not hate me?”
Her question brings me back to Wayne’s plan. “Uh - “
She brings her elbows onto the table, obviously frustrated and hurt. “No, unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Although I’m not sure how long I can keep up with this. He’s so angry and rightfully so, but with me? I don’t know how to get him to not be angry with me. I’m as innocent as he is. He just doesn’t see it that way.” She pauses for a slight moment then continues, “Anyways, enough about my sorrow story. You and I need to catch up.”
I shrug. “Not much to say.” I take a drink of my coffee and pretend like nothing is really happening, when there is a lot happening and Faith can see right through me.
“Oh really?” She leans back into her chair and crosses her arms. “Then what was that whole thing with you and Wayne yesterday?” She raises her brow and smirks at me.
I think I may have blushed. I’m not used to anyone asking about my…..love life. “Nothing is going on between me and Wayne.”
“If you say so.”
“Faith,” I start to laugh. “...he’s a nice guy, but not for me. Plus that kiss and booty grab he gave me? I was not expecting that.”
“That was quite a show he put on then.”
“You can say that,” I mutter.
“Then who was it you were seeing off the day they left on tour?”
My eyes widen and I am completely embarrassed. I had no idea anyone saw me there. “Huh?”
“Shit, I am so sorry, it’s none of my business. Forget I asked.”
“I went to see Danny off,” I blurt out. I’m not sure why I wanted to say anything; she could see I wasn’t comfortable talking about this stuff, yet I feel as if I can be honest and not be judged.
Faith blinks and is surprised. “Danny?”
I start fiddling with the napkin on the table, not sure how to explain. “We, uh...we sort of made out the night of your hotel party.”
“You sort of made out or….?”
“Okay, more than made out.”
She gasps, “You slept with him?”
I shake my head. “No. We didn’t go that far.” Even now I can feel how much I had wanted him that night. While we kissed I was aching in between my legs so badly it was painful. It was good when he pushed me away. I would not have controlled myself much longer. The ache of my heart and my body want him more than anything.
“No wonder!” Faith slaps her hand on the table as if she just came up with the greatest idea. “Every time Wayne talked about you, Danny would get this look in his eyes, like he wanted to kill him,” she blows out a puff of air and smiles. “Wow, you and Danny!”
I don’t want her getting her hopes up. We’re nothing to one another….I mean that’s what I keep telling myself; though that one kiss….that one hot amazing, dance and kiss. Danny has definitely meant something to me - it’s so crazy how that can happen. “Nothing came of it, believe me. He wants nothing to do with me.”
“Danny definitely holds up a concrete wall, but don’t shut him out just yet,” Faith advises me. “Maybe there’s hope for him yet,” she ends on a mumble and bites her lip. It’s like she’s trying to convince herself that Danny could actually change through me.
I don’t know why she and Wayne think I am this miracle worker. I can’t fix what is broken. Danny needs to do that on his own. Perhaps with a friend who is there to listen….to really listen, maybe Faith is right. Maybe there is hope for him after all.
After my talk with Faith we parted ways to resume our workday. While I finished up some paperwork, Faith went back upstairs to take the remaining of the day off. I did my best to stay focused on my to-do-list and vowed to think about Danny later. Although a song from JINKS playing in the bar made it a bit difficult for me; everywhere I turn Danny’s face is now on some billboard or his songs are on the radio. I have to admit, JINKS’ songs are pretty awesome. Plus Danny is actually really hot on all those posters.
Unfortunately, after Wayne decided to do his “show” with me, the paparazzi have been on me. Getting this attention doesn’t bother me all that much because I was used to it from working in a strip club, but having false information about me and Wayne is not okay. I should have known by going out with a rocker I would get hounded. I was advised to bring one of the security guards with me to the parking garage after work. Thank goodness I did. Flashes were coming at me like crazy, they were blinding; questions were being thrown about me and Wayne, but of course I avoided them and got in my car and sped off.
After taking a long hot bath I decide to turn in early. Melody wasn’t home. Fridays were her night out and I knew I would not see her until the morning. So it’s just me, my bed and a hot romance novel by Heather Dahlgren, called “Behind the Lens.” I’ve been itching to start reading it. By the middle of this one really sexy scene, I start thinking about getting it on with Danny again. No matter what I do, he’s on my mind. The attraction I have toward him is not something I’m familiar with. I still barely know him, but at the same time I feel that I do. I tear myself away from a very hot scene I’m reading, I put my Kindle down and text Danny.
“Im not deleting ur #. Im here 2 listen if u want 2 talk” I push send and quickly put my phone down and wait. I’m curled up in bed with a good book next to me and all I’m thinking about is hoping Danny will text me back. I feel so pathetic! It’s a Friday night and I’m alone, in bed - I just said that - hoping that some hot rocker was going to answer me back? What is wrong with me? Ugh, forget the stupid texting - whoa, he just sent a message!
“Y do u fucking care?”
I frown upon his reply. Why do I care? I don’t know that answer, but I’ll give him this, “Cuz looks as if u have a lot 2 talk about”
He immediately messages me back with, “Im drunk”
Great, now I’m dealing with a drunk Danny. “Good 4 u,” I reply back.
“Wanna make out again?”
I burst out laughing. I didn’t expect that sort of response. I smile wide and goofy as I text him. “Like u said, ur drunk”
“Yeah but i still wanna make out”
I bite my lip because I want to make out too, but being near a drunk Danny may not be a good idea. “R u alone?”
“Drunk and alone yep. wanna come over?”
Oh my, do I want to come over? Do I? My heart starts to pound at the thought of being near him again, especially since he’s been drinking. However, it is a Friday night and I should be out having fun, instead here I am with a book….alone - how many times do I have to repeat myself? I am so going to regret this. “Where r u?”
“Home”
No, no, no. Thoughts of us alone at his home is soooo, so wrong! I’m supposed to be pretending I am dating Wayne. “Not the best idea”
“Why? u said u wanna listen if i wanna talk. i wanna talk”
Oh, right...right. That’s why I texted him in the first place - to talk. Okay, I can do this. I can go over there in hopes he’ll open up to me about….his shit. I really hope I can help him. “K what is ur addy?”
I HAVEN’T LOOKED AT OR touched that Goddamn letter from my dad yet. I hid it at the bottom of my sock drawer hoping it would just disappear; I don’t want to know what’s inside. Seeing his handwriting on the envelope puts knots in my stomach. I’m not sure if I’ll ever have the strength to read his words.
The second I left the hotel I went driving up along the coast and ended in Point Loma. I walked around at the Old Point Loma Lighthouse and took a day at being a tourist. I went to the view po
int that overlooked the lighthouse and gazed at the city before me and wondered how the hell I got here? How is it, after all this time, I was now included in the Montgomery family? He never wanted me then, so why would he fucking care about me at the time of his death? I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and tell the dead sonofabitch to go to hell - I hope he was rotting and finally getting what he deserved.
After what must have been hours sitting on a bench, it started to become dark and I looked up to find no one was around me. All the tourists had left. It was becoming foggy and extremely cold, so I upped and left and went to the drugstore to get beer and vodka. I was having a small party of one. The guys wanted me to meet them at Whiskey Flats, but I didn’t have it in me to sit around and talk bullshit or to play pool. I wanted to get drunk by myself and wallow in self pity. Of course the second I got home, the fucking paps were hanging by my building. Didn’t they have a clue that there is nothing special about me? I play in a band, play music because it’s all I have ever known. I live it and breathe it every single day of my life. I can’t see myself doing anything else. So, to have those numbnuts waiting on me like I’m a God or something, doesn’t make sense. Even though I knew what I was getting myself into the moment we signed with June, I still hated those bastards; I wanted them to die a very slow, painful, lonely death.
While I was at the drugstore, I happened to come across a few tabloids with Wayne and Harmony. His hand was on her ass, squeezing it while his tongue was down her throat. The headline said: Another JINKS member off the market? The thought of those two together had me begging for a drink. I wanted to open my bottle of vodka in the store and drown myself with it. Wayne and Harmony - what the fuck?
Christmas is a couple weeks away and I haven’t even thought about getting a tree. I used to love decorating the tree with my mom when I was younger. As she hung lights, I hung each ornament with care, making sure they were in the perfect spot. She never told me where to hang them or tried to rearrange my hard work. We always had a lot of fun decorating while Christmas tunes were playing in the background. We would sing and drink hot apple cider until the tree was all finished. I wish I was back home helping my mom decorate. I bet it’s already up and shining bright with white lights. I missed her on Thanksgiving and was grateful she came out to visit me on our last tour stop in Arizona. She said she had a great time watching us perform and was so happy to finally see me living my dream. After our opening, she gave me a huge hug and told me how proud she was of me and that her keeping two jobs down was all worth it in the end. Her saying that almost had me crying, it meant everything to me.