I don’t even give him the opportunity to speak. “There’s no way in hell I’m getting into a car with you. You’ve got to be out of your damn mind.” I turn and head for the door, ready to walk to the sex den down the hall and get out of the club.
I need to find Matty or catch a cab. Hell, I’d rather walk than be stuck in a car with him.
“Bella—”
I spin around and shove my finger in his face. “Don’t you bella me, asshole! You chase after me for weeks and won’t take no for a fucking answer. Then, not only do I find out that you’re the owner of this fine establishment,” I say, waving my hands in the air, “but you were also fucking some whore in the office of your sex club! I wouldn’t let you touch me if you doused yourself in bleach and scrubbed with a steel wool brush first!”
As I’m yelling, I can see a slow smile creeping across his face, replacing his anger. By the time I’m done, he’s sporting a full-on, blindingly white smile. And I’ll be damned if his smile doesn’t make him even more gorgeous.
“If I had to guess, Marley, I’d say you’re jealous.”
I hate him because he is right. I can’t even understand it myself, but seeing him with that other woman had me seeing red.
“You could end all of this, if you’d just let me fuck you,” he continues.
That one sentence throws me right back into my past, making my skin crawl.
Men cause nothing but pain. Men cause nothing but pain.
I do something that shocks us both. Mustering up every ounce of strength I have in my body, I haul my hand back and slap him as hard as I can, sending shooting pains through my hand and up my arm. Gabriel’s head snaps to the side at the impact of the blow, and I can see my handprint forming an angry red welt almost instantly. When he finally turns back to look at me, astonishment is written all over his face, and I’m overcome with the need to flee. In my past, raising my hand to a man guaranteed I’d be beaten within an inch of my life. But I don’t see any of that hatred or anger in his eyes. All that is there is surprise. That gives me the courage I need to speak my mind.
“I will never fuck you, Gabriel. Believe me when I say that. Whatever attraction I felt for you faded when I found out you owned a place like this. And seeing you fucking that woman on your desk like she was just some nameless pussy that only served one purpose solidified it. You’re a piece of shit. I don’t want to know you—let alone, fuck you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll find my own way home.”
I head to the door and pull it open before turning and looking at him over my shoulder. Staring into those beautiful gray eyes makes my resolve crumble just a bit, but I squeeze my eyes shut and reach for the image of what I saw in his office just minutes before. “Have a good life, Gabriel.”
And with that, I leave.
“Have you missed me, my love?”
I feign enthusiasm as I give my head an exaggerated nod. “Yes, Eduardo, I’ve missed you.”
I should get an Oscar for the performances I put on when in the company of this man. He is worse than all the rest combined. Not because he is the most violent, but because I actually believe he genuinely feels something for me, which is worse than the beatings and brutality I receive from the other men—Eduardo’s men.
“I’m pleased to hear that. I do not feel like sharing you tonight, Marlena. It’s been several agonizing days since I’ve had you to myself. I’ve already told my men that they wouldn’t be seeing you for a few days.”
This is a relief. The past several weeks have been miserable, and I’m not sure my poor body can handle what they tend to dish out. Tension has been high for a while now, which is causing all the men to be extremely on edge. I try my best not to pay attention to the business my mother is a part of, but based on how everyone has been acting recently, things in the organization are not going as planned.
“Thank you, Eduardo.”
“Anything for you, my love.”
His words cause me to cringe inwardly, but I keep my external mask in place, never allowing him to see how much I truly detest him.
“Take off your clothes,” he demands, sitting on my bed and scooting back to lean against the wall.
His eyes fill with lust as I stand in front of him and begin to remove my clothing. With every item I remove, they grow darker and darker…predatory.
Once I’m completely naked, he stands and begins to circle me. “So beautiful, my love,” he whispers reverently.
I can feel the tears beginning to burn my eyes at being so exposed in front of this monster, but I will hold them back.
“Who owns you, Marlena?” he asks from behind me.
It’s the same question he asks every time we are alone together. The question makes my skin crawl and my soul crack a little more every time I hear it.
I try to make my voice strong, but it breaks as I speak, “You do, sir.”
He trails a finger along my bare shoulder. I grind my teeth together and fight the nausea at his touch. I want nothing more than to kill this man, to stand over him and watch the life fade from his eyes. It seems only fair, seeing as he’s taken mine. I might still be breathing, but there’s nothing left inside of me that is living. He and my mother have made certain of that.
If I thought I could get away with it, I would certainly try, but Eduardo is not a stupid man. Every time he comes to me, he has at least three of his men with him. Some nights he shares me, claiming it keeps his men loyal to him. But other nights, like tonight, he keeps me for himself, acting as if we are lovers by choice, like I am something special to him. But I know better. He is an insane, dangerous man. If I were to ever try to hurt him, there is no doubt that his men would kill me in a heartbeat. Some nights, I think of taking that risk just to end my suffering, but every time the situation arises, I lose my nerve.
Despite how horrible my life is, I’m just not ready to die yet. And that, itself, is a curse.
“That’s right, dear, I own you. Never forget that. Now, lie on the bed and show me how much you’ve missed me.”
***
Ever since my blow-up with Gabriel, the nightmares have come back in full force. I can’t close my eyes at night without memories of my past bombarding me. The sad thing is, even with all the torment he’s caused me, I still want him. The desire hasn’t waned at all. If anything, it’s gotten worse. I absolutely hate myself for it, but most days, I stare at the door of Fletchers, willing him to walk through it, and then I berate myself for thinking that way.
I haven’t seen him in four days. Four days, sixteen hours, and eleven minutes. The fact that I know the exact time, down to the minute, lets me know just how pathetic I really am. Keeping my distance from Gabriel Bertozzi is crucial to my overall well-being. But I can’t stop my traitorous body from craving him.
My thoughts that aren’t consumed with my past are consumed with Gabriel. I feel like I’m hanging from a rapidly fraying rope, just seconds from it breaking. I know what he wants. He wants to control me, to own me, to fuck me. And while my body might be on board for the latter, there’s no way I will ever allow myself to belong to another person for as long as I live.
Men cause nothing but pain, I try to tell myself, pleading with my mind and body to let go of Gabriel, but it’s not working.
Since escaping my living nightmare four years ago, I have claimed complete control over my own life, but from the second he walked into it, I feel as though my hold is slipping. I’m walking along a very fine edge, and I can’t allow myself to fall off. I won’t.
In an attempt to get some control back over my life and to combat the rising panic that comes with my memories, I’ve started back up on an old standby that got me through my first few years of freedom. Terror at the thought of being found and dragged back to the people who controlled my life since childhood stunted me when I first escaped. After months of looking over my shoulder and keeping to the shadows to prevent being found, I saved up just enough money to enroll in self-defense classes held at a local gym. The clas
ses taught me the much-needed skills to keep myself safe, and in turn, it boosted my confidence to an all new level.
The self-defense classes led me to search out other means of protecting myself. I was determined to learn how to use a gun if it was the last thing I did. And after months and months of intense target practice, I’m happy to say I’ve become quite a good shot. Guns were something I was always afraid of growing up, but I learned to push that fear aside, knowing that if it came to a physical altercation between me and a member of the opposite sex I’d more than likely lose. That wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.
Now, unless I’m at school or work, I keep a gun on me at all times, hidden in my overly large purse. And returning to the self-defense classes has helped assuage the panic that’s been building at the loss of control over my life recently.
Drained from lack of sleep over the past several days, I drag myself across campus and collapse into the driver’s seat of my car. I pray it starts with no problems. I just want to get home and crawl into bed. Hopefully, my poor body is so exhausted that I’ll be able to get some uninterrupted sleep tonight.
Placing my key in the ignition, I cross my fingers and twist. I shoot up a thank-you when my car starts right away. The sounds it makes lead me to believe it’s on its last leg, but it started nonetheless.
I throw the car into reverse and make the short drive back to my apartment. I’m running strictly on caffeine, and by the time I pull into the parking lot and shut off my car, I’m thankful that I was able to keep my eyes open long enough to get home without wrecking.
Dragging myself from the car, I make my way up to my second-floor walk up, and I unlock my apartment door. I’m on autopilot the entire time. I take a step over the threshold, not bothering to flip on the light, before shutting and locking the door behind me. I’ve barely turned around when I hear a man say my name from directly behind me. My mouth instantly opens to let out a scream, but it’s muffled by the person placing his hand over it. All my instincts go into fight mode the second I feel his free arm circle around me.
Adrenaline courses through my veins as I lift my leg and then bring my foot down on his as hard as I possibly can. At the same time, I shove my elbow into his ribs. I hear a sharp grunt and feel his arms loosen. Taking the opportunity as it’s presented, I spin around and drop my purse from my shoulder until the strap lands in my hand. I’ve never been so thankful for practically carrying my entire life in my purse as I am at that moment. I swing wildly, not a hundred percent sure where my target is in the dark, and I count my blessings when I feel my bag connect with something, causing another grunt of pain from my intruder.
I bolt for the living room. It’s probably not the smartest idea, but I’m out of options since the man is blocking the one and only door to my apartment. I place the couch between us, buying enough time to reach into my purse and pull out my gun. I take aim at the hunched over form I can just make out from the sliver of moonlight shining through the window. I can see him starting to stand, and I cock the gun in my hand, the sound ricocheting off the walls in the silent apartment.
“Move, and I’ll shoot. I swear to fucking God!” I tell him in a quivering voice.
I see the shadow of his arms moving, his hands held up in surrender. I’ve had years of target practice, but I have never once shot an actual person. I didn’t want to end that streak tonight, but I would if I had to.
Reaching over, I switch on the table lamp beside the couch, filling the room with a warm glow and making the man in front of me completely visible.
Holy. Shit.
“Gabriel?” My shock lasts all of two seconds before it’s replaced by pure unadulterated anger. “What the hell are you doing in my apartment?” I yell. “And how did you get in?”
He’s breathing heavily with one arm wrapped around his abdomen and the other hand holding the side of his head. “Put the gun down, Marley,” he grunts, straightening to his full height.
The look on his face paired with the fact that he towers over me is intimidating as hell.
“The fuck I will! You broke into my apartment and attacked me. You’re lucky I don’t shoot your ass right now!”
“Jesus Christ, why the hell do you have a gun in the first place?”
He takes a step toward me, causing me to step back while I’m still aiming at him.
“For reasons just like this. Someone broke into my home. What would have happened if I didn’t have a gun, Gabriel?” Even as I ask the question, I know in my gut that he isn’t here to hurt me. I’m not sure of his motives, but whatever they are, it isn’t that.
If I had any doubt, the look in his eyes at that moment lets me know I’m right. Hurt is shining through, clear as day. I didn’t even know it was possible for me to hurt him.
“I would never harm you, bella.” Sincerity drips from his words, causing me to slightly lower the weapon in my hand.
We stare at each other for several seconds before I finally relent. Letting out a huge sigh, I drop my arms to my side. “What are you doing here, Gabriel?”
He eyes the gun in my hand before lifting his gaze to mine. “Would you mind putting that away first?”
Releasing a frustrated breath, I pick my discarded purse up off the floor and place the gun back inside before walking around the couch and placing it on the kitchen bar. I cross my arms over my chest with hip cocked, and I glare at him. “Answers. Now,” I demand.
Gabriel reaches up and runs a hand through his dark brown hair, creating a sexy bedhead look. “You won’t talk to me whenever I come to the pub,” he says as if that explains his actions perfectly.
“So, you thought breaking-and-entering was the way to go?” My tone is heavy with sarcasm. “How did you even get in here? The door’s not busted or anything.”
That arrogant smirk I’ve come to recognize over the past few weeks spreads across his lips. “I’m a man of many talents, bella.”
My eyes roll of their own accord. “I just bet you are. I already saw one of your other talents a few nights ago. Excuse me for not feeling the need to see more of them.”
The smile disappears as Gabriel shoves his hands in his pockets, looking downright contrite. This man is full of surprises. He’s so cocky and confident all the time, but when we’re alone together, I get the sense of an underlying vulnerability. It makes keeping my walls up when he’s around even harder.
“You run from me every time I try to speak to you, Marley. What other choice have you left me?”
Sardonic laughter escapes my throat. “You’re kidding me, right? You could try just giving up. Spare yourself the felony and all that.”
A sound akin to a growl rumbles from his chest as he grabs hold of the back of his neck. “I can’t!”
It’s not his words that give me pause so much as how he says them. He seems frustrated at the thought of not being able to let me go.
“You think I haven’t tried?” he continues. “I’ve never had to chase a woman in my life—”
I can’t help but interrupt him. “Yeah, you made that pretty clear the other night…at your sex club,” I spit the last two words out disgustedly.
“That was me trying to get you out of my fucking head.”
I open my mouth to spout out another smart-ass remark, but he holds up his hand, effectively silencing me.
“I know it wasn’t the most respectable way to go about it, but I can’t take back what you saw. Believe me, I wish I could.”
He’s so earnest that I find myself standing there, just waiting for him to continue.
“Why do you care so much?” I finally ask when he doesn’t say anything else.
“I don’t know.”
It’s a simple answer, but I feel as though it’s the most honest thing he’s said to me yet.
“Since meeting you, you’re all I can think about. This is completely foreign to me. I’m not used to being turned down—let alone, by a woman who intrigues me in a way I haven’t experienced in years.”
> Fighting to keep my walls up while he actively tries to break them down, I reply, “I know your kind. It’s not that I intrigue you. It’s that you want to fuck me. That’s all it is. You nail any willing woman who crosses your path, and I presented a challenge. The minute I open my legs, you’ll lose interest. You’re all the same.”
His eyes narrow, flashing angrily, before he speaks through clenched teeth, “First of all, do not pigeonhole me with the other assholes you’ve met. And secondly, I never want to hear you compare yourself to those other women again. They are nothing but a convenience to me. You’re more than that. You are not to hold yourself in such a low regard again.”
All I can do is stand there, struck speechless by his impassioned words.
“I’ll admit, at first, it was the thrill of the chase, but it’s moved beyond that. I actually want to get to know you.”
He seems to be confused and agitated at the thought of wanting to be in a woman’s company for longer than it takes to get her naked and get off. I’ll confesses, that stings just a little.
“Well, don’t sound too thrilled about it, Gabriel.”
His head falls back, and he lets out a loud breath. “I’m fucking this up,” he mutters more to himself than to me.
I just can’t help but throw my two cents in. “That would be an understatement. Breaking into my place and then making it sound as though getting to know me personally is a pain in the ass doesn’t really make me all swoony over here.”
He lifts his head and stares at me, his mouth twitching in a small smile, humor glinting in his gray eyes. “Swoony?”
“It’s totally a word,” I reply defensively.
He holds his hands up, warding off the potential fight brewing between us. “I’ll take your word on that, bella. I apologize if I’m coming off…”
“Like an asshole?” I supply when he seems to be looking for the correct word.
That sexy grin of his makes another appearance. “Yes, like an asshole. I’m sorry. I’m just not used to this.”
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