I try to keep that night locked away in the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, but tonight it broke free, crashing down on me in a devastating tidal wave of pain, fear and loss.
“Jesus, baby. Talk to me, please. You have to talk to me. I can’t stand seeing you like this. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”
The agony in Gabriel’s voice breaks my heart. Seeing him struggling to help me hurts me just as badly as he’s hurting right now. I can’t stand to see the desperation in his eyes. Looking into the turbulent gray depths I know my time has come to an end. The clock has finally stopped ticking on my secrets. Tonight will be the night I finally have to open up and tell him everything.
“Okay,” I whisper, tears still streaming down my face. “I’ll tell you.”
***
Relief like I’ve never felt before rains down on me with those three words. Looking at her now and seeing the devastation and terror in her eyes rips me apart. I want to kill whoever it is that put that pain and suffering in those beautiful green eyes. I need her to talk—to tell me how to help her. I need to be able to fix whatever is wrong. I need to take away whatever is haunting her.
Releasing a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding, I lower my forehead to hers and close my eyes. “Thank you, baby.”
One of my arms comes from around her, but the other stays wrapped tightly. I refuse to let go of her completely as I reach over to turn on the lap.
“Leave it off,” she cries, grabbing hold of my wrist and yanking my hand back. “Please. I’ll tell you everything, just leave the light off.”
The moonlight filtering through the curtains is the only light in the room, allowing me to see her, but not as clearly as I’d like. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just…I can’t see your face when I tell you, okay? Please, can we just leave it off?”
I brush her damp, tangled hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear then use my thumps to wipe away her tears. “Yeah, baby. We’ll leave it off.”
The moonlight allows me to see well enough to notice her face relax a little. With her tiny palm to my chest, she pushes me until I’m lying on the bed on my back. Tucking herself against my side, she brings my arm around her and rests her cheek on my chest.
“Like this, okay? Just stay like this while I talk.”
I don’t know what she has to say, but if it’s so bad she needs me to hold on to her—even though I can’t see her face—I’ll grant her that. I’d walk through fire for this woman. And knowing there’s something so horrible buried inside her feels like someone ripped my heart from my chest.
If only I’d known it was about to get so much worse.
“Men cause nothing but pain,” I whisper against Gabriel’s strong chest.
I can feel him tense beneath my cheek. “What?”
“Men cause nothing but pain. It’s what I’ve told myself my whole life. I guess you could say it’s the motto I live by…until you.”
“My bella,” he goes to interrupt, but I cut him off.
“Please, just listen. I need you to wait until I’m done before you say anything. It’s important, Gabriel. Just listen.”
“Okay, baby.”
Deep breaths. Deep breaths. You can do this. The pep talk I’m giving myself does nothing to settle the chaotic beating of my heart.
“My mom had a bad drug problem before she ever even had me. When she couldn’t afford to get high, she’d trade sex for drugs. I was the product of one of those times. She was always so out of it that she couldn’t even remember who my father was. When I was six she started working for a guy who ran some small time operation. They’d bring the coke to her, she’d cut it for them, and then they’d pick it up and sell it. Only problem was she’d snort more than she could afford to cover.
“She’d pay them off by having sex with them, but years of heavy drug use really took a toll on her looks, you know? It got to where the men didn’t even want her. When I was eight…” I trail off. This is the hardest part. My stomach is in knots and I’m not sure I can get through this story without throwing up. “When I was eight…the man my mom worked for started to notice me. I developed a lot faster than the other girls my age. When my mom saw him paying attention to me she decided...” Tears begin running down my cheeks, and I have to swallow past the lump in my throat several times in order to continue. “…She traded me for the drugs.”
Every one of Gabriel’s muscles goes tense underneath me. The arm wraps around me constricts, pulling me in tight. His chest stops the steady rise and fall against my cheek, and I know he’s holding his breath. I have no doubt if I were to look at his face right now, the anger I’d see would make a grown man shake in fear. Despite all of this, he doesn’t speak. He keeps his promise and remains quiet until I’m finished.
“It went on for ten years. At first it was just the man my mom worked for directly, but as more time passed, he’d give me to the other guys that worked for him. He loved to tell me that he owned me. That I was his and he could do whatever he wanted to me. He said that sharing me kept his men happy and loyal. The older I got, the worse it became. He started becoming possessive. If he thought I was talking to another boy at school, or if I tried to make friends, he’d get jealous and beat me. If he or his men were in a bad mood, he claimed it was my job to let them use my body in any way they needed to release their anger.
“I lived in hell for ten years. They did things to m-me—” My voice cracks on a sob that I can’t hold back. “It got so bad that there were days I couldn’t walk. I eventually just quit going to school. It wasn’t like anyone really cared, we lived in such a shitty part of town the school system didn’t give a damn about the kids. My mom told them I was being homeschooled and they didn’t even blink. When I was fifteen, the man my mom worked for started talking about how much he loved me, how we were meant to be together, and I was his for the rest of my life. I thought I was going to die in that house…with those people.” I let out a hysterical laugh, knowing I must sound crazy, but I can’t help it. “Fuck, there were some days I wished for it. Prayed for it just so I could escape the fear and pain. Never once did my mom do anything to protect me. She threw me into the fucking lion’s den for her own sick addiction.”
My laughter turns into wracking sobs as I break down and curl further into Gabriel. He just lays there holding me, giving me the strength and comfort I so desperately need.
“How did you get away?” he asks in a hushed voice after my tears finally dry up.
“There was a crawlspace in the back of my bedroom closet. My mother never knew it was there. Sometimes I would hide there when one of the men would come for me and my body was too bruised or I was in too much pain. I was always punished for not being there to take care of him or his men, but sometimes I just had to, you know?” I take a deep breath and push forward. “One night some men broke into our house. My mom was in the kitchen when they busted through the front door. I’d been asleep in my bed, but I managed to creep down the hall and get a peek at them. There were three guys, all in black. They had masks on so I couldn’t tell who they were.
“I ran back to my room and hid in my little hole. Our house was so small I could hear everything they were saying. Apparently, they came for the drugs my mom’s boss had just dropped off to be cut. They kept asking questions about his operation, when he dropped of the drugs, when he picked it all up, things like that. When they got what they wanted, they…they k-killed her.”
The emotion I feel at saying that floor me. “They asked her if anyone was in the house and she lied. She lied! That woman ruined my life, but the last thing she ever did on this earth was protect me. How fucked up is that?” I ask through a broken sob. “She traded me to men who beat and raped me for ten years just so she could stay high, but when those men broke in, she lied to keep me safe. I listened as they shot her. I remember praying that they’d just leave when they got what they came for, but then I heard one of the men tell the
others to burn the house down. I was so sure that that was it. That I was going to be stuck in that goddamn crawl space and burn to death.
“They poured gasoline all over the kitchen and set it on fire. Thank god they didn’t stick around long enough to make sure everything caught. I heard their car take off right after and was able to escape out my bedroom window before the flames made it to my room. That’s what I was dreaming about tonight.”
I’m so absorbed in my story that it takes me a while to notice Gabriel’s gone completely still—frozen. I finally brave a look at his face when he remains silent. Whatever emotion flashes across his eyes the second I look up disappears before I can place it.
“Gabriel?”
“What was his name, Marley?”
I’m confused by his question. “Who?”
“The man. The man your mom worked for. Do you know what ever happened to him?”
I shake my head, still utterly confused. “I don’t know. I guess those guys who killed my mom found him. I never saw him again.”
“I need a name, my bella.”
“Eduardo Almaraz. But it doesn’t matter, Gabriel. He’s gone. It’s over.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” He shoots up and jumps off of the bed, pacing the length of his bedroom. His hands are gripping his hair as he mutters nonsensical words. I’m starting to feel like I’ve just made a huge mistake when, all of the sudden, he stops pacing and stomps back toward the bed.
Rushing me so quickly it startles me, he wraps his arms around me and squeeze tightly. “Fucking shit, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I hug him back with just as much emotion, holding on to him like my lifeline. “It’s okay, Gabriel. I’m okay now. You don’t need to apologize. None of it was your fault. You didn’t even know me.”
He untangles his limbs from mine and grabs hold of my face. The agony in his expression as he’s looking at me claws at my heart. “I’d have killed him, my bella. For hurting you the way he did, I’d have gladly made him suffer before taking his life.”
Taking hold of his wrists, I pull them down and turn my head to place a kiss on each palm. “Don’t you see, Gabriel? You’ve already saved me. I might have escaped physically, but I was still living that nightmare in my mind every single day. Meeting you changed me. You made me feel safe for the first time in my life. I’ve lived by telling myself that men cause nothing but pain, but that’s not true. I never ever thought I’d meet a man I’d want to be with.” A snarky smile spreads across my lips as I look at him and laugh. “But then you forced your way into my life—under duress, I might add—and I fell in love with you. I love you so much, Gabriel. You help make me strong.”
“I love you,” he tells me, his expression looks as if he’s in pain. “I’m never letting you go. Ever. You and me, this is it. I won’t let you go.”
I smile again, trying to fight away his sadness. “Good. I don’t want you too.”
He pulls my down against his chest, situating us back in the bed like we had been earlier. I finally feel light, like telling him the truth lifted a massive weight off of my chest. Peacefulness takes over and my body begins to recognize just how tired it really is.
“What happened after you ran?” he asks several minutes later when I’m close to sleep.
“It was hard that first year. I didn’t have any money, nothing. When I ran, I ran with the clothes on my back and that was it. Sometimes I’d stay at a shelter for a while and then there were times I had to sleep on the streets. It wasn’t easy, but I got through it. When I finally began working, I stashed away as much cash as humanly possible until I could afford to take care of myself. It was difficult, but when I ran out of that house I swore I was starting over. I became Marley that night, and I’ve been taking care of myself ever since.”
“What do you mean, you became Marley that night?”
“I changed my name. I didn’t want to remember where I came from,” I mutter through a yawn. “My real name is Marlena Levkova.”
“Russian.”
“Mmhmm.” I mumble tiredly. “I think my mom told me once she was half Russian, half Italian.”
Kissing the top of my head, Gabriel says, “Go to sleep, my bella. You’re exhausted.”
I snuggled further into his warmth and get comfortable. “Mmm, good night, Gabriel. I love you.”
“Love you too,” I hear him whisper as sleep pulls me under. I’m just about out when I hear him softly say, “Never letting you go. No matter what.”
“There a reason you needed me to crawl my tired ass outta bed at five in the fucking morning when I spent all night hunting for that fucker, Gianni?” Aldo’s typically a cranky person on any given day. But you screw with him when he’s tired and you’re asking to get the shit beat out of you. Unfortunately for him, what I have to say can’t possibly wait. That’s why I had to pull my own exhausted ass out of bed and away from my bella to get to work early. After Marley finally fell asleep, I lay awake replaying her story over and over in my head. When they say karma is a bitch, they forget to mention that that’s an understatement. A more correct assumption would be that she’s a raging psychotic bitch from hell on the first fucking day of her period.
And she just showed up to bite me in the ass.
“Sit down, brother. We got the fucking mack daddy of problems right now.”
“Jesus Christ,” he grumbles. “What the fuck are we dealing with now?”
“Marlena Levkova.”
“Almaraz’s girl? The one Gianni got the Intel on? Dude, we decided she was a lost cause years ago. She went into hiding with Almaraz.”
“We were wrong,” I state. “And the information was so fucking far off base it’s not even funny.” Gianni had told us that word on the streets was that Eduardo Almaraz had himself a little Russian girlfriend he was crazy possessive over. After everything went down and we were trying to flush him out, we tried to track the girl down to see if we could use her as leverage to pull him out of hiding. Problem was, we couldn’t find any info on her.
“What’s going on, Gabe? You look like you’re about two seconds away from losing your shit.”
He wasn’t wrong. “It’s Marley, man.”
“What’s Marley?”
Jesus, I felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest. “Marley is Marlena Levkova.”
His jaw goes slack and his eyes wide. “No man, no. That can’t be right. She’s what? Twenty-three? She was just a kid.”
The reminder of everything she suffered through at such an early age infuriates me. My blood is boiling. “It’s true. Don’t know where the fuck Gianni got his information, but he was way off base.”
“What aren’t you telling me, Gabe.”
Aldo might come off like he doesn’t care about anything, but the truth is he’s one of the most caring people I know. He isn’t going to take too well with what I’m about to tell him. “Almaraz and his men started beating and raping her when she was eight. Went on for ten years. Her junky whore of a mom traded Marley’s body to them in exchange for them keeping her coked up.” Plopping down in my desk chair, I rub my hands over my face angrily. I can’t believe this shit is happening. “It would appear that the only thing Gianni told us that held any truth was that he was obsessed with her. Told her he owned her and she was the love of his life, or some shit. But he still had no problem passing a little girl off to his fucking men to keep them happy.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Wish I was man. When she told me everything last night, it just about gutted me. The hell she lived through…man, our losses don’t even compare to what she suffered through.”
“Jesus Christ! How the fuck did she ever get out of that?”
“It gets worse.”
“How can it possibly get worse that this, Gabe? She was just a baby! No wonder she always walks around looking do goddamn broken. The girl lived in a fucking nightmare for ten years!”
I dread having to say this next part
. “Her mother was the crack head that worked for Alamarez. The one whose house we burned to the ground. Aldo, Marley was there that night.”
His large frame goes completely solid. “What?”
I just nod my head in answer.
“That’s not possible. I searched the house. There wasn’t anyone there.”
“Apparently there was a crawl space in the back of her closet. She used it to hide from Almaraz and his men when her body wasn’t healed enough to be used again.” Just saying those words causes bile to rise up in my throat.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. She heard everything. Somehow managed to escape after Gianni set fire to the kitchen. Changed her name and ran. Lived on the streets for about a year after that, but somehow managed to pick herself up and start a life.”
Aldo rubs a hand through his short hair. “This shit can’t be real man. What are you gonna do?”
That’s the same question I’ve been asking myself since last night. Since Marley broke down and told me every horrible detail of her life. “Nothing. I’m not going to do anything.”
“What? Gabe, you can’t just keep this shit from her.”
“Why not? Huh? She’s suffered enough, Aldo. She managed to escape and she’s created a life for herself. I’m not going to hurt her any more than she’s already been hurt.”
“The man who raped and beat her—who let his fucking men use her as a play toy is still out there, Gabe. The same man who killed your wife and son…my sister and nephew!”
“You think I don’t know that?” I yell. Shooting to my feet, I begin pacing back and forth.
“Things like this don’t stay hidden forever, Gabe. They always come to light one way or another. You keep her in the dark about this, you’re going to regret it.”
I stop walking and turn to face him…my closest friend, my brother. “I can protect her. I can keep her safe.”
“How do you plan on doing that? Almaraz is still out there somewhere. You think if he gets wind the girl he’s been obsessed with is in your bed, he won’t retaliate? You know better than that, Gabe. You’ve lived it.”
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