by Cari Quinn
Colt slumped against the seat. He really didn’t have the energy to argue. Earlier, he’d been full of it and spoiling for a fight when he’d chased after Drake and Paige. Then Drake had acted like they didn’t need Colt to accompany them on the trip to get Dandelion, didn’t want him there, and the fury inside him—at himself mostly—had drained away, replaced by hurt.
The capper had been Paige telling him to be safe. Her big blue eyes had been so sad.
Sadness he’d put there.
“I’m an asshole,” he said miserably, tipping his head back against the seat.
One thing about Wade and Char? They didn’t believe in false sympathy. Neither of them said a damn thing to reassure him.
Maybe he deserved that too.
“You’re not the only one,” Char said a few minutes later. Colt had been halfway asleep, but the sound of her voice made him jerk back awake. “I said some pretty awful things to Paige, and I love her like a sister.”
“What’d you say?” Colt tried to sit up straighter. His muscles felt as if they’d been constructed of taffy. “What’d you say to my Paige?”
Even half delirious, Colt saw the look Wade and Char exchanged. It was a very married look, as though they were sharing the same thoughts about Colt’s idiocy.
They’d probably done that while single too.
“Your Paige, huh?” Wade asked, flicking a glance at the rearview mirror. “Does that mean you’re serious about her?”
“I am. I was. I am,” he corrected. “But she dumped me before I could dump her. Or no, that’s not what happened.” He rubbed his forehead. A headache was brewing behind his eyes. “Drake dumped me for both of them, though I’d put the idea out there first. But still, I thought everyone in—involved had to dump you? It’s not like a committee thing.” He frowned. “Is it?”
“Not having been in that particular situation, I can’t really say,” Wade said.
“Why were you going to dump her if you were serious about her?” Char asked.
“Because I had sex with Drake.”
It wasn’t until they both made some sort of choked noise that Colt realized what he’d said. Damn drunk lips. They didn’t keep anything inside.
So much for keeping things a secret.
Wade cleared his throat. “You mean with Paige.” He glanced at Char and said in a low voice, “Sorry.”
Sorry. They were all sorry they had to deal with his bullshit. Drunken revelry and threesomes and scandal in every direction.
Yeah, well, too bad. He’d been feeling ashamed about being less than he’d once been for far too long. His high school glory days were in the past. The NFL ones weren’t worth mentioning. His marriage was done and buried.
That didn’t mean he should try to wear a role that no longer fit him anymore. He had to figure out who he was now, not try to hang onto who he’d been back then.
The truth was, who he was really wasn’t so bad, under all the crap he’d let get in his way. He loved animals and people and helped little old ladies cross the street. He brought his ma flowers every Sunday and never failed to say a lady looked lovely today, even if she had baby spit-up on her shoulder. He was part owner of a successful business and very good at helping kids learn to be more comfortable in the saddle.
And he was sexually attracted to both Paige and Drake.
Funny how being drunk made it seem so clear. He loved Paige and Drake and wanted to be with them in every possible way. Both of them.
“No, I had sex with Drake alone,” he said quietly. “Just him and me. Paige doesn’t even know. Though we did things…in front of her. I don’t think she minds.”
“Oh, Colt,” Char said, and he didn’t hear an ounce of judgment in her voice. It only made him feel worse.
Perhaps no one would’ve judged him like he’d believed they might. But he hadn’t been able to consider that possibility because he’d been too busy judging himself.
Colt pressed his face into his hands, feeling like an utter fool. “I lost them because I freaked out and got scared. I’ve never been gay before this.” Hearing himself, he sputtered out a laugh. “Oh God, I’m a moron. Bi. I’m bi.” He heaved out a breath and stared out the window at the passing dark landscape without really seeing any of it. “I’m even screwing up the terms. They never applied to me before.”
Char shifted around in her seat. “Why didn’t you come to us? You could talk to us about anything.” She reached back between the seats and fumbled for his hand. “Anything, I swear.”
His eyes burned and he gripped her hand as though she was all he had left in this world. Perhaps she and Wade were it. He’d driven away the two people who mattered most to him.
At least he still had his family.
“I hurt you too,” he whispered. “Both of you. How can you still care?”
Wade pulled up to his house and stopped the truck, then just sat for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Or maybe wondering how he’d ended up with such a fuck-up of a brother.
“You’re my older brother. I only have one of those. Added to that, I know deep down you never meant to hurt me or Charli. You’re a little oblivious sometimes, and maybe a bit too full of yourself at others, but you’re never intentionally malicious. Never.”
“Just stupid down to the core.” Colt chuckled and squeezed Char’s hand before letting her go. It had meant a lot for her to offer him that support at that moment. For both of them to. They were good people, and they deserved each other.
But goddammit, maybe he deserved something good too. Something so wonderful he’d been certain he couldn’t possibly do it justice, so he’d shoved it—them—away.
“You’re only stupid if you don’t make things right.” Char unbuckled her seat belt and turned around to face him again. “You need to tell them how you feel. Make them understand it wasn’t about you not caring about them, but not knowing how to.”
“Said like any disgruntled ex-wife,” he said fondly, and she shook her head and laughed.
“I’m not disgruntled anymore. Maybe I was, a little,” she admitted. “I was harsh with Paige. Not because I even minded her being with you, but because my ego got bruised. You and me, we weren’t meant to be together, and we weren’t in love. I don’t think we ever really were.”
Colt nodded. He’d known that for a long time, but he hadn’t said it. They’d never said any of this out loud.
Perhaps they needed to.
“But I think we loved each other, as friends do,” she said.
“Love,” Colt corrected.
With a quick glance at Wade, she nodded. “Yes. I’m protective of her, and protective of you, and I guess I got jealous that the two of you found something we never did. Not because I want it for myself.” She reached for Wade’s hand and brought it to her mouth for a kiss. “I have everything I could ever want or need now. That doesn’t mean I’m not stupid sometimes too.”
“We all are.” Wade smiled and turned toward Colt. “Love makes all of us idiots. I think it’s supposed to. If we’re not a little screwed up over it, then it probably doesn’t matter enough.”
Colt scrubbed his hands over his face and glanced out the window at the water gleaming in the darkness. Wade and Char were renting the old Sutter place on Casper Lake, and their friends had liked to go swimming here since their high school days.
He’d have to bring Paige and Drake there sometime. His gulch wasn’t really big enough, and they’d have more fun with more room to spread out.
If they ever forgave him.
He closed his eyes, shutting out the view of the moonlight on the rippling water. How would he ever begin to convince them he cared enough not to walk away the next time the ride got rocky? They had no reason to trust him. To trust in him. His past mistakes—and the current one that had landed him in this predicament—were pretty damning.
“I think…I think I want to try something permanent with them,” he said, unsurprised his voice came out sounding rusty. It felt as though his
vocal cords were rubbing together. “I want to try.”
“Don’t try. Do it. No half-assing this, Bennett,” Char said sternly, still holding her husband’s hand. “You’re capable of being the man you want to be. You just have to stop giving yourself the easy out.” She glanced at Wade. “When it’s right, there are no outs, no matter how tough it gets. You don’t want any.”
“Yeah.” Bracing his elbows on his knees, he dipped his head and gripped it when it spun. At least his stomach was level now. “I don’t. I really fucking don’t.”
“Then tell them that. Prove it to them.” Wade smiled. “Time to blitz ’em and take ’em down.”
Colt nodded, smiling in spite of himself. Then he blew out a breath. “You really—you really don’t see me any differently now?”
“Yes, I do.” Char waited a beat before releasing Wade to squeeze between the seats to try to give Colt an awkward one-armed hug. “You’re braver and more amazing than I ever gave you credit for. I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t be. I didn’t give myself much credit either.” He returned her hug, then she wiggled back into the front seat. He glanced at his brother. Wade was smiling, probably marveling at how his tiny wife had managed to fit into the narrow room between the seats. “What about you?” he asked quietly.
“I always looked up to you before. Tonight you gave me the best reason to.” Wade glanced at the space Charli had just wriggled through. “Not gonna happen, though. Consider yourself hugged.”
Colt laughed. “Thanks, man. Thank you both.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Guess I better go inside to sleep it off before I go find them.”
“Probably a good idea.” Wade finally turned off the car, taking away the blissfully cool A/C, and unlocked the doors. “I’d recommend a lot of rest. You’re probably going to need it.”
Colt pushed open the door and stepped out. Amazingly he didn’t topple over. There was hope for him yet. “I think you’re right.”
He went inside with them, checking his phone just in case. No messages. No surprise there. He set his phone on the table in the foyer. He’d have to work at getting this one in the end zone.
After saying goodnight and offering another round of thanks, he gratefully headed into the guest bedroom Char had made up with fresh sheets. He stripped and fell into the bed without even taking a shower. That was for tomorrow, before he saw them again. He’d make sure he didn’t smell like a two-bit drunk. If he looked presentable and sounded semi-coherent, maybe they’d believe him when he told them how he felt. He’d come up with the perfect speech and win them over again.
It wouldn’t be too late. It couldn’t be.
* * *
“Colt.”
The rough hand on his shoulder shook him out of sleep. He fought it off, not ready to wake up from his dream. It involved Paige and Drake and there was a healthy amount of nudity involved. And warm chocolate syrup.
“Colt. Get up.”
He opened one eye at Wade’s urgent voice, ready to tell him to screw off. Nicely, since he was in his house and all. But jeez, couldn’t a guy sleep off a good drunk in peace anymore?
Then he saw Wade’s expression and shot straight up in bed, ignoring the dizzy revolutions of his head. “What? What is it? What happened?”
“Paige and Drake never showed up to meet Mr. Dunston last night. He just called your phone. According to Dunston, Drake had indicated he’d be there soon.” While Colt tried to process, Wade continued. “Dunston’s wife got discharged early from the hospital but he’s afraid to leave since Drake was supposed to be there to get the horse.” He swallowed hard. “We can’t reach Drake.”
“Hollie brought Paige’s purse.” Charli stepped up behind him, her eyes grave. And damp. “She forgot it on the couch at the party. Her cell’s still in it.”
He tore off the sheets and got to his feet, belatedly realizing he was still naked. No time to worry about it. Wasn’t like he’d flashed anything either of them hadn’t seen before. He yanked on his boxers and jeans, then he shoved his feet into his shoes and fumbled for his watch. From the weak sunshine streaming into the room, it wasn’t that early.
Past six. They should’ve been there hours ago.
Fucking hours ago.
“Maybe they had engine problems.” He paced, grabbing his shirt as he went. “Maybe they hit a deer or—”
Or maybe they were hurt or dead, lying in a ditch somewhere. Jesus.
“You’re probably right.” Wade’s voice was calm and even. The voice of someone trying to convince his brother of something he wasn’t sold on himself. “Could’ve been a million reasons they haven’t made it there yet.”
“Drake would never leave that horse stranded. Never leave a customer in the lurch, especially not one already worried about his sick wife. Not unless something more important took his attention.”
Like…Paige.
Colt dragged on his shirt and pushed past them into the hall. “We’ve driven that route a million times. I’m going to find them.”
It was his job to take care of them. And he’d failed.
“Hang on a second. You’re still hungover,” Char began, chasing after him.
“I’m fine.” He’d never been more sober in his life. Over six hours had passed since Wade and Char had poured him into Wade’s truck, and if anything was capable of chasing the last of the dust and grit out of his brain, this was it. Even the mild headache he’d had upon awakening was receding, chased away by nerves and worry.
Fuck worry. Try panic.
Images of Drake and Paige trapped in the bent metal of Drake’s truck in a ditch somewhere made his breath catch as he grabbed his cell and wallet by the front door. But his hands were rock steady.
He’d hold it together for them. Until he made sure they were absolutely fine. Then there was a good chance he’d lose the contents of his stomach on the side of the road, and not because he was hungover.
“Take these.” Charli shoved a bottle of pills into his hand.
“Thanks. Keys?” he said to Wade as he came down the stairs.
“Not on your fucking life. You were wasted last night. You’re not driving and getting yourself killed.”
“Seriously? You really think I can’t hold my liquor?”
“I think you need to shut up and get outside.” Wade pulled open the front door and gave his brother a rough shove. “Wherever you need to go, we’ll take you.”
“Both of us,” Char added.
When Colt glanced back, she took a shaky breath. “She’s my best friend. And all I can think about is we argued and never made up.”
Colt nodded, his throat going tight. Then he turned and strode toward Wade’s truck. “Start practicing what you want to say, because we’re going to find them and bring them home.”
There was no alternative.
* * *
“Sorry about all this.” Paige tipped her head against Drake’s shoulder as they walked out of Motel 6. She stifled a yawn. “It’s been a while since I got a killer migraine, but wow, this one really knocked me out. I could’ve slept in the truck, though.”
“No, you couldn’t. All that bumping around isn’t good for you if you’re not feeling well.” She straightened, and he smiled at her as they walked into the sunshine. He held out the muffin he’d grabbed from the breakfast bar. “Here. You should eat.”
“So sweet. Always taking care of me.” She peeled off the wrapper and pulled off a corner. Mmm. Chocolate chip. She offered it back to him and he took a bite. “We’ll have a quick meal, then we’ll get back on the road. Poor Dandelion must be itching to get out of that trailer.”
“It’s a pretty nice one, but yeah, she probably is. No worries. I told Dunston we’d get there as soon as we were able to. I wasn’t certain if you’d need to rest for the rest of the night, but I couldn’t get a word in edgewise around the guy’s ranting, anyway. He said his wife was going to be there awhile for observation, so I figured we had time.” Drake shook his head.
“Dunston’s always liked Colt better than me, so he probably wouldn’t be happy no matter what.”
“Even so, I’m sure you were in a hurry to get the horse and get back.”
“It wasn’t more important than you sleeping off that headache. Throwing up on the side of the road is usually a pretty good sign you need rest.”
She sighed and nibbled more of her muffin as they walked across the parking lot to the diner next door to the hotel. “Yeah, I think all the stress just caught up to me. I used to get them all the time in college. And also when I moved back in with my parents after college, until I decided Texas was as close as I needed to be to New York.” She grinned and walked through the door he held open for her. “Guess I was due for a relapse.”
They were seated in a booth near the front and their waitress gave them menus and took their coffee order. Once they were alone again, Drake lowered Paige’s menu to the table. “You were due because there’s been some uncertainty lately, and I wanted to apologize for that.”
She looked down at his hands, so strong and capable, flat against the table. Hands that knew her body so well already and never failed to give her pleasure. “It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is. Some of it is, anyway. Something happened between me and Colt the other day, and it led to all of this.”
“All of what?”
“Him acting like a jackass and getting drunk and pretending he’s fine with everything when he really isn’t.” Drake sighed and pushed a hand through his disheveled, wet blond hair.
They’d taken a quickie sexless shower this morning, intending to just get right on the road. But of course her stomach had made itself known, and Drake had grabbed her the muffin and insisted they stop for coffee and breakfast. The guy took attentive to a whole new level and she loved him for it.
She took a shaky breath and tried to focus on what he was saying. There was that word again. Love. She’d thought it in connection with both men the past few days, and it proved maybe she couldn’t handle good sex as well as she’d thought. No one fell in love within a few weeks, did they? Was that even possible?