“I hate you.”
“Care to do the cons list?”
“I’m stuck.”
“Exactly. You’ve been stuck in a rut for a year. This is your chance to get out of it. Now or never. That’s a pro.”
“No—I’m stuck in this dress. I’m going to die in this fucking thing!”
“I’m coming in.” Chloe entered to find me trembling with rage and unable to cover my breasts with my hands, because my hands were stuck inside the narrow coffin of stretchy black fabric. One of my boobs was popping out over the bustier-style under-wiring and the other was smushed-up against the back of my arm. She covered her mouth to keep from laughing too loud. The combination of offensive dressing room lighting, non-user-friendly dress design and tension about the date was making my blood boil.
“I really hate the world right now.”
“Actually, this is such a casual look, you won’t even need the blouse.”
“Get me out of here.”
“I’m just going to take one picture.”
“Chloe.”
“I swear to God I’m not being funny here—your tatas look amazing. If you send Theo this picture his cock will erupt. They’ll have to evacuate people from their houses for miles around him.”
“That’s gross and I’m going to kill you if you don’t get me out of this thing.”
“I’m not going to get you out of it, I’m going to get you into it the right way.”
She scrunched up her face while wrestling with the dress, and managed to get my arms through the proper straps and my boobs into proper alignment.
“Wow. I’m serious, this is the dress.”
I turned to face the evil mirror, and even though I suddenly felt the need to do a juice cleanse and sign up for spinning and CrossFit classes, I had to admit that the dress was super sexy and would be perfectly appropriate with a blouse over it. And goshdarnit—my tatas did look amazing and I did want to make Theo’s cock erupt.
Chloe was watching my face—not the splotchy reflection in the evil mirror, but my actual face. “See?”
I looked at her and smiled. Everything was right in the world. “I love you.”
“I love you too. And I love you and Theo. As a couple.”
“I need to get out of this now.”
“You guys belong together,” she continued, while helping me out of the dress. “In every way. You would literally be the cutest couple in the history of planet Earth, and you would be the first cute couple I actually like. I hate cute couples.”
“That’s a lot of pressure. That’s too much pressure.”
“It will be the easiest thing in the world once you stop resisting the inevitable. Just watch the wedding video.”
“No!”
“Why not?!”
“For the thousandth time—if I watch, it will be like watching a movie. It’ll freak me out because I won’t know what was for show and what was real and I won’t be able to just hang out with him without second-guessing everything.”
“You already can’t do that. You’re staying with us because you can’t do that.”
She had a point. But I definitely wasn’t going to watch it before our first date. I was half-way out of the dress and needed Chloe to stick around, and the only way I was going to get her to stop talking about the wedding video was if I changed the subject. Hard. “Did you ever have sex with anyone before Ethan?”
She blinked twice before telling me to lift my arms straight up. “Just high school sex. Why? Are you nervous about having sex with Theo?”
I stared at her blank-faced. “What do you think?”
She pulled the underwire away from my skin, so her fingers wouldn’t graze my nipples while struggling to lift the rest of the bunched-up dress over my boobs. “But why? It won’t be awkward. Theo will know what he’s doing.”
“Well that’s kind of the thing. He has so much more experience than me.”
“Trust me. If the chemistry is there, nothing else will matter.”
I was finally out of the dress but I still couldn’t quite breathe.
“Hey,” she said. “Stop inventing problems and let yourself be happy.”
I nodded. “I think you’re going to have to help me into this dress before you leave for work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, good. That way you’ll feel totally comfortable in it by the time Theo picks you up. Just don’t starve yourself all day. Better to get a food stain on your dress than to act like an idiot because your brain hasn’t been fed.”
I already knew that I would never feel totally comfortable in that dress, that I was going to starve myself all day, and that I would definitely act like an idiot. But I trusted that I’d have a good time with Theo anyway. Because it was us. Surely, not even I would be able to mess that up.
15
Gemma
On the morning of our date, I answered the front door at Chloe and Ethan’s wearing the black dress. I thought maybe it would be Theo, surprising me with an early pick-up. So I fluffed up my hair and my boobs before opening the door. I think it’s safe to say that the florist’s delivery guy would have preferred to put his tip inside of me, rather than take the three dollars I gave him.
Theo had sent me two dozen lavender colored roses. Not yellow for friendship. Lavender purple. For me. I don’t know how he knew it was what I liked. Other than the fact that I was always buying that kind of roses at the flower market. The note card said: From the hardest-working guy you know. Still thinking about you. See you tonight.
I felt like a prima ballerina. Except that I could barely move my legs in that dress.
At almost six-thirty, I was standing in front of the mirror in Ethan and Chloe’s dining area, trying to confirm that there would be no nipple slips as I emerged from the car or bent down to pick something up. I heard the front door open, assuming it was Ethan or Chloe, and caught my breath when I saw Theo’s reflection behind mine. He was about ten feet away, watching me. We locked eyes in the mirror.
Every debilitating, dehumanizing second that it took to get me into this dress was completely worth it just to see that look on Theo’s face. At first he may not have realized it was me. But when he did, it was like the sight of me knocked the wind out of him. I had never felt so attractive in my life as I did in this moment. I turned to face him, fingers gripping the buffet table behind me.
“Shit,” he said under his breath, taking me in as he stood where he was.
My own eyes were so fixed on his, watching them scan me down and up again, that it took a minute for me to notice just how hot he looked in his jeans and blazer. So not like Jerry Seinfeld. I very rarely saw Theo in a blazer. I have a thing for blazers. I was so used to seeing him shirtless around the house, but somehow he looked even sexier to me like this. I definitely wanted Business Theo to give me the business.
“Hi,” he said, finally approaching me.
“Hi.”
“You look…” He bit his lip and shook his head. “You’re stunning.”
“Thank you.”
He leaned in to kiss me on my cheekbone, his hands gently touching my waist. Before pulling away, he pressed his lips against my neck, just below my earlobe. He smelled different. He was probably wearing the cologne that he reserved for dates. It was intoxicating. I inhaled deeply and swayed a little. I was already lightheaded due to minimal food intake, but there was a high probability that his amped-up attractiveness was going to make me fall over at some point. For one second I completely understood how jealous he felt about Ben, because I felt jealous of all the faceless women he’d worn that cologne for before me, all those necks he’d pressed his lips against. But he was all mine for now, and I knew it.
“Not complaining, but you’re a tad over-dressed and over-exposed for this event,” he muttered, staring down at my cleavage.
I held my finger up in front of his face. “No I’m not.” I picked up the thin white blouse that was resting on the buffet table under the mirror. I put it on and did up a few buttons, tying
the bottom of the blouse into a loose knot just above my waist. “See? Not too over-dressed, not too over-exposed.”
“Wow,” he said, perhaps a little disappointed that he could no longer see my boobs. “It’s like a fashion magic act. Now you see them, now you don’t.” He smiled. “You’re perfect. You ready to go?”
“Yeah. How was your day?” I picked up my purse and he gestured for me to walk towards the front door, ahead of him.
“Interesting. Attended some interesting talks, met some interesting people. Thought about what you looked like in a towel. I think I’ve decided to go with a Santa Monica-based venture capitalist for my next project. How about you? Did you work today?”
“No, we start breaking down the sets tomorrow. I spent most of the day getting into this dress, picking out which shoes to wear with it, scheduling my upcoming jobs, and trying to remember what you looked like naked the night we met.”
He grinned. “Any luck with that?”
“Not really. You’ll have to refresh my memory.”
“Not on the first date,” he whispered in my ear, as he opened the front door for me.
“Fair enough.”
He wasn’t very talkative on the drive to Burbank and that was fine with me, because I closed my eyes and replayed the banter we’d just had over and over in my head. I must have had a big dumb smile on my face because he said: “You’re thinking about our little exchange just now aren’t you?”
I huffed. “Get over yourself.“
“I just wish that blouse was as transparent as you are.” He kept his eyes on the road and he was frowning.
I smirked. “Would you like me to remove the blouse?”
“I’ll be doing the honors at the end of the night. Hope you took your sewing kit with you to Ethan and Chloe’s, because those buttons are gonna go flying.”
“Is that a threat or a promise?”
“It’s a promising threat.”
I would have told him that I didn’t much enjoy sewing and would make him buy me a new blouse if he ripped this one, but we were already seconds away from the studio and I could see from the bulge in his jeans and the clenched jaw that he needed to get into the no-boner zone fast. So, like a good friend, I kept silent and pretended not to notice when he shifted things around down there and cursed under his breath.
This party was my first time on the Warner Brothers lot, though I’d driven past the yellowy-beige perimeter many times. I wanted to work there, to design glorious sets that would be built in the big stages on this lot. But for now, it was quite a treat to be there with Theo. I didn’t know that studios rented out space for private events, but it made sense. Apparently these investors and techpreneurs knew how to party. Or at least they knew how to throw a party. It looked no different from a big movie premiere event, with purple, amber and fuchsia spotlights, Warner Brothers-themed set pieces, gorgeous classy bar and seating arrangements and a big stage for the DJ and band to perform.
There were a couple of hundred people milling about the sectioned-off New York street exterior set area of the backlot, and I swear that all of their eyes turned to Theo when we showed up. I felt surrounded by new money, money that was worked for, disrupted money—let’s be honest—nerd money. Theo was in no way the richest or most successful person there, but he seemed to have everyone’s attention without asking for it. Was he the most attractive techpreneur present? Without a doubt. Did he carry himself with the most confidence? Looked that way to me. Was he the most athletic nerd ever? Probably. Regardless of the why, I definitely felt the axis of the party shift as soon as we had arrived.
I was glad I hadn’t really seen him in work situations before this. Because it was a massive turn-on. Theo Walker was The Guy. He was polite and charming, articulate and straightforward, and he introduced me to everyone as Gemma Kelly. Not “my friend Gemma Kelly,” nor “my housemate Gemma Kelly,” or “my secret wife Gemma Kelly.” I was Gemma Kelly—full of possibilities. He wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to introduce me to wealthy people with houses that needed decorating. Literally every venture capitalist and his or her spouse asked me for my card when Theo told them that I did staging and decorating on the side.
When the event photographer approached him for a picture, Theo pulled me in and put his arm around my waist, then asked the photographer to take a picture of us with his phone, with the Batmobile in the background.
Now there were a grand total of two pictures of us together where we weren’t making goofy faces.
He had barely looked straight at me since we got out of the car, but I didn’t read into it at first. There were so many people vying for his attention. When he led me over to the bar and ordered me a glass of red wine and a water for himself, I noticed a distinctly familiar-looking tall thin gentleman.
“Um. Is that Snoop Dogg?”
Theo didn’t look up to check as he reached for the drinks. “Probably. He’s been investing in tech for years, and also, you know, weed-related startups. You should talk to him about that. Maybe he’ll give you some samples.”
“Haha.”
“Joseph Gordon-Levitt was at the conference today,” he mentioned casually.
I squeezed Theo’s arm and started exaggeratedly craning my neck. “Cool. This was fun, thanks for bringing me,” and then I walked off, pretending to look for JGL and thoroughly enjoying my joke. When I walked back to Theo, he did not look at all amused.
“Really? You’re not even going to laugh a little bit?”
“His wife’s probably around here somewhere too. She’s a brilliant robotics scientist.”
“Well, now I’m jealous. I’m not even an average robotics scientist.” I said this while doing The Robot. The restrictive dress actually improved my dance moves.
His face barely twitched, his jaw was tight, and his body was rigid.
I stood upright again, hand on my hip, lowered my voice.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“Why would I want you to leave?”
“Well you seem very uncomfortable with me here.”
“Do I?” He looked around the immediate area, probably to see if anyone could hear me being an annoying date, then put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in close as he leaned down to speak directly into my ear: “I’m uncomfortable around you because you’re a fucking knockout and all I can think about is taking you home, peeling that dress off of you, exploring your beautiful naked body with my hands and tongue and fucking you until we both forget that there was ever a time when we didn’t fuck each other. But I can’t do that because I have to stay here for at least another hour, and I have to talk to people who aren’t you, about things that have nothing to do with fucking you. So just do me a favor and act like the confidant woman you are, don’t leave, and also maybe try not to look so goddamn hot, even when you do The Robot like an idiot, okay?”
I cleared my throat and gulped down half my wine. “Okay.” I could definitely do that. With the help of a little more wine.
“There he is!”
“What’s up, ugly?”
I recognized the voices behind me and turned around, even though Theo didn’t look very happy to see his friends. Dale and Preston were his cute nerd buddies from USC, but I hadn’t seen them in ages. Their eyes widened when they recognized me.
“Whoa!” Dale stepped back. “Is this who I think it is?”
“Hey guys!”
Preston, who was always the flirty one, grabbed me and hugged me.
“Oh my God we thought he’d murdered you.”
“It’s been ages.”
“It hasn’t been that long,” Theo grumbled. “Alright alright, that’s enough.” He tapped Preston on the shoulder.
When he finally released me, I gave Dale a quick hug.
“Long time, girl. Wow. You look great.”
“Where have you guys been?”
“We’ve been around—where have you been? It’s been like a year since we all hung out.”
&nbs
p; “We always ask about you, but this guy’s like ‘oh she’s busy with work,’ so we figured he had you chained to a wall or something.”
I glanced at Theo, who was giving Preston the wide-eyed Shut Your Face look.
“Well, I have been busy with work.” I took Theo’s hand. “It’s kind of nice to be out on a date with this guy for a change.”
Theo pulled me in closer, and Dale and Preston’s jaws dropped.
“No way! That’s awesome, you guys.”
“Awww you guys are so cute. Well, that explains a lot.”
I gathered that Theo had been trying to keep me away from other single boys for a little longer than I’d realized.
I excused myself to the bar and let Theo do some explaining to his friends. I ordered a beer, stared up at the life-size Wonder Woman Justice League statue, wondered if Gal Gadot ever ate while she was wearing that costume, and waited for Dale and Preston to wander off before delivering the beer to Theo.
“Drink this.”
“I’m driving.”
“Drink one beer. You need to chill.” I took the water from his hand and replaced it with the beer bottle. I clinked my wine glass against the bottle and said: “Let us calmly remember that this is a party for tech nerds and investors, that is meant to be enjoyable.”
“Well-played,” he grinned.
That grin made me wobbly.
“Hey. Did you eat dinner? Let’s get some food.”
“I’m fine.”
“Uh. No. You’re hungry. You didn’t eat all day because of the dress, did you?”
I frowned at him. “You don’t know me.”
He took my elbow and guided me towards the street vendor set-up to grab whatever it was the guy was cooking in the mobile oven.
He finished half the bottle in less than a minute and had a twinkle in his eye for the first time that night. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For encouraging me to have a beer. For coming with me. For letting me see you in that dress so that I know what you look like without that blouse on and other people don’t. For being you.”
Green: a friends to lovers romantic comedy Page 14