by M. Robinson
I leaned in to her face. “Fuckin’ foreplay.”
“You can’t be serious. You’re totally messin’ with me right now, aren’t you?”
“Right. ’Cuz I would pick this moment where my cock is so fuckin’ hard, aching to be balls deep inside of you to mess with you.”
She signed. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “I don’t need you to say another damn thing. You already said everything I needed to know.” I got out of the hot tub and left her there.
“Jackson, don’t go.”
I froze, halting my steps. Not looking back, I spoke the truth, “I’d never be able to take you drunk. Jesus Christ, Harley, I’d never be able to just fuck you, and I thought you knew that.”
“How? How am I supposed to know that? It’s your favorite thing to watch, remember? You said it earlier.”
I snapped around, facing her again, and replied with conviction, “’Cuz it’s you. Us. Since the day I first met you, you’ve been mine. To fight with. Watch out for. Protect and defend. When you’ve been waiting as long as I have to really have you... Take you. Mark you. Be with you. You don’t do it bent over the side of a rented hot tub! For fuck’s sake, baby girl, of all people I’d expect you to want your first time to be special! ’Cuz I’ve always known it’s what I’ve wanted for you.”
She grimaced, jerking back. “I thought this was what you wanted. Why you’ve teased and taunted me for years. To fuck me.”
“Oh trust me, Harley. I do. But even when I do fuck you, own you, I’d still be making love to you. Why? ’Cuz it’s you, and I thought you knew that.”
This time I did turn and leave.
Feeling like a fuckin’ failure.
Every step of the way...
Back to my room.
Chapter 15
<>Harley<>
Jackson completely ignored me the next day.
He didn’t say one word to me. He wouldn’t even look in my direction. He barely even came out of his room.
We hadn’t spoken since he left me in the hot tub all alone the previous night. There was so much I wanted to say to him. So much I needed him to hear.
Yet nothing.
He was completely and utterly shutting me out.
“You okay?” Shiloh questioned, walkin’ into my room. Tearin’ me away from my plaguin’ thoughts.
“Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh, come on, Harley. It’s me. I know what’s going on between you two. What’s always been going on since we were kids. What happened? You guys seemed to be on the same page for once.”
“Ugh!” I plopped down on my bed, takin’ a deep breath. “I don’t even know. He’s sooooo confusin’! It’s really, really, really fuckin’ annoyin’!”
She shut the door behind her to give us some privacy. Sittin’ down next to me, tappin’ her lap for me to lay my head on her legs. She started playin’ with my hair like she’s done numerous times. Soothin’ me.
“Keep going.”
“Well ... we had the best day yesterday. Seriously, it was probably one of the most amazin’ days. We hung out, talked, laughed, teased each other. It was perfect, Shiloh.”
“So what happened to this perfect day?”
I sighed. “I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about Willow.”
“Harley, that was forever ago.”
“I know, but I can’t help it. I don’t trust him, and I know that’s beyond an irrational way of thinkin’. We weren’t together. He didn’t cheat on me, though it feels like he did.”
“Does he know that?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should tell him, and make sure he understands where your feelings are coming from.”
“Why are boys so stupid?”
“It’s part of their appeal.”
I scoffed out a chuckle.
“You know that day at school when I found out the rumors were true? That you had caught them. I couldn’t help but feel hurt you didn’t tell me.”
“Shiloh, I already told you I didn’t know how to say it. I wasn’t ready to admit I had feelings for him at the time of his betrayal. Shit,” I breathed out, shakin’ my head. “I’m still not ready to admit those feelings.”
“It doesn’t matter. We all knew already. Even Cash.”
“What?”
“Harley, we’re your best friends. We know you.”
“Cash has never admitted any of this to me.”
“Look at the way he protects you from Jackson. It’s blatantly obvious, but you are blind to it. Seeing only what you can handle.”
“He can’t stand him.”
“He knows how Jackson feels about you, and in Cash’s eyes, Pierce is not good enough for you. He’s doing what a best guy friends does.”
“Cockblockin’ like my brothers?”
“Exactly. Cash sees you like a sister. Family. He’s no better than Luke or Owen, thinking he’s doing what’s best for you. Everyone can see how you light up anytime Jackson comes into a room. It’s like this fire inside of you that just burns when he’s present.”
“Yeah, ’cuz I’m usually pissed at him.”
“Babe, even if you guys were a couple, you’d probably still be pissed at him the majority of the time. It’s your guys dynamic. You love to hate one another. It’s like your foreplay or something.”
“Oh my God, Jackson said the same thing to me in the hot tub last night.”
“Hot tub?” Her hand paused on my head, mid stroke through my hair. “Wait, now you’re leaving shit out! What happened in the hot tub, Harley?”
“Umm... I couldn’t get that little voice in the back of my mind to shut up. No matter what, it was there. So I suggested we hit up some whiskey dispensaries and drink our weight in liquor.”
“Oh man ... did you guys fight?”
“Not until I told him to fuck me in the hot tub.”
“Harley Jameson!”
“I know! I was drunk and stupid, and not in the right head space. I royally pissed him off, though, but it’s kind of his fault too. He’s the world’s best kisser—”
“What?! You guys made out?”
“Yes.”
“In the hot tub?”
“Mmm hmm...”
“Did anything else happen?”
“I placed his hands on my boobs at one point and may have dry humped him.”
“Harley!”
I covered my eyes. “It felt so good, Shiloh. God’s honest truth, I think I might be in love with him.”
“Duh. He’s your lobster.”
“He really might be. How did this happen? Do you think he loves me? I mean, the stuff he was sayin’ to me after I told him to do me was insane. Like book boyfriend shit, insane.”
“Wait. Jackson turned you down?”
“Facts. Flat out.”
“No way.”
I nodded, openin’ my eyes. “As soon as I said it, he stopped kissin’ me. Completely turnin’ me down. Without a second thought. No hesitation. He shut off. I’ll never forget the look on his face, Shiloh. He was so hurt by the fact that I thought he’d take me that way.”
Her eyes widened. “Whoa. He reversed roles, he turned into a girl.”
I nodded again. “It was really sweet and genuine. I can’t believe I let my insecurities and flat out stupidity ruin the moment I’d been waiting for since I don’t know, forever. I totally fucked up, and he won’t talk to me now.”
“He’s barely stepped foot out of his room today. Trigger is talking to him, though.”
“Oh, so you guys are makin’ your best friend rounds?”
She smiled. “I think you need to put on somethin’ really cute. Brush your hair and teeth. Spritz on some perfume, and go talk to him.”
“So you’re sayin’ I need to seduce him?”
“Yes, but with your words, not actions. You need to tell him one hundred and ten percent how you feel.”
�
��Ugh! I can’t do this. What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“Harley, he turned you down. Why do you think that is?”
“’Cuz I was drunk.”
“Yes, but you’re missing the bigger picture here. He wants you in a much different way than the girl you can’t stop thinking about.”
“He said that too. That I would never be just another fuck for him.”
“Did he say he wanted to make love to you?”
“Not in those words.”
“Babe! He totally loves you! Now, get up and go win him over with that Harley Jameson sass.”
“Oh God,” I grumbled. “This just gave me the worst anxiety.”
“You got this. Come on, I’ll help you get ready.”
While I was in the shower, Shiloh picked out my outfit. A midriff tank top with a built-in bra and a pair of cotton shorts that rode up my ass. We decided to leave my hair down, addin’ soft curls at the ends to give it more volume and fluff. I’m pretty sure she sprayed half the bottle of my vanilla body mist all over me, coverin’ me head to toe in Jackson’s favorite scent. Teddy coughed and sneezed his life away for a good fifteen minutes.
“Oh my God, Shiloh! No more. Between my strawberry shampoo and conditioner, and now you drenchin’ me in perfume, I’m going to attract all the bugs!”
“Facts. His name is Jackson.”
Next, was my makeup. She packed on my cherry lip gloss, smoked out my eyes a little to make the blue and green in them pop. Finishin’ it off with the blackest of mascaras. Now, I looked like a whole new girl when I peered in the floor-length mirror.
Inspectin’ her handy work, she stated, “If I was into chicks, I’d totally do you.”
“Awe, thanks, babe.”
“Go team!” She smacked my ass. “I’ll watch Teddy. Go!”
“Do I have to?”
She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and dragged me down the long narrow hallway toward Jackson’s bedroom.
“I can’t do this.”
Not allowin’ me to back down, she knocked on his door for me.
“I hate you.”
She smiled. “I love you too.” Creatin’ a heart with her fingers.
No response from the other side of the door.
“Okay, he’s not here.”
Before I could bolt, she knocked on the door again, and this time Jackson shouted, “Get lost!”
She didn’t listen and opened it anyway, hidin’ behind the door.
I, on the other hand, was in full view. “Hey,” I greeted, my heart suddenly hammerin’ out of my chest.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
“What part of get lost didn’t you understand?”
When I didn’t answer him fast enough, Shiloh shoved me into his room. Causin’ me to stumble over my own two feet. Quickly, she closed the door behind me, leavin’ me alone with the beast. I could have died of embarrassment right then and there.
If it weren’t for Jackson’s expression, shiftin’ over to somethin’ I couldn’t put my finger on when my scent assaulted his senses, I probably would have.
His eyes dilated as he reached for a pillow to cover his lap.
Unable to hide the fact that the mere smell of me gave him a boner. I smirked, feelin’ all cocky.
However, he broke the spell, snappin’, “What do you want?” in a sharp, guarded tone.
He was back to Jackson Pierce, my bully, my enemy, my fuckin’ asshole.
I treaded lightly, replyin’, “Jackson, don’t be like that.”
“And what way would you like me to be?”
“I don’t know. Just not like this.”
“Which is what?”
“Ignornin’ me.”
“How’s it feel, baby girl? To finally feel what I go through with you.”
“I’m sorry.” I shrugged. “There I said it.”
“Yeah, ’cuz that sounded really sincere.”
Bowin’ my head in shame, I slowly stepped into his space. Sittin’ on the corner of the queen-size bed.
“Did you get all done up for me?”
Our eyes connected.
“No.”
“Then why are your hard nipples standing at attention, staring right at me. You cold, Gremlin?”
I died a million deaths, instantly crossin’ my arms over my chest.
“Who dressed you?”
“Shiloh. How did you know?”
“Your outfit matches.”
I chuckled, battin’ my lashes.
“The makeup and hair too?”
“Maybe.”
“Is that why you smell so fuckin’ good?”
“Yeah, but she almost killed Teddy in the process.”
“Where is the biggest Wheaten of life?”
“She’s babysittin’ him.”
“Oh, so mom and dad can have it out?”
“Dad?”
He ignored my remark, repeatin’, “What do you want, Gremlin?”
“I want you to not be mad at me.”
“If I told you I wasn’t, would you leave?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“’Cuz I ... kind of ... I don’t know ... missed you ... a little today ... maybe...”
“Is that right?”
“I said maybe.”
“Then maybe you should get your ass out of my room.”
“Ugh! Fine. I missed you today, okay? Happy now?”
“Not even close.”
“Come on, Jackson. Don’t make me grovel.”
He leaned back against the headboard and cocked his head to the side.
Waitin’.
I took a deep, steady breath. “I wasn’t tryin’ to be insensitive last night. I guess I don’t understand why you would be so mad... It’s like I’m in a lose lose situation with you. I can’t fuck anyone else ’cuz you won’t allow it, and now... I can’t even fuck you ’cuz you won’t allow that either.”
“The fact that you’re still calling it a fuck means a lot, Harley.”
I wasn’t goin’ to get anywhere with him until I admitted the truth, blurtin’, “I don’t trust you.”
His eyes narrowed in on me. “I never cheated on you. We weren’t together, and you know that.”
“Yes, I do. But ... when we were dancin’, you made it sound like you were waitin’ for someone special, and after talkin’ to Camila”—I peered down in my lap, playin’ with the hem of my shorts—“I guess... I just thought you were waitin’ for me.” I paused, contemplatin’ if I should go on. “She said she’s caught you watchin’ videos you recorded of me. It’s stupid, I know. She was probably lyin’, tryin’ to make me feel better or som—”
“She wasn’t.”
My gaze locked with his.
Our eyes once again tethered, and for a moment I saw a certain vulnerability pass through him. An intense feelin’ I could feel deep within my core.
Makin’ it much easier for me to express, “I wasn’t expectin’ to find you with her. It hurt me. A lot.”
“You jealous, Harley? ’Cuz green isn’t your color, baby girl.”
“Ugh! Forget it!”
There was no gettin’ through his stubborn ass head, pissed at myself for even tryin’. I stood abruptly, about to leave him sittin’ there, but before I could take a step he gripped onto my wrist and yanked me onto his lap.
The feelin’ of my ass hittin’ Jackson’s dick, triggered one thing and one thing alone—he was done ignorin’ me.
This wasn’t over between us.
Far from it.
In this moment. In this second. In this time between us...
We were only gettin’ started.
“Jackson! What the hell?”
“Are you going to be my good little girl, Harley?”
“Fuck no.”
He kissed my neck, slowly, purposely, inhalin’ my scent. “You liked me earlier.”
“I never like you.”
“Not even when I do this?
” He gripped onto my ass and I inadvertently moaned. “Baby girl Harley likes it rough.”
“Shut up, Jackson.”
Rubbin’ his nose along my collarbone, he rasped, “Keep goin’, I’m listenin’ now.”
“Ummm...” My thighs clenched around his waist. “I can’t ... think ... when you’re ... doing ... that.”
“Why do you think my mother gave you those results, Harley?”
“You’re really bringin’ that up right now?”
“Mmm hmm...”
“What does that have to do with anythin’?”
“’Cuz it means everything, and you have yet to figure that out.”
“So then...” I moaned, his lips moved toward the nook my neck. “Explain it to me then.”
“I can’t. You have to realize it on your own.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair. You think any of this is fair? My life is far from fuckin’ fair.” Back and forth, he rubbed his lips above my chest. “I spend most of my days thinking, worrying, contemplating when it’s going to be my turn to lose my shit.”
“You can look at the results... You’ve had them for over two years... Give yourself the peace of mind you need to move on.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong, Harley.” His mouth was now on my cleavage, kissin’ his way down to my breasts. “Not knowing is the only thing that keeps me going.”
It broke my heart to hear him say that. “Jackson...”
“I don’t know what the future holds for me. The only thing I do know is I want you in it.”
“I’ll always be in your life. We’re family.”
“I don’t just want you in my life, Gremlin. I want you in my bed.”
“I’m right here, aren’t I?”
With only his eyes, he peeked up at me through his lashes. His lips resting above the seam of my top. “As what exactly?”
“Your friend.”
I could see it in his gaze, that simple word hurt him in ways I never saw comin’.
“Baby girl, you ever been kissed by another guy?”
“I ... umm...”
“Answer the question.”
“Why? You already know the answer.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“’Cuz you won’t allow it to happen.”
“There’s more to it than that, and you know it. The Harley Jameson I know doesn’t let anyone stop her from getting what she wants. Not even me.”