Malu gave a dozy chuckle.
‘Lie back,’ Josh told her.
She lay back. He desperately wanted a decent bed. He was asking her to lie on rocks.
He could tug off his shirt to use as a pillow but he was already thinking ahead. If...when this baby came he needed something to wrap it in, and things to wrap it in were few and far between.
‘So where’s your layette?’ he demanded, striving for lightness.
‘Layette?’
‘One of the mums we brought down from Weipa to Cairns last month had a suitcase with her she explained had a full layette. Her mum had knitted it for her. All white. Matinee jackets, bootees, christening robe, tiny wool dresses with pink roses embroidered on them. She went on to have a boy but at least she was prepared.’
‘To live in Weipa?’ She was gasping, trying to breathe as she obviously knew how to breathe when things got hard. ‘With the red dust up there, everything will be pink at first wash.’
‘So you don’t have a layette.’
‘Not here.’
‘In Cairns?’
‘Not...not even in Cairns,’ she admitted. ‘I have four weeks to shop.’
He’d helped her tug off her pants, laying them under her hips. That give her a tiny amount of protection from the rocks but not much. Her bra gave her a modicum of privacy, but there wasn’t enough of that, either.
Four weeks...
‘You’re six centimetres dilated,’ he told her. ‘How many weeks does that give you in the layette-buying plan?’
‘I can’t...’
‘Okay, don’t think about it now. Keep doing the breathing. You know how. And stop fighting.’
‘Josh, I can’t.’
‘You and Malu thought you were going to keep this neat little cave a secret, didn’t you?’ He shifted so he was against the wall as well, then tugged her across him. She protested, but not too much—she was pretty much past protesting. She leaned back against him instead of the wall. He was holding her and that seemed sort of right. His arm was hurting, but in the scheme of things it was nothing. ‘And then along comes Bugsy,’ he continued, as if this was a completely normal conversation in a completely normal setting. ‘And then Josh arrives—and now it seems someone else is coming, too.’
‘Josh, you can’t. Your arm. You can’t hold me. Oh, my...’ Her next words were lost in a silent scream. He felt that scream. He felt the contraction take hold of her. He felt her whole body spasm and he held her because it was the only thing he could do.
The contraction eased. She fell back against him with a gasp and his arms tightened.
‘You’re doing brilliantly. Has anyone told you lately that you’re awesome, Dr Haddon?’
‘I have.’ It was a slurred interjection from Malu in the shadows, and he felt Maddie smile.
‘And Bugsy tells me all the time,’ Maddie managed.
And then another contraction hit and he thought, How did that happened? Didn’t the texts say the rate increased gradually? That had been all of thirty seconds.
‘I’m not pushing yet,’ she said through gritted teeth as the contraction passed.
‘Good for you. You show ’em. This baby comes on your terms or not at all.’
She even managed a wry chuckle.
‘Maddie?’
‘Mmm...?’
‘Is there a dad out there who’ll be frantic?’
There was silence at that. He wasn’t sure if the silence meant she didn’t want to answer, or she couldn’t.
The next contraction rolled by without a word, just more of the silent screaming. This woman had courage. There was no way she’d scream.
Come to think of it, this really was a situation where she might literally scream the roof down. The vibrations of a woman in full labour might even be enough to...
Um...don’t go there. Not.
Bugsy was whining a little, obviously sensing Maddie’s distress. He was nestled as close to them as he could get. Josh had set one of the torches up, just one, aiming it off centre so it wasn’t shining directly at them. They were in shadow.
He was still holding her. This was the strangest feeling...
To hold Maddie.
He’d loved holding Maddie. Holding her had been the only time in his life when he’d felt totally at peace.
But... He’d held her the night their baby had died. Or he’d tried to. He remembered the fierce struggle not to sob himself. Something had clenched inside, some hard knot of despair that he still didn’t dare unravel, and the same knot had formed when Holly had died.
He hated it. They were two leaden weights he’d carry forever.
But what was he doing, thinking of the start of his marriage, a marriage that had never worked? Focus on now, he told himself. He had no choice. Maddie needed him.
‘Just keep the breathing going,’ he told her. ‘Deep and even. You know the drill.’
‘The drill’s different when it’s me,’ she gasped.
‘Breathe, sweetheart.’
‘Don’t call me sweetheart! Just get me out of here.’
He almost smiled. He’d heard that line before, from so many women in labour. Take me home.
Where was home?
He and Maddie used to have...
Don’t go there, either.
‘There’s no father,’ she muttered through clenched teeth. ‘Or at least no one to slug right now. If it was you I’d be knocking your teeth out the back of your head.’
‘Hey, it’s not the guy’s fault.’
‘Who else’s fault is it? I want someone I can sue.’ She was beyond reason now, he thought, caught in pain and trying to find any way through it. ‘Hold me tighter,’ she demanded. ‘Ohhh...’
He held her tighter. Her fingers clenched on his forearms. It was just as well it was his upper arm he’d injured. He’d have marks from her fingernails, he thought. Maybe she’d even draw blood.
But donating his arms seemed the least he could do. He so wanted to be needed.
If you don’t need me then I don’t need you. She’d thrown that at him that last appalling week. You give and give and give, and you never take, not one inch. And what you give...it’s all surface stuff, Josh. You hold yourself so tight, like you’re in armour, and I can’t get in. I don’t want to be the taker forever. I can’t be. You need to go.
And he had. He’d walked away because he’d known she was right.
He couldn’t let her in. He couldn’t let anyone near the pain he was feeling.
‘It was a test tube,’ she muttered now. Her whole body was straining, and the fingers were digging even tighter. ‘A vial. Tall, black hair like yours, athletic build, smart, a university student doing his good deed for humanity—for me—by donating semen... What was he thinking? Oooh...’
And she tucked her chin down into her throat and pushed.
‘Hey.’
He wanted nothing so much as to stay where he was, holding her. Someone had to hold her, but it could no longer be him.
He was needed at the other end. Someone had to catch.
He needed lights.
He had two torches, one head lamp and Maddie’s phone app. He set them all up but still there wasn’t enough.
It’d have to do.
He wanted towels. He wanted clean.
He ripped his shirt off but laid it aside. It was thick, serviceable cotton. It was filthy but it was the best he could do. But for a newborn baby with a freshly cut umbilical cord to be wrapped in such a thing...
‘I used...I used my shirt for Malu...’ Maddie gasped, and he gripped her hand and held.
‘That’s why I came. To bring you mine.’
‘You always did...like an excuse to show your six pack...’
; ‘There are a lot of people to admire it down here,’ he told her, and then she moaned and pushed again and he had to deal with what he had: a woman lying in dirt he couldn’t protect her from.
The head was crowning. A tiny dark head had emerged at the last push, then gone back as the contraction had eased.
He’d grabbed lubricant from his bag, and gloves. And checked.
The cord... The cord!
‘Maddie, I need you to back off.’ He tried to make his voice normal, matter-of-fact. ‘If you push any harder you’ll tear.’
‘I need...I need...’
‘You don’t need to push. Breathe through it, Maddie, and don’t push. Don’t!’
And she got it. She was a doctor. She knew.
‘The cord...’
‘It’s fine. I just need a little space down here to get things organised. You have to breathe. Hold it, Maddie. Hold.’
And once again that little word was front and centre. Please...
The next contraction hit and he could feel the massive effort it took for Maddie to hold back. To somehow control her body.
The courage of this woman... He had to match it.
One dead baby... There would not be another, he swore. Please.
He had to wait until the contraction eased and it almost killed him.
‘H-hurry,’ Maddie muttered, and then she swore. ‘Hurry, damn you.’
‘Do you mind?’ he said. ‘There are patients present.’
‘I’ll swear, too, if it helps,’ Malu muttered from the shadows, and Josh knew the big miner was feeling as helpless as he was.
Please.
The head had retreated. He had so little time. Where...?
There. He had it. Careful, careful, there was no way he was ripping it...
Hold that contraction.
Now! And somehow it came, slipping seamlessly up and over. The cord was clear and he felt like shouting.
Somehow he made his voice muted but the triumph was there. ‘Houston, we have lift-off,’ he said in a voice he couldn’t possibly hold steady. ‘Maddie, the cord’s free. Next contraction, go for it.’
And she did. The contraction hit and, risk or not, fear of vibrations or not, there was no way Maddie could keep it in. She hugged her knees and she screamed, a long, primeval scream that echoed and echoed and echoed.
And ten seconds later a tiny, perfect little girl slipped out into that strange new world.
* * *
‘You have a daughter,’ Josh managed, and he couldn’t stop himself. He was staring down at the slip of a baby in his hands and tears were streaming unchecked down his face.
‘Let me...let me...’
What was he thinking? Every textbook in the land said bring the baby straight up to the mother, place the baby on the mother’s breast while you cope with the umbilical cord, even let the mother discover the baby’s sex for herself.
He slid the tiny scrap of newborn humanity up to her mother. Maddie’s arms enfolded her.
Josh laid his shirt over the top of both of them—he wanted no dust or scraps of rock falling on this little one. He’d cope with the umbilical cord soon. It was good to leave it for a minute or two to stop pulsing, he told himself. And besides...
Besides, there was no way he was cutting anything through tears.
‘A daughter.’ It was Malu, whispering again from the shadows. ‘Hey, a little girl. Congratulations to you both.’
And that was what it felt like, Josh thought. Both.
This little girl was nothing to do with him. She was the daughter of his ex-wife and an unknown donor. She had no biological connection to him at all.
But he glanced down at the woman cradling her newborn in her arms, at the look of unimaginable awe on Maddie’s face, and he knew...
Biological connection or not, he’d defend this little family to the death.
* * *
There were so many emotions coursing through Maddie’s mind that she had no hope of sorting them.
She was beyond trying. Josh had laid her tiny daughter on her breast. She was lying on her mother’s naked skin, a tiny scrap of humanity.
Her daughter.
Josh had settled his shirt over the pair of them, but under the shirt she was cradling her daughter. Her hands enfolded her, feeling the warmth, the wetness, the miracle.
The tiny girl hadn’t cried but she was making tiny, waffling grunts, as if she wasn’t the least bit scared but rather she was awed at the amazing world she’d emerged into.
Her daughter.
She’d had the cord around her neck...
The tiny part of Maddie that was still a doctor let that thought drift.
If Josh hadn’t been here...
He was. Her Josh, riding to the rescue.
It was what he was good at. It was what she most loved—and hated—about him.
But for now she was no longer capable of processing the whys and the wherefores. Too much emotion, too much pain, and now...too much wonder?
‘She’s snuffling,’ Josh said, and she could hear him smiling. ‘I can guess what she’s looking for.’
‘My bra... It unclips at the front...’
‘Great forethought,’ he said, but he had to use the torch again to help her unclip it, and he smiled and smiled as her baby girl figured exactly what was going on. He stroked the tiny face, she turned in the direction of his stroking finger, found what he was directing her to...and made her connection.
Maddie gasped and gasped again. How could this be happening? Something so wonderful?
She had a daughter.
A memory flashed back, or maybe not a memory. It was the bone-deep truth that she’d held Mikey like this. That she’d loved her son.
She glanced up and she saw in Josh’s face that he knew it, too. It was a bittersweet moment, but strangely it didn’t hurt.
And it was good that Josh was here to share it with her, she thought. Josh had never admitted how much Mikey’s loss had hurt him, but she knew it had, and somehow, right now, it was important that he was here. Whether he’d admit it or not, this was a joy to be shared, but it was also the remembrance of sorrow. Somehow, Mikey was with them. Somehow, right now, she felt...married?
‘Th-thank you for being here,’ she whispered to Josh. ‘Oh, Josh.’
‘Hey,’ he said softly into the shadows, and he touched her cheek, a feather touch, a caress, a gesture of love and admiration and...awe?
And then, because he couldn’t help himself, or maybe it was her doing, maybe she’d turned her face to him, maybe because it seemed right, inevitable, an extension of this whole amazing moment... For whatever reason, he bent and placed his lips on hers. He kissed her.
* * *
‘Josh?’
The phone was ringing. Maybe it’d been ringing for a while. No one had noticed and he didn’t want to notice now.
The kiss was magic. The kiss was like putting back a part of his body he hadn’t known had been removed. The kiss was...right.
But Maddie was stiffening a little and she’d managed to get his name out. She was right. The kiss had to end.
Obstetrician kissing mother?
He hadn’t felt the least bit like an obstetrician. There were no foundations for how he’d felt, but still... For a few amazing moments he’d felt like a man in love with his wife. Remembering his son. Welcoming his daughter.
But that wasn’t reality. Reality was that the kiss was over. Reality was that he was stuck underground in a mine. He was officially part of the rescue team and making contact had to be the first priority.
He was here to work.
Still, he’d missed the call and Keanu had to ring again, and by the time he answered, Keanu’s first word was a shout.
/> ‘Josh!’
‘I’m here, mate. There’s no need to burst my eardrum.’
‘What the hell’s going on? We heard a scream. Hell, Josh.’
It had been quite a scream. It must have echoed up and out through the shafts.
If he’d been out there he’d have been going out of his mind.
He wasn’t. He was in here.
All was quiet in the confines of the tiny cavern. He had a sudden, almost unbearable urge to cut the connection and keep the world at bay.
There was a dumb thought.
‘What’s happened?’ Keanu was demanding. ‘Another cave-in? Why haven’t you been answering?’
Had the phone been ringing for a while, then? ‘We’ve been busy.’
‘The tunnel. Is it safe for me to come in?’
‘No.’ He knew that absolutely. He’d had amazing luck to get through himself.
‘Hell, Josh. We’re going out of our minds out here. Why didn’t you answer?’
‘Triage. We had a bit of a medical emergency but it’s okay.’
‘Medical emergency?’ Keanu’s voice was sharp with worry. ‘It was a woman’s scream. Was it Maddie? Is she hurt? What’s going on?’
‘Women’s business,’ he said, and he allowed himself a smile. ‘We’re on the other side of it now.’
‘Women’s business...’
‘Yeah, and, Keanu...you know you were thinking there’d be three people and a dog to dig out?’
‘Yeah?’ Keanu sounded dazed.
‘Make it four. We have a new arrival. Mother and daughter are doing fine. Malu and I could use cigars but if cigars aren’t forthcoming a ruddy great bulldozer with a bit of finesse will do fine.’
CHAPTER SIX
A RUDDY GREAT bulldozer took time to organise. The experts had now arrived from the mainland. There’d be no more heroics. Things were being done by the book.
But because of Josh’s forethought there was a further link to aboveground.
Josh had attached a cord to Bugsy when he’d sent the dog to find his mistress. When he’d come in himself, he’d hauled in another behind him. That meant they had two cords running through the caved-in rocks, cords that could be linked, like a raft fording a river. One cord got pulled in, with something attached. The attached thing was removed, the other cord was used to pull it back out. Back and forth. Josh had used the system in tight spots before, though never for himself.
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