Reclaiming Us

by Richard, Nicole

  “This was such a great idea.” I smiled and sized up my red velvet cupcake, trying to decide if I really wanted to eat it or not.

  “It is. I love seeing all the smiles on their faces.”

  “Me, too.”

  A few weeks prior while chatting, she suggested combining our students for a dual holiday party. By all the fun and laughter the kids shared, I’d say it turned out to be a success. Sure, it left the classroom a mess, we were both exhausted, and I really, really wanted that cupcake, but everyone had a good time.

  “Did you decide what you’re doing for the break?” I asked before licking frosting from my fingers and taking a bite.

  “It’s Meagan’s first Christmas, so I decided to head home and visit my family. Is Jase coming here or are you going to Charleston?”

  “He should be here by the weekend.” That was if he didn’t come up with some lame excuse. I grabbed a cookie, cupcake, and a brownie from the tray sitting on the table between us.

  A couple months ago, his excuses for not visiting increased. It wouldn’t have bothered me as much if I could drive there and see him, but he worked most weekends. It didn’t make any sense for me to go to Charleston just to sit around by myself for two days.

  “What about you? Do you have anything fun planned?”

  She shrugged, her smile fading. “Nope. Just going to see my parents.”

  I knew she was upset about that, but I didn’t push. Instead, I stood, plastered a smile on my face, and grabbed both our empty plates, saying, “Wanna get this cleaned up?”

  “I think I’d rather just sit and watch you clean.” She laughed as I dropped the plates in the trash before tossing the roll of paper towels at her.

  “Well, if you’re going to sit, at least wipe off the table for me.” Of course she did actually help me clean up, but I could have done without her slightly off key rendition of “Jingle Bell Rock.” Thankfully, before she could serenade me with the final chorus, someone cleared their throat, and we both froze.

  A handsome man, who was dressed from head to toe in camouflage fatigues, stood just inside the doorway. He was holding a beautiful Christmas bouquet in one hand, and his smile was warm and infectious. It was also entirely for Amanda. I turned to my friend, but she was frozen as her eyes filled with tears. Amanda’s breath hitched, she covered her mouth, burst into tears, and launched herself at him.

  “Oh my god!” She sobbed softly as she hugged him. “You’re home,” she murmured, and I knew I was getting to see her reunited with her husband.

  “I missed you, beautiful.”

  “I missed you so much. Meagan is finally going to meet her da‑daddy.”

  When her two feet finally touched the floor, she pulled the collar of his uniform toward her, fusing their mouths together.

  I turned away, partly because it was a private moment between the two of them, but mostly because I missed having what they have. Whenever I saw love, it made me think of RJ, which would bring up old memories I didn’t care to relive.

  That was how much we loved one another.

  “Addie . . . I’d like for you to meet my husband, Dusty. Dusty, this is Addilyn.”

  He caught me by surprise when he pulled me in for a hug instead of a handshake.

  “Thank you for being such a great friend to my wife while I was away.” He spoke in a hushed voice, and I felt the gratification in his embrace.

  “You’re welcome.” I glanced over at Amanda. “She’s been a great coffee partner and mediator, especially when these kids have way too much energy for me to handle. Hey, why don’t you two head out. I’m sure you have a lot of catching up to do.”

  With her hand pressed over her husband’s heart, her excitement shone in her eyes. “Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

  “I’m sure. You two go ahead. There’s not much left, I got it.”

  “Thank you, Addie.” Amanda managed to pull herself away from her husband just long enough to give me a quick hug. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas to you, too.” I released her and gave Dusty a huge smile. “Merry Christmas, Dusty. Welcome home.”

  He saluted. “Merry Christmas, it’s been a pleasure meeting you.”

  “It’s been a pleasure finally meeting you, too. Thank you for your service. We appreciate you more than you know.”

  “You’re welcome, and thank you for the support.”

  They left without looking back, and I finished cleaning the classroom and locked up. I still had to brave the mall in order to find the one thing I didn’t know I was looking for. We were a little over a week away from Christmas, and I still hadn’t bought a gift for my brother. I knew I needed to quit dragging my feet, but just the thought of going to the mall at this time of year made me cringe.

  It was the only thing about this time of year I didn’t like.

  I loved Christmas.

  I loved everything about it.

  So, as I walked from the parking garage and into the mall, I focused on all the good things.

  The decorations, the spirit in the air, the music, and the way everyone seemed to be smiling—it was infectious. I found myself smiling with them, Then, I spotted the Santa display and stopped to watch the little girl, who was currently screaming instead of telling him her Christmas wishes.

  He handled it well.

  “Addie!” I turned and spotted AJ and Grace standing in line for Santa with the kids.

  “Hey, guys,” I greeted, whispering hasty apologies as I passed people in the line to get to them.

  I was glad Drew, Grace’s son, was one of my students last year or she and I might not have met. We didn’t spend as much time together as we used to, but she had two young children, so I didn’t get upset about it. It probably didn’t hurt that she was married to AJ, my ex’s brother. I’d been doing my best to avoid him for the last year, and I knew he and AJ used to be close. I didn’t want to risk it.

  “Hi, princess.” I gave Maddie’s chubby little hand a gentle squeeze. She gripped my finger and smiled, showing off her two bottom teeth. “Hi, Drew.” I patted his shoulder.

  “Hi, Miss M.”

  “Santa pictures, huh?” I eyed Grace with a knowing smirk, which she returned.

  “Can you believe this is our third attempt?”

  “Third time’s a charm?”

  “Hopefully. This little girl can be quite the princess.” Grace exaggerated.

  “I’m sure she can.”

  “Hey, baby, I’m gonna run to the restroom real quick. You wanna take her for me?” AJ asked Grace, but I held my arms out.

  “I’ll take her.” AJ smiled as he handed her over to me.

  “Drew, you gotta go?” Drew nodded, his thick hair flapping all over the place.

  “Okay, but hurry. We don’t want to miss our turn.” AJ kissed Grace on the cheek and left.

  We stood there chatting for a bit, slowly inching up the line. Holding Maddie and bouncing her in my arms, I silently questioned if the baby I lost was a little boy or girl. From time to time, I would wonder if it had been the stress of leaving RJ that caused the miscarriage. The doctors said there was no way to tell, but in my heart, I knew it was my fault.

  Shoving the thought away, I cooed and played with Maddie.

  “Do you guys have any special plans for the holiday?” I asked, lightly swaying side to side.

  “I haven’t decided yet. AJ suggested taking the kids to Disney World, but I’m not sure how I feel about traveling to such a busy place with this little princess.” Grace grabbed Maddie’s pudgy little hand and wrinkled her nose against it. “I’m sure Drew would have a blast, though.”

  “Are you kidding, anyone would have a blast. Sounds like a lot of fun.” I bounced Maddie in my arms and pressed little kisses to her cheek.

  “You’re right. I should just agree and deal with the crowds. It’s not like they’ll be little forever, and I would love to have family pictures with all the characters. Do you have anything special planned?”
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br />   “No.” I shook my head. “Not really, just spending the holiday at my parents’ house. Levi will be home soon, and Jase is making the trip down here.”

  “What I would give for a quiet Christmas, just the four of us.”

  “Why not just tell AJ that’s what you want? You know he would do whatever you asked. That man adores you.”

  Maddie took that second to lean out of my arms and reach for her mom, and I handed her over to Grace. “She really is a doll, Grace. I hope she’s not too much trouble when she hits her teens.” I smiled, thinking back to the nights of sneaking around and in and out of windows.

  Grace groaned. “Oh, god, I know. If she does half of what I’ve done—”

  She didn’t get to finish her thought before AJ and Drew came back, both sporting equally blinding grins. They were obviously up to something.

  As their turn to meet Santa approached, we gave each other hugs, wished each other a Merry Christmas, and I went in search of what I came for. I got lost in the Hallmark store, eventually ending up in the greeting cards section. I was deciding between a funny baseball related card for my brother or a serious one, when a shiver went down my spine. I kept my head down and glanced to my right, which was where I found RJ standing five feet away from me.

  The air grew thick, but I turned to look at him anyway. That was a big mistake. His once warm, welcoming gaze was frosty, and it just about broke my heart all over again. I needed to get out of there and quickly, before I did something I’d regret.

  “Addie, wait!” RJ called out.

  I took three steps then hit a dead stop. For a brief second, I closed my eyes, hesitating, but I glanced over my shoulder and hated the way his eyes scrutinized me.

  “Merry Christmas,” he forced after a hard swallow.

  Showing no emotion whatsoever, I reciprocated the sentiment, shoved the greeting cards in a random slot, and hurried to the exit.

  Keeping my head down, I walked briskly, passing the different storefronts and navigated through the throngs of people. It wasn’t until I was back outside and halfway to my car that I let myself start to relax.

  After all these years, how did he still make my heart flutter and steal my breath from me?

  Not to mention drudging up all the hurt I buried deep. Finishing my shopping another time would be the smart thing to do. Maybe next time, I would drive to another mall, preferably in another state where there was absolutely no chance of running into RJ.

  “Merry Christmas, Jase. And thank you for the beautiful Christmas arrangement. The flowers make a gorgeous centerpiece on the dining room table,” Mama said to him.

  “You’re welcome.” He beamed at my mom as she handed him a cup of warm vanilla cider.

  Sometimes he is such a kiss ass.

  My dad came in and took a seat on the couch, turning his attention straight to Jase. “How’s your residency going?”

  “Good, sir, thank you. I should be done by summer, just in time to make the move down to Savannah and start planning the wedding. It’s been rough having to be apart from Addilyn for so long, but it will definitely be worth it in the end.” Jase made a show of wrapping his arm around my shoulder and kissing my cheek. “Then maybe you can get rid of this old thing,” he whispered, rubbing the inside of my pinky finger.

  This was a long‑standing argument between him and me, and I bit my tongue. Mama must have heard him because she turned up the volume on the Chipmunks Christmas album and Levi broke out in laughter, almost spilling his drink. “Remember this, Ads?” He laughed even harder, pointing to the stereo.

  “Of course I do. I never understood why Mama and Daddy never named you Alvin. You sure did follow in his footsteps.”

  “You should talk,” Levi countered and tossed a decorative pillow at me. He missed and hit Jase instead, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, shit. My bad.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Jase answered.

  “No wonder you’re an outfielder and not a pitcher,” I said, mercilessly teasing my brother.

  “Look who’s got jokes.”

  “Oh, I’ve got lots of them.” I pulled the pillow from Jase’s grasp and tossed it back at my brother. “Now, if you’re done throwing stuff around and spilling your drink, there are more presents under there.” I nodded to the few gifts left under the tree, which he was in charge of handing out.

  “Yeah, yeah.” He was laughing, and the phone rang.

  “Humph. I wonder who that could be,” Daddy said as he got up and stepped over the wrapping paper. Not a single person came to mind since we talked to our grandparents and the rest of our family last night.

  “Merry Christmas, baby.” Jase set a small present in my hand and kissed my cheek.

  “I thought we weren’t exchanging gifts this year. Wedding, remember?”

  “I know what we said, but I couldn’t resist.”

  “But I didn’t get you anything.”

  “Don’t even worry about it. Aren’t you going to open it?”

  I forced a smile and absentmindedly fiddled with the shiny red ribbon, feeling disappointed in myself. Should I have gotten him something anyway? Is this what couples do, say one thing, but do the opposite?

  Looking at the gift in my hand, I felt void of any excitement, blame it on non‑buyers remorse. To appease my fiancé, I carefully slid the ribbon off and peeled each piece of tape to find a shiny heart‑shaped locket with a sparkling solitaire diamond on its face. It was a pretty piece of jewelry, and it should have made me smile, but when I opened the latch, my heart sank. A generic photo popped out.

  “Do you like it? It’s platinum.” He smiled, waiting for me to thank him. “I didn’t put a photo in there because I figured you’d want to take a new one or maybe use one from our wedding?”

  “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

  For some reason, I glanced over at Daddy, and his eyes met mine briefly before turning away. A gut‑twisting dread settled over me as I struggled to listen to my father’s muffled voice. Standing from the couch with my arms wrapped around my mid‑section, I walked to the large picture window so I could eavesdrop on his conversation. Something wasn’t right.

  “What do you think is going on?” my brother whispered close to my ear.

  “I have no idea, but from the look on Daddy’s face, it can’t be anything good.” Daddy’s head hung low while he returned the receiver to its cradle.

  “Who was it?” Levi asked, and I looked back at my father. Daddy grabbed Mama and held onto her as he buried his face in her neck.

  “Daddy?” My voice and legs both shook as I walked toward him. I lay my hand gently on his arm. “What is it?”

  My father looked up, brushed a tear from under his eye, and cleared his throat. “That was—” He had to clear his throat a few times before he could speak again. “That was Roger. He apologized for interrupting our Christmas, but he needs your mother and me to come over for a little while—Sue’s not taking things too well.”

  “Dad, what are you talking about? What happened?” Levi asked.

  “Tyler . . . he’s gone.” Daddy choked and Mama buried her face against his chest. My thoughts spun out of control, and I wasn’t sure if I heard my father correctly.

  “Excuse me.” I coughed in nervous reaction. The strength of those two words hit me all at once. I heaved in breaths while tears surged, my hand pressed against my mouth, covering up my cries.

  Oh my god, Tyler can’t be gone.

  Does RJ know?

  If he didn’t, how would he take it? How would RJ take the fact that his best friend was gone?

  “You two should get going,” Levi suggested, gently rubbing Mama’s back. “Let us know if there’s anything we can do.”

  Daddy nodded then clapped Levi’s shoulder. “Thanks, son.” Daddy grabbed Mama’s hand. “Come on, let’s get our coats.”

  After the initial shock, my eyes welled with tears, and my throat burned. I walked back to the where Jase sat, hoping he would hold me and let m
e cry on his shoulder, but he was too engrossed in his phone to notice there was even something wrong.

  Apparently, whatever had his attention was a hell of a lot more important than we were. I didn’t know what I expected from him. He didn’t know Tyler, so I didn’t expect any show of emotion, but a hug would have been nice. Instead, he slipped his phone back into his pocket and offered me a half smile and a kiss on the cheek.

  “Hey, babe, do you mind if I head out this afternoon? My dad needs my help, and Mom asked if I was going to have time to visit. Do you want to come with me?”

  I silently scoffed. Was he for real? It was Christmas, and he was hours away from his parents’ house. That was the whole reason we agreed to split the holidays this year. Besides, what could his father possibly need help with on Christmas? I looked at Jase, and suddenly, my irritation melted to guilt. I didn’t even really want him here anyway. If he couldn’t understand how much this hurt, I didn’t want him here.

  “I’ll be right back,” I excused myself, not waiting for him to answer and made it down the hall without shedding a single tear. That was until I quietly shut the bathroom door and pressed my forehead against it. My body shook and a heavy feeling in my chest settled. I couldn’t believe it—my heart refused to believe Tyler was dead. I stood there, praying that somehow we would all make it through.

  By the time my parents came back, Jase was gone.

  At first, I was angry he left, but I didn’t have room inside me to focus on him. If he didn’t want to be here—that was his loss.

  “How are Roger and Sue doing? What happened?” I asked as my mom came through the door and took a seat on the stool next me. She looked around, probably noting that Jase was missing but she didn’t say anything.

  “Sue’s a mess, Lord, that poor woman.” Mama pressed her fingers to her lips, needing a minute. “I guess they found out a few days ago. He was out on a mission and something went wrong . . . he didn’t make it.”

  I tucked my chin to my chest and whispered, “Shit.” That could have very well been RJ with him.