“Actually, that was something I wanted to talk to you about.”
She nodded, as if she knew what he was going to say. “It doesn’t make any sense to continue the charade for another eight months.”
“That wasn’t what I was thinking at all,” he said. “Yes, the possibility of a baby freaked me out, but only because we’ve been married such a short time.”
“I’m not following,” she admitted.
“The timeline that I proposed for our marriage was arbitrary, and I want to stop counting the days and months and give our marriage a real chance.”
“Now I’m really confused,” she admitted. “We haven’t shared a bed for the past three weeks—you’ve barely even kissed me. That doesn’t seem like a recipe for happily-ever-after to me.”
“I needed some time to figure things out.”
“And you think you’ve got them figured out now?”
He nodded. “I want to be with you, Kenna. I look forward to seeing you at the end of every day, and when I’m away and don’t see you, I miss you like crazy. I’ve been thinking about my future, and I can’t imagine it without you in it.”
“And when you think about that future, do you ever imagine that we might have a family of our own?”
“I’m not saying never,” he told her. “I just think we’ve got a really great thing going right now. Why would we want to mess with that?”
“You really think a baby would mess with that?”
“A child changes the dynamics of a relationship. I just want to be with you for a while—I want some time to figure us out before we complicate the equation.
“I just want to be with you,” he said again.
And then he kissed her.
It felt as if it had been months instead of weeks since he’d kissed her. And in his kiss she tasted sincerity and passion and something else that might have been the love he claimed to feel for her.
Maybe she was foolish or maybe she was just weak, but she couldn’t help but respond to him. She’d missed this. She’d missed him. His lips were gentle, his hands patient, and when he started to peel her clothes away, she had no thoughts of resistance. After feeling so lost and alone for the past few weeks, she needed this connection with him.
He guided her to his bed. The pregnancy scare obviously still at the forefront of his mind, he quickly sheathed himself with a condom before he joined her on the mattress.
She reached for him, drawing him down to her. He parted her thighs and entered her in one deep thrust. Her body immediately and instinctively responded. Her arms and legs wrapped around him, holding him close, as they moved together in a familiar and seductive rhythm.
As her body arched and trembled, she clung to him, loving him with her whole heart even as it was breaking.
Because she knew this was goodbye.
* * *
On Monday, Daniel had to go to Wilmington to install a new data center for a client. He was out of town for a total of ten hours, but when he got home just after six o’clock, the condo seemed unusually quiet.
“Kenna?”
There was no response.
He told himself there was no cause for concern. It was likely she’d gone somewhere with her sister, or maybe she’d decided to grab a bite with Laurel. Certainly there was no reason for him to feel uneasy just because she wasn’t waiting at the door when he walked in. But the uneasy feeling persisted.
He went to hang up his jacket and noticed that her shoes were gone. All of her shoes. She’d kept them neatly organized and stacked in two rows of boxes at the back of the closet, but they weren’t there. In fact, all of her clothes were gone.
He pulled open the top drawer of his bureau.
Empty.
As was the one beneath it, and the one beneath that.
He crossed the hall to the spare bedroom to check the dresser there, but he didn’t get that far. Her rings were on the bedside table that no longer had a bed beside it.
She’d left him.
* * *
He was poking at the dried-out chicken and rice that didn’t look anything like the picture on the front of the microwavable box when the intercom buzzed.
A quick glance at the screen that showed video feed of the lobby revealed that it was his mother. He considered pretending that he wasn’t home, but she would have driven past his designated parking spot to get to the visitor lot and would have seen his car there. He hit the button to release the security lock downstairs.
“I hope this isn’t a bad time,” she said when he opened the door.
“No, it’s fine.”
“I met a friend for coffee downtown and then stopped at Buy the Book to browse around and saw that one of Kenna’s favorite authors had a new release out today.”
He took the book she offered and set it on the counter. “Thanks—I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.”
“She’s not here?” his mother guessed.
He shook his head but didn’t offer up any more information.
“Since I’m here, I also thought I should remind you that it’s Susan’s birthday on Saturday. Tom’s invited everyone for dinner, and I wanted to make sure you and Kenna were going to be there.”
“You know I’m always up for a free meal,” he said lightly. “But I’m not sure what Kenna’s plans are.”
His mother noted the half-eaten microwavable meal on the counter. “Did you two have a fight?”
“I didn’t think so.”
“The first year of marriage is always the hardest,” she said gently. “Even for a couple who think they know everything about one another, like you and Kenna, there are a lot of adjustments to be made. So whatever happened, I’m sure the two of you will work through it.”
“I wish I shared your faith.”
She touched a hand to his arm. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Why not at the beginning?” she suggested.
Why not? he thought, since his wife’s defection signaled the end of their marriage anyway.
“That would be when I asked Kenna to marry me so that I could access my trust fund.”
He glanced at his mother, wary of her reaction.
She didn’t seem shocked. She didn’t even seem particularly surprised, more...disappointed, as if she’d suspected the truth but had hoped otherwise.
So he continued, “We never intended our marriage to last. But since we’ve been living together, our relationship has changed, and now...I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”
“So far I’m not seeing the problem.”
“Apparently she doesn’t feel the same way, because when I came home from work today, I realized that she’d moved out.”
His mother frowned. “She didn’t talk to you about this?”
He shook his head.
“I think you’re going to need to fill in some more details for me.”
“On Saturday, we were talking about the future. At least, I was trying to work up to it. But in the middle of our conversation, Kenna rushed to the bathroom to be sick.
“I immediately suspected that she might be pregnant, and...I panicked.”
“Oh, Daniel. What did you do?”
“I just agreed that having a baby right now would be a disaster. I didn’t say it—she did. But I agreed. I’m just not ready to be a parent.”
She smiled a little. “No one ever is—even those who think they are.”
“But it doesn’t matter,” he told her. “Because she took a pregnancy test and it was negative.”
“And you were relieved.”
He nodded. “And then, later, after I’d had some time to think about it, I realized the idea of having a baby with Kenna wasn’t
half as terrifying as the idea of spending the rest of my life without her.”
“Have you told her that?”
“I was going to—when I got home today. But she was already gone.”
“Where do you think she went?”
“Probably back to her apartment.”
“She still has her apartment?”
“Our original plan was for a one-year marriage,” he admitted.
She shook her head. “Okay, disregarding that for now, if you think she’s at her apartment, why are you here instead of there?”
“I’m not the one who walked out,” he reminded her.
“So you’d rather sit here with only your stubborn pride for company rather than open your heart to the woman you love?”
“If she loved me, if she wanted to make our marriage work, she wouldn’t have left.”
“The only way to know what she’s thinking or feeling is to talk to her,” his mother said. “And it might help if you actually told her how you’re feeling.”
He scowled. “How do you know I haven’t?”
“Because you’re a guy and most guys—including your father—would rather have a tooth pulled without anesthetic than talk about their feelings,” she said gently.
“He did a pretty good job at your anniversary party,” he said in his father’s defense.
“That was after forty years of marriage,” his mother pointed out.
“So why do you expect me to be able to put it on the line?”
“Because if you don’t, you won’t have a first anniversary to celebrate, never mind a fortieth.”
* * *
Daniel took some time to think about what his mother had said. Or maybe he was waiting to see if Kenna would take the first step. After all, she’d left him—moving out of his condo and his life without so much as a note.
By Wednesday, he couldn’t stand the silence any longer. He decided to follow his mother’s advice and tell Kenna the truth about his feelings and ask her to give their marriage another chance. He didn’t know if he’d be able to convince her, but he had to try.
He used to stop by her apartment all the time without ever giving it a second thought. Today, after she’d buzzed him into the building and he was climbing the stairs to the third floor, he had a lot of second thoughts.
When she opened the door, she had half a red pepper in one hand and a cordless phone tucked between her ear and her shoulder, but she gestured for him to enter.
She finished her conversation and disconnected.
“I should have called first,” he realized.
“No, it’s fine,” she said. “I’m just making pasta, if you haven’t eaten.”
“I haven’t.”
As he followed her into the kitchen, he realized that, for the first time ever, he felt like a guest in her home. He didn’t like the feeling, or the distance between them.
“That was Becca on the phone,” she told him. “And the third time I’ve talked to her today. They’re starting Macbeth in her English class next week and she wants to read ahead but she’s struggling with some of the language.”
“Is she settling in okay at Hillfield?”
“I think so. It’s an adjustment, but one that she wants to make.”
“That’s good news.”
She nodded.
But he hadn’t come over here to talk about her sister, and although he warned himself that he might not want to hear her answer to the question, he had to ask, “Why did you leave?”
She looked at him with sadness and regret. “Because I don’t want the same things you want.”
“You don’t want to be with me?”
She turned her attention back to the sauce simmering on the stove, but not before he saw the tears that filled her eyes. “Following the race circuit around the country is your dream, not mine. I want roots, stability, a family.”
“The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive,” he told her. “Please, Kenna, cancel your appointment with the lawyer.”
She shook her head. “I met with him yesterday afternoon.”
“That was fast.”
“I don’t know that it was particularly fast. I called for an appointment and that was the date and time I was given.” She started slicing up a cucumber and gestured to the romaine that she’d already washed. “Do you want to tear up those leaves for the salad?”
No, he didn’t want to make the salad. He didn’t want to hang out in her kitchen as they’d done so many times in the past and pretend that everything was okay. Nothing was okay. He’d finally realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and she’d decided that she wanted to end their marriage. That was as far from okay as he could imagine.
But, of course, he didn’t say any of that. Instead, he washed his hands and began the task she’d assigned to him.
“I’m glad you came by,” she said now. “I’ve been meaning to call, but I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“We used to be able to talk about anything.”
She nodded. “And I hope that someday, maybe, we can get there again.”
“Is that really what you want?” he asked incredulously. “To be friends again?”
She dumped the pasta into boiling water. “I don’t want to lose you completely.”
“You didn’t lose me. You walked out.”
Her phone rang, and she wiped her hands on a towel before picking up the handset.
“It’s Becca again,” she told him, and stepped out of the room to connect the call.
Finished with the lettuce, he decided to take over chopping the other vegetables for the salad while she was on the phone. But because his mind was still speculating about the lawyer’s visit, he wasn’t paying close attention to what he was doing. The knife slipped as he cut through a carrot, and nicked his finger. He didn’t even feel it at first and didn’t realize what he’d done until he saw the bead of blood.
Since Kenna was still on the phone, he went to the bathroom to find a Band-Aid. There weren’t any in the medicine cabinet, so he checked the makeup bag that was open on the counter. As he rummaged through, he found a familiar plastic stick.
He barely had a chance to wonder why she’d kept a negative pregnancy test when he saw that, in the little window where he had very clearly seen a minus sign a few days before, there was a plus sign instead.
Chapter Fifteen
Kenna had finished her phone call and was stirring the pasta when he returned to the kitchen.
“What the hell is this?”
She glanced up. “What?”
He held up the pregnancy test.
Her face went pale. “Where did you get that?”
“It was in your makeup bag.”
“Why were you looking in my makeup bag?”
He showed his bloody finger to her. “I was looking for a Band-Aid.”
She reached into the cupboard above the sink and pulled out a first aid kit.
He didn’t care about his finger—it was his heart that was really bleeding. “You lied to me, Kenna.”
She lifted her chin. “I gave you the answer you wanted.”
He threw the stick, bouncing it off the edge of the counter, making her jump. “I wanted the truth.”
“You wanted out of our marriage—no messy ties or responsibilities.”
“I never said anything about wanting out of our marriage. You’re the one who went to see the lawyer.”
“You didn’t say the words,” she acknowledged. “You just made sure you stayed on your side of the bed—but that was only when you bothered to come home.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face. He’d tried to explain that to her already, and he’d come over here tonight to put his heart on the l
ine and ask her for a second chance. But all of that had taken a backseat to this latest revelation. She’d taken a pregnancy test and shown him a negative result. To find out that she’d lied...he didn’t—couldn’t—understand.
“Were you ever going to tell me the truth?” he demanded.
“I could hardly keep my pregnancy a secret forever.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“After the divorce was final. At least, that was the plan before I found out that North Carolina requires spouses to live separate and apart for a year before they can get a divorce.”
His eyes narrowed. “You were planning to go ahead with a divorce even though you’re having my baby?”
“You don’t want this baby—”
“I don’t know what I want. I’ve barely had two minutes to get my head around the fact that you’re pregnant.”
“You don’t want this baby,” she said again, touching a hand to his arm. “And it’s okay that you don’t. I’m not asking you to change any of your plans, Daniel.”
He picked up the stick from the floor and looked at the little plus sign again. “A baby changes everything.”
“You want to do the right thing,” she noted. “But staying together for the sake of a child isn’t the right thing for any of us if it’s not what you really want.”
“I came over here tonight to ask you to give our marriage a second chance.”
“A second chance isn’t going to change the fact that we want different things. You said it yourself, Daniel, you’ve got a lot going on with GSR, and that needs to be your focus.
“I’m not going to settle for stolen moments of your time and reluctant scraps of affection. I deserve more than that, and our baby deserves more than that.”
“Are you asking me to give up racing?”
“No,” she said immediately, unequivocally. “I’m just asking you for the divorce you promised me when we got married.”
* * *
Laurel stared at her, stunned. “You really asked him for a divorce?”
“It’s the only way I’m going to be able to move on with my life,” Kenna told her friend.
“But you love him,” Laurel said, as if that was all that mattered.
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