She smiled then, but her eyes were still worried, like there was some answer she needed that she hadn’t quite gotten yet. “What … what does that feel like?”
Jake drank the rest of the wine in his glass, and dropped it beside him. “Well, for starters, it feels like this.” He pulled her into his arms and resettled himself so that the two of them looked out over the water again. She felt good in his embrace, right. Like she belonged there. He hugged her and felt her wrap her fingers around his biceps, the small gesture making him feel like her protector, even for just a little while.
“You wanna know how I can tell that I’m happy?” he asked, and Anna drew in a short breath, as if she were about to say something, and then she just nodded. He smiled. “Because I wake up in the morning knowing that what I’m going to do today is what I want to do. Knowing that no matter how much bullshit there is—clients who don’t know what they want, new work coming in faster than I’d like—in the end, at some point during any given day, I know it’s going to be me and a bike and nothing else. They all have personalities, you know, even though they’re machines. Some have been babied, some have been beat to shit. But they were all meant for the same purpose—to get out on the road open throttle, whether speed is their master, or muscle, or stamina. I just help get them to where they are supposed to be, no matter how they come to me. And usually I help them look a little better while I’m at it, too. So because I get to do that most days, yeah. I’d say that makes me pretty happy.”
Anna was silent for a long moment, and Jake chuckled, squeezing her a little. “You were the one who asked the question, babe,” he said. “And turnabout’s fair play. What about you?”
Her sigh was heartfelt. “I’ve got everything I want,” she said. “I’ve got a great job, a good group of friends. I’ve got more money than I’ve ever had in my life, and I know that no matter what life throws at me, I’ve got it covered. What’s not to be happy about?”
“Mmm. Not quite the same thing, but okay,” Jake said. He sensed a shift in Anna, her thoughts slipping away again down darker paths. They weren’t paths they were going to chase down tonight, either. “So why don’t you and me take a nap for a little while until all of the nonsense wears down, then head back to the house. Then we can find some way to be happy together in our own bed.”
Anna’s laugh loosened the constriction of his heart. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Mr. Flynn,” she said.
So Jake dragged the second blanket over them both and cradled her close, safe and warm in his arms. As he drifted off to the sound of the ocean, he tried again to imagine again a world without Anna.
And couldn’t.
Chapter 19
“Oh, my God! Anna! What are you guys doing out here?”
Anna forced her eyes open. It was barely dawn, and jogging in place on the hard-packed sand at the water’s edge was none other than Todd Moreland.
“I really hate that guy,” muttered Jake.
“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Todd continued. He looked good, Anna had to admit, even though her vision wasn’t quite clear, her eyes still a little gritty from salt and sand. “The brunch is in less than two hours, and I’d hoped we’d be able to get some coffee and go over the deal memo before then, since your flight today is so early. You’re heading out at two, right? That’s barely any time at all.”
“Relax, Todd.” Jake sat up beside Anna, stretching. “Go ahead on your run. Anna’s not going to be in any shape for work this morning, but we’ll see you at the brunch.”
“Are you not capable of speech, Anna?” Todd asked sharply, and she winced, willing herself to be anywhere but here. “You look like absolute hell.”
“Thanks, Todd.” She sounded like absolute hell, too, and she was suddenly cold as Jake peeled away from her. “And yeah, I’ll see you later. Thanks for the wake-up call.” Todd muttered something indecipherable, but he mercifully headed off at a run, sprinting down the beach. “Ass,” she muttered, squinting into the sun as she watched him.
“Any chance he will break something important while he’s at it?” Jake asked, following her gaze.
“Maybe he’ll get attacked by a wild dog.” She let Jake help her up, taking in his disheveled appearance. “Geez, we probably gave him a heart attack. At least we had clothes on.” She looked under the blanket, snagged her tee, and pulled it on. “Mostly.”
“One of life’s great regrets.” Jake shook out the blanket and threw it over his shoulder, reaching for Anna as she scooped up the half-empty bottle of wine and plastic glasses. She let him take her hand, musing at the strong solidity of his grasp. Jake Flynn was a toucher, she realized. Whenever she was near, he reached out for her, wanting to hold her hand, take her arm, smooth her hair. She found it disconcerting, in a way, but nice.
And irrelevant, she reminded herself for the fifty-seventh time, since the weekend was all but over and Jake wouldn’t be touching her, stroking her, or holding anything remotely close to her for much longer. The whole weekend was taking on the air of a dream—both of them sharing more personal information than she ever would have expected. At least he’d handled it like an adult. She tried not to think about the fact that she’d bawled like a baby over all her teenage woes last night. When would she let that go? She was successful now, and she would stay successful. She would never be living out of another van.
Hell, for a guy who was used to traveling the country on his motorcycle, Jake probably thought living out of a van was a step up.
The thought strangely cheered her, but there still was a … weirdness now that she didn’t know how to dispel. They returned to the guesthouse and got cleaned up and packed, the silences between them seeming a little longer to her. The brunch was being catered in the house, and someone had been up since early in the morning cleaning up after last night’s party. The place looked pristine as they came down into the common area, and even Jake blew out a whistle of appreciation.
The triple set of French doors had been flung wide, and white bunting festooned the banister of the veranda, where tables had been set up for the meal. Kristen and Scott were at the head table, but other covered card tables were set up all over the porch and into the main area of the house, as well as around the in-ground pool. An enormous pile of wedding presents were piled by the main table, and Anna groaned just looking at it. “There’s no way she’s going to open all of those today. Please tell me that’s not possible.”
“If so, we bail, but first, we gotta eat,” Jake said reasonably and led the way to the row of chafing dishes, brimming with eggs, bacon, pancakes, and grits.
Anna felt her eyes widen as Jake piled his plate high. “You look like you haven’t eaten in a week,” she said.
“You take a lot out of a man,” he said, just loud enough that the couple in front of them laughed. Anna fought her blush, but not very hard. She liked everything about Jake Flynn, but she especially liked how comfortable he was in his own skin. When she was around him, everything seemed just so … easy. Relaxed.
Todd chose that minute to emerge from the guesthouse, of course, and the tension returned to weigh Anna down. She hadn’t looked at the Japan paperwork, and she needed to, before that night. While she was gnawing on that idea, Jake steered her to a table where another couple were already eating, and they slid in beside them and out of Todd’s line of vision. Anna didn’t feel like discussing the memo any more now than she had a few hours ago, but even the sight of Todd stressed her out. She was his perfect number two, he’d always said, and she knew that already about herself. She wasn’t a leader in an alpha pack, and she wasn’t a follower exactly, either. She was the inside woman for the person at the head of the line. Todd had figured that out almost immediately, had leveraged it. And she’d felt perfectly in place at his side. Now that he was back in her life …
“I wonder if our flight is going to be on time,” she mused, setting her coffee back down with perhaps more force than necessary.
Jake rumbled a laugh
beside her. “Already looking to get rid of me?” he asked.
“Hardly. I just … I do that,” Anna said, surprised at her own moment of candor. “I have a bad habit of thinking ahead.”
“Gotta live in the moment, baby.”
“Yeah, well. Easy for you to say.” Anna’s tone was a bit harsher than she intended, and she rushed to make up for it. “I just mean you’ve probably never met a situation you couldn’t handle with a smile and an open throttle.”
“It does the job most of the time,” Jake allowed, smiling, and Anna breathed an internal sigh of relief. That was far too close.
Anna had the worst poker face of anyone he’d ever met in his life. Jake shrugged and leaned back in his seat, surprised at the spurt of irritation her words had set off in him. He wasn’t mad at Anna, really. He didn’t take her dig too seriously. She was looking for ways to fend off the reality of the end of the weekend, and to do that, she needed to find excuses for the decisions she’d already made. About her, about him, about them. Decisions she hadn’t even bothered to bring him in on, but then again, who the hell was he? Some wing nut she’d walked by on her way to and from her high-money job in the city. She’d asked him enough questions about his job—she knew what he did and why he loved it. But did she respect it? Respect him? That he didn’t know.
And he found that he wanted that respect, weirdly enough. Wanted her to know his dreams—where he saw himself in five years, and what he was doing.
Which was definitely not part of their little plan here. So it was probably a good thing for all concerned that the weekend was coming to an end, though even the idea of saying good-bye wasn’t really sounding all that good to him. He felt on edge all the time now, uneasily out of control, only he didn’t have anyone to take it out on at the moment. Not even Todd.
So, yeah. Probably a good idea for him and Anna to just finish their time together and call it a day.
Probably.
“Thank you, everybody!” Kristen was standing at the head table, waving at the assembled crowd. “Scott and I have talked, and while we know that watching us open our presents is extremely fascinating stuff, we also know that some of you need to leave and we’d rather wait and open up the gifts a bit later, once we have a smaller group. So please enjoy your brunch, but stop by before you head out! We don’t leave for our honeymoon until tomorrow, so we’ll be here all day.”
“Excellent,” Anna said, and Jake glanced over at her. She was watching Todd again, and that was also serving to piss him off. What kind of hold did that guy have on her, anyway? It wasn’t like he was her boss, yet she jumped every time he looked her way. But again, Jake wasn’t her boss either. She needed to make decisions for herself.
“We can leave at any time, you know,” Jake said. “I’m supposed to call my buddy once we get to the airport so he can come pick up his bike, but he’s chill. He’s having a friend drive him in, so it’s just a matter of telling him where I parked it.”
She flashed him an appreciative smile. “Thanks,” she said. “I hate leaving. I’m really not good at it, especially when …” She faltered, but Jake didn’t have to hear the rest of her statement to understand the subtext. He thought about what Kristen had told him about Anna’s early life, and what Anna herself had shared. She’d gone from living in security to not having a roof over her head and being terrified of anyone finding out. Then her mom had gotten a job, things had gotten better … all the way to Mom eventually remarrying and bringing a new baby into the mix. Most people would have stopped worrying so much about security once they’d hit the kind of job Anna had, but she hadn’t. She thought she couldn’t. And now he understood why.
Maybe leaving places she knew, people she knew, triggered that same kind of fear. She’d been left behind, terribly so. It wasn’t so much of a jump to think that leaving her friends was not her favorite thing to do. Of course, leaving him wouldn’t be the same thing—couldn’t be, not for her. But he thought he knew a little bit of how she felt.
Anna rose and kissed him on the cheek. A quick glance showed him that Todd was watching again, and he shook his head at the two of them. “I just need to say good-bye to Kristen,” she said. “You want to come with?”
“Sure,” he said, and saw her blink in surprise. He told himself that he was sticking by her side because he wanted her to keep up the charade until the very end, but he knew better. He didn’t want to spend any time away from Anna until he had to. He was going to let her go too quickly as it was, and that thought was beginning to rankle more and more as the end of their time together neared. He needed to let her go, too. Before all of his uneasiness frayed his nerves too far and he flashed the kind of emotions he couldn’t keep in check. She didn’t deserve that. She deserved the fantasy weekend she’d asked for—nothing more, nothing less. Just a weekend. He could manage that. He could hold it together that long, and then they’d just … part ways. Simple as that.
They moved toward the newlyweds, only they weren’t the only guests to have the idea to say their good-byes and dash. Anna tensed as Todd came up behind them. The douche bag was temporarily waylaid by another guest, but Anna still let out a tight little sigh. “I can’t believe he’s going to—”
“Why don’t you get our bags?” Jake said easily. “I’ll hold your place in line, and if he makes a move to follow you, I’ll hit him.”
Anna choked out a short laugh. “You wouldn’t really, would you?”
He grinned at her. “Would you like me to?”
“More than you could ever imagine, even though that’s not really fair of me. He’s not a bad guy, really. He’s just—”
“An asshole.” Jake didn’t want to hear her defense of Todd. It bothered him a little too much. “Go. I’ll hold your spot. Drop the bags and helmets by the stairs and we can make a clean getaway the moment we break free of this line.”
Anna giggled, and reached up to kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you!” she whispered, and he felt his heart lurch a funny way in his chest. He was still rolling that over when the conversation ended behind him and Todd came up.
“Where’d Anna go?” he asked, genuinely confused. “It’s not like you know the bride and groom.”
“Hey Todd, you have a good time this weekend?” Jake asked. Part of him really wanted the guy to go after Anna, just to give him an excuse to loose the demons that had started poking around inside him. He hadn’t knocked anyone down in quite a while. He was due. “From what Anna tells me, you generally work through your days off.”
“Oh yeah? Anna talk a lot about me?” Todd asked, with a smile that was made up all of teeth. “Because she certainly kept you—the real you—under wraps from all of us. Normally she’d be the first person to spill the beans. Kind of makes you wonder what she was trying to hide.”
“Or maybe it’s just that she didn’t feel the need to get anyone’s approval but her own over who she dates and who she tells about it. There’s that, too,” Jake said.
“Anna? Please. She doesn’t move an inch without getting someone’s approval, and she can’t hardly draw a breath without talking. It’s how she’s wired. Which I would expect you’d know, if you’d actually been dating her as long as she says. Where’d she find you, Jake? Because I can’t seem to find you in any of the McKinsey directories in the upper East Coast. And yes, before you ask, I checked.”
“You have that kind of time on your hands?”
“I care about Anna, and I worry when she does things that aren’t in her nature.”
“Seems to me you have a lot of opinions where Anna is concerned. Only you were the one who left her, if I recall. Nice move.”
“A situation I’m happy to rectify as soon as—”
“Todd! Jake! Thank you both so much for coming!” Jake turned to see a slightly desperate-looking Kristen giving them a full on society smile that clearly said “Please don’t fight.” “I’m sorry. Scott had to step away to take a call, but he’ll be right back, Todd. I hope you two have had some
time to catch up this weekend.”
“Absolutely,” Todd said, all smiles. Scott returned, distracting Todd, just as Jake felt a warm, already-familiar presence at his side, and Anna slid her hand into his, holding tight.
“The wedding was absolutely perfect, Kristen,” she said. “I’m just sorry that we’re going to miss the grand opening of all your presents.”
“Yeah, right. I’m sure you guys can find something better to do with your time than watch us play Christmas in July.” Kristen smiled at them both. “And I’m not stupid, you know. I fully expect Todd to regale me with a long and indignant story about how Jake isn’t actually some boring finance stick-in-the-mud, but I already figured that out. You don’t fit the McKinsey profile.” She winked at him. “Neither did I. Now go, before Todd realizes you’ve made your getaway. I’m eternally thankful for his introduction to Scott, but now that I’ve spent actual time with him, he’s kind of exhausting.”
“Oh, c’mon. He’s not that bad,” Anna said, surprising both him and Kristen. “What?” she asked, frowning. “He’s wound that tight because he works so hard. His work is important to him. You get that,” she said to Kristen, then her gaze slid to Jake. “And you get it, too. Sometimes the man makes the work, and sometimes the work makes the man.”
“Okay, now you’re depressing me,” Kristen said, her merry voice belying her words. “Get out of here, you two, and enjoy what’s left of the weekend.”
Jake didn’t need any more encouragement than that. The girls hugged, and then it was the two of them again, winding their way through the milling people and out into the bright sunlight. Jake hefted the expertly packed saddlebags—sans one giant bridesmaid gown—and they headed down the stairs.
“I went ahead and took the helmets outside,” Anna said. “Figured that would be easier.”
“Figured correctly,” Jake said. “Now it’s you who’s thinking of everything.”
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