by R. T. Jordan
Polly nodded in appreciation and took a small sip. She began to cry again. Through her tears and sobs, she said, “I … miss … my … Lau-ra!” And again she broke down.
Nurse Smalley reached out her hand and patted Polly on the shoulder. “I know, dear. It’s difficult to lose friends. But she isn’t the first and she won’t be the last. Soon, you’ll be gone too.”
Polly sniffled and gave the nurse a wary look. She agreed that intellectually she understood the circle of life, but that it didn’t ease her pain. “Perhaps if I could just see Laura one last time and say a proper good-bye,” she said, almost begging.
The nurse reached out and gently brushed strands of hair away from Polly’s forehead. “Oh, honey, that wouldn’t be a very good idea. You want to remember the way she looked the last time you saw her. Or at least the last time she wasn’t so heavy.”
Polly brought her now-damp Kleenex to her eyes and dabbed at the flowing tears. She sniffled between words and said that seeing Laura again would help her to put closure on the fact that she would never again have an opportunity to say face to face what she felt in her heart.
Nurse Smalley was understanding, but adamant that Polly could not see the body. “In fact, the drawer is locked,” she said. “Only the captain has the key.”
Now Polly was inconsolable. She crossed her arms over her stomach and bent forward as if she were going to be sick. “I’m sorry,” she wailed. “I’m usually so strong. I guess the stress and grief has done me in.”
The nurse insisted that Polly should have a cup of chamomile tea, and went to the minikitchen. She filled four mugs with water and set them in the microwave oven. Then she brought out a box of tea bags. “We’ll all have a cuppa,” she said.
In minutes, the tea was steeping and Polly was calming down. “I know that I’ll never see my beautiful and talented costar again,” she admitted, “but may I please see the evening gown that I bought for her? She was supposed to wear it to the Northern Lights Ball tomorrow night. It’s a beauty. I paid ten grand for Michelle Obama’s designer to create something just for Laura—so she’d feel like the star she never was.” She lied.
As Nurse Smalley removed the tea bags from each mug, she passed around a tray with the four cups. “I’m sure it’s stunning,” the nurse said, as everyone enjoyed their tea. “I’d like to see it too, but all of Miss Crawford’s belongings have been placed in storage.” She pointed to a door next to the one that said REFRIGERATION ROOM. KEEP OUT.”
Polly started to cry again. “I have to touch something that belonged to Laura. I simply must! What possible harm could there be in me holding something—anything—that was actually a present from me to my friend?”
Nurse Smalley stopped and thought for a moment. She looked around as if to see if anyone was watching her. “There are cameras everywhere.”
Polly said, “Anyone monitoring the infirmary is probably doing so looking for drug addicts. We’re lovely, quiet, and very famous passengers. Please, dear sweet healing woman, I can tell you’ve got a gold-plated and generous heart. Help me? Grant this living legend one teensy, but oh-so-important request.”
With a deep sign of apprehension, Nurse Smalley walked over to a key rack attached to the wall above the spring water dispenser and lifted a fob off of a cup hook. “Will five minutes work?” she asked. “I’ll be in deep trouble if anyone finds out that Miss Crawford’s personal items have been disturbed. Everything may be evidence to help the police find her killer.”
Polly slowly got to her feet. “Thank you, dear, Nurse Smalley. You’re a latter-day Sister Kenny—without all those polio cripples. You won’t get into any trouble, and I promise to leave my Rolls-Royce to you in my will.”
The nurse smiled. “Promises, promises. I’ve had dozens of patients say the same thing. I’ve never inherited anything more than my louse of an ex-husband’s bills and a going-away gift of STDs.”
“Flowers always make lovely parting gifts,” Polly said.
“I would have preferred Casablanca Lilies to Chlamydia.” Nurse Smalley unlocked the door to the storage room and flipped on the light switch. Polly was instantly devastated. The three large boxes, all marked CRAWFORD, LAURA/PASSENGER LC-8727, were stacked on top of each other and completely encased in shrink-wrap. “I’m sorry,” the nurse said. “If we rip that off, the police in Juneau will know that someone tampered with the boxes.”
Polly began to sob again. As the nurse turned around to escort the trio out of the room, Polly begged, “May I just stay here alone for a few minutes to meditate? I feel Laura’s spirit here, and I know that she wants to tell me all the things that have been on her mind for years—the personal thoughts and feelings she should have said to me while she was alive and able to appreciate my forgiveness.”
Nurse Smalley nodded. “Of course. I suppose there’s no harm. It’s the least I can do. I’ll have another cup of tea with your son and maid.”
Placenta gave Nurse Smalley a scathing look, but for Polly’s sake, she instantly corrected herself and curtsied. “I shall prepare the tea, mum,” she spoke with an affected English accent. “Direct me to the scones and crumpets, s’il vous plait.”
The moment that the door closed, Polly opened her clutch purse and withdrew her autograph pen, a sleek Mont Blanc that was given to her by the crew of The Polly Pepper Playhouse to commemorate winning her first Emmy Award. Terrified that the door would open before she fulfilled her mission, Polly pulled off the pen’s cap and eyed the thickness of the clear plastic film that stretched over the boxes. Sidling up to the cargo, she held the pen like a scalpel and punctured the wrapping. However, the seal easily fell away; somone else had already cut through the cling film but had sloppily rewrapped it. As quickly as possible, she exposed the boxes. She lifted the first box off the tier and cautiously placed it on the floor.
The box, too, which had apparently been taped closed, had been sliced open with the precision of a razor. Polly put away her pen and then opened the wings of the box top. Blindly reaching down into the container, and feeling around, she rapidly came to the conclusion that only Laura’s clothing filled the box. “Drats!” she complained as she closed the box and pushed it aside.
In the second box, which also had been taped and opened, Polly discovered toiletries, a wig, and several vials of pills for high blood pressure, bladder control, depression and a herpes treatment. “Ick!” Polly said, and tossed the pharmaceuticals back into the box. “Please dear Lord, let the damn phone be in the next box,” she prayed.
Peering inside, she found a heap of what appeared to be miscellaneous odds and ends from Laura’s desk and suitcases. Among the sundry articles were a digital camera, several books, an iPod, and the new collector’s edition DVD boxed set of The Polly Pepper Playhouse. “May as well take this,” she said, and set the collection aside. Peering deeper into the carton she suddenly called out, “Yes!” She located Laura’s cell phone. Grabbing it from among the other items, Polly took only a moment to examine the shiny titanium casing.
As she held her golden chalice, Nurse Smalley’s voice snapped in her ear, “Meditation time is over, thief!”
Polly was startled and dropped the phone back into the box, and instantly dropped herself to the ground in a heaving pile of grief.
“My God! You’ve unwrapped all the evidence!” the nurse cried as she stepped over Polly’s body to examine the damage. “We agreed that you wouldn’t touch anything!” Nurse Smalley said.
“Technically, I didn’t unwrap anything,” Polly said. “Someone else beat me to it.”
As Tim and Placenta helped Polly to her feet, Tim insisted that his mother’s only reason for visiting Laura’s possessions was to have one last moment where she felt the presence of her friend. “You have to understand how close they were,” Tim said to Nurse Smalley. “Only her dear friends Ellen and Portia could be closer.”
Nurse Smalley gave Tim a suspicious look but admitted, “I did see your mother on Ellen once. It was that
Eco-themed show. Polly was the spokesperson for solar bras. I almost bought one when she said that undergarments could help save Mother Earth, while generating enough electricity to charge my iPhone.”
Placenta looked at Polly and admired the way she was able to turn on the tears. “Yes, hon, we’ll have another bottle of … er … cup of tea, when we get back to your stateroom.”
As Polly continued weeping, Nurse Smalley took pity on the star and promised that she wouldn’t report the incident. However, she said that if asked by the police who had opened the sealed boxes, she would have to tell the truth. Polly nodded, and sniffled her way out of the room. When the door was closed behind them, and they bid good night to the nurse, Polly allowed Tim and Placenta to support her as they left the infirmary. Although Polly continued weeping, the waterworks turned into a trickle. By the time they reached the elevator, Polly stood up straight. “Of all the rotten luck,” she hissed. “We have to go back! I had the phone in my hand! Nurse Nosey came in and it slipped back into the box.”
Polly looked at Tim. “You knock her out. Placenta, you tie her up. I have to get that phone!”
Tim heaved a deep sigh. “You’re lucky the nurse didn’t call security! Heck, she’s still bound to put our names down as patients. There’ll be a record of our being near the body and Laura’s personal effects. We can’t be seen there again.”
Placenta agreed. “She’s on to you, Polly. If you return to the scene of your crime you’ll be hanged.”
“I’ll be hanged if I don’t get that cell phone!” Polly demanded. “I’m sorry to do this to you, Timmy.”
“I’m getting used to it,” he said.
“No, this.” Polly reached out and said, “Hold still. You’ve got something in your eye.”
“I’ve got what?”
Before Tim realized what Polly was doing, she quickly grazed her index finger over his eyeball and removed his contact lens.
“Oh, my God! That hurt! I can’t see!”
“You’ll look cute in glasses,” Polly said as she tossed away the lens. “My hands are filthy from digging among Laura’s panties and such. Better run back to the nurse and have her wash your eye out. In the meantime, look for your lens. You probably lost it in the storage room.”
Tim was seething. “You’ve become Medea! I’m doomed! Run for your life, Placenta!”
Polly rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a baby, like Rob Schneider. Simply go back to Nurse Smalley, tell her the truth …”
“She’d have no problem believing that Polly Pepper is a maniac,” Tim said.
“… that you’re blind …”
“I’m beginning to see you more clearly.”
“… without your contacts, and you have to find them or risk falling overboard and suing the Kool Krooz company. She’ll buy that.”
“At least I’ll be telling the truth for the first time tonight,” Tim said, and resigned himself to going back to the clinic. “Someone has to play guide dog. I’m liable to fall over the atrium railing.”
Polly turned around and began to leave. “Drop by my suite the moment you have the phone.”
“Whoa!” Placenta called, and reached out to stop Polly. “You’re not getting away with this. It’s your fault that you freaked out when Nurse Smalley caught you rummaging through Laura’s personal stuff.”
Polly tsked and said, “You said yourself that the nurse is on to me. I can’t show my face there again tonight. But I need the phone! You two are my only hope. I’ve taught you everything I know about getting VIP treatment. So, go and sell it!”
“Sell what?” Tim hissed.
“Our souls to the devil,” Placenta said.
Polly looked contrite. “You know I wouldn’t ask you to do anything that I wouldn’t do myself. If I could help, I would.”
Placenta huffed. “Let’s go, Mister Tim. Turn on the waterworks like your mama taught you.”
“The only lesson I’ve learned is to never take another vacation with the legendary Polly Pepper,” Tim spat, and allowed Placenta to take him by the arm and lead him to the elevator. “If Justin Timberlake is on this ship and I miss seeing him, I’ll never forgive you,” he said to Polly as he and Placenta walked away.
CHAPTER 23
When Tim and Placenta arrived at the infirmary, Nurse Smalley was nowhere in sight. “Probably getting her head examined for allowing Polly access to Laura’s stuff,” Placenta said. “This is a good time for you to toss that stolen photo memory card!”
Tim crept into Dr. Girard’s office and placed the card on the floor next to the filing cabinet. “He’s not stupid enough to think he dropped it, but at least he’ll know that I don’t have it anymore,” Tim whispered to himself.
When he stepped back into the main room of the clinic, Placenta was surreptitiously peering into the adjoining storage room. She felt Tim’s presence and slowly turned around with her finger to her lips. Tim looked over Placenta’s shoulder and almost couldn’t control his reaction. There, rummaging through the open boxes was Nurse Smalley. She held Laura’s shimmering bugle-beaded gown against her body and swayed as if dancing in the expensive dress. She then lifted Laura’s satin-lined jewelry pouch from one of the boxes and placed it on an eye-level step of a ladder leaning against the wall. When she opened the small sack and looked inside, her eyes grew wide with awe.
As Tim and Placenta stayed as far back as possible they saw Nurse Smalley slip a diamond tennis bracelet over her wrist. She then selected a diamond-and-platinum butterfly brooch and pinned it to her white coat. Next, she accented the middle finger of her left hand with a large topaz ring, and held out her hand to admire the bauble.
As the nurse returned the remaining items of jewelry to the sack and laid the pouch inside the box, she was suddenly startled by a small noise. Tim and Placenta leaned back as Nurse Smalley’s eyes darted to every corner of the room. However, she quickly realized that the sound was made by the temperature control system kicking in. Tim and Placenta backed away and left the infirmary.
When they were safely at the end of the corridor, Tim and Placenta exchanged evil smiles.
“I’m missing an eye, but I think I just saw Nurse Smalley robbing the dead,” Tim said.
“Suddenly, getting Laura’s cell phone doesn’t seem so difficult,” Placenta acknowledged. “We’re going back to the infirmary, have your eye washed out, and then tighten the screws on her sticky fingers.”
In advance of their arrival at the clinic Placenta called out, “Yoo-hoo! Nurse Smalley? We need medical attention, por favor.”
“You sound just like Polly,” Tim said.
As Placenta led Tim into the infirmary, Nurse Smalley was locking the door to the storage room. She turned around and uneasily gave a wide smile. “So soon again?”
Placenta said that although Polly Pepper was recovering, Tim Pepper wasn’t doing as well. “He dropped a contact lens. His eye is getting infected.”
“I’m completely blind!” Tim cried. “Haven’t been able to see anything since I left here!”
As the nurse escorted Tim to an examination chair, she opened a cabinet and withdrew a bottle of eyewash. She donned a pair of gloves and magnifying spectacles, and shone a light in Tim’s eye. “You’ll live,” she said, and poured the eyewash solution into a small eye-shaped cup. “Lean forward and hold this tight against your eye. Then tilt your head back and open your lid.”
After a minute, Nurse Smalley looked at the eye again. “I’ve saved your sight. You owe me big time,” she joked. “I’ll call Dr. Girard and have him take a look at it.”
“No! No!” Tim insisted. “It’s late. I’m fine now. But I’m out of lenses. I need to find the one I lost. I’m sure it came out when I was in the storage room.” He leaned forward and slid out of the chair. “I’ll just take a quick look,” he said, reaching for the doorknob. “It’s locked.”
“Notice the sign,” Nurse Smalley said. “AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. Anyway, I’ve cleaned the room and didn’t find a c
ontact lens.”
“Not surprising, considering how small it is.”
“Even if it had been there, I probably swept it up and dumped it in the trash.”
Tim looked around the room. “Where’s the trash?” he asked.
Nurse Smalley pointed to a white basket with a foot pedal.
Tim lifted the lid. “It’s completely empty,” he said. “I really need my lens.”
Nurse Smalley shook her head. “I told you, it’s not here.”
Tim pondered his dilemma for a moment before turning to Placenta. “Isn’t it funny how one good eye compensates for one that’s not so good? I guess my right eye is doing double duty ‘cause I never noticed that gorgeous ring before.” Tim pointed to Nurse Smalley’s hand.
Instantly, Nurse Smalley hid her hand in the pocket of her white lab coat. “I’d better call Dr. Girard now.”
Tim and Placenta simultaneously crossed their arms and moved toward the nurse. “While you’re at it, call the captain,” Tim said. “Or better yet, just hand over the key to the storage room and we won’t utter a peep about Laura’s amazing and benevolent bequest to you.”
“I don’t want this gaudy ring anyway,” Nurse Smalley fumed, and removed it from her finger. She placed it on the counter next to the eyewash, and faced Tim and Placenta with a defiant smirk. “Now leave, or I really will call Dr. Girard. And the captain, too!”
Tim and Placenta stood their ground. “There’s the phone.” Tim pointed to the white wall-mounted touchtone phone. As Nurse Smalley moved to pick up the hand set off the cradle, Tim said, “I have a photograph of Laura Crawford taken the day we embarked, and she’s wearing that same butterfly brooch. You both have good taste, but I’m afraid it looked much nicer against her lavender cashmere sweater than it does against your stark white coat.”
“Tim teaches creative accessorizing at Saks,” Placenta said. “He could show you a few tricks.”
Nurse Smalley stood still for a moment. Then she said, “You probably know that the ship has hundreds of surveillance cameras. If you aren’t out of here in two seconds, I’ll do something that will irrefutably prove that you’re intruders.”