“Don’t be silly, baby. It was perfect, what we had.” Now he was rolling his eyes at me.
“Perfect? So always having an orgasm yourself and never taking care of me, that’s perfect? That’s a dream life?” He started to open his mouth, but I stood and kept going. His mouth shut real quick.
“So, when I gave up drawing or doing hobbies that I loved? Seeing my family more, missing Julian when he died because you wanted me to go to your family’s stupid breakfast at the club, was a perfect life? You never cared about what I wanted; you just wanted me to fit your mold.” I pointed at him, holding my ground. No way in hell was I backing down now.
“I am done trying to fit in. I was never meant to. And your friend, he tried to rape me. I can honestly say I am thankful for you, once in our whole relationship, because you walked in and put an end to it. But let me repeat that again. He tried to rape me. I wasn’t cheating on you, and you are an even bigger asshole than I realized for thinking that.” He stood and grabbed hold of my finger, hard.
“Okay, there are some things we can work on. What relationship doesn’t have that? You want orgasms, I can give you those. You want to draw? Fine. We’ll make the spare room your place to draw. Yeah, I like going to my family’s stuff at the club. You liked it too; you enjoyed getting all dolled up to go. Oh, and Tyler wouldn’t do something like that and risk losing his golf sponsors.” He scoffed, like Tyler trying to rape me was inconceivable, just like he did before. I tried to pull my hand away from him, but he held on tight and moved closer.
“I love you, baby. We can make it work. Give me a chance.” He leaned in closer, and by the time I realized his intent was to kiss me, his lips were smashed against mine. His tongue pried open my lips and tried to coax me into kissing him back. Instead I bit him, and pushed him away as far as I could, which wasn’t far.
“You’re disgusting. Get out of my house, before I call the cops.” He wiped the saliva away from his lips and stared at me.
“You’ve been fucking someone else, haven’t you?” He cursed, and started to pace. Suddenly a wave of rage hit me like nothing I’d ever experienced. Lane wasn’t a bad man. He didn’t kill people. But he was an idiot, so in love with his dream that he was almost delusional. Instead of calling the cops like I was about to, I did something I knew would insure he would leave and never return on his own free will.
“Fuck yeah, I have been. Did you hear where I was all those weeks when I wasn’t answering your calls? I was getting fucked by a truck driver that I paid to let me ride around the U.S. with him. Oh, and he fucked like a god, too. I swear his dick stretched me so hard as he rammed it in my pussy.” His face twisted into an expression of disgust. If there was one thing Lane couldn’t have, it would be a tarnished woman for his wife and image. He couldn’t have people knowing that his wife slept with a trucker, or that he screwed her dirty.
“Livia, stop talking like that. It’s not right, coming out of your mouth.” He grimaced, but wasn’t giving up yet. My evil smile grew, and I was so not done. This was making me feel good, especially since it was all true. Killian was a god in bed. I would scream it to the world if I had to.
“What? A lady shouldn’t talk about getting fucked hard and fast by a big cock? And a strong man? Just wait until I tell you about his wicked tongue, and thick fingers. Oh, and the way he talked.” My brain started thinking about the way he talked in bed, his voice and the way it could make me come alone. I loved his voice so much. The more I could hear his voice in my head, the more my rage started to disappear and fall into sadness. I wanted all those things with him again. I wanted to hear him call me his sunshine, and to fall apart in his hands while he watched. I wanted to wake up curled in his arms every morning.
“You are not the same girl I wanted to marry.” That I could agree with him on.
“You’re right. I’m Killian’s woman. Always will be. He loves me, and the woman I am.” I looked at him with defiance in my eyes. His upper lip curled in disgust at me again, and then he turned to leave. ’Bout damn time.
I sat on the love seat and pulled my phone back out of my pocket.
1,2,3,4 by Plain White T’s.-Livia
Chapter Thirty -Two
Livia
I tried calling Killian after not hearing from him for a few days since my text. A part of me was worried I was too late, but I couldn’t give into that part. I knew I felt his love for me through his actions, especially in New York. He loved me. He just didn’t want to hold me back from spreading my wings. I see that now. Any man who would give me up, when he loved me and wanted me for himself, was a man worth fighting for. So here I was in San Diego, knocking down Joel Kline’s door. I hoped he was home.
He opened up shortly after my third knock, wearing board shorts and sun shirt. Maybe he just got done surfing for a bit.
“Livia?” He said my name in confusion. Couldn’t blame him there. The gate was locked, as he was probably wondering how I got to the door, but I used my tomboy roots from my youth and climbed over his wall using a palm tree to balance my feet on. It was hard, but hopefully worth it.
“Hey, Joel. Um, can I come in?” I smiled at him, using my best pleading, puppy-dog eyes.
“Uh, yeah.” He stepped back, and I walked into his house.
“How’d you get in?” He was holding back laughter. I just couldn’t tell if it was nervous laughter or just laughter from the situation.
“I used a palm tree and climbed over. Might have some boot marks on your tree. Sorry.” I was sorry for that. Poor tree.
I plopped myself down on his couch and took a breath. I had been on a plane for hours, and I was tired.
“So, whatcha need?” He got right to the point.
“I’ve been trying to reach him for a few days. He hasn’t answered, and I need to find him.” I’d looked for a Lemarque on Sugarloaf Key but found nothing. And I wasn’t quite ready to be the stalker necessary to go down there and search every road for his big truck. He might not have even been home, so I would have wasted a trip, especially considering how long he could be gone.
“Why now?” He was looking at me with a guarded expression; it was that of a friend trying to protect his own.
“I had to help my family for a few weeks, and then I had to find myself. But you already knew I needed to do that.” I had a sneaking suspicion he recognized the lost girl in me.
“You love him?” He moved on, satisfied with my answer.
“Unconditionally,” I replied, without hesitation.
“Okay, so what’s the plan?” He sat down next to me and was waiting for me to tell him my grand scheme. Except I didn’t really have one, I was just kinda doing this all on the fly.
“Uh, find out where he lives and surprise him?”
“Naked?” His eyebrow arched up in question.
“Uhh. Maybe?” It wasn’t off the table, if Joel thought it would help. I knew Killian loved my body, so it couldn’t hurt. Joel chuckled to himself, and relaxed back against the cushion.
“Okay, we’ll wing it. I haven’t heard from him since he left my house a couple of weeks ago to get back to work. But I think he said he wouldn’t be gone too long.” He stood up suddenly and walked into his big kitchen, then came back quickly.
“I’m going to call him.” He pressed a button, and then put it on speaker phone so we could both hear. Nervous, I waited for Killian to answer him, but it just went straight to voicemail. Bummer. I really hope he wasn’t ignoring both of us.
“Could he be avoiding you too?” As soon as I asked, I started wishing that was the case. If he was just ignoring me then that meant something, something I didn’t want to acknowledge. Joel’s face scrunched up as he thought over my question.
“No. It’s not the way our friendship works. He would tell me if I pissed him off, not just drop off the planet.” He sat back down next to me and let out a deep breath.
“He’s probably just focusing on the road. It’s his escape when shit in his life weighs down on h
im. He really fucking missed you.” Joel looked at me and the corner of his lips went up. Sweet guy.
“I missed him too,” I admitted proudly. He gave me time and space, and now I needed to be plastered against him. We talked for a few more minutes about coming up with some sort of plan, but I was so tired from the flight that I could barely keep my eyes open anymore. All that adrenaline finally burned off in my system.
“Go on upstairs and sleep in the second bedroom. First door when you get up the stairs. I’ll see if I can find a way to contact him to see where he is, on the down low of course. Surprises are everything nowadays.” He winked as I stood to do as he said. No luggage to carry up the stairs, so once I opened the first door after the stairs, I plopped on the bed and started to drift off. It was strange, but I swore the bed smelled like Killian. All man, hint of diesel fuel, and Twizzlers. A deadly combination to my heart. When I finally let sleep take me, I had a smile across my face. Things were going to be okay, and I was going to make Killian mine once again.
When I woke up the next morning, I asked Joel if I could take a board out on the waves to try another go at surfing before he took me to the airport with Killian’s address in my phone.
The waves crashed against me, but I wasn’t giving in. I was determined to stand on a wave.
“Okay, turn around and wait for the right one. You’ll feel it in your gut, which one is your baby,” Joel called out to me while sitting on his board, trying to guide me. So far it wasn’t helping; I was too much in my own head to just let it go and ride. I tried. Seven tries so far, and I had failed at every single one of them.
“You’ve gotta clear your head, Livia. You can do this.” I nodded and gave him a thumbs up, but I didn’t really feel his words.
I watched the waves start to come up behind me and waited for the one my gut told me to take.
“You’ll have to keep practicing. Everything that is worth your passion is worth the time it takes to make it happen.” Killian’s words to me the last time I tried to surf came back to me. I said them out loud, over and over. He was right, I just had to keep going; it was worth the falls.
Wave after wave, I waited. Until I saw it. Beautiful, a deep blue, and starting to roll majestically. It called to me, and I turned to paddle. This was my time. My wave. My passion manifested into the ocean.
Once the wave and my board met, I popped up, just like Joel said to do, and opened my toes for grip.
It was everything I thought it would be. My board sliced through the water like a knife to butter. I felt like a goddess for having tried, and even though I failed a few times, and for not giving up. It was definitely worth the effort. I could hear Joel yelling his excitement at me, but I didn’t want to take my eyes off my actions. Without tricks or some of the cool things I’d seen him do, I rode the wave to the shore and hopped off onto the sand.
“I did it!!” I grabbed the board to keep it from floating away, unlatched my ankle strap, and set it down before I jumped around, full of joy.
“You kicked ass out there!” Joel came at me and picked me up for a hug. It felt nice, reminding me of my brother’s hugs.
“I did! Holy shit! I rode a wave!” I felt like I could do anything and conquer anything I set my mind to. Which was fantastic, because now my mind was set on getting to Killian and making something with him work. Forever.
Click.
Click, click. Click.
“Shit!” Joel cursed, and put me down, but not before shielding my body from something.
“What’s going on?” I asked him, but he led me towards his house quickly. I tried to get a look at whatever that clicking noise was, but all I saw was a man standing on the beach behind us, dressed in normal day gear.
“Stay here.” His face was all hard and angry. He stomped back out to the man on the sand and started cursing. I couldn’t make out what he was saying besides a fuck here and a shithead there. When the man held up a fancy camera and snapped one at Joel, I figured out what he was, and my heart sank.
He was a paparazzi.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
What if Killian sees those pictures? He could think I was with Joel! Oh God, this was not good. I fell to the floor, the image of Killian’s face marred in disgust and anger overcoming me. When the tears hit my face, I knew I was screwed. Would he still even want me?
“I’m so sorry, Livia.” Joel was standing over me, his whole body radiating anger at the intrusion.
“He could think I’m with you, Joel. Shit! What am I going to do?”
“Sticky situation. But Killian will hear you out first. It’s going to be okay.” He knelt down in front of me and wiped away the tears that were running freely.
“I hope so. I can’t lose him. Not again.”
We stayed on the ground for some time before I got up and took a shower, feeling like a mindless zombie.
Joel dropped me off at the airport, and I watched the California landscape disappear beneath the clouds and thought of Killian’s face, but not twisted up in jealousy or anger. I remembered his face when I asked him to let me ride with him. He looked at me like I was a loon, but then when I begged him, he saw something in my eyes that made him say sure. Those stormy blue eyes were my downfall from the beginning, and I didn’t even realize it. My eyes found the fluffy clouds outside the window, and I focused how I was going to see Killian soon, and tell him everything. I prayed he was willing to try with me.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Killian
I’d been driving through the night, for almost fourteen hours, just ready to get home on Sugarloaf and dive into the water.
This drive had been particularly hard without the bubbliness of Livia in the truck with me, but I’d made it. There was hope for me yet. I’d avoided the cabin when I stayed with Lucas this time, so I wouldn’t see all the places where I’d had a piece of heaven with Livia. Surprisingly, Lucas didn’t say anything about her or love the whole day and a half I was there to shred snow. I saw his look of sadness for me a few times, but I just ignored it.
First thing I was going to do after sleeping for ten hours, and taking a dive in the water, was going to the store and getting a new phone. I’d lost it in the snow, and all I could think about was thanking the stars above that I’d saved that picture of Livia to my computer at home so I wouldn’t lose it. Lame ass, I know. But now I was glad I did it.
I wondered, not for the first time since I lost my phone, if Livia had texted me, or called. But after the first twenty-four hours without it, I figured it was better for my mind to wait and see when I got home .
The moon was high, and the sea breeze welcomed me as I pulled into the large acre of land that surrounded the small house I was renting.
It was a one bedroom, cottage-style home, with a porch around it and a long dock that led out to the water, where I could dive down and look at the small reefs about ten yards out. It was my little patch of paradise, and I was happy with it. I didn’t need a large home like Joel or Lucas. Just wanted the water and a space a little bit bigger than the truck to retire to when the road had been brutal.
This past haul was rough. I parked the rig in its spot, and hopped out. I’d clean out the cab tomorrow when it was light out and I wasn’t so tired.
My bed was like a siren, calling to me, as I walked up the porch stairs and unlocked the door. Without changing out of my driving clothes, I just opened up a window and crashed. Hard.
When I woke the next morning, I felt more refreshed, and decided to walk down to the Sugarloaf Lodge that hosted a farmer’s market every Friday. I could give back to the locals who spent their time mastering their craft, whether it be fishing, arts, gardening, or drinking. I could appreciate their passion, and I enjoyed seeing their faces light up when I bought something. It reminded me of Livia, a little. As I looked around at what everyone had to offer, I could totally see her sitting there with her drawings, either trying to sell them or just drawing for the hell of it. She’d sit in a hammock,
with cut-off denim shorts and a tight tank top. Her blonde hair would be pulled back into a messy ponytail, and she would have that smudge on her cheek from her pencil-rubbed fingers. Even though it was just a fantasy, it brought a smile to my face for the rest of my walk.
I’d managed to score some fresh chicken, some cheese, a loaf of focaccia bread, and a filet of fresh mahi-mahi, my favorite fish to eat down here.
The sun was almost straight up, signaling it was almost noon time, and I was ready to jump in the water. For being the tail end of February, the air temps were getting close to the eighties, but the water was still a bit chilly. I would have to put on a suit before getting in.
While putting away my food from the market, I noticed something on the dock through my kitchen window that wasn’t there before I left.
I set the veggies on the counter, and walked out onto the porch.
My heart stopped for a minute, as I swore I saw a girl with blonde hair wearing a purple bikini and wrap around her hips that was blowing with the breeze.
Unsteady on my feet, I staggered to the dock to see the mirage before me.
She couldn’t be here on my dock. It had to be something I tried at the market that had poisoned me.
Smooth, creamy pale skin. Messy blonde hair that was braided to the side and resting on her bare shoulder. If this wasn’t real, then the universe was unspeakably cruel. It was like the fantasy I had of her after our night in Vegas, right down to the purple bikini.
When my boots alerted the girl to my arrival, her whole body started to turn around slowly. Air was trapped in my lungs as I waited to see with my own eyes that it was her.
“Livia.” The air rushed out of my lungs, with her name riding it.
She smiled nervously and waved.
“Hey.”
Hey? How the hell was she not freaking out like I was right now? I knew my face held shock on it from seeing her, but damn, I was seconds away from crushing her in my arms and not letting go.
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