by Aly White
I do what they are coaching and walk up to Caleb’s side, looking at the hundreds of people in this party. Their eyes feel heavy, with Caleb’s words burdening me—gem, nightingale. What if I choke?
He kisses my cheek and pats my shoulder, “You’ll do good,” he then walks down the stage, leaving me there alone. I position myself in front of the microphone stand and wrap a hand around the stem of the microphone.
I look down the floor for a moment, looking at my painted toenails that I only had done this morning right after knowing that I am invited to this kind of party. Honestly, there is not a single amount of confidence in my body right now, especially when I have the words of my handler stuck in my head since this morning.
As I look up to the people in front of me, I wonder if any of them already know, besides Caleb, the secret that I have been keeping most of my life.
I wonder if I had any clients from any of them and I just can’t recognize their face because of the countless ones that I had. It scares me to think that I might just be putting mine and Caleb’s careers in danger with the reputation that I have. For the first time after calling myself a performing artist for a long time, I feel that I don’t think I am fit for a place like this, given my background.
I am not really the type to judge myself, but not every person in this room would agree with me, so what if they knew about me? This would just definitely hurt their relationship with Caleb and his studio, and I don’t want that to happen—I don’t want to cause a scandal or bring ruin to his studio. Caleb is an amazing person, and he doesn’t deserve the bad omen that I would bring to his life, career, and company.
I shouldn’t have agreed to be his new talent. I am just a threat to his success.
“Hey, are you gonna sing or not?” a heckler from the crowd elicits a few chuckles from the others. I find myself looking everywhere, my focus scattered. I shouldn’t be here. I have no right to be here.
But with my eyes roaming around, I catch myself staring at the two most important people that invited me to this party—Caleb and Tristan. Caleb has an arm around Tristan’s waist while Tristan stands close to Caleb. Both of them having flutes of champagnes in hand. Both of them are looking at me, their eyes expecting something from me that I am not sure I’d be able to provide.
With his free hand, Tristan gestures me to sing while Caleb glances at him, then to me and gives me the most encouraging smile he can give. With those two encouraging me, I know that if everything else fails, I know that I have them supporting me no matter what, so fuck all of these thoughts that are in my head. I’m gonna rock this house down.
I turn around to the ensemble behind me and instruct them as to what song and chord we will be performing. With them understanding my instructions, I turn towards the crowd in front of me and close my eyes.
They don’t matter now. All that matters is the music—the music that they need to hear, the music of my heart.
I open my lips and let my voice soothe their minds while I let myself drown in every note and every word that the song has. I want to express them like I have always done, I want to tell the world the music that has been bottled up inside me for all of these years of auditioning. I am finally here, and this is the moment that I have been waiting for.
I have no time for doubts now, I know what I am capable of and that my music can reach people, just like Violet. I know this is the life that was made for me, I feel so free as the song comes from me naturally. I care less about how the others think about how I sing.
This world is filled with lies; from whatever they watch to the people they trust, but now I am here to show them something genuine. Music has always been genuine, it just takes a person who truly listens to know the story and the truth that it conveys to its listeners.
I am now surrendering myself to the gods of music and letting them possess me to show how music is the way to make people stop and finally listen to the things that the heart truly wants to say.
The moment I open my eyes, I watch almost everybody in the room with their eyes widened, some with tears in their eyes, while they clap their hands to my performance. I never knew that I can give so much impact to them, not in this scale. The thought of it makes me feel breathless and bring me to cloud nine.
The people in this room is no joke, from endorsers to entertainment companies that are willing to share my music with others. The thought of them being delighted with my performance just makes me feel like I’m floating. I thank them briefly and bow before I slowly walk down the stage.
Most of them instantly greet me with congratulations and offer to work and collaborate with them. One by one, crowding me and asking—pleading for me to accept their offer, but before I am able to answer any of their questions, Caleb shows up in between them and me.
“Hey, guys, guys, what did I tell you? This is a party. Not the workplace. Now get more drinks and skedaddle.”
Some seem disappointed that Caleb got in between us, but truthfully I am really thankful that he is here or I might get claustrophobic with all of the attention that they are giving me.
“Thanks, Caleb.”
“No problem.” He kisses my forehead, making me close my eyes then look up to him after. “You did great, sweetheart.”
Maxene
It has only been a week, but I feel like I have been working for months, I never imagined that being a singer involves being almost everywhere. I have shown up in some shows on TV, attended press conferences and interviews, got mobbed by paparazzi taking my unsolicited pictures, and received a shit ton of offers from different entertainment companies. I always thought that this would be a breeze for me, but it is like I have been thrown into ice water.
Everything just moves so fast around here, it makes me think about how the other artists before me keep up after they started debuting. I know that everything would just continue to get harder from here on out, no one has to tell me about that. But I am not exactly sure if I am ready for it or if I am steeled up enough for this.
Despite all of these things that feel so foreign to me and actually, I feel I sounded too scared, but truthfully, I am not scared at all. I am enjoying this rush that I am in. It feels like I am in a high and I don’t want to come back to reality, but then again, this is my reality now. This is the reality that I have always wanted for myself, a reality that I have always dreamed of.
I think it is right for people to dream hard because little do they know they would be living that dream sooner or later, all they have to do is just persevere and believe in oneself. I believed in myself when no one else did, and now I have other people who believe in what I can do too—Caleb and Tristan. Those two have been so supportive that I don’t think my thank yous will ever be enough.
All of these things are in my head while I just sit here on my bed, staring at the flat screen television in front of me, caring less about whatever show that it has on. It is just slowly dawning on me that I am living the life that I have always wanted. But I am cut out of my trance when my phone rings on my bedside table.
I immediately pick it up and press it against my ear. “Hello?”
“Max, it’s Violet. I am told to remind you of your schedule for today.” Violet doesn’t even wait for me to say anything as she goes on talking about my schedule. “First, you have a TV guesting at The Ellen Degeneres Show later, and then there is your appointment with Tristan’s family. I think he already told you to wear something nice.
“Then on the following day you have another guesting in a radio show, make sure to be there on time, the producer hates waiting. We don’t want you making bad blood along the way. There is a recording after that for the other songs that you’re gonna release along with your debut single. Miguel wants you to finalize your album as soon as possible. After that, you’d be…”
I am not even able to hear my own voice on the call anymore, all I can hear is her talking all about the things that I have to do all throughout the week. I don’t even know if my brain is actu
ally registering everything that she is telling me over the phone, but she keeps on telling me appointment after appointment until I finally had it. “Vi, stop!”
“What—what did I do?” She gets flustered at the sound of my voice just stopping her. “Is there something wrong with the schedule? Should I fix it up or what?”
“Nothing is wrong with the schedule, it’s just…You’re just giving me all of these advanced appointments, but I just want to experience things day by day.” I smile while talking to her as if she actually knows that I am. “So, the schedule for today would suffice, alright? Thanks for your hard work, Vi.”
“Anything for you, Max.” I am guessing that she is taken aback a little with me saying that to her directly. But I have to be honest, I don’t really like the thought of me being bombarded with the things that I have to do when I haven’t done what is due today. “Alright, I have to go now. I’ll update you if something urgent comes up,”
“Okay, see you later. Bye, Vi.” I hang up the phone after she said goodbye herself, placing it back on the bedside table. Now that everything is quiet again, I’d like to give myself a little bath in the tub, some self-pampering, I mean.
I stand up and head towards the bathroom, stripping my clothes off one by one, folding and placing them on the hamper just beside my walk-in closet. I turn the faucet on and make sure that the water on the tub is lukewarm—just the way I like it. I drizzle in some bubble bath soap, and I start making bubbles in the tub.
One foot then another, I get in the tub and slowly slide my naked self in, letting the gentle warmth of the water soothe my aching body and relax my overthinking mind. I close my eyes and let my head run itself wild, but I regret letting it as the thought of Wyatt’s words come back to me the moment that all I can see is black. With all of the free information that is everywhere now, I can feel that there is already gossip behind my back, my secret shared to others.
I may or may not know that for sure, but I can feel my chest tightening to the thought of my career ending even before it actually started. I am just a new artist, and things like these scare me, the thought of ending way too fast—it’s like I rose so fast that I have to come crashing down faster.
I can imagine it at the back of my head, the exact thought happening to me, like with a snap of a finger—or a click of a share button—all of these will be gone.
I jump at the sound of someone knocking on my door. “Max! Are you in there? It’s Caleb!”
Just the sound of his voice, I know it is Caleb. He must be checking up on me first before I go to meet Ellen Degeneres because I am carrying the name of Woods Studios when I get there.
I yell back, “Yeah, I’m in the bathroom. Come in.”
I hear him walk into the loft and then straight to the bathroom, knocking first before actually going in and crouching beside the tub. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I smile at him as I watch him crouch next to the bathtub. I catch his chin and pulls him towards me so I can kiss his lips. “Nice for you to visit.”
He kisses me back and chuckles. “Yeah, and it seems that I came at the wrong time.” He traces his fingers on my exposed arm that rests on the edge of the tub.
“No, no, of course not. I’ll always have time for you.” I caress his cheek with my bubble lathered hand with him not minding that I have slightly soaped his cheek.
He kisses my fingertips and smiles. He holds my hand and massages it. “So, how are you?”
“Honestly?” I ask him, and he nods his eyes, obviously curious and wanting answers. “I got to say, everything is just so bizarre. Everything is so fast-paced in this industry. There are times that I feel that I won’t be able to keep up with all of these,”
“That’s not true, I know you can do it.” He smiles at me reassuringly. If there is someone who really believes in me as a musician, that would be Caleb.
“I’ll try my best.” I look down at his hand holding mine. “What about you? How are you?”
He looks down at the tiled floor in front of him and lets go of my hand. With him acting this way, it is really obvious that he is not okay and that there is something that is bothering his mind. “Since you’ve been honest with me, I’ll be honest too. I’m jealous of you, Max.”
I do not attempt to say anything when he looks at me, I just want him to continue whatever he is saying without me saying anything until he wants me to talk.
“I’m jealous because Tristan is going to introduce you to his family, but then there’s me. He has known me for a long time, and we have been together for a long time, but he is still scared. He’s still scared of not being called valid, so he is scared of letting his family know of our relationship. It’s just…it’s just so fucking frustrating.”
He has his head lowered more, not even daring to look at me. All I can do is pat his head because, to be honest, I don’t know what to say to him. I would rather just comfort him like this or just tell him things that will not even happen unless Tristan actually does it. I will just be here, hoping for everything to become better for the both of them.
Tristan
“What is taking her so long?” I can feel every neuron in my brain start to work overtime at the thought of what is going to happen later at the dinner that I had set up with my parents.
My mother and sister have been wanting me to come home for a while now, so I decided that this is the time for them to actually see me back home. I’m pretty sure that my father didn’t agree with the thought of inviting me to dinner, considering that we don’t really have the best father-son relationship.
I can’t help but chew on my inner cheek while I think of an explanation for us to be late for the dinner that has been planned for weeks. I am sure my mother made everything look perfect after I told them that I would be bringing along friends with me home because I want them to meet them personally.
They have heard a lot about Caleb, and somehow my father has taken an interest in him with his success as a young music producer, while my mother and sister are very curious of the additional member of my little group of friends that is out of the modeling industry.
“If you keep on walking like that, you will dig a hole on the floor,” Caleb comments as he spreads his thick legs in front of me while he is sitting on the couch in the living room.
It is as if he is trying to give space for his cock to breathe. I know that he has a proud length but this isn’t really the right time for him to boast about it, and I am not very keen on sucking it off because it won’t really help me calm myself down. On most days, I would, but tonight’s different.
It slightly ticks me off that he is so lax about everything that is happening right now, this is not exactly the time to be relaxing. It just feels like every sensory organ that I have in my body is active, like there is so much adrenaline that is coursing through my veins as if I ran miles even if I didn’t. Doesn’t he know that my hand is already sweaty at the thought of having the two of them in the same room as my family?
Surely, my sister won’t be judging any of us if she learns that I am, in fact, dating two people at the same time. Well, technically, we are dating each other, so there is no cheating or whatsoever, in other words, a polyamorous relationship. I turn my eyes away from him and look up at the staircase where Maxene is supposed to come out sooner or later.
I keep on staring at the staircase as if that effort would actually make Maxene dress up faster, I am sure that she isn’t even aware that I am close to shitting my pants with all the anxiousness that has been going on in my head. I know I shouldn’t be that worried because I’m sure with the career that Maxene has right now, my father won’t judge her for it.
Caleb and I are well aware of Maxene’s past, as much as it is dangerous for anybody else to know, I care less about it because I know that Maxene, being an amazing person that she is, will overcome this.
“Seriously, Tristan, calm your fucking tits, man! She’s gonna come down any second, no need to stare at the fucking stairs as if i
t can actually make her magically appear in front of us.”
With Caleb saying those things, I shoot him a glare that is just deflected the moment I looked at him. He obviously doesn’t care about what my parents are going to think if we get there late, surely, my father would think that I am a wuss because I couldn’t face him.
“You don’t really understand, do you?” I start walking towards him, clearly intent on pulling him by his collar and make some sense in his brain.
After all of the years that we have been together, it seems that he cannot register in his head how complicated my relationship with my family is, considering how my father treats me as a person—he may not be even treating me as a person. I grab him by his collar and pull him close to me so we can look at each other eye to eye. “If I slip up, even for just a minute, my father would think that I’m fucking scared of him!”
“Why? Aren’t you?” He raises a brow to me as if he is challenging me and how I truly think of myself.
This asshole!
“Guys?” I slowly raise my fist and jam it into his pretty face until I hear Maxene’s angel-like voice calling out for the both of us from the staircase where I was waiting for her come down.
But now, it is not only her voice that is so angelic, but her dress also makes her more angelic than she already it; she looks like a completely different person than who Caleb and I are with in the bedroom. Her white dress is not body-hugging like the other dresses that I have seen her wear before, but still, she isn’t scared to show some skin with her cleavage exposed and her skirt ending two to three inches above her knees.
“What do you think?” She twirls around, and I see her back bare, making it known to both Caleb and I that she isn’t wearing any bra and if we try to take off her dress, surely, she will be only left with her lace thongs. The thought of it makes my dick twitch.