“Just overwhelmed?”
I nodded.
“You’ll be fine.” He bumped my arm with his. “You know, Camille struggled with her powers, too.” He stumbled over her name. “But she got through it, and I know you will, too.”
I had to brush my hair back to see him. “Why do you say that?”
He cocked a grin. “Because you’re a badass.”
I hit his arm.
“Come on.” He laughed, and didn’t speak again until his laughter died. “I saw you fight in battle. You did better than I did.” He leaned back on his hands. “I’m sort of jealous.” When he looked up at the ceiling, he shook his head. “You even broke Darthon’s neck once.”
The memory of our first battle was clouded with the fact that Darthon had stood back up afterward. Only Eric could kill him. Unless someone killed me. Then, Darthon would die. Darthon had been telling the truth back then, and he was still telling the truth. Through Eric, he was telling more than the truth. The illusion wouldn’t stop us from figuring it out.
“Do you think Darthon is trying to break us up?” I asked.
“I know he is.” Pierce leaned forward, but his face twisted. “He probably thought you’d go running back to him once Eric left you.”
I huffed. “I’m not that desperate.”
“He seems to think so.”
My hands curled against my knees.
“I know you’re hiding something from me,” Pierce’s words sounded far away, even though his thigh touched mine. “But you can tell me when you’re ready.” When I looked up, he smiled. “I won’t force you like Luthicer did.”
My next breath felt lighter than the previous ones. “Thanks, Pierce.” Despite everything, I couldn’t tell them about the suicide attempt, especially after I spoke to Bracke. Eric’s mother had been a loss to everyone, and confessing that I had tried to mirror her movements wouldn’t be easy for anyone to hear. The Dark had done enough by accepting the fact that I was also a light.
Pierce stood up as if our conversation was over, but I grabbed his forearm. “Wait.”
He looked back. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for the easel.” I pointed to the home-warming gift. “It helped.”
Pierce looked up, but his eyebrows shot up like he hadn’t seen it before. “I didn’t get that for you, Jess,” he spoke through a grin that practically split his expression in half. “But I could guess who did it.”
When he gestured to the desk, I saw the other gift I had overlooked before. A Picasso book. Eric was the one who had welcomed me home.
31
Eric
The morning clouds bumped over the horizon and left Hayworth High in a hazy mist. Overnight, February had arrived as silent as my illusion, as present as my nerves. When my Charger’s engine rumbled beneath me, I squeezed the stick shift. I didn’t want to be at school. I wanted the Dark to order us to stay away—that it wasn’t worth the risk—but my father had forced me. Even then, I could drive away. I had that much freewill. But it meant abandoning Jessica at school, and I couldn’t do that.
I searched the parking lot for Crystal’s car, knowing she would probably be with Jessica, but it wasn’t present. It was too early. The only car I recognized was the one that pulled up next to mine.
Robb’s Suburban.
He didn’t meet my eyes until he got out of his car. I locked my doors, but he knocked on the window. His knuckles smeared the glass. Even then, I didn’t unlock my doors.
The air sparked as he disappeared, only to reappear in my passenger seat. A blast of hot air burst through my vehicle, and I sucked in a breath as his powers died down. Unlike shades, lights could use their abilities whenever they wanted to.
“I don’t remember inviting you in,” I grumbled, facing forward.
“I’m not a vampire, Welborn.” He blew air into his hands. It was cold outside. “Where were you two yesterday?”
“I don’t have to tell you—”
Before I ever saw it coming, his fist smacked across my face. “Answer me.”
I grabbed my chin as the pain radiated up my jaw. Blood dripped off my lip and onto my lap. “If you get blood on my car—”
“What? Your daddy will get you a new one?” Robb growled as his seat leaned back. He stared at the ceiling. “You’ll heal in five minutes anyway.”
“Not as a human,” I managed to gain the feeling back in my face. “Or don’t you know how shades’ powers work?”
He glanced over, but his neutral expression didn’t shift. “I know they’re not working like before.”
I stared at the boy I had once considered a friend. His face hadn’t changed much in three years. The skin below his eyes had deepened, but I imagined mine had, too. It was from the lack of sleep, the training, the death. If he had killed his parents, I hadn’t heard of their deaths, but I was with him when his dog died. It was the only time I had seen him cry. Now that I knew he was the one to do it, I didn’t know how to accept the memory. It seemed just as impossible as his identity as Darthon—but he was. He was the boy I was destined to kill. He had killed Camille.
I had to tear my eyes away to speak. “My powers are just fine.”
“Mine, too.”
“So are Jessica’s.”
Robb sat up, and the chair snapped into place with a crunch. “And?”
“And you wanted to know about us,” I pointed out, knowing it was my best move—for once—to follow his orders. “The Dark is forcing us to live in the shelter.”
He couldn’t attack us all to get to her, but he chuckled. “Wait. Wait. Wait.” He laid his hand on his chest. “I’m controlling your speech, and they’re controlling your actions?” His laughter was louder this time. “Don’t you just love being a pawn?”
“They’re forcing Jessica, too.”
My words stopped him. His face hardened.
I made my next move. “She told them.”
“Told who what?”
“Don’t act stupid,” I said. “The Dark knows she can be a light, too.”
His skin drained of color, and for a moment, his complexion mimicked a shade’s. “She wouldn’t tell them that.”
“She did.” He might have been able to silence me, but he couldn’t force me to tell the entire truth. I was the one who told the Dark, but he wouldn’t know that. He would only know what I told him. “And they aren’t going to hurt her, so give up, Robb.”
When I said his human name, he flinched, but leaned back like he could cover it up. “If they won’t push her away, you will.”
“I already broke up with her.”
“And you transferred out of homeroom,” he finished. “Nice touch.”
I grinned. “So, Fudicia told you.”
A light shattered throughout my car, only to dissolve into the backseat. The blonde girl appeared as she slowly melted into her human form. Her soft face was nothing like her bony appearance as a light, but her smile was just as threatening. “I’d prefer if you call me Linda.”
Her powers wavered enough for me to know the Light was struggling, too. “Using your powers so openly?” I chuckled at Robb. “You are getting desperate.” The Dark was winning.
“Call it what you want,” Robb muttered. “I don’t care.” He reached into his sweater pocket and pulled out a cigarette. “You mind?”
“I do.”
He took out his lighter and lit it anyway. The orange end burned as he dragged and pushed out the smoke in my direction. “Have you spoken to your father yet?”
My fist tightened, but I held back the urge to hit him. I wasn’t allowed, and I couldn’t win if I attacked him during the day. If I were going to kill him, I would have to wait for an opportunity at night.
I reached for the door handle to leave, but the metal burned my palm. Air hissed out of my mouth as I let go. My flesh was red.
“It’s rude to leave in the middle of a conversation,” Robb spoke at my back.
“We haven’t talked yet,” I snapped and twi
sted toward him. “What else do you want?”
“I want you to get a new girlfriend.”
I huffed. “That’s not happening.”
Robb’s eyebrow rose. “You have to follow my orders.”
“I’m done, Robb.” I hovered my fingertips over the handle, but the metal radiated with heat. Darthon wasn’t done yet. “You can’t kill me,” I added, “and once I find you at night—alone—I will kill you.” It was only a matter of time before I found a way, but he wouldn’t find out what was protecting me. His pride was too blinding.
Linda leaned forward and laid a hand on Robb’s shoulder. “He knows what’s protecting him.”
She was the one I should’ve been worrying about. Apparently, my pride had blinded me, too.
My gut twisted.
Robb stared at me like he was seeing me for the first time, and I wondered if he saw the boy I was when we were friends. “You know how she’s protecting you,” he said.
He still thought it was Jessica, and I needed him to believe that. As long as he believed that, he would leave her alone.
“You can’t hurt her,” I played into his suspicions. “You know you won’t.”
“No.” Robb took another drag, and smoke filled my car. “But she won’t let you go until you prove you don’t love her anymore.”
I dropped my left hand between the seats. If he ordered me to take off the ring, I would have to find a way around it. I would just wear a necklace, too.
“Date Linda,” Robb ordered the last thing I expected.
I glanced over at the blonde. Her eyes widened as if she hadn’t been expecting it either. “Robb—”
He raised his hand, and her bottom lip snapped shut. I wasn’t the only one under orders.
“We’d rather not,” I said.
“You’ll do it,” Robb spoke, but I wasn’t sure if he was ordering her or me. Probably both of us.
“Or what?” I tested. “You’ll punch me again? Kill me? I’ll come back to life—”
“Jonathon Stone won’t.”
My sternum squeezed in my chest.
“I know he’s Pierce.” Robb ashed his cigarette on the floor. “I saw him with Jess.”
“They just have a class together—”
“Outside of class,” he clarified. “And I imagine Jonathon’s not a very good fighter as a human.” Robb’s eyes darkened. “I have Zac following him.”
The half-breed. Linda’s brother. I glanced at her, expecting a reaction, but she was staring out the window.
“Maybe I won’t let Zac kill him,” Robb continued. “Maybe I’ll do it myself.” He chuckled, and smoke bounced out of his mouth. “Maybe I won’t even kill him. Maybe I’ll just put my cigarette out on his good eye.”
“Fine,” I growled, thinking of my best friend. I had punched him myself, and I couldn’t protect him either. “But only if you leave him out.”
Robb opened his door, speaking as he ducked out, “I think we have a deal, then.” He slammed the door as if it were equal to a handshake.
“See you around, honey,” Linda said and mirrored Robb’s movements.
I watched their exposed backs as they walked toward the school. If I waited five more minutes, Jessica would arrive and see Robb’s car parked next to mine. If I got close to her, she would smell his smoke on me. But if she were with Crystal, there was a high chance Crystal would tell Robb. It was too big of a risk. Either way, I had to make another move. And fast.
My foot slammed on the gas pedal, and my tires squealed as I drove out of the parking lot. I wanted Robb to hear my disobedience. I wanted him to know I was leaving and fighting back. I wanted him to know I was going to the shelter to train. My hands would end his life. When I looked in my rearview mirror, he was staring.
I only wondered what look he would give me as he died.
***
The training room was colder when I was a human, but I didn’t want to strain myself by transforming before sunset. Although it was possible to transform in the shelter, the powers were weaker. It was one of the reasons Luthicer was generally the only elder on staff most of the time, but I felt another one as he entered the room.
“What do you want?” I asked, keeping my back to him.
“For one,” Urte responded, “I’d like you to look at me.”
I turned around. Unlike me, Urte was transformed. His black hair hung against his neck, as wild as his eyes, but the rest of him was tamed into forced stillness.
I raised my arms only to drop them at my sides. “Better?”
Urte leaned against the wall as his eyes skimmed my face. “Did you get in another fight?”
I didn’t have to touch my face to remember the mark that was there. Robb had split my lip open. I could taste the raw skin that was healing. I wanted it that way. It was just another reason not to transform. Everyone could see it now.
“Who was it this time?” Urte asked.
It was impossible to speak Darthon’s name, so I didn’t even try.
Urte stepped toward the control panel. “If you’re going to train as a human, be careful.”
He thought my injury was from the disks. The setting was one I generally used as a shade when I could shoot them down with my powers. I was enjoying the challenge as a human today. But I didn’t want Urte to think my injury was from the clay. When I opened my mouth to correct his assumption, he spoke, “It doesn’t take a wise man to know you’re fighting more than disks.”
As he said it, a disk shot out of the wall and missed my face by inches. My bangs shifted from the wind before the disk broke against the far wall, shattering into pieces.
Urte cursed and slammed his hand against the panel. The room buzzed as it flipped off. “Eric—”
“I’m fine,” I said, stopping him and grabbing my water. I took a drink and wiped my mouth before I spoke again. “Go ahead. Talk about what you really came here for.”
“Darthon.” Urte didn’t hesitate.
“What about him?” I didn’t either.
“He tortured you in there.”
I dropped my water so I could stretch my arm over my head. “I’ve had practice with torture.”
My trainer didn’t flinch at the reminder. “That’s precisely why I know it isn’t the reason you broke up with Jess.” His words lingered. “I also know that isn’t why you punched my son.”
Jonathon. I remembered Darthon’s threat, even though I didn’t want to. “Watch over Pierce,” my voice was quiet, but Urte paled, and I knew he heard me.
“What does that mean, Shoman?”
I hated to hear my Dark name when I was a human.
When I didn’t respond, Urte marched across the room and grabbed both of my shoulders. He was shorter than I was, but—somehow—his stare pushed down on me. “Eric, you have to fight through this,” he said. “You need to find a way.”
“I’m trying.” My voice cracked. “There’s nothing I can do right now.”
“Why not?” Urte’s eyes flickered over my face. “Jonathon and you are best friends—”
“Not anymore.”
Urte’s hands fell away, but he didn’t step back. “You’re breaking up with him, too?”
The question forced a chuckle out of me, but it wasn’t light laughter. It stung my insides.
Urte shook his head, and his hair waved. “You can’t break up with everyone, Eric.”
“Not when you’re forcing me to stay here,” I agreed.
Urte choked.
I forced a smile. “Thank you for that.”
He kept his gaze on me as his feet shifted backward, slowly making his way to the exit. “We’ll find a way.”
“I know.”
He spun around and walked toward the door like he was on a mission to solve it all, but he froze in the doorway. “Eric?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever happens,” his voice wavered as he opened the door. “Whenever you resolve this, I won’t judge you,” he promised before walking out.
32
Jessica
Even though he was supposed to, Eric never showed up for school. His absence was suffocating. I barely made it through the day, and my concern only increased when I arrived at the shelter. The elders were in a meeting, Jonathon was training Jada, and I was alone.
I sat in my room, living through my paints. The Picasso book sat on my lap, and a splatter of blue paint landed on the open picture I was using as inspiration. I stared at the edge of the liquid as it hardened and crusted onto the page. The color was three shades off. Ever since my powers became red, I hadn’t been able to see blue the same way. I slammed the book closed.
When I stood, my feet moved as if they weren’t attached to me. I walked across the room and placed the book on my pillow. The heavy weight of the paper caused it to slide down, only to land against the wrapped present I had kept for over a month.
Eric’s birthday present. I still hadn’t given it to him.
After his father had bought him another car, it felt useless to give him something so trivial, but the pale wrapping paper gleamed in the dim room. My fingertips skimmed it before I picked the gift up and held it against my chest.
I knew what I had to do.
I marched out of my room and made my way through the halls. In art class, Jonathon had already told me the one thing I wanted to know. Eric’s room rested on the east side, right between the library and the nurse’s quarters. It took me eight minutes to get there, but I was sure when I saw the door. The thick wood gave it away. It was the same door I had on my room. What they had once been used for was the only mystery.
I knocked three times, and every knock sounded louder than the first, but the silence that followed was deafening.
I knocked again, even pressing my ear against the wood, but no one came.
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