by Claire Adams
Instead, I went back to the campfire outside my mother's yurt and brooded over the flames. I wanted Corsica, but what did that mean?
She didn't know what she wanted, and I think that was what irritated me the most about her. Corsica was lovely, talented, strong, and resourceful. I wanted her to find a job, a lifestyle, that was near me and that suited me, but it was impossible to figure out where she was headed.
The idea of glamping circled in my head as once place where our two worlds overlapped. If only I could get her settled there, it would be natural for our connection to continue.
So, I needed to get her a job. Then, a place to stay. Then a reason to run into me every day, multiple times a day. Scratch that, it wasn't enough, I needed her with me. Maybe we'd find a place together.
My mind drifted into more daydreams about Corsica and I living together. There wasn't much sleep, but there was her singing, our spirited debates, our red-hot kisses, and those blue eyes of hers seeing right through me when I tried to be something I was not.
"Let go of me, Xavier, I don't care what you say." My mother's angry hiss slashed through my fantasies. "Let go of me right now or you'll be sorry."
"Alice, please, just listen to me. Why can't you ever listen to me?" My father's voice was rough with frustration.
It sent rapid waves of panic over my skin. Had he started drinking again? He gave Corsica a bottle of wine–maybe he was hiding more alcohol. Maybe he was blind drunk and looking for a fight again.
I stood up, every muscle clenched. I had been a scrawny and frightened boy the last time, but now Xavier wouldn't know what hit him. I charged around the corner of the yurt and skidded to a halt.
My mother had twisted her wrist free in a practiced, self-defense move. Then she caught Xavier's face with both hands and disarmed him with a kiss. My fists dropped as did my jaw. There was no fight, no violence, just a volcanic outpouring of passion that sent me back two steps.
I stepped on a twig and it snapped like a gunshot.
"Oh! Penn, I was just coming to find you. We have something-"
Xavier interrupted her. "Alice, please, now is not the time."
"If you lay another hand on her, I will kill you," I snarled.
My mother's eyes flew open first with surprise and then with painful compassion. "Penn, darling, I'm safe. Your father is not hurting me. We were just arguing over when to tell you something important."
"Looks like it better be now," Xavier muttered.
I clenched my fists again. "What is it?"
Alice swept back her flowing sleeves and pressed her palms together. After a cleansing breath, she said, "Your father and I have reconnected over these past few years. This battle with cancer has burned away all our past mistakes and made us realize that we still love each other. We're getting married."
Cheers went up around the encampment, and I realized we had all been talking loud enough for everyone to hear. My mother looped her arm through my father's as they walked past me to meet their well-wishers around the campfire.
I stood where I was even after a bottle of champagne was unearthed and the toasts began. I couldn't help watching like a hawk as my father turned down a pour of the sparkling wine. It was impossible to admit that they looked like a happy couple. From the outside, minus the traumatic childhood, my mother looked radiant and my father looked like he was about to burst.
Alice stood up and thanked everyone. "Xavier and I discovered that, finally, after years of smoothing out all our rough edges, we are a perfect fit. It only took raising our wonderful son, facing our own demons, and battling our own stubbornness to bring us together. So, we are finally going to tie the knot!"
Every one raised a glass. Every face was a smile, every voice was a laugh. I stood there and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I knew it was the picture of happiness, but I couldn't believe it was real.
"Penn? Can we talk?" Xavier asked.
I stalked off behind the yurt and crossed my arms before facing him. "If you hurt her again, I will kill you."
Xavier nodded gravely. "I heard you the first time. Penn, I need you to know that I've been sober for years now. It hasn't been easy and I failed a few times, but now I really value this life, your mother and you, more than alcohol."
"And I'm supposed to just believe you?" I snapped. "You didn't even tell me she was sick."
"I know. That was wrong of me."
I tore my hands through my hair. "We wouldn't even be talking now if you hadn't thought she was on the edge of dying. She was on the edge of dying."
Xavier straightened up, his eyes bright. "And that's why this is happening now. I love her, Penn, I always have. I can't waste another minute drunk or separated from her. We want your blessing, but first, I have to ask your forgiveness. I need to make amends."
"That's it, isn't it?" I snapped. "You need me out of the way. That's how it's always been."
I couldn't face him, so I walked away.
Corsica ran after me and stopped me before I could hit the trail. "Penn! Isn't it wonderful! Did you know? Is that why you decided to come back early?" She looped her arms around my neck and bounced while she hugged me. "I'm so excited for your parents. Your mother looks positively radiant."
She moved to look at me, but I held her tight. I couldn't let Corsica see my expression. Her whole body vibrated with joy. I wanted a moment, just a moment, to feel it through her.
I couldn't let myself be happy for my parents. There was a cold weight in my chest when I thought about it. But, Corsica was so ecstatic for two people she hardly knew, and I was jealous of how free she was with her emotions.
I buried my face in her hair. "I'm glad my mother is happy. She deserves it. She deserves all of this and more."
"Come back to the campfire," Corsica urged. "They're opening another bottle of champagne. Are you going to make a toast?"
I let her go and shook my head.
Corsica rolled her eyes. "You should make a toast. But, if you aren't, the least you should do is have some champagne and hear about what I found out about glamping."
"Wait, so you're not mad at me?"
Her smile went crooked, but did not diminish. "I was. I was going to be mad at you all evening, but don't you think this happy news kind of knocks that out of the way?"
I took her hands. "I shouldn't have cut off our camping trip because of work. That's something my father would do and I want to make sure I never follow his example."
She squeezed my fingers. "Don't you think you'd feel better if you forgave your father?"
"I'm not sure he deserves it, yet." I thought saying yet proved that I was not unbendable.
"Maybe it shouldn't have anything to do with him," Corsica said. "I'm not mad at you anymore, and I've got to say the rest of the evening looks a lot better because of that. Why keep wasting all your energy like this? If you forgive him, then you can move on."
"You make it sound so easy," I sneered.
She brushed my unruly hair out of my face. "I just think it would be best for you. I'm on your side, Penn."
That did it. It felt like a dam was splitting open inside me. I couldn't name what I was feeling, so I turned it into anger.
"You're not really on my side," I snarled. "You're just like every other woman who’s had her head turned by the better things in life."
Corsica stepped back. "You reminded me how much I love camping. You're right; I don't need a lot of extra things or fancy things-"
"You just need things," I said. The cracking sensation in my chest was blinding. "You'll say anything you can to make me believe we're perfect together. Well, guess what, no couple is perfect. My parents are the best illustration of that."
"They are not perfect, but they are a great couple," Corsica declared. "They've been through so many ups and downs and missed connections and neglected opportunities, but they still love each other and they are still willing to try."
I shook off her grasp. "You'll really say anything, won't you? J
ust to make-believe in romance and lure some man down the aisle."
The words flowed out before I could stop them, and when I finally got myself under control, Corsica was gone.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Corsica - 17
"What decade does Penn think it is? The fifties?" I shouted. Ginny covered a smile, but my friend's humor did not take the edge off my anger. "He thinks, he actually thinks that I graduated from college with no other ambition than to catch a man and get married!"
"Thank God he’s wrong," Ginny muttered. ”Because if that was true, you'd be marrying Joshua. Ugh, he would be so ready to jump right into this conversation and try to marry you. How's that for a reversal! Does Penn know that? Maybe you should tell him."
"Tell him what? That I have someone who wants to marry me? Then I'm just proving his egotistical, chauvinistic, pig opinion."
"Whoa," Ginny said, holding up both hands. "That's a lot of names. Penn never struck me as a pig."
I snorted. "He'd be happy living in a muddy ditch the rest of his life. You should have heard him explaining it so carefully in the woods. As if I were hanging on his every word and just waiting for him to propose."
"But you did sleep with him."
"Ginny! Whose side are you on?" I threw my hands up in the air then clenched them into fists. "Penn has been a pig this entire time. I just got a little distracted."
Ginny choked back a laugh.
I spun around. "This is all your fault, you know. If you hadn't teased me about being stuck in my shell… If you hadn't challenged me to be more spontaneous, then none of this would have ever happened."
My friend smiled to herself and shrugged. "Maybe you'll thank me some day."
"For letting him sleep with me and then accuse me of trying to coerce him into marriage?" I scoffed. "Not in this lifetime."
Ginny sighed. "He was upset about his parents' big announcement. Maybe he'd gotten used to be the only man in his mother's life."
"No. Not true," I shook my head hard. "Penn hadn't seen his mother in years. He'd stopped talking to her after she defended his father. Penn said she needed to make her own mistakes, and he needed to get on with his life."
"But now his parents are back in his life. And, so are you," Ginny said. "It's got him in a panic. He doesn't know how to deal with a family suddenly popping up and surrounding him. He just accidentally took it out on you."
I dropped down and yanked my suitcase out from under the bed. It had been a long bus ride back to Monterey, but Ginny had arrived just minutes after me. She'd heard more than enough via cell phone to know that I probably needed a ride back to Santa Cruz.
I stood up and slammed the suitcase on the bed. "Maybe. Maybe we'll never know, because I'm leaving. He doesn't need me around anymore, except for one thing–that is definitely never happening again."
Ginny clapped her hands and then swung open the closet door. "All right, then, let's do this. We'll get you packed up and out of here. You can stop by the lounge on your way out of town and tell them you can't perform this weekend."
I unzipped the empty suitcase, but the zipper felt heavy. "I forgot about my gig."
"It's okay. There's karaoke tonight in Santa Cruz. I bet we could even get Joshua to give it a try. With you back in town, he can finally stop moping around. Maybe this was the perfect way to shake him out of his rigid, little plans. Joshua's probably ready to finally hear what you want." Ginny pulled out my short row of sundresses.
I caught them before she dumped them in the suitcase. "I'm not going back to Santa Cruz for Joshua. This is ridiculous!" I marched my clothes back to the closet and hung them back up.
Ginny smothered another smile. "So, you're not leaving?"
"The thing is, I don't need a man," I declared with my finger up to the ceiling. "I finally broke away from Joshua, and thank God for that. He had my whole life planned out as if I were some paper doll. And, we only ever looked good on paper. Did you know he couldn't even light a fire in the big fireplace at his parents' home?"
"Not the outdoors type," Ginny said.
"And, I don't need Penn," I bellowed. "I only used him to break me out of a rut, and now I'm out. I've got great ideas for my own company, my own brand of hospitality, and I don't need him for any of it. I'm going to be a success on my own."
Ginny couldn't stop a giggle. "Which is why you and Penn got along so well in the first place."
I glowered at her while I dumped out my suitcase and shoved it back under the bed. "I'm even going to stay here just to prove how little he means to me. His parents still think we're engaged, and I still have my singing gig in town. I've got everything I want and I don't have to let Penn mess it all up for me."
"So, you're not coming back to Santa Cruz," Ginny grinned.
My hands dropped. "Oh, Ginny, I'm sorry to make you drive all this way."
"Not a problem," she said. "How about we make use of Penn's great kitchen while you're still here."
I laughed, feeling lighter than I had all day. I linked arms and led Ginny out to the kitchen. "And leave a huge mess for him to clean up when he gets back. If he gets back. Maybe he got the point and will leave me alone for the rest of the summer."
"I don't think that will be the case," Ginny nodded to the door.
My chest filled up with hot ash as I saw Penn's car sweep into the driveway. "How about we go out for dinner? There's a great place just up the beach; we can use the back door."
Ginny waved over our shoulders at Penn as I dragged her down the steps from the deck to the beach.
#
I was shocked to see Penn leaning against the kitchen counter when I headed to the door for my morning run. His hair was a mess, as if he'd just rolled out of bed, but he was dressed in sweat shorts and a black tank top. I refused to notice how great his arms looked. The tattoos were the in the way, a definite detraction, I tried to remind myself.
"Good morning?" Penn asked. He handed me my water bottle.
"You're up early." I snatched the full water bottle from his hand and headed for the deck door.
Penn followed me. "I was worried you'd be gone. I don't want you to go. Please, can we talk about it?"
"No," I said. I heaved open the sliding door and stepped out into the chilly morning breeze. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm staying because I want to hold up my end of the deal. Remember, it's just business."
"So, you'll stay?"
His flabbergasted expression made me turn around. "You'd been hit with big news and you were upset. Or do you actually think I've been sitting around daydreaming that you'd ask me to marry you?"
"I just thought-"
I didn't let him finish whatever he was going to say. Instead, I bounded down the deck stairs to the beach. Penn was right behind me, but I ignored him and started running. He caught up to me and settled into a pace that matched my own.
I scowled and veered away from him to the wet sand. There it was easier to run and I picked up the pace. Penn groaned, but matched me stride for stride. So, I headed away from the water to where the sand was deep and hard to run through. It was punishing, but I was in a foul mood and every time Penn grunted, my anger got lighter.
He was still keeping up, and now, I was starting to sweat. My lungs burned but I ran faster. I didn't need Penn in my life. I knew how to be alone, and I preferred it that way. So, I ran to escape him and the feelings I had decided to shut off.
"What is this, a race?" Penn gasped.
"If it was, you'd be the loser," I snapped and stretched into a sprint.
"Damn it." Penn charged after me, and I felt his fingers grab my tank top.
He pulled me to the side and my momentum swung me all the way around to crash into his arms. We fell to the sand. I shoved him away from me, but couldn't get my footing in the loose sand. As he struggled to stop me and I struggled to get up, we both started laughing. The battle turned into wrestling and when I ended up on top, Penn took my face with both hands and kissed me.
&nb
sp; I should have slapped him, or clubbed him with some nearby driftwood, but my body ignored me. I could still feel the smile on his lips, the challenge met with equal force. We were evenly matched and it was delicious.
Too bad Penn was too egotistical to notice, I thought. I had the sinking feeling it would take a huge scene to make him notice I was in love with him. The thought revved up my heart faster than our sprint through the deep sand.
I pushed him down in the sand and got up. "That doesn't mean you won the race," I said and started jogging back.
Penn scrambled to brush the sand off and match me stride for stride again. "So, what does it mean?"
I blew out a labored breath. "It means that I'm staying, but only for a few more days."
We climbed the steps back to his beach house. I could barely lift my feet, not from the run, but from the realization that it really did matter what Penn thought of me. I wanted him to love me, and the only reason for that was because I loved him. It felt like a fatal diagnosis. I wondered how many days I could take before my heart couldn't take any more.
"Will you be here tomorrow night?" Penn asked as he opened the sliding door for me.
"Yeah, I guess," I muttered.
Penn caught my wrist and cleared his throat. "Speaking of our business deal, there is a charity ball at the golf club tomorrow night. My parents are going, part of their engagement celebration. I'd like you to come with me."
I gaped. "A formal event? Tomorrow night? I don't have a dress."
Penn rolled his eyes. "That would be your first thought. Don't worry. I have a tailor coming to fit me with a new tuxedo. I'm sure he can bring along some choices for you."
"Penn, that's asking a lot," I stammered.
"What if they are all designer labels? You can have your pick." Penn dropped my wrist.
I slammed the sliding glass door behind me. "I told you I would hold up my end of the deal. Now, how about you honor yours. You told me I would have a place to stay rent free, where I wouldn't be bothered."
I shoved past him and headed for the guest room. The steam and heat of the shower had finally unlocked the knots in my shoulders, but not the confusing tangle in my heart. So, when there was a knock on the door, I tensed up again.