by Marie Harte
She hadn’t noticed Abby standing at the office entrance, her eyes wide. And right next to her stood Vanessa. Maddie felt sick. As if she’d died but her body hadn’t yet caught up to the idea. Flynn had the audacity to act as if she was just using him for sex or casual company? Their first big fight and he wanted to throw in the towel?
“Boyfriend my ass.” She ended on a hiccup, burst into tears, and slumped back onto the love seat.
To her surprise, Vanessa didn’t comment. Her cousin left and returned minutes later with a hot cup of tea. Abby didn’t say anything either. She just sat with Maddie on the love seat, offering her support just by being there.
The three of them sat in silence for several moments, the occasional hitch in Maddie’s breath the only interruption until Vanessa drawled, “Well, you really stepped in it this time.”
Abby groaned. Maddie couldn’t hold back more tears.
“Flynn was right. He could have been a little nicer, sure, but Maddie, you need to listen. You’re smart and successful. I have no doubt you’ll one day have more money than both me and Abby combined.”
Abby frowned.
“But I’m worried about you. You never used to be like this. So afraid to take a chance. You seemed so happy with Flynn, so different with him. He never tried to control you, either. Not like Ben. He’s a genuinely nice guy. Abby and I have seen some of the losers you’ve dated.”
“Th-thanks a lot.” She sniffed.
“I hate to agree with Vanessa on this, but she’s right.” Abby patted her knee. “I’m sorry, Maddie. But you’re a little nutty when it comes to relationships. Flynn never pushed you for more than you wanted to give him, but he didn’t let you brush him away either. He’s the first guy I’ve ever known you with that you actually let close.”
“And now look. He broke my heart. The jerk.” She tried to stop the next crying jag before it started but couldn’t.
“For once, I think you have the right to cry.” Vanessa surprised her out of her tears. “You’re throwing away something great, Maddie.” She uttered the soft words with such sincerity Maddie couldn’t tune her out. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The way he treats you. Like you’re valuable but not breakable. He wants to help you, not hurt you. Why is it so hard for you to let him in? To let anyone in?” She reached for Maddie’s hand and held it tight. “You wouldn’t let me or Abby help you without paying us every last cent, and we’re family. Closer than sisters. What’s going on with you?”
Maddie didn’t know. “I just… It’s so hard for me to ask for help. It was Mom and me for so long. Vanessa, you don’t know what it was like. We didn’t have any money. Not any. I spent my days going to school and my nights helping my mom wait tables or clean houses. For a year we even lived in a shelter. Nothing was ever easy or free. It was all about surviving.”
Vanessa looked shocked. “Why didn’t you guys stay with us? We had plenty of room.”
“Why? So Grandma could tell Mom what a loser and slut she was? So I could hear how I was a mistake and we’d never amount to anything? And Vanessa, get real. Aunt Loretta and Uncle Scott barely tolerated our visits when we did come.”
Vanessa sighed. “You have a point. They barely tolerate mine.”
“It sounds to me like your problem is pride,” Abby offered. “We met in college. I’m not a part of your family’s past. I didn’t grow up with you, but you’ve told me how it was. Did you really like your mom making you work so hard? What would it have hurt if she’d asked for help for you? Not for her, for you? Maybe she’d have been called a few names or dealt with your pompous aunt and uncle.” She bit her lip. “No offense, Vanessa.”
“None taken.”
“I know what you’re both saying.” Maddie sniffed. “It’s just, Mom taught me to stand on my own feet. It’s not safe to rely on anyone but yourself, she always said. Then I lose my job, and it all comes crashing down.” She coughed, her heart sick, and admitted the root of the problem. “I don’t need Flynn feeling sorry for me.”
“Um, Maddie. I don’t think you heard him right.” Vanessa shook her head. “That man feels a lot of things for you. Sorry ain’t one of them.”
Abby agreed. “He did for you what he’d do for any of his friends. If you worked a job and someone needed a good plumber who wouldn’t rip them off, wouldn’t you recommend him?”
Vanessa smacked her in the back of the head.
“Ow!”
“Jesus, Maddie. Don’t be dense. You’re all but living in each other’s pockets and have been for weeks.”
“Not true.”
“Abby? Tell her.”
Abby sighed. “Yeah, well. Think about it, Maddie. You don’t like labels, we get that. But you and he are exclusive.”
“We’re friends with benefits. It’s just safe sex with someone I can trust.”
“It’s sex, period,” Abby emphasized. “You either spend your nights at his apartment or here. You spent time with his family the other night. And he’s had plenty of breakfasts in our kitchen.”
“Not that we mind,” Vanessa added. “Since he cleans up better than you do.”
Maddie surprised herself by laughing.
Abby continued. “He’s always doing stuff for you and trying so hard not to freak you out about it. I didn’t want to tell you about this, but who do you think got your printer and your software for you at such a great price? Because it wasn’t me.”
“But you said you did.”
Abby didn’t flinch. “I lied. Flynn gave me the stuff and told me not to say anything, because of your many issues. The guy knows you. And despite that, he loves you. Hell, he admitted it in there. Laid himself on the line.”
“Yep.” Vanessa nodded.
Abby sighed. “The guy has it so bad for you, Maddie. He’s spent weeks letting you keep him at arm’s length. Then you denied him—not his girlfriend?—in front of Ben and us.”
“But he left me.”
“Do you care?” Vanessa prodded.
“Of course I care.”
“Then, as Flynn said, get your head out of your ass, realize you want him, and talk to him about it.”
“The only man who might ever have truly loved me—for me—just walked out the door.” Hearing herself say it, Maddie wanted to pull her hair out and shriek. She was scared out of her mind she’d just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to her. She felt so confused. She didn’t know what to do.
“I think you love him, you’re just too dense and terrified of admitting it.” Trust Vanessa to call it like she saw it. “Don’t you see? You’ve never shared yourself with anyone else the way you have with Flynn.”
Was Maddie in love? Could a Gardner feel that elusive emotion for a man? An emotion she’d always wanted but had been cautioned all her life to beware? It had ruined her mother, made her—
“Hey, Aunt Michelle? Yeah, it’s me, Vanessa. Hmm? I’m great. How are you?”
Why was Vanessa talking to her mom on Maddie’s phone?
“Well, that’s good. I’m sorry to be bugging you, but your daughter’s head is stuck so far up her butt she can’t see. She’s in love and she just kicked the man of her dreams out the door. Can you talk some sense into her? Please?”
Vanessa nodded, beamed, and tossed Maddie the phone. “Just remember, you owe me for this. Name the first girl Vanessa. Unless she’s ugly. Then name her Abigail.”
Abby frowned. “Damn it, Vanessa.”
Maddie brought the phone to her ear, still in shock over all that had transpired. “Um. H-hi. Mom?”
“Oh, baby. What can I do?”
Baby. What Flynn used to call her. She broke down in tears again.
Chapter 20
Flynn got rip-roaring drunk in the privacy of his own apartment. He didn’t want witnesses watching him in the aftermath of the biggest fuck-up in Flynn McCauley history.
He passed out some time around four in the morning. Maybe. He rose to puke a few times in the toilet, then crawled—li
terally—back to his bed and passed out again.
“Damn it, wake up.”
The noise hurt his head and he swore.
“There you go.” More background chatter. “Get him up. Over here.”
“Hell. He stinks.” Was that Cam?
“Th-thought you were out of town.” His youngest brother, the baby of the family. The thought made him grin. Then he started laughing.
“Shit. He’s still drunk.”
“You think?” Brody’s sarcasm didn’t faze him.
The guys said a few more choice comments. Something hard poked him in the chest. Flynn blinked up at the light fixture on his bedroom ceiling and groaned.
“Hey there, sleeping beauty. What do you know? You slept the day away. It’s after six PM. Get up already.”
He avoided Brody’s grabby hands and rolled out of bed. He stumbled into the bathroom and thought he pissed in the toilet. Or at least near it. He washed his hands, dried them on his rumpled shirt, then made a beeline for his kitchen and reached into his refrigerator for another beer. For the woman that ails you.
His bender had worn off. Now he felt pain, both physical and emotional. His head throbbed. His stomach refused to accept its emptiness and churned with the need to regurgitate more. But it was his heart that bothered him most. Taking a can from the refrigerator, he turned to his brother. “See, Cam? Not pussy beer. This is for real men.”
Cam glanced from the beer to his face, his derision clear. “It’s Bud Light, manly man. You on a diet?”
“They didn’t have anything else at the store.” He’d grabbed the first thing he’d seen on the way home. A case to drown his worries, of which he’d imbibed too much, added to shots of tequila. And maybe a glass or four of whiskey to make himself really forget.
He drowned his misery with another can. Or at least, he tried to. Cam yanked it out of his hands.
“Flynn, sober up. You’re an ugly drunk.”
“Fuck you.”
“Snappy comeback.” Brody huffed at him. “Now how about you tell us what the hell this is all about. You missed our three o’clock today, but luckily the client forgot as well, so we have a do-over next week. I kept the schedule light so you and Red could spend the day together. Didn’t you have plans?”
“She dumped me.”
Brody snapped his fingers. “I knew it. I knew that redhead would be nothing but trouble.”
Cam eased Flynn into a chair. “See if you can tell us what happened while I make you some coffee. You look—and smell—like shit.”
“Thanks.” He flipped his brother the finger, but Cam’s back was turned and he missed it. “I showed up last night to her place. We were gonna do the festival downtown.”
“Which one?” Brody asked.
“Who the fuck cares? I showed up to see her chatting it up with her loser ex-boyfriend. The doctor.”
“Ouch.”
He didn’t want Cam’s sympathy. “She dumped him. I think.” His memory of their conversation was fuzzy, mostly because he’d been too busy battling rage when he’d seen the guy reaching for her to pay attention to their words.
“So what happened? Was she seeing him on the side or something?” Brody looked annoyed—on his behalf no doubt.
“No. He was begging her to come back while she argued with him. Instead of just telling him she had me, she sat there asking him stupid questions.”
“Ah.” Cam nodded.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You sure it’s not a pride thing with you, Flynn?”
Brody intervened before Flynn could leap out of his chair and body-blow Cam to the floor. “Nice, Cam.”
Cam shrugged. “Flynn’s always been a little full of himself. It’s kind of weird to see him drinking away his sorrows because he’s a little jealous. I’m surprised he didn’t fight for her if he wanted her.”
“She didn’t go with him, Cam,” Flynn growled. “The dickhead left when she and I started arguing. She told me she’s not my girlfriend. Then what the fuck is she?”
“A fuck-buddy?” Cam offered.
“That’s what she said! I love the woman, and she can barely tolerate me. What the hell is wrong with this picture?” he asked on a moan.
Brody patted his shoulder. “Oh man. So she rejected you? The big love hanging out there between you now, huh?”
“Yeah.” Stupid, stupid. “We fought, I told her to get her head out of her ass. Then I left.”
Cam and Brody just stood there and stared at him.
“What?”
Cam frowned. “Okay, tell us again what happened between you two?”
He’d just finished explaining when Mike pushed through his front door. “What the hell did you do?” He rushed to Flynn.
Worried Mike might kill him, Flynn jumped from his chair and shoved Brody in his path.
“Thanks a lot, Flynn.” Brody held Mike back, barely.
Mike swore and stalked away. “You see? This is why I told you to leave them alone, Flynn. At eight o’clock this morning, Vanessa was at my house demanding I talk to you.”
Flynn could only focus on Maddie. “Why? Is Maddie okay?” As much as she’d pissed him off, and she had, he didn’t want to think about her being hurt.
“According to Vanessa, the girl is miserable right now.”
He groaned and avoided Mike’s glare, feeling overwhelmed by so many people in his small apartment.
Mike sighed. “Since I’m pretty much the only one with real relationship experience, let me give you some advice.”
Cam took exception. “I’ve had girlfriends.”
“Yeah, I’ve had my share of dates.” Brody glared when the others just looked at him. “Sex counts.”
Mike continued. “Flynn, you need to get yourself together. If you care about Maddie at all, just give yourselves some time. It’s good to argue. It’s healthy.”
“Fuck. We argue all the time. Woman is too damn bossy as it is.”
Brody shrugged. “So dump her. Move on.”
“I can’t. I love her.” The confession came out in a croak.
“Shit.” Mike groaned. “He’s done. Dad has it for Mom. I had it for Lea. It’s a McCauley thing.”
“That you-only-love-once bullshit is old, Mike.” Brody shook his head. “But in Flynn’s case, it might be true. I saw it from the first.”
“You did not,” Flynn snapped, annoyed with Brody’s arrogance. “That woman is the most illogical, aggravating, emotional woman I’ve ever met. She puts two and two together and gets five. Not my girlfriend?” Furious all over again, he stood and would have thrown something if he’d had anything in his hands. “We shared ice cream. We talk all the time. Trade nights at each other’s places. I let her tie me up, for God’s sake.”
Brody blinked. “Yeah, how did that go?”
“Never mind. The point is, I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s it. And she barely lets me hold her hand.” Not exactly true, but he still felt like just getting to hug her in public was a huge accomplishment. Flynn McCauley, a man who had a list of women he could call at any given moment, wanted a woman who could barely call herself his girlfriend.
Flynn clutched his head, wishing he could go back and redo yesterday. “I wish I didn’t love her. She’s an idiot.”
“With her head up her ass, don’t forget that,” Cam added to be helpful. He chuckled, and Flynn raised his head to glare at him. “You sure do have a way with words. Look, Flynn, either she loves you or she doesn’t. There’s not much you can do about it at this point. You left the ball in her court, now wait for her move. Hopefully, she’ll go on the offense, straight for the hoop.”
“Not basketball references.” He felt nauseous. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”
Mike looked embarrassed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Over Bud Light? You are such a girl.”
He heard the others laughing as he rushed to make friends with the toilet again. Note to self: Bud Light and getting dumped don’t m
ix. As his stomach lurched, he wondered what Maddie was doing, and if she missed him at all.
***
Maddie spent the first week after their argument pouting, and she knew it. Her roommates had been supportive yet annoyed with her for not putting things right with Flynn. They didn’t seem to understand she needed time. Her mother had been less than sympathetic, which had shocked Maddie.
From a woman who had steered clear of male entanglements all her life, a kudos wouldn’t have been out of place. But Michelle Gardner was suddenly seeing the error in her ways. Now dating some guy she couldn’t get enough of, she wanted the same for Maddie. She talked about accepting help from family, letting people in, that men weren’t the enemy… All of it gave Maddie one whopper of a headache.
That, and she cried herself to sleep every night, missing the hell out of Flynn. The little frog’s eyes seemed to follow her around her bedroom, so she’d buried him in her sock drawer. Then she’d felt guilty and put him right smack in the middle of her bed.
She used the following week to fully work herself into exhaustion each night. She’d engaged in multiple jobs at a time, and she’d made some decent money by doing a lot of the moving work herself. It took her mind off her personal life and helped her professional reputation. But she knew avoidance wouldn’t solve her problems forever.
Something she’d refrained from doing kept slapping her in the face, and as she lay in her bed, beyond tired, she let down the last barrier shielding her fragile heart. She finally let herself think of what Flynn might be going through. Putting herself in his shoes, she had to acknowledge he had a right to be annoyed with her. More than annoyed. Furious. Enraged. She just hoped he wasn’t angry enough to never want to see her again.
“I am so stupid.” She groaned and thought back to their argument.