by N. K. Smith
Even though I can’t turn on my computer or open a notebook to relive them, just knowing my past allows me to look toward my future with hope. It has become habit to review my life instead of run from it. It is second nature now to explore how I got this place. And to be clear, I love this place in my life. I love the happiness I feel every day.
I used to think happiness could only come from giving up control and being responsible for nothing, by blaming others and being a victim. But now I know better. I know joy comes from not only have control of my own life, but being happy to be in control, to take control with gusto.
What else can I say?
***
I’ve just finished telling my AD what I want the shot to look like when I get a text. It’s from Peter, of course. He enjoys sending me random notes throughout the day. They’re just fluff. He likes to tell me how much loves me, and when he’s feeling dirty, he’ll ask me what I’m wearing.
We’ve been apart for only a month, but it’s beginning to feel like a very long time. After the movie we made together two years ago, he’s in high demand, as am I, so we’ve decided not to take on projects at the same time. After this one, that is. So after I wrap this film and he wraps his, we’ll spend about a month together in LA, and then we’ll fly off to Australia for one of his movies.
I’ll still have to edit this one, but the great thing about being a success as a director is that I can travel anywhere and take my editing staff along with me or hold virtual meetings with the studio and producers if I need to.
I think this one will be pretty easy to edit. While I didn’t write the script, I’ve learned a lot in two years as an actor/director, and all the pre-work I’ve done will facilitate the post-work.
I can’t spend all morning thinking about Peter, so I send him a quick text back letting him know I’ll call him as soon as I get back to the hotel. I turn my attention to Iris, the lead actress, and the setup of the scene. She’s sitting in her chair scanning the script and glancing up at the set every few seconds.
“Ready?”
She looks up at me with obvious nervousness in her eyes. “Um, maybe?”
“What’s up?”
“Well, I guess I just need to know how you want me to play this. I mean, I get that I’m this superhero chick, but I’ve just found my house scorched, my father dead, and my mother missing. It’s got to be emotional, but since she’s already the fighting type, it has to be controlled, right?”
I’m glad Iris is thinking about the character and that she’s on the right track. “Exactly. You need to find some balance between rage, sadness, and vengeance, you know?”
Iris nods, but then looks back down at her script. I study her for a minute. It’s a joy to watch her facial expressions change as she works through the scene in her mind. We’ve picked the right young woman to play Jaylee.
“Don’t worry too much about it now. Let’s see how the scene plays out. We’ll get a few different takes, and we’ll see which one works. How are your kickboxing lessons going?”
“I’m getting better and better. I think I look pretty natural doing the moves.”
“That’s great.”
Just as I turn to walk away, she touches my arm. “Adra?”
“Yeah?” I face her again.
“I was by wardrobe today, and I wanted to thank you for changing the costume. When I first read the script and saw a leather bodysuit and high heels, I thought I’d be in for three months of pain. So thanks.”
I lick my lips as they spread into a smile. “Yeah. I’ve never understood how female warriors are expected to fight in such ridiculous outfits. Trust me, I’ve done that, and I couldn’t make someone else go through it.”
“Well, thank you.”
“No problem. I figure we can sell the film based on the writing and acting and not because you’ve got a killer body.” I almost walk away again, but think better of it. “I know this is your first role, and after this, you’re going to be inundated with offers, but make sure you’re comfortable with everything you’ll be asked to do. I wish I’d been wiser both in negotiations and in choosing scripts.”
“Okay.”
“And if you ever have any questions, about anything, even after we wrap here, give me a call, okay? Don’t let the industry chew you up and spit you out.”
“My acting teacher in school said if any one of us were lucky enough to get cast in a film, we should seek out a mentor. I never thought I’d be lucky enough to get you as one. I mean, you know, if you want—”
I cut off her self-conscious ramble. “People have helped me in the course of my career, it’s only right that I should do the same, and you’re a true talent—someone to be nurtured. I—”
I turn when I hear the AD shout my name. “Looks like we’re ready to go. You got this?”
Iris gives me a single confident nod before rising and dropping the script on the seat of her chair. “Thanks, Adra,” she says as she passes.
I take my place by the camera, wait for each actor to make their mark, and when everything’s silent, I yell, “Action!”
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About the Author
N.K. Smith is the author of several books including the young adult sensations The Old Wounds series and My Only. Interested in a variety of genres and styles, she also penned Hollywood Lies, Ghosts of Our Pasts, and Are You Mine? She lives in the Midwest.