by Lynne, Donya
When he pulled away, his agonized eyes searched hers. “You felt that, didn’t you?
She couldn’t answer, but she’d felt it everywhere. She could still feel it.
“You did. I know you did.” He cupped her face in one hand. Plaintive tears glistened his eyes. “Believe in that, Karma. Believe in that feeling, because it’s real.” He tipped his forehead to hers. “I love you. You love me. Isn’t that enough?”
“It was enough.” She sniffled as she began to tear herself away. “But not anymore.” It took every ounce of her resolve, but she pushed out of his embrace. “Getting married was your idea, Mark. You proposed to me. You’re the one who said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Now you’re asking me why our love for one another can’t be enough?” She brushed more tears from her cheeks. “So you don’t want to get married, anymore?” She shook her head, trying to make sense of what was happening. “Did you even want to give me that ring?”
“Of course I did.”
She thought back to that day on the beach. The sun had been setting. It had been their last night in Saint Lucia.
Their last day. Oh God, how had she not seen this before?
Because, as with the running trail today, she’d only been looking at Mark from one perspective. Now she was looking at him from every angle, finally allowing herself to see the truth.
“Then why did you wait until the last day of our vacation to propose?”
His shoulders tensed. “Karma, don’t.”
“Why?” She saw the truth in his eyes. “You were afraid, weren’t you? You meant to ask me sooner so we could make Saint Lucia an engagement vacation. But you were too scared.”
“Karma, please—”
“How many times did you want to propose to me before that night? How many?” She was catching a second wind, her anger rising once more. She felt so foolish. So . . . cheap.
And yet she still loved him. Damn her heart’s betrayal. She loved him, and she always would. But that didn’t mean she wanted to be around him right now. She took a step toward the door.
“Karma, you don’t understand.”
“No, I think I do.” Another step. “I bet Carol didn’t have to wait for a proposal. I bet you just couldn’t wait to put that ring on her finger. But me? I just get what’s left over, right? I always get the leftovers.” She turned toward the door, gripping the handle.
“Karma, please don’t go.”
“I’m going to spend a few days at my parents’ house.” She fought not to cry as she opened the door and glanced back at him, standing beside his desk, shocked anguish marring his features. “I need a few days to think. I suggest you do the same.”
With that, she hurried from his office, nearly barreling over Lisa, who had remained outside Mark’s office waiting for her. No doubt she’d heard everything.
“Karma?” Lisa raced after her as she ran to the stairs.
She needed to get out of there. “Not now, Lisa,” she croaked through another round of sobs.
“Will you just wait a minute!” Lisa caught up to her on the sidewalk outside and grabbed her arm. “Give me thirty seconds to grab my purse, and I’ll go with you. Okay? Just wait for me. I don’t want you driving in this condition.”
She nodded, unable to speak for the tightness in her throat as her gaze flitted around the parking lot.
Lisa disappeared inside, and a few seconds later, Mark burst through the door.
She turned away.
“Please don’t do this, Karma. Don’t leave me. You can’t. Oh God, Karma . . . please . . .” He sounded like he was on the verge of a global meltdown worse than anything she’d ever seen, but then again, so was she. And he needed to know how it felt.
She kept her back to him, because if she turned around, she would fling herself into his arms and hang on like he was her very breath. “Don’t follow me, Mark. Just leave me alone. I need some time.”
And so do you.
If she had any hope of everything being okay ever again, she needed to see this through.
Lisa returned and pushed her toward her car. “Let me handle this, Mark. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”
Lisa directed her into the passenger seat, where she kept her head down, willing herself not to look back at Mark.
“I’m taking you to my place,” Lisa said, backing out of her space. “I’ve got lots of ice cream in the freezer.”
Karma burst into uncontrollable sobs as they pulled out of the parking lot, and she finally relented, turning to see Mark still standing at the entrance, watching her drive away.
Was he crying the way she had two summers ago when she watched him drive away?
More importantly, would the two of them ever get their relationship right?
She bowed her head, eyes squeezed shut, her shoulders shaking. Only Mark could answer that question. Because it was his past that stood in the way of their future. Until he dealt with Carol, they didn’t have a chance.
* * *
Mark watched Lisa’s car disappear around the corner, carrying away the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Oh God, what had just gone down here? Had Karma left him? Had she just ended their engagement?
A painful throbbing sensation took up residence in his chest. Like a heart attack only worse. How could such emptiness hurt so much?
He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, could barely move.
Panic tightened his chest, and his stomach rolled.
Shit!
He hurried inside to the men’s room and threw up his lunch, retching over and over until every muscle protested and all that came up was air as he dry-heaved into oblivion.
When he was finally able to walk again, he practically dragged himself up the stairs to his office. His legs were so weak, his body like lead.
Kit jumped up from her desk when she saw him. “Mark . . . are you okay? Can I get you anything?”
He shook his head. “Please clear my schedule for the rest of the day, Kit. Thank you.” He shut his office door without waiting for her single nod of understanding then collapsed in his chair.
He’d fucked up. He’d waited too long to come to his senses and he’d let her get away. His Karma. All because he was too self-involved with the shit he’d been carrying around to give her what she needed. As he rubbed his palms up and down his face, his cell phone rang.
He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Didn’t want to see anyone. He just wanted—
It was Carol’s number.
With renewed hope, he answered. “Carol?”
“Um . . . hi, Mark. We were teaching a class when you called, so . . . umm . . .”
“I need your help, Carol.” Every cell in his body sprang to life, set to code red, working toward one goal: Get Karma back.
And he knew Carol was the answer to making that happen the way a meteorologist knows a hurricane is a fucking big-ass storm.
“My help? Mark, are you okay?”
“No.” He shut down his computer and began gathering his things, the sheet of crumpled paper, and the jewelry. He paused and took a deep breath as he picked up Karma’s engagement ring. His heart shuddered at the prospect he might not ever see it on her finger again.
He couldn’t let that happen. He would put this ring back on her finger. Failure was not an option. And Carol was the key.
“Carol, I need you to help me save my marriage.”
Chapter 32
Sometimes you have to walk away and let karma take over.
-Author Unknown
An empty Ben & Jerry’s container sat on the coffee table beside a much lighter Kleenex box than it had been an hour ago.
Karma had cried so much while relaying what had happened with Mark that Lisa had retrieved a small metal waste can from the bathroom so she could throw away her tear-soaked tissues rather than pile them on the table.
But now she was both talked out and cried out. Her eyes felt like they’d been rubbed with vinegar-soaked Brillo p
ads, her face was puffy and hot, and her voice sounded like she was Kim Carnes singing “Bette Davis Eyes,” one of her dad’s favorite songs from back in the day.
Lisa took her hand. “Mark loves you, Karma.”
“I know he does, but I just can’t do it, anymore, Leese.”
“Maybe you misunderstood what he meant by wanting to dance again. Maybe he wants to dance with you.”
“Then why didn’t he tell me? Why did he put that on his list of things he was too scared to tell me then not bring it up? He confessed everything else on that list, so why not that? And why did he cross it off?”
Lisa shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because he was worried about how you would react, because he knew you’d make the connection to his past. Or maybe he just changed his mind.”
She tossed another spent tissue into the trash can. “Well, what about last weekend. What about that?”
“Do you have any proof that he was really thinking about Carol while he was having sex with you?”
“No, but—”
“Then maybe he wasn’t.”
“But it makes sense, given everything else.”
“Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean it’s the only answer, or even the right one. You know how Mark is. He’s the quintessential mystery man. Who knows what’s really going on inside that complicated brain of his?”
Karma grabbed the Ben & Jerry’s pint then plunked it back down when she remembered it was empty. “Why are you defending him?”
Lisa huffed. “Karma, I just can’t believe that the Mark we’ve come to know . . . the Mark who is madly in love with you and has expressed his devotion to you in so many ways, including tattooing your name over his heart . . . who tread through fire and brimstone to come back to you . . . would still be holding a flame for the woman who jilted him. Think about it. He’s revealed all these deep dark secrets to you. Things he’s never told anyone else, not even his best friend. Isn’t that what you said?”
Karma didn’t like this shock logic Lisa was tossing at her. “Yes.”
“Okay, so do you think he would confess all that to you if he didn’t love you? And not just love you, but love you more than he’s ever loved anyone? So much so that you’re the only person he trusted to reveal that stuff to?”
Chagrined, Karma sank into the couch, crossing her arms. “I guess.”
“So let’s look at what might really be going on here. What do we know about Mark? We know that he’s a damn stubborn control freak.” Lisa began ticking items off on her fingers. “He’s an internalizer. He internalizes everything, right? He also keeps everything close to the vest, revealing very little about himself. He takes responsibility for things out of his control. For example, he blamed himself for Carol leaving him, when that was all on Carol. Mark takes things personally at a deep level. To him, dancing again could be symbolic for something far different than what you and I consider dancing. Why? Because that’s just how Mark is. He’s profound, mysterious, and more sensitive than he lets on. I know this, because you know this . . . because you tell me these things all the time.”
Karma uncrossed her arms and sighed. “What are you saying? That I overreacted?”
“Not necessarily. This could be just the swift kick in the ass he needs.” Lisa handed her another tissue as tears bubbled at the corners of her eyes again. “Mark holds onto a lot of fear. He’s afraid of losing you. Maybe even overly afraid, which is why it was so hard for him to reveal all his secrets in the first place, and why he kept trying to push you away. He probably didn’t even realize he was doing that.”
Now that the drama of the day was winding down and she’d expelled her pent-up frustration, Karma felt a little silly for some of the assumptions she’d made, even if they held a hint of validation. But still, she couldn’t just take him back if he was unwilling to change. He needed to show her something to convince her he was willing to work for their future. Whether that was getting rid of the old jewelry, actually setting a wedding date, or explaining what the last item on his list really meant, or all of the above, she needed something.
As if reading her mind, Lisa said, “You need some good food and a good night’s sleep. Maybe even an intense yoga session. You haven’t been sleeping, which is messing with your mind, and you haven’t been to yoga class in weeks. You’re probably just out of balance. You know yoga helps you see things more clearly.”
“I’ve been too busy.”
“Well, tomorrow morning, I’m taking you to the gym.”
She groaned and flopped her head on the back of the couch. “Lisa, I don’t have my clothes.”
“I’ll loan you some of mine.”
“Lisa—”
“Nope. Not gonna hear your excuses, sweetie. You’re going, and that’s final. You’ll feel better and be able to think more clearly so you can sort all this out.”
There was no sense arguing. Lisa was in mom mode.
“Fine. I’ll go.”
Lisa’s phone pinged with a text. She picked it up as Karma dabbed her eyes and blew her nose.
A second later, Lisa grabbed the empty ice cream container and started for the kitchen with her phone.
“Is it him?” Karma asked. She’d turned her own phone off so he couldn’t reach her and talk his way out of the dog house.
Lisa stopped and gave her a sheepish smile. “He wants to know if you’re okay.”
She missed him. She wanted to be in his arms right now, but the image in her mind was a fantasy that included him putting her engagement ring back on her finger as he poured out his soul, promising never to let Carol come between them again. The reality was that it would take more than a simple assertion of his intent to make it happen. She wanted actions, not words. She needed him to actually make a change, not just say he was going to.
“What are you going to tell him?”
Lisa shrugged. “The truth.” She hesitated. “Do you want to talk to him?”
“No.” If she did, she would cave. And she couldn’t do that. Mark needed to get his head out of his ass, and the only way that was going to happen was if she stuck to her guns.
But as Lisa disappeared into the kitchen, all Karma wanted was to hear his voice.
No matter how angry she was right now, she still loved him. She still wanted him.
And she still wanted to marry him.
* * *
Mark sat behind the wheel of his car, waiting for Lisa to reply. He couldn’t leave until he knew Karma was okay.
His phone pinged and he quickly checked the message.
She’s better but still upset. But don’t worry. She’s staying with me tonight. I won’t let anything happen to her.
What a relief. Thank God for Lisa.
He replied, Thank you. I’m heading up to Chicago tonight. And I’m not coming back until I’ve fixed this.
Her response came within thirty seconds. I know you’re working through some serious shit right now. But maybe this will help. She still loves you. She’s crazy about you. So, go get your shit together so you can come back here and put a smile on her face again.
Lisa’s text made his heart flutter. Karma still loved him. There was still hope.
See you in a few days. He wouldn’t ask Lisa to tell Karma he loved her. He needed to show Karma that when he returned home.
He set his phone down and backed out of the driveway, headed for Chicago. Back to where it all began.
Within the next twenty-four hours, the last eight years would finally come full circle and he could re-chart the path he’d always been meant to take.
And this time, he would get it right.
He would dance again. And he would dance with Karma.
Part III
The couples that are “meant to be” are the ones who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart and come out even stronger than they were before.
-Author Unknown
Chapter 33
Forgive the person and their actions, never give in
to hate, let it go, set it free, and karma will take care of what is meant to be.
-Author Unknown
Karma gathered a few things from her bedroom while Lisa waited downstairs. With Mark gone, she could stay here instead of going to her parents’, but doing that felt all wrong. If she was going to stay in her own home, she wanted Mark to be with her. Even though she didn’t want to be around him right now, staying in their home without him there felt all kinds of wrong.
She would stay with her parents a few days and wait to see what happened once Mark returned from Chicago. Lisa had told her that was where Mark said he was going. That he intended to fix things while he was there. Maybe a miracle would happen and he’d come home a changed man.
Either way, Lisa had been right. Yoga class had made her feel better. More calm. Mentally balanced. And after finally getting a decent night’s sleep, a lot of what had happened yesterday came into clearer focus, making her realize she’d gone a bit too far over the deep end.
Amazing what a lack of sleep could do to shred already-frayed emotions.
“You got everything?” Lisa said as she came down the stairs. “I’m going to be late for my hair appointment.”
Karma adjusted the strap of the duffel bag over her shoulder. It was Mark’s, but Lisa didn’t have to know that. She just wanted to keep a small piece of him with her.
“I think so.” She locked up.
Less than fifteen minutes later, Lisa pulled into her parents’ driveway. “I’ll be back after I get my hair done to take you to pick up your car.”
Her Civic was still at Solar.
“I’m not going anywhere, so I’ll be here.”
“Maybe we can go see a movie or something. Grab a bite to eat.”
Karma smiled. “It’s a date.” She climbed out of Lisa’s car then turned around. “Thanks for listening to me last night, Lisa.”
“No problem, girl. Someday maybe you’ll get the chance to do the same for me. If I’m ever so lucky to have boyfriend troubles, that is.” She winked then shifted the car into reverse. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”