by CC Bridges
“What do you want?” Jeff forced himself away from the goods. He shouldn’t look too interested.
“Need some parts,” Dario started. “Neural nodes. Threshold units. You know, all the usual stuff.”
Jeff knew where that could lead. Body parts. Upgrades for flesh and bone. He might have the stuff, a few models back from what they were currently producing uplevel. He cracked his knuckles. Now it was time to negotiate.
KAYLA SAT on the floor across from the angel, Trixie lying beside her with her head propped on Kayla’s thigh. She scratched behind the dog’s ears, the motion soothing her as she watched Gabriel. He’d curled into himself, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them.
He looked lonely.
She didn’t understand why Dad said they couldn’t tell him about the pillars or that Chase could connect to the network uplevel. Gabe didn’t seem stupid; he’d figure it out for himself. She just couldn’t understand why he’d want to go back there.
Hank had hated it up there. He’d joke about it, but sometimes after one of his stories she’d see him glance over at Ian, that sad look in his eyes. That was when Ronnie would start clearing the tables and get Kayla to help. Probably so she couldn’t hear them talk about grown-up things.
Huh, kinda like how Dad didn’t want to tell Gabe this stuff. She inched closer, realizing she already had plenty in common with the angel. He knew what it was like to have limbs that didn’t honestly belong to you, although his were wings. She felt that flutter in her chest, that sadness at Gabe’s missing wing. Without it he couldn’t really be an angel.
The other kids didn’t understand. They’d run around playing demon and angel, flapping their arms and growling at each other. Dom couldn’t wait to grow up and get cybernetics so he could join his uncle working for Luca. He’d talk about what he wanted done, how he’d get glowing orange eyes just ’cause he could, and claws so big he’d be able to rip open a wall.
He’d never had his own flesh torn from him, replaced with cold metal. Yeah, maybe her legs were better this way—she could run faster, jump higher, kick away a metal bar meant for Trixie’s head. But sometimes she wanted not to have to worry about her body rejecting the metal as she grew, or the constant visits to the demon doctors to make sure the nanites were still growing along with the rest of her.
“Does your head still hurt?” she asked, watching as Gabe rubbed at his temples. Maybe those ports ached.
“A little,” Gabe admitted. “It always does.”
Kayla frowned at that. She understood pain. “I can get you something from the med kit.”
Gabe shook his head with a wince. “I don’t think it will help. Just have to hold on till the block dissolves.”
That sounded like it would involve a lot of pain. She’d keep the med kit handy just in case. “How long will that take?”
“Who knows?” Gabe looked at her, his heavy-lidded eyes weary and worn. He shouldn’t look so tired so early in the day. “Kayla, last night….”
She turned away, pretending she was fascinated with the way the tan fur on Trixie’s back merged into the black. “You wanna know about my legs.”
“Legs. Both of them?”
She nodded. “Accident when I was five.” It had faded to a memory of smoke and light, screaming and silence. “Killed my mom and Old Man Giambi too. Dad found me later.”
“I see,” Gabe said, and for a moment she thought he actually might. “And who…?”
“The demons.” She leaned forward. “I know you hate them. That you fight them. But if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t even be alive right now.”
“Your father made a deal.”
Kayla heard the disapproval in his voice. That made her angry. Did he expect her dad to watch her die? Gabe must not have any family, or he’d understand. She’d do the same thing for Dad if he needed her to. She’d even do it for Trixie.
“My dad takes care of me,” she said. “We don’t have angels here to save us.”
“No.” Gabe didn’t react to the anger in her voice. “You have demons.”
HE DIDN’T mean to anger the child. The demons had taken control of this city, made their presence so necessary that of course she didn’t think anything of it. Gabriel let his head fall into his hands as another sharp pain shot through his forehead. But what else could they do? Without the demons giving them access to stolen midlevel tech, Kayla would be dead.
And perhaps so would he.
That didn’t excuse Jeff from letting someone else go sorting through his mind. Right now Gabriel couldn’t be certain of anything. The memory block could be nothing but nonsense, designed to allow Chase to find out everything Gabriel knew.
But that didn’t explain the odd memory, the place he’d never been, the people who said his name when a different one formed on their lips. He shook his head, unable to figure it out. Ever since he woke up here, nothing seemed real. His connection to the universe had been severed, and he’d been left alone to muddle through on his own.
What did it mean, if that memory was the truth? Gabriel thought back to when he’d passed out in the market, the strange dream he’d had then. He remembered feeling so safe, wrapped in his mother’s arms. Even now he could smell the salty sea air, feel the gritty sand beneath his fingers. That was too real to be just a delusion.
Something didn’t add up, and Gabriel couldn’t figure it out. He needed his halo to connect to Metatron, to get that one link to the God AI where he could ask his questions and be put at ease. That wasn’t going to happen, Gabriel knew, but he still found himself wishing for that certainty.
Kayla moved to her feet and Trixie, now displaced, trotted over to Gabriel’s side, butting her head against his hand. He stroked her soft fur, not quite sure why the dog had taken a liking to him.
“How long have you had Trixie?”
“Forever,” Kayla replied, picking up machined parts on Jeff’s worktable and flicking the bronze metal. “Dad got her for me when I got out of surgery.”
He wanted to ask about Jeff, desperate to learn more about the man who ruled this empire of metal and scrap. But it felt uncomfortably like taking advantage of a child. Gabriel rested his head against Trixie, letting her warmth soothe his aching head. No more probing Kayla for information, he promised himself.
“I miss flying,” he told her, deciding to confide something of himself. Kayla stopped sorting through parts and watched him intently. “Sometimes I think I can just stretch my wings out and take off. And then I wake up and remember.”
“I wish I could fix you,” she said.
Gabriel had to smile at that. If only all problems could be fixed with some fancy tech and a spanner. “Thank you.”
It didn’t take long for Jeff to return, a crate on a hovercart behind him. “Thought you both might want to take a look at some of this stuff.”
Kayla ran over, and Gabriel couldn’t help but notice the smoothness in her movements. No, you’d never know her legs were cybernetics. He’d seen bad work done. The poor saps never seemed quite coordinated, moving with jerky halts and starts. Gabriel pushed himself to his feet, aware of his own movement, wondering if he looked off to Jeff with his unbalanced shoulders.
“What is it?” Gabriel asked.
Jeff tried grinning at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes, as if he knew they had unfinished business. “Some parts of the city are still in ruins. Abandoned after the Collapse. Scavengers like to head down there and grab stuff to trade. They got a nice haul this time.” He let out a little laugh. “Though I don’t think much of this would interest anyone but me.”
Kayla had pulled a stack of slim plastic cases out of the crate. “More music?”
Jeff took one of the cases and opened it, revealing a shining silver disk. “In damn good shape this time too.”
“Music?” Gabriel let his hand rest on the edge of the crate, dizzy for a moment.
“They used to put music on these things,” Jeff said. “Couple hundred years
ago now. Lucky I managed to find a player.”
He took the disk—CD, a small part of Gabriel’s mind supplied—across the workshop, to the stack of cabinets there. Jeff pulled out a round device, wires spilling from its back. “Jacked it to the network. Quality isn’t very good, but….”
Once he put the CD in and touched a button, they all waited, not making a sound. A lonely melody began to play, with a man’s raspy voice following. The song made Gabriel shiver, the words like bullets to his already fragile mind.
“Gotta love the man in black.” Jeff stroked the dark gray machine before he shut it off abruptly. He seemed to realize how much the words affected Gabriel.
To forget, Gabriel looked inside the crate, hoping to find something else. There were stacks of books, paperbacks with garish colors. He reached out before he thought about it, picking up a volume and flipping through its pages. Vaguely he was aware of Kayla asking what he held and Jeff explaining books.
But the motion seemed so familiar, the flipping of pages, the warm smell that touched his nose, so surprising it had lasted for so long. For a moment the workshop disappeared. Gabriel remembered reading, trying to ignore Rocco as he tossed a pillow to get his attention, as if his book were more important than his lover.
“Gabe? Gabe!”
He dropped the book as Jeff grabbed his arm. How long had he been staring at it? “I’m sorry.” Gabriel pulled away. The block was breaking faster than he could deal with. These new memories swelled inside his head, like he didn’t have enough room to contain them all. “I need to… I can’t….”
Jeff stood there, arm still reaching out, dark eyes so sad. “I understand. Don’t go so far that we can’t find you.”
And Gabriel turned and fled.
Chapter Seven
THE REFLECTION in the glass window didn’t match his face. Dark mud-green eyes looked back over a nose with a slight bump at the bridge, so unlike his pure straight angel features that he nearly gasped. But Gabriel knew he was caught in a memory now, so he could only follow and see where it led.
He shivered in his worn sweater, unable to look away from the screens flashing in the store window. Rocco waited for him, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell his lover he hadn’t gotten the job again. It wasn’t his fault, and he knew Rocco would only smile sadly and kiss his temple, but dammit, Gabriel couldn’t help but feel like a failure.
The economy had tanked after the Collapse, too much of the country destroyed by earthquake and volcanic eruption. And it hadn’t stopped. Even now Gabriel watched yet another environmental disaster, more people dead or dying. If not lost immediately, they’d go hungry eventually. Texas had already declared itself independent, unable to get any help from the larger government. Everything in the country had started to crumble. He could see it here, half the street boarded up, no new cars in a neighborhood where the shiniest SUV used to rule. No, they wouldn’t be coming out of this anytime soon.
“You look like you’re thinking deep thoughts.”
Gabriel stepped away from the stranger who had come up to his side. He didn’t need to get mugged again. He and Rocco had so little left as it was. The man had a face like a skull, eyes sunk so deep in his sockets they might as well be pits. When he grinned it made Gabriel want to shiver and run. The dark suit he wore made him look even paler.
“Just watching the news.”
“And it’s never good news.” The man clucked his tongue. “But you’re the kind who wants to help, aren’t you?”
Gabriel backed up a few steps more. “I don’t know you, man.”
“No. Sorry about that. Allow me to introduce myself.” He pulled a slim business card out of his perfectly pressed jacket and held it out, not moving when Gabriel didn’t grab it immediately. “Zachary Michaels. I work for Heaven Corp.”
Gabriel snatched the business card. Heaven Corp was the only company actually growing and not firing half its staff. He didn’t know how or why, just that they were building the cities in the sky, supposedly out of the reach of earthly disasters.
“Are you hiring?”
“Perhaps.” Zachary smiled, and it was no less terrifying this time, but Gabriel had to see hope in it. “It depends on what exactly you have to offer us.”
Gabriel forced a grin. “You’d be surprised.”
“Good. I do enjoy surprises.”
Gabriel never had.
The memory ended there, fizzling away like burned fog. For a moment he was on his hands and knees in the junkyard, gentle fingers smoothing his hair away from his forehead. And then he was gone, lost again, somewhere else.
The wings did not come first. His bones stayed solid for a little while longer. Years would pass before they’d mold him into a more perfect angel. No, they began with pain, circuits and transmitters wired directly to his brain, until five perfect ports drilled into his skin let them connect easily and then bind his mind with the halo.
Gabriel remembered screaming. He’d been strapped down, injected with something so he couldn’t move. Even his voice failed him in the end, leaving him no respite from the pain that reached bone-deep. They were changing him, and there was nothing he could do. He’d signed the damn contract. He could only hope Rocco would forgive him.
“He’s the eighty-ninth to survive the procedure,” one of his tormentors said to Zachary, checking off something on the digital clipboard in her hand.
Zachary leaned down, so close Gabriel could feel the tepid breath on his face. “Excellent work. Give him the proper designation.”
“And preference for the series? We’ve got plenty of Michaels already.”
“I’ve always been fond of Gabriel.” Zachary touched the metal circle embedded in Gabriel’s forehead. The sensation sent tingles down Gabriel’s spine.
He couldn’t move away, couldn’t protest or talk back to Zachary. No, he thought, stop touching me.
“Rocky.” His lips formed his lover’s nickname without sound.
Zachary moved away, shaking his head. “Start the overlay, will you, Jillian? I’m anxious to begin.”
That moment he became someone else. Gabriel 1089 was born on the gurney in a Heaven Corp lab, shedding his old life like tattered clothing. He forgot his hopes and dreams, his lover, even his own name.
Gabriel couldn’t remember that even now.
“You’re all right, you’re safe. You’re safe.” Jeff. Jeff was the one on the ground with him, holding his shaking body.
He’d given up everything so long ago. And for what? To be turned into this? A monster made out of flesh and metal, his aging halted, his mind restructured again and again. Gabriel wanted to push Jeff away, deny himself the comfort. But he couldn’t.
“What have I become?” he whispered, echoing the words from the damn song Jeff had played in his workshop.
“C’mon, Gabe. Let’s get you to bed, okay?”
Gabe. Yes. He was Gabe. Not their Gabriel any longer.
He hadn’t noticed night around them, the junkyard still lit by bright floodlights. Gabe let Jeff help him stand, unable to focus yet, the past still so vibrant in his mind. Jeff kept an arm around Gabe’s waist, keeping him from falling. He leaned in to the touch, grateful for the warmth for his cold bones. But then he remembered another line of the song, dancing through his mind.
Everyone goes away….
“WHAT DO you remember?” Jeff helped Gabe through the quiet junkyard. He’d long since sent Kayla up to bed, though he bet she waited, keeping an eye on the screens downstairs to make sure Gabe made it back okay. Jeff had worried about that, unable to do more than watch the angel writhe in the dirt, looking like he was having seizure after seizure. He’d run the medical scanner over Gabe as soon as they got back to the house.
Gabe seemed focused on the ground, stepping carefully like he’d forgotten quite how to walk. “Everything. Even the shit they never wanted me to remember.”
The angel even sounded different now. The dissolving block had let more free than just some w
rapped-up memories. Jeff swallowed down the lump in his throat. He was responsible for this. If he hadn’t removed the halo, then Gabe’s mind would not have fractured.
“I’m sorry,” he said, though he knew Gabe couldn’t understand how much that sorry encompassed.
“Don’t be. Not for me remembering,” Gabe said. The closer they got to Jeff’s house, the surer his steps seemed. “For the first time in years….” He let out a choked laugh. “Hundreds of years, I know my own mind again.”
Maybe this had been the demons’ plan all along—turn an angel against his keepers. Perhaps it had nothing to do with the halo itself—just the act of removing it had set all of this into motion. If Gabe turned on his masters, if he joined with the demons, then maybe the angel had a chance. Maybe they both did.
“But at least you know now,” Jeff said.
Gabe shook his head. They’d stopped outside the back door, but Gabe didn’t make any move to go inside. “I can’t go back, Jeff. I won’t let them do that to me again. But where the hell does that leave me?”
“You’re doing pretty good down here.” Jeff gave in to the impulse and touched Gabe’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb against the soft fabric of his shirt. “Lots of people start over. S’kinda the point of this place.”
“I’m sure you didn’t sign up for harboring a fallen angel.”
Gabe looked so defeated at that, so beaten down and tired. Jeff wanted to gather him in his arms, inhale the scent of his hair, and nuzzle against the tiny ports behind his ear. Fuck, that was the last thing they both needed. “I keep telling Kayla we need another body out here. Plenty to do.”
He got a smile in return. Then Gabe grew serious. “If I stay here… never invade my mind again. Not even if…. Just don’t.” He touched his forehead again, fingers lingering on the tiny ports around his eyebrows.
“I promise.” It was the very least he could promise the angel.
Gabe stroked Jeff’s cheek as he had earlier before the entire day had gone south. His fingers were cool, and Jeff wondered if it was blood or coolant that ran through his veins.