“Yes,” she said, spontaneously.
She wouldn’t come on the first ride, as she was prone to motion sickness. Instead, she watched Ryzard yelling and whooping along with the boys as the theme park ride spun them around and upside down. Ryzard teased her mercilessly afterwards, trying to get her to come on the next ride.
“You’re not scared of a little log flume, are you, Faustino?” he said, bumping her shoulder. She hated that she was being left out, and she didn’t want to be one of those moms who always watched from the sidelines while the kids did something active with their dad.
“Okay, I’ll come,” she said at last.
“I think we might need to get your mom a sick bag,” Ryzard stage whispered to the twins, who roared with laughter.
The four of them piled into a small carriage, and as it trundled along a rail, up to the highest point, she knew it had been a mistake. Her stomach was lurching and she could feel her hands getting clammy.
“Ryzard –” she muttered. He took one look at her and reached his arm over the boys’ heads and put it around her shoulder.
“It’s okay. Mind over matter. Just close your eyes and pretend you’re Blake,” he said. Characteristically, Blake was jumping up and down in his seat, the safety harness barely capable of restraining him. She gave a nervous laugh and closed her eyes. As the ride began its descent, her panic increased and she felt like she was about to freak out, but suddenly, Ryzard held her much tighter, pressing her right against his chest, one huge hand cupping her face. The ride lurched wildly, on a steep downhill trajectory, but she barely felt it. All she was aware of was the wind rushing past, and Ryzard’s slow, steady, reassuring heartbeat. She kept her eyes closed as they went up and down again. When he finally released her, the ride had stopped already and people were climbing out.
“Okay?” he said, forehead crinkling in concern. “Not dizzy?” She shook her head. Actually she felt fine. Not the slightest bit nauseous. She’d felt so protected by Ryzard that all her fear had just melted away.
“Thanks,” she said, sounding as dazed as she felt, and climbed out of the carriage, well aware that the trembling in her legs had nothing to do with the ride.
After that, Marilyn only participated in the gentlest rides. Ryzard offered his arm for her to slide under, and she hesitated the first time, before accepting it gratefully. It’s just platonic, she reminded herself. At the end of the day, they collected their photo printouts from the booth, and she was stunned when she opened them up. They looked like the perfect family – Ryzard so big and protective, she snuggled into him, and their adorable identical cubs.
“We’re getting to be a good team, Faustino,” he said, grinning at the photos.
“Yeah,” she said weakly, too shaken up to say anything more.
At the end of the day, he brought the boys inside, one sleeping on each shoulder, both exhausted from the excitement of the trip, and full of ice cream. He laid them on their beds and came back downstairs.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” she asked.
“I can’t. I’ve got to help Timo fix something in his cabin.” He wandered toward the front door. I don’t want him to leave, she thought, watching his retreating back.
“Faustino,” he called, turning back to look at her.
“Yes?”
“I’m glad you didn’t get sick on my new shirt today.”
“Doofus!” she hissed, and picked up a cushion and threw it in his direction. He raised a hand to say goodbye, and left her on the sofa, wondering why her chest felt so tight.
It was no use hoping for anything more from him, she reminded herself later. Ryzard had told her that he wasn’t interested in finding a mate, he wasn’t mate material. And she had to respect that. It was killing her though. And every time after that when she saw him holding the boys in his arms, she found herself wishing so badly that she could snuggle in there too, and they could be together like a real family.
“You should start dating again, honey,” her mom said to her. “You’ve got plenty of time on your hands with Ryzard looking after the kids so much. It’s time for you to be happy and do something for yourself now.”
“Maybe,” she said, without a lot of conviction. But later that night, when she was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, she thought, why not? I was ready to date when Ryzard came back into my life. If I can’t have him, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t try to find another shifter for myself.
12
Ryzard was happier than he’d ever thought possible. Spending time with Angus and Blake brought an innocent joy to his life that he thought he’d lost forever. He’d thought it would be hard knowing how to play with kids, but he just thought back to his younger self, and the things he liked doing, and that was it. Simple. He sold his rig that he used to think of as his only treasured possession without a second thought, and he didn’t even miss it. All he wanted was to prove to Marilyn that he was there to stay, and to make sure he had as much free time as possible to spend with the kids. That was all that mattered.
One day he looked in the mirror and discovered that he barely recognized himself. All the things that he’d assumed were an integral part of his personality were gone – the hot temper, the bad moods; his habit of running off when the going got tough. Instead, he found himself being patient and playful and responsible, and protective. He’d never realized that protecting another being could bring so much pleasure to his life either. When he’d told Marilyn that he’d fight to the death to protect her and the boys, he’d meant it.
The clan hadn’t yet welcomed him back in, but Timo had implied that they were keeping an eye on him, watching his progress. He didn’t blame them, and was just glad that they hadn’t kicked him out for good. He was biding his time, trying to do everything right, and he hoped that one day Connor would come see him and say he was one of them again.
Everything was great about his life right now – everything, that was, except for Marilyn. Because the truth was that it was torture being around her. He’d fallen for her, and the more time he spent around her, the stronger his feelings became. She was just perfect in every way – so smart and strong and funny. He could laugh and joke with her like she was one of the guys. But then she had a soft, sensual side. And on top of that, she was stunning. An absolute knockout.
But the stronger his feelings got, the more he felt like he wasn’t worthy of her. Sure, he’d done all he could to improve himself, but she deserved better. He didn’t trust his genes. Sometimes he lay awake at night having sweats, scared that his father’s evil legacy would push its way out of him again, and he’d do something terrible.
A few days after the adventure park excursion, Ryzard arrived at Marilyn’s place. He’d agreed to watch the boys while her mom was out at her ‘stitch and bitch’ knitting circle and Marilyn was going out for the evening.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked her as she opened the door and let him in. She was wearing a midnight blue raw silk dress, that had been cut to flatter her voluptuous figure, and it accentuated her full breasts and hips. Her hair was loose, and falling in soft waves around her shoulders, and she had on a pair of black, spike-heeled ankle boots. She looked so stunning that he could hardly bring himself to look at her, and his bear was purring constantly and urging him to claim her. She was silent for a moment, and her nostrils flared, as if she was figuring out whether to tell him the truth.
“I’ve got a date,” she said at last, in a bright voice. “Someone off Shiftr actually. A jaguar.” What? His brain screamed, and his head felt like it was going to implode. At the same moment, his bear let off a vicious snarl. He clapped his hand over his mouth in an attempt to conceal it with a coughing fit. He wanted to roar, No, it’s not okay. Because you’re mine! But he couldn’t. The new Ryzard didn’t act like that.
“Wait, I just remembered I left something in the car. I’ll be right back,” he muttered when he was capable of speaking. He ran out of her garden and leapt into a c
lutch of bushes on the other side of the road. His bear was tearing him up with its claws, determined to break out of him. He could feel the bones in his face beginning to crack and expand, and his skin burning as the fur began to push through. He clenched all of his muscles tight, and at last it began to recede, and he finally got it under control, but it continued to snarl and rumble. What’s wrong with you? It was saying. Go and claim her like the dominant bear you are. How can you lose her to another man?
“I’m not good enough for her. She deserves someone better!” he said aloud, as much as it pained him to say it. He’d messed up her life once already; there was no way he was going to take the chance of doing it again. His bear whined and howled in incomprehension, while his fists bunched. He wished he had something to punch, to distract him from his emotional pain.
“Did you find it?” Marilyn said as he walked back inside.
“What?”
“The thing you just went back to the car for?”
“Uh – yes.” She was looking at him expectantly. He lifted his wrist. “Left my watch on the dash, as usual.”
“Okay, I think I’m good to go. The boys need feeding. There’s plenty of food in the fridge. And they’ll need baths before bed.”
“And a bedtime story,” he said, picking Angus up and blowing a raspberry on his belly, in an attempt to hide his face from her. He couldn’t stand for her to see his emotions – to see how much her going on this date pained him.
“See you later. Have fun.” She bent down and kissed Blake, then she brought her face close to Ryzard and kissed Angus on the cheek.
“Kiss for daddy!” Angus shouted. Marilyn laughed, but Ryzard’s throat tightened.
“Mind your own business, squirt!” he managed to say, but his voice sounded dry and cracked to his own ears.
And then he watched as Marilyn left the house, on her way to date another man.
13
Marilyn walked down the garden path as quickly as she could and climbed into her car. Earlier this afternoon, she’d been looking forward to her date, but now it was the last thing on her mind. It hadn’t been easy leaving her boys with their father and going off to meet another man, when the man she really wanted was right there. She’d been a little nervous about telling Ryzard that she was going on a date, but he’d seemed unconcerned. Well, what can I expect? He’s already told me he’s not interested in being with me, she reminded herself. A couple of times in the past few weeks, she’d fancied that he’d been looking at her with desire in his eyes, but she’d convinced herself that she was mistaken. And now she knew for sure – he wasn’t interested in her romantically, not one bit. She registered that she should be happy about this, but instead, it tugged at her thoughts, twisting her stomach into a knot.
“Enough!” she said aloud. “You need to get over yourself, Marilyn Faustino. You’re about to go on a date with a very eligible guy. Don’t mess this up by mooning over someone who’s not right for you.” To inspire herself, she opened Shiftr and flicked through her date’s profile again. His name was Mitchell Anderson III, and he was a sleek, panther shifter with cool green eyes and mischievous expression. He was her 80% match, and he seemed very keen on her. They’d been chatting for two weeks and he was full of compliments and innuendo. She wondered if he was a little too smooth, but she was flattered by his attentions, and she’d thought why not?
They were meeting at Hope Valley’s most exclusive restaurant. It had been a long time since she’d eaten anywhere flashy, but as she pulled into the parking lot, she found herself wishing that she was sitting on her porch chatting with Ryzard instead. Recently, they’d often hung out together after she’d put Angus and Blake to bed, having a couple of beers and discussing their kids, life, their dreams for the future. He’d be wearing a pair of torn jeans and a faded check shirt, with a sexy covering of stubble on his jaws, and his brown hair falling in his eyes, and he’d be telling her funny stories about the guys at work in his new job at the lumberyard.
She sighed. This is not helping, she reminded herself. She pulled a compact out of her purse and checked her make-up, reapplied her lipstick, before getting out of the car and walking into the restaurant.
Mitchell was there already, sitting on a high stool at the bar, looking out for her. When she walked up to him, he broke into a dazzling smile, took her hand and raised it to his lips.
“A pleasure to meet you, Marilyn. You’re even more beautiful in the flesh,” he said in a deep, silky voice. He was very good looking, like a model in an advert for cologne. In fact, he was so perfect that he looked almost airbrushed.
He ordered cocktails for them both, and a little later, the waiter led them to the best table in the house.
He was a textbook date, telling anecdotes, complimenting her, and listening attentively when she was speaking. And the way he was looking at her was so intense that she could hardly stand to meet his pale-green gaze. He made her feel a little flustered, and she wasn’t sure that this was a feeling she liked.
After the entrée, he suggested that they sat in a secluded area with low sofas to enjoy their dessert and coffee. When he took a seat right next to her, and his muscular thigh, encased in an expensive pair of navy wool pants, brushed her own and she jerked away as if she’d been electrocuted, she told herself that she was being silly.
“Shh,” he crooned. “I can see you’re nervous, and I like to see this side of you, but you don’t need to be like that around me. Mitchell will take care of your every need.” As he was speaking, he leaned toward her, and his thumb hooked under her chin, raising it. She stared at him paralyzed. It was as if those narrow, feline eyes had hypnotized her. His lips swam closer and closer, and a light purr vibrated in his throat. She didn’t want him to kiss her, but she knew that she should.
At the last moment, she turned her head to the side, and his mouth connected with her jaw instead. He gave a hiss of surprise.
“Come on, little one,” he whispered. “There’s no need to be shy. I’m going to make you feel better than you’ve ever felt before.” He tried to take her face in his hands and go in for another kiss, like a pilot taking a second attempt at a landing, but this time, she tore herself away from him.
“I can’t so this. I’m sorry,” she said. He let off a louder hiss, and anger now flashed in his eyes.
“You don’t know what you’re saying, little human! No-one refuses me, ever. Now, stop playing games.” His hand was on her waist and she flinched at the sharpness of his claws. She laid her hands on his chest and pushed him away from her, but it was like trying to move a tree, and his pecs felt like iron beneath his shirt.
“Get off me!” she said. He made a threatening sound that was pure animal and pressed closer, as if he hadn’t even noticed any resistance. He was tipping her backward, wedging her between the back of the sofa and his body. She prepared herself, ready to bite him if he forced a kiss on her. But, suddenly, he seemed to be frozen in motion, and then he moved backward at an incredible rate, as if he was being sucked into a black hole.
“Get your dirty hands off her, you asshole!” a thunderous voice boomed. Marilyn blinked hard, scarcely able to believe her eyes. Ryzard was standing in the restaurant, right in front of her, all 6’4” of him, and gripped in his muscular arms was a struggling, spitting Mitchell.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Mitchell hissed.
“The lady told you to get your hands off her. And when a woman tells you that, you respect her wishes!” Ryzard released Mitchell, who collapsed in a heap at his feet. “Go now,” he said in a growly voice. “Leave your half of the check on the table and walk out of here. And if you ever bother this lady again, I’ll tear you apart.” Mitchell straightened himself up, took his wallet out of his vest, dropped a couple of hundreds on the table, and, flashing Ryzard a look of pure hatred, slunk out of the restaurant.
“Ryzard!” Marilyn exclaimed, breaking out of a shocked silence. “What’s happened? Where are the boys?”
<
br /> “Relax. Nothing’s happened. They’re fine. They’re asleep actually. Your mom just got home and took over for me. Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine now.” She straightened her clothes and smoothed down her hair. “I guess I’ve got you to thank for that. I can’t believe the way that douche thought he could force himself on me like that. What an arrogant asshole. But I don’t understand – what are you doing here?” Ryzard pressed his lips together, breathed hard through his nostrils.
“I came to see you.” She shook her head from side to side.
“But – you knew I was on a date?” He indicated the seat that Mitchell had just vacated.
“May I?” She nodded. He sat down beside her, then shuffled back a few inches, as if conscious that he might be mirroring Mitchell’s behavior.
“I came here because – hell – because I want you, Marilyn. Hearing that you were going on a date with that jerk just about killed me. I spent the whole evening with the boys trying to get my feelings under control, but it was no use. I’ve been pacing around non-stop since I put the boys to bed. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about how I should be the one taking you on a date instead. I came here to tell you that, before he had a chance to seduce you. And then, when I saw him forcing himself on you, I just saw red.”
Marilyn suppressed a gasp of pure disbelief.
“But – you told me you didn’t want to be with me.” He let out a deep, rumbling groan.
“I had to, because I truly believed I wasn’t good enough for you. I felt in my heart that you’d be better off without me. You’re the most amazing, incredible woman I’ve met in my life, and I knew that you deserved someone special. To be honest, I felt like I wasn’t fit to lick your boots. I thought my genes were bad. Besides, I was in a mess. I was only just starting to find out what I was like when I wasn’t drinking and taking off all the time.”
Shiftr: Swipe Left for Love (Ryzard) BBW Bear Shifter Romance (Hope Valley BBW Dating App Romance Book 9) Page 8