by London Casey
“I was the same way,” I said softly. “I mean, my life. Work. Phones. Thinking too far in advance of things.”
“No, Lara, this was different,” Osiris said. “I lost sight of everything. Simple as that. We were having problems. She was feeling it. I was feeling it. Yet I couldn’t put it down. I sat there scrolling on my phone to find this goddamn cabin thinking it was going to fix everything. But it only made things worse.”
Osiris lowered his head.
I walked toward him.
I reached for his hand and grabbed it with both of mine.
“It’s…”
Do not say okay. Do not say it’s fucking okay. Because it’s not.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” I whispered. “Your heart was in the right place. I’m sorry she left you.”
Osiris looked down at me with a snarling expression.
“No, sugar, you don’t get it,” he said. “She didn’t leave me the way Thad left you.”
I swallowed hard, my body shivering from him saying Thad’s name.
“Well, what happened?” I asked.
“She came up here to take a picture and went missing.”
18
The Ghost I Never Saw
(OSIRIS)
I saw the way her eyes went wide. It was the same look I had seen way too many times.
“So, you know,” I whispered.
“No,” she said.
“Don’t lie to me, sugar.”
“I mean…missing? I saw signs when we were driving up here. Kim pulled over because our one friend got lost. I saw the sign…”
“Yeah,” I said. “Right. The eight fucking signs they put up. Then they forgot all about her. Not me.”
“You put up the other ones.”
“Five hundred,” I said. “Took me a long time.”
“Syi…”
I couldn’t believe what I was saying to her. What I was admitting.
“She’s the one in the picture,” Lara whispered.
“On my phone. Yeah. That was her. I can’t get rid of the phone because of the pictures.”
She then stared at me. I knew the next logical question, and I jerked my hand away from her.
“You want to know what happened.”
“I didn’t ask,” she said. “Syi, I didn’t ask.”
“Why do you want to see me hurt?”
“It’s not like you’re trying to hide it,” she said.
“Maybe you should get your ass in your car and leave, then.”
“If that’s what you want, fine! Stay up on this mountain all alone. Push the world away. That’s fine, Syi. But the world never stops coming after you. At least, that’s what I’ve learned.”
She turned and started to walk away.
I watched as she cut to the right.
I sighed. “You’re going the wrong way.”
She stopped.
“Turn to the left.”
She turned.
“Walk straight. Don’t stop until you find your car.”
She looked back at me. “Seriously?”
“Drive safe, sugar,” I said.
I hated how much of an asshole I’d become. But sometimes, it was just easier. It was fluid. It just happened.
I faced the bench and the willow tree. I could still hear the engines of the search vehicles. The quads racing through the mountains. The helicopter above, the blades chopping the air like a racing heart. The conversations with the police, some locals, anyone willing to help.
Not to mention everyone who worked for me.
I reached for the bench again.
“I gave up my whole life to find her,” I called out. “Nothing felt important without her around. I just stopped going to the shops. I called my lawyer and put everything up for sale. I took my number-two guy and put him in charge of everything. I cashed in everything I possibly could to live up here.”
I paused.
There was silence in return.
I looked over my shoulder and figured I’d see Lara’s nice ass walking away.
But she had stopped and turned around.
She kept fucking coming back.
I turned to face her, even though there was plenty of distance between us.
“I bought all of this to save us,” I said. “We were going to meet up here. It was the first time she was going to see everything. I was going to be here and give her the tour. All of us. A family.”
“Family?” Lara asked.
I started to walk.
I couldn’t believe what I was going to tell her next.
A darkness that swelled.
“Family,” I said. “I didn’t just lose Mila…”
Fuck, I just said her name to Lara.
I rubbed my forehead.
“I lost more than that,” I said. “I lost my…my daughter, too.”
Lara met me halfway. She grabbed my hands. She cared so damn much, and in some way, that bothered me. It bothered me that she cared in a way that Mila did. And the way she looked at me, it was the same way Mila used to do.
“You have a daughter?” Lara asked.
I couldn’t tell if she was just surprised or just disappointed. I had a daughter, but I hadn’t seen her in years. I had become that guy, but it wasn’t by my own doing.
“I got stuck at work,” I said. I ignored the whole daughter thing. “I didn’t have to get stuck there, but I did. It was my thing to do. In my fucking mind, she was going to come up there, and I’d show up late, annoyed, but I’d be making so much goddamn money, what did it matter? That’s how my mind worked back then. Only when she came up here, that was it for her. I knew she’d see this spot and fall in love. I fucking knew it, Lara. That’s why I bought the place. I just didn’t realize…”
“What happened, Syi?” Lara whispered. “To her. To your daughter.”
“Mila…” Fuck, it was hard to say her name. I never said her name, not unless it was just in my mind. “…she just vanished. She got out of the car to take a picture of the bench and willow. I saw where the car was parked. I imagined her pulling up and see it. Smiling. Knowing she had to get a picture right then and there. So, she backed up and pulled a little to the side. Then she got her camera and got out. Not some old phone camera, either. An expensive one.”
“What do you mean she just vanished?” Lara asked.
I looked back at the bench and the tree. I shouldn’t have opened this can of worms, but there was no stopping it now. My life’s quest had been to answer that exact question Lara just asked me. Because nobody else was able to do so. Everyone just wanted to accept fate, time, circumstance, tragedy. Not me. I was going to fucking fight that shit until my last breath escaped my lungs.
I started to walk, and I grabbed Lara’s hand. “We have to get back.”
“Syi…”
“Just walk, sugar,” I growled.
I kept holding her hand. I liked it. The softness of her skin against my rough, calloused hand. The way she kept close to me, always letting her shoulder gently touch mine.
“The life I built started to wear off on Adley, too,” I said. “She was on some game pad thing I bought her. I thought it would help her with school. Well, daycare at least. She was still a year away from going to preschool. It was this cool little tablet thing that came with games. So, instead of sitting on the floor with her, teaching her her ABCs, I gave her a little game to do it for me. It was like showing off my success. My point is…Adley was face-down on her damn screen thing when Mila got out of the car. Nobody knows how long Adley waited before looking up. Before looking around. Before realizing…”
My stomach turned.
That was the worst feeling of all. Wondering how long Adley sat there in a car while it was running. The passenger door open. Mila was only going to get out for a second. To take a few pictures. But she never came back. She was never seen again. So Adley sat there for…
I saw the cabin appear in the near distance.
Nothing felt right
. I’d never felt closure, and there never would be closure.
I thought about my phone. It was on the table on the porch.
The text from Michelle.
I hadn’t heard from her in six months or more. Texting me about Adley. She still thought about me. And Michelle was still hiding behind her husband. Not that I could blame her or him. Protecting Adley was everything.
Even if it crushed my heart.
We got back to the cabin, and I grabbed my phone.
I had two missed calls from Jerry.
“Syi,” Lara said. “I know I said I wouldn’t ask…but what happened? Mila’s gone? What happened to Adley?”
I listened to Jerry’s voicemail.
He needed me at the yard. Twenty minutes ago.
Truthfully, I could have just sent Jerry a text and told him to kiss my ass. I had done enough OT for everyone that worked for Jerry. But I was his guy. In some way, the old Osiris was still alive, burning for those phone calls for extra work.
I looked at Lara.
I had to get away and breathe.
“I have to go,” I said.
“What?”
“My boss,” I said. “He needs me for something. I probably fucked up my schedule. I won’t be long.”
I realized I was starting to sound like my old self, making up excuses.
So, I gritted my teeth. “I just need a breather, okay? I don’t talk about this shit, ever. I gave up everything I had to be on this mountain to make sense of it. To fix what happened. This is how I live my life, Lara. You can stay here, though. I won’t be long. Jerry comes to me for business advice. I’m happy to give it. I just…I can’t be here right now.”
I backed away from the porch.
Lara didn’t chase after me.
Not until I got to my truck, at least.
She walked to the edge of the porch and waved for me.
I stood at my truck, the driver’s door open. “Yeah?”
“What happened to your daughter?” she asked. “Please, just give me that.”
I licked my lips. “Adley was my stepdaughter, sugar. That’s why I don’t have her. That’s why I haven’t seen her since everything happened. That’s how I said I lost my whole family.”
I climbed into the truck and refused to look at Lara again.
I didn’t want her to see the tears in my eyes.
19
Climbing Trees for Fun
(OSIRIS)
One time, I watched her climb a tree to take a picture of a sunset. She went up too damn far for one damn picture. But to her, it was everything. That sole picture meant the world to her in that moment. That’s how she was. All the time. The smallest moments were the biggest for her. It attracted me to her from day one, and it held my heart so damn tight.
She got the shot she wanted, then realized she was stuck in the tree. I saw her straddling the thick branch, looking down and around, trying to figure out how she had gotten up there.
I stood there on the ground, Adley in my arms. She had her head on my phone, smelling like sweet potatoes and baby detergent. She looked just like her mother, which was a good thing. Better than looking like the fool that got Mila pregnant and then took off when he realized being a father involved…being involved.
That didn’t matter anymore.
I had it all under control.
Mila was going to get her dream house soon. Built from the ground up. All the land she wanted. A private room in the basement for developing pictures. An art studio on the second floor with a balcony that faced east so she could have her morning coffee surrounded by her pictures and the sunrise.
Adley was going to have a princess room. And I was going to get a dog. A loyal Lab that would run the property, play with Adley, and grow up with her.
When she realized she was stuck in the tree, the first thing for me to do was to catch the camera. I had to carefully set Adley in her stroller. Then I stood under the tree and caught the camera. It didn’t break. Go me.
Then she asked me to call the fire department. Like hell. I jumped up and grabbed a branch. I pulled myself up with ease and scaled that fucking tree like it was a jungle gym, and I was king of the playground. I joined Mila in the tree within a few seconds, and we both sat there on the same branch, Adley in a stroller on the ground. Probably a stupid decision, but it was too late by that point.
I kissed Mila.
She said she wished she had her camera for a picture of us in a tree.
I laughed and helped her down and out of the tree.
She was crazy. Crazy beautiful. Crazy in her heart. Crazy for me.
Everything about us was crazy.
Funny thing about that memory…I had left my phone in a pouch on the back of the stroller.
That’s probably the only reason I remembered it.
Jerry stood with his hard hat on and a laptop in his hand.
Jay stood next to him, wearing a dirty white shirt, his skin glistening with sweat, breathing heavily.
I whistled.
Jerry waved me over.
“What’s happening?” I asked.
“South part of the yard,” Jerry said. “Had one go down. She’s sideways, pressing against a few others. Need to cut her up. I’d like to save her. That’s valuable shit there.”
I nodded.
Trees fell all the time. This one was one Jerry wanted to keep. It was on the ground, pressing against other trees that we were going to use for a customer. So, if those trees got damaged or fell, it would screw everything up.
“Can’t get Tommy on the phone,” Jerry said.
“Bo is deep in someone he met,” Jay said. “Left the state.”
“Yeah?” I asked. “Falls in love fast, huh?”
“In and out,” Jay said with a grin. “How was your night? Didn’t you take that drunk one…”
“Focus,” Jerry growled. “I want you two to go down there. I’ll meet you. It’s just us three.”
“We got it,” I said to Jerry and patted his shoulder. “Relax a little. Breathe.”
“It’s not like me to call you more than once, Syi,” Jerry said. “You had me nervous.”
“Oh shit,” Jay said. “You’re still with the chick, huh? Roll off her for a couple hours for us?”
“Shut up, Jay,” I said. “You’re both lucky I’m here after dragging me out like that.”
“You needed that,” Jay said.
“Yeah, I needed that like Jerry needs this mess.”
“Speaking of this mess,” Jerry said. “How about we go fucking take care of it?”
I got a hard hat and both myself and Jay grabbed a couple chainsaws. We walked over the ridge of the south side of the yard to see what awaited us.
Then we stood there and raised our chainsaws like they were beer mugs.
“Cheers,” Jay said.
“Don’t fucking kill yourself, man,” I said with a grin.
“Yeah, you totally got laid,” Jay said. “You never smile.”
Jay started his chainsaw.
I curled my lip as I started mine.
We started to cut into the tree, the goal being to not waste a piece of wood.
We had to cut it in proper sections so it could still be used for lumber. If we cut the pieces too short, then it would be good for nothing but firewood, cutting into the price. I ran numbers through my mind…along with Lara.
She was still at the cabin.
I had told her more than anyone I had ever told before.
But there was so much left to tell.
Me showing up so fucking late. Finding Adley alone, in the car, crying. Too afraid to leave the car, which probably saved her damn life. And no signs of Mila.
No signs of…
“Syi!” a voice boomed.
I looked up and saw Jay on the ground. My chainsaw was stuck in the tree. Still running. Then it flew back as the chain caught a knot.
“Fuck!” I yelled.
I turned my chainsaw off and threw it to the gro
und. Above me, I heard the rumble of an engine as Jerry was slowly creeping toward the edge of the ridge to start collecting the logs we were cutting.
Jay was on his ass, his right arm trying to protect his face as he tried to hold onto the chainsaw without cutting his fucking hand or arm off.
“Let it go!” I yelled to him.
Panic was a fucked-up thing. You knew what needed to be done, but in that moment, you forgot everything. I understood panic. More than once, panic had almost killed me.
Jay was freaking the hell out as he started to slide down the ridge.
I grabbed the chainsaw and threw it out of the way. Next to me, a log let loose and rolled at him. The giant piece of tree slammed into his shoulder, and Jay turned, screaming, trying to protect his face.
I had no other choice but to jump.
Forward, down the ridge.
I dug my heels and turned, with only inches to spare. I threw my left hand out as Jay started to slide by me. I grabbed enough of his shirt to stop him. A second later, the log came rolling and hit me so hard in the right leg that I felt blackout pain. But I kept my foot planted in the ground. The log turned, and I reached down and put a hand against the log, stopping it.
As loud and fast as the scene started, it was over, leaving us in silence.
I looked over at Jay. My hand was tight around his shirt like I was going to hit him.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Fine,” Jay said.
“What the hell is going on?” Jerry’s voice boomed from the top of the ridge.
“Nothing,” I called out.
I looked up, and Jerry was like a little action figure standing up there in the distance.
“Christ, Jay,” I said.
“Fuck,” he said. He lifted his left foot. “I have the wrong boots on.”
I wasn’t wearing special boots either, but I didn’t manage to almost fall. But I didn’t say that to him.
“What are you doing?” Jerry called down to me.
“Holding Jay and a log,” I called back. “I have to let one go.”
“I can’t lose that log!” Jerry yelled.
“Jay it is then,” I called out.
“That’s not fucking funny, man,” Jay said.