by London Casey
Thad swallowed hard. “You’re angry.”
“I’m beyond angry, Thad. I’m done.”
“You’re not done. We still have us. All those years.”
He reached for my hand. I swatted him away. He reached again. So I threw a backhand and cracked him across the face.
God, that felt so good to do.
I grabbed for my hand, my knuckles throbbing in pain.
“Wow,” Thad said. “I’m sure I deserved that.”
“You think? Now get out of here.”
“That’s what you want?”
“Yes.”
“I still have the key to our apartment.”
“Our apartment?” I asked with a laugh. “You had your own apartment, Thad. Remember? You didn’t want to get too close with things until we were ready. And to think I believed in that bullshit. How many women did you fuck while we were together? Huh?”
“Lara… I’m here right now, aren’t I? I left my baby across the country for you.”
That’s when something got to me. It wasn’t all that long ago this would have mattered to me. Thad spilling these smooth words. Flashing his perfect smile at me. Doing everything to work me over. Because I was the easy road for him. I was the comforting road. Whatever he wanted, I was there for.
But not anymore.
“You left them,” I whispered. “Alone. Does she even know…?”
Thad smirked. “I can’t help how I feel about you.”
He moved toward me again.
This time, I got a little bolder. I reached back and grabbed for a pair of scissors. I held them up, knowing I would never actually stab him, but damn, it was fun to scare him.
“Listen clearly, Thad,” I said. “You come near me again and I’ll cut your fucking balls off.”
Thad’s eyes went wide. “I like this side of you.”
“First off, you don’t get to see any side of me ever again. You broke my fucking heart, Thad. You destroyed my world. I lost everything because of you. And I never thought I would feel anything again.”
“Because you know you love me.”
“Maybe I do,” I said. “Maybe there’s a part of me that will always love you. But you got another woman pregnant. You lied to me for nine months. And now you’re doing the same thing to her. You’re a piece of shit, Thad. If you don’t leave right now, I’m going to call the police.”
“You’re the one pointing scissors at me,” he said. “Maybe I should call the police.”
“You better leave right now, Thad,” another voice said.
Thad turned and Percy stood there.
“Oh, jeez,” Thad said. “Percy. What’s up?”
Percy lunged forward and grabbed Thad by the shirt. He took him nose to nose. “I have nothing to lose, Thad. I’ll fucking gut you. Lara’s like a sister to me. And if you think what I’m saying is scary then maybe I should call her boyfriend and get him down here. I’m pretty sure he could bench press your fucking sports car. Is that what you want?”
Thad looked at me. “This is true?”
“Bigger is always better, Thad,” I said with a wink.
I knew that hit him hard. He was always self conscious about his size. And face it, if I had to be honest, Osiris was a man and Thad was just a boy.
I grinned as Thad walked out of the flower shop.
Bye, boy.
Percy walked over to me. “You okay?”
“No,” I said.
“I’m so sorry.” He hugged me. “Why don’t you cut out early and go up the mountain. Find him, Lara. You need him. He needs you.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
I felt myself wanting to cry and scream.
I decided to finish my workday, though.
I smiled. I did cry. But I felt free. And I felt alive.
Then to my shock, my phone rang with a number I didn’t know. I answered it to a voice I never heard before.
“Lara?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
“This is Lenore. I’m so sorry to call, but I wanted to apologize for what I did and I wanted to know if you know where Thad is.”
I stood there as Lenore unloaded everything I already knew. Everything I had lived. Everything I had sort of been blind to see before it was too late. Then again, at least I hadn’t gotten pregnant by him.
She cried more than once. There was nothing I could say to her.
So I just told her the truth.
“He was there,” she whispered. “I knew it. I knew he’d go running back to you.”
“I can promise you nothing will ever happen.”
“I’m so sorry, Lara. I’m a terrible person.”
“You’re not.”
“I am. I didn’t know he was with someone at first. I found out after we were together the first time. But the scene he painted… even still, I should have known better. To keep going with him like that. The entire time he was out there. And then I found out I was pregnant. He first didn’t believe it was his.”
“Asshole,” I said.
“He had a point. But it was his. Olive is his.”
“Okay,” I said. “I don’t know what you want from me right now.”
“I don’t know either,” Lenore said. “I just wanted to talk to you. Strange, I know. I wanted to apologize. I’m secretly hoping I can fix everything, including him.”
“I think we both know the truth about that,” I said.
“Lara, did he ever… with anyone else?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “You were the first I knew of. I didn’t ask. But if I can say…” I felt my throat close a little. I shut my eyes. Was I really going to do this?
“Lara?”
“He loves you,” I said. “I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe he realized what he did. How bad it was. Maybe he’s stressed because of the baby. Maybe he thought he could run to his past again. But I would never do that to him, to you, to your baby, to myself. The situation is wrong but he spent all that time caring about you and the baby. That has to count for something.”
Lenore took a deep breath. “I know you don’t mean a word of what you just said but I appreciate you saying it. It’s hard… what am I doing? I shouldn’t be saying this to you. I ruined your life.”
“No,” I said. “You didn’t. Neither did Thad. I’m happy. I’m really happy.”
“Lara, I hope you-” I heard a baby cry in the background. My heart instantly ached. “Oh, I better go get her. She’s not due to be awake yet.”
“Yes,” I said. “Go to your baby. If Thad tries to get in contact with me again I’ll tell him you called. No more lies with anyone.”
“Any advice here?” Lenore asked, sounding weak. Tired. The baby crying louder.
“Love your baby,” I said. “Goodbye, Lenore.”
I ended the call and just stood there, frozen in space and time.
When Thad left and I began to follow him a little more than I should have online I thought about all the things I wanted to say to him. And her. I called Lenore a whore more than once, but never since she had the baby. That innocent life had nothing to do with any of our bitter feelings.
I thought about what Lenore said. What I said. What Thad said. He thought he could just come here and have me? I would have given myself to him, too. If it weren’t for Osiris. My mountain man. My hero. The guy who kept saving me and pushing me to my limits.
My mind was racing.
I didn’t even hear as Calvin came back to the flower shop.
“Hey, Lara? Are you okay?” Calvin asked. “Percy just called and said…”
I smiled at Calvin. And then I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Calvin… I quit.”
27
Talking Through Fists
(OSIRIS)
There I was, spinning around in the kitchen with Dane. He never liked me. From the day we fucking met, he thought I was a cocky prick. And I was. He was a hardworking man, coming from nothing, building a company from noth
ing, and never once let it all get to his head. But I was the guy who stumbled into some success and flaunted it like I was a fucking billionaire. I drove fast cars, loud motorcycles, loved tattoos, and wasn’t afraid to show it all off.
Dane and I never saw eye to eye on anything. And he loved Mila to death. He took care of her during her pregnancy. I think somewhere in his mind he fantasized about a life where he took care of Mila and Michelle. Not in some sick way or anything, but in a good honest way.
Which I respected.
Because I sure as hell didn’t take care of Mila, did I?
We slammed into the kitchen table and I felt the back of my head smack against the low hanging light.
“Dane!” Michelle growled. “Stop this!”
I let Dane move me around. What Dane didn’t know was that my time up on the mountain turned me into something else. Slugging trees around for all those hours made me bigger and stronger. And I was stronger than I was big, which seemed impossible. In other words, I was letting Dane do what he wanted, for now.
Dane looked back at Michelle. “Why? This fucking prick? Why?”
“You know why,” Michelle said. “You’re better than this, Dane.”
“No, I’m not,” he said.
Dane shook me and looked at me. “You fucking scum. You abandoned them both! You left her… you fucking left Adley.”
“Yes, I did,” I said. “I regret it everyday of my life.”
“And you left Mila to die!”
I heard Michelle gasp.
That’s where my line was drawn and crossed.
I pushed forward and lifted my arms, breaking Dane off me.
I watched his left hand curl up into a fist. I promised myself I wouldn’t hit him unless…
He threw the punch and I blocked it. I came up with a right and clocked him in the jaw. He flew back and Michelle hurried to get between us.
The entire kitchen was red. A deep red.
I left Mila to die?
Dane rubbed his jaw.
“You two are assholes,” Michelle cried out. “This isn’t about you two. This is about Adley. Goddammit. Goddamn you both.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Fuck you,” Dane growled. He was like a rabid dog. Caged up for years and finally given a chance to get out and cause trouble. “You know what you did. You know how you treated her.”
“So what?” Michelle asked. “He didn’t open the door to the car, Dane. He didn’t pull her out and tell her to take a fucking picture. Is that what we want to do here? Split hairs?”
There was silence.
Dane turned and walked away. He went right out the door he came in.
Michelle looked at me. “I’m sorry, Syi. I didn’t know he was coming home early.”
“Yeah. So this doesn’t look even shittier, huh? You didn’t tell him you contacted me? And then I’m standing in his kitchen? Jesus…”
“Shut up,” Michelle said. “You don’t think I’m fucking broken over here?”
Michelle’s bottom lip quivered. She quickly grabbed for her face.
Carrying the burden of Mila and Adley. Hell, probably carrying the burden of Mila for years and years. Bailing her out all the time. Giving her money. Constantly hoping she would find her way in life. Only to have her come home pregnant by some stranger.
And then me in her life…
I slipped my hands around Michelle and hugged her. “I’m so fucking sorry, Michelle. For everything. You tell me what you want…”
“No,” she said. She pushed at my chest. I stepped back. “No, Syi. No. I’m not going to chase you. I’m not going to force you. I only text you as a reminder of what’s still here. You’re chasing… you’re chasing something that isn’t there.” Tears fell from her eyes, gently rolling down her cheeks. “Don’t you get that?”
“No, I don’t get it,” I said.
“Fuck you then,” Michelle said.
She left the kitchen.
I stood there, alone, in a house I didn’t belong in. I belonged on the mountain. In the cabin. Alone. No, with Lara. I missed her. Fuck, I missed her. But I missed Mila, too. I was supposed to be finding Mila. I was supposed to find her, get her, bring her back to everyone to show I was capable of taking care of her.
The door to the kitchen opened and Dane was there again.
He looked right at me, his face still filled with anger.
Our eyes locked.
“I didn’t know she didn’t tell you,” I said. “She said Adley made me something.”
“And now you finally decide to show up?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“The truth? I met someone.”
Dane laughed. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You met someone?”
“Look, Dane, I don’t owe you a fucking thing,” I said.
“You’re standing in my kitchen, Osiris.”
“I understand that. I don’t owe you a thing. I can’t explain it all. I don’t have to explain it all.”
“Yeah,” Dane said. “So I just have to live with my wife continually pushing for you. What does that say for me?”
“So it’s about you,” I said. “You’re pissed because of me.”
“I’m pissed because they both talk about you,” Dane spat. He looked ready to rip the door off the hinges.
“Why don’t we go outside, Dane,” I said.
“Yeah, sure,” he said.
I stepped out of the kitchen into his garage.
The spot was open because he parked his giant truck in the driveway. He probably saw my truck out front and flipped his lid.
I slipped my hands into my pockets and Dane went right up and shoved me. I fell back and slammed into the fridge in the garage.
“You’re a fucking piece of shit for what you did,” he said. “I took care of everyone. Everyone. You got that? I helped Michelle through all of the games Mila played. I helped Mila whenever she was stuck. When she got pregnant, she lived here with us. I took care of her.”
“I know you did.”
“Then she had Adley. And then she met you.”
“And I loved them. I took care of them.” Dane opened his mouth but I put a hand up. “Maybe I didn’t do it in the way you would have. Fine. But they were taken care of. I regret what happened and what led to it all. I shouldn’t have been so obsessed with my job. With my business. I tried to make up lost time and broken promises with stuff I could buy, including that fucking cabin.”
“Right,” Dane said.
“I didn’t mean to leave everyone. I wanted to find her. I wanted to bring her home. To Michelle. To Adley. To you.”
Dane swallowed hard. “She fucking asks about you, Osiris. And I have to keep my mouth shut.”
“And I appreciate that,” I said. “I don’t want to fuck her little mind up.”
“We’re beyond that,” Dane said. “She… she needs you.” Dane ran a hand through his hair as he turned around.
I grabbed for Dane and spun him around. “She needs you, too. I’m not her father, Dane. Neither are you. But that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of her. You think I’m going to steal her? You think I’m going to shit on you?”
“No,” Dane said. “I don’t think anyone appreciates what I’ve done. For years.”
“I do,” I said.
“Eat shit, Osiris.”
“No, Dane. Fuck you. Adley will know what you’ve done for her. I’m sorry that you’re going to be Uncle Dane. But you’re going to be the uncle that took care of her from when she was in her mother’s belly.”
Dane curled his lip. Then he walked away from me.
The door opened and Michelle came out. She had keys in her hand. “I need to go get Adley.”
I looked at Dane.
Then I looked at my truck.
Not yet… not yet…
“I’m going to get that drawing and take off, myself,” I said.
“Osiris,” Miche
lle said.
“One step at a time,” I said.
“No,” Dane said. He looked back at his wife. I saw the way his eyes were glossy. He rubbed his chin. Then he looked at me. Eye to eye. Man to man. “Stay here, Osiris. You need to see your daughter…”
28
A Thing Like Starting Over
(LARA)
I left my apron on the counter, walked out of the flower shop, got into my car, and drove away. I didn’t cry. I didn’t get scared. I didn’t get nervous. I went to a drive-thru and ordered something that was terrible for my body and then went to the apartment that had been home for a long time.
I ate and stood in the middle of the apartment, wondering what was next. I had the rest of the day, the night, my entire life waiting for me.
The first thing… the hallway.
I grabbed all the pictures of me and Thad and put them on the table.
But that wasn’t good enough.
So I decided to go for a walk. I went to the front office of the apartment building, which was a short walk away. There were two ladies that ran the complex - Tina and Morgan.
Tina was behind the desk.
“Hello,” she said, smiling as though she knew me.
“I live here,” I said. “I wanted to ask a question about my lease.”
“Sure.”
“What’s the cancellation policy?”
“Um… what apartment are you in?”
I gave her the number. She opened a filing cabinet and took out a folder. “Let’s see, well, you’re approaching renewal. Usually what we do is a two week notice…”
I put my hand on the desk. “So, essentially, I owe, what? About two months rent?”
“Yeah,” Tina said. “Give or take a week.”
“Good. Consider this my notice.”
“Excuse me?” Tina asked.
I took out my checkbook. I had barely just enough to cover what I owed on the apartment. “I’m giving my notice and writing a check.”
“Um…” Tina looked flabbergasted.