“You’re really here. I can’t believe this.” She scanned the area behind him. “Are you alone?”
“It's just me.” He took her hand.
Rachel knew why Jordan looked at her that way. “What are you doing here? Where’s your mom?”
“She's home, but sends her love. And I’m here because I’m transferring to Penn State.”
She took a step backward, causing their hands to separate. “No, you're not.”
“Yes. I am.” He squinted against the afternoon sunlight. “I’m going to their College of Medicine in Hershey, Pennsylvania.”
“What?” She squealed. “You’re moving here? To Pennsylvania? Hershey's only forty minutes away.” She waited for him to tell her it wasn’t true, that it was a joke, but his eyes weren’t lying. And she knew him better than anybody. He would never tease her about something like that.
“I'm on my way there now, but I had to see you first.”
“I can’t believe you’re really here. What happened to Duke?”
“Nothing. It's a great school. But so is Penn State, and I needed a change.”
It didn’t make any sense, but Jordan was standing right here in front of her. She couldn’t get a grasp on it.
“Are you going to invite me in?”
“I’m so sorry.” Rachel reached for the handle and leaned into the heavy door, pushing it with her hip.“You must be so tired driving all the way here from Florida.” Rachel sat on the couch, and he took the chair across from her. “How did you know how to find us?”
“I told your mom I was coming and made her promise not to tell. I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, it worked. You ’bout scared the living daylights out of me.” Most of the tension drained away, and was replaced with shock. “Why haven’t you called?” It was silly to ask. He had no real reason to call her. He was in college now, enjoying a different life.
“I’m sorry, Rachel. I should've been there for you. I just didn’t know what to say. I kept putting it off and before long, too much time had passed.” His confession took her by surprise. He thought he owed her something. He leaned forward, studying her face. “How're you doing?”
“I’m okay. Things are different here. It’s as if I’m living in a new world.”
“How's your mom?”
“She stays busy working. That helps. But Daddy not being here still hurts.” She tried not to let the repressed feelings surface.
He dropped his gaze.
“Hey, guess what? I had a job over the summer.” Rachel blurted, trying to change the heavy atmosphere they were spiraling into.
He lifted his head. “You working? That would be something to see.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m only kidding. What were you doing, selling knickknacks or something?”
“No, I was a waitress.” She tilted her head and spread her fingers across her chest.
“I’m sure you're the cutest waitress around here. You're as beautiful as ever.”
“I’ve been cleaning all morning.” Her already shaky voice faltered. “I'm a mess.”
“You’re always beautiful. You always have been.” He winked.
“What about your girlfriend? Florida’s a long way from Pennsylvania. North Carolina was far enough.”
He leaned back and frowned, the dimples in his cheeks deepening. “Really, Rachel? Are we still talking about this? I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Well, you may not think of what's-her-name that way, but she sure thinks differently.”
“Well, there’s nothing I can do about that.”
Rachel laughed out loud, still shocked that Jordan sat across the room from her. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Jordan held her gaze with such intensity she had to look away. Rachel started to tell him about Paul, when the familiar sound of his buggy pulled into the drive. She jumped off the couch and grabbed Jordan’s arm. “Come on. I want you to meet someone.”
She ran out the door, excited, but Paul's expression wasn’t what she'd expected. It was somber, distant.
Leaving Jordan on the porch, she reached Paul’s buggy just as he climbed down. “Hey, you.” She took Paul's hand and kept pace beside him up the steps. Jordan's gaze was zeroed in on their interlocked fingers. “This is Paul. Jordan's a really good friend of mine from Florida.”
They shook hands. And both looked confused.
She lifted onto the balls of her feet and clasped her hands. “And guess what? Jordan's transferring to Penn State.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” Paul finally gave Jordan a friendly smile. Then he directed his attention back to her. “I just wanted to stop by to say hullo. I was going home to get washed up. I'll be back in about an hour if that's all right.”
“I’ll be ready.” Emotions swelled in her at having both of them there. She understood the real reason Paul stopped. He wanted to check on her, having found a strange car in her driveway.
Paul waved at them both again before pulling out.
“Who was that?”
“Paul. I just introduced you, silly.” She took the seat on the swing next to him.
“Why would you introduce me to him though? Who is he?”
“Mom hired him to do renovations.”
“You were holding his hand.” Jordan's expression was contorted. He stared at her, his eyes sparking. He'd never looked at her that way.
There was no hint of teasing in his voice and, suddenly defensive, she squared her shoulders. “We're sort of together.”
“You’re dating him?” It all happened at the same time. He asked the question, and the root of his troubled look resonated like a light bulb exploding in her face.
He was angry.
“I guess you could call it that.”
With no warning, he stopped the swing with a sharp motion and faced her. “He’s Amish, Rachel. And driving a horse-drawn buggy.”
Now she was angry, and the feeling was foreign. She'd never been angry at him. “I know that. I’m not blind.”
“Why would you be dating an Amish guy? Aren’t they different?”
His reaction surprised her. She had made a mistake telling him. “No, they just don’t use electricity, and their religious beliefs are ... kind of the same, but still different.” She wasn't even sure about their beliefs.
“His family’s okay with you and him dating?”
Why was he asking so many questions? How could he have known that would be a problem? “Well, no. His cousin knows.” That uncertainty crept in again, and her stomach rolled.
After several seconds, Jordan’s eyes softened, and he resumed pushing the swing with his foot. “So my favorite girl, who's never fallen for anyone, falls for an Amish guy.”
Hot tears pricked the back of her lids.
“Don’t cry.” He pulled her against his chest. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. If this is what you want, I’m happy for you.”
Her stomach settled, and her mind quieted. This was her friend. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Not intentionally. Then, not wanting him to question her further about her relationship with Paul, she changed the course of their discussion. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I transferred because I couldn't stand being so far from you.”
Rachel rolled her eyes at his exaggerated response. “I don’t know about that, but I’m glad you’re here. When will I see you again?”
“How about tomorrow?”
After enduring the weight of a conversation gone wrong, his answer gave her a huge swell of relief. “That's perfect.” Having Jordan here would divert her inevitable anxiety. Paul would be busy with church services all day, surrounded by other Amish girls.
Girls he was allowed to date.
Thirty-One
Rachel smiled at Paul's dim expression as she held to the porch railing.
“So how close were you and this Jordan guy?”
“We grew up together. He was always like a
big brother. Our moms were best friends.” She realized how it must have appeared—why he would have these questions. “He went away to college last year. We moved out here before his classes ended, so I haven’t seen him much since the funeral.
Paul dug his boot into the dirt. “He thinks a lot of you.”
“He’s a really good friend.” The words sounded shallow as she thought how Jordan hadn’t come around since the funeral. He had always been there, but maybe he dealt with her dad’s death in his own way and couldn’t handle it.
Paul's gaze pored over her face, and a light flutter danced across her chest. “Come with me. I want to show you something.” He took her hand and helped her in his buggy.
After a ten-minute ride down the road, Paul parked in a field. They pushed through the first brush of trees and reached a path a few yards into the woods. It reminded her of the trail on their property—not visible from the road.
Tall pines covered the trail so well she would never be able to find it herself. They came to the end, and it opened to a breathtaking sight.
They circled a big tree, and there behind it flowed a small waterfall. Frothy, cascading water plunged into a pool of water. Rachel stood on tiptoe to get a better view. On one side, a pool gathered and a doe stood lapping water, then bounded away as Rachel's feet settled on the ground.
“It's beautiful.”
A swift, cool breeze blew hair into her face, and Paul pushed the long strands back. “Yes, it is.”
She leaned against Paul, soaking in the moment. They had to find a way to make his family understand. Rachel looped her arm through his and rested her head against his chest. The water crashing on the rocks below created a symphony of music. Two big rocks covered with moss stood on the bank of the creek.
“These seats will do.” Paul motioned for her to sit. “After you.”
Removing their shoes, they faced the stream, their feet dangling in the water.
“Did you and Jordan ever have feelings for each other?”
She spun on her bottom to face him. The blue of his eyes, darker, troubled. “We were only friends.” Telling him about the childhood crush would only complicate things. “Why?”
“It's all right if you did.” Paul laced his fingers between hers. “I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to have some competition. You're so beautiful. I can only imagine how many disappointed boys you left back in Florida.”
“That isn't true. But I like hearing you say it.” Rachel stroked his shirt sleeve with her other hand, creasing the fabric all the way up his arm. “Are you not happy my friend, Jordan, is here?”
“That's not it. I'm just a little anxious this friend's a male.”
“You wanted to be my friend.” Her cheeks burned. “Okay, well maybe not at first.”
A groan leaked from his throat. “And that's probably what's got me asking so many questions. I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it.”
She didn’t say anything, but drank in his words so she could replay them when they were apart.
Paul stood and slipped his shoes on. “I have something to show you.”
She followed him. He stooped and placed his hand against the old oak. Rachel inched closer and traced their initials carved on top of each other, complete with a heart encircling the two.
“You did that?”
Paul's eyes roamed her face as if he ached for her, then all of a sudden, his mouth covered hers stealing every doubt, exposing every longing. With both hands gripping her waist, he tugged her closer and deepened the kiss. She wanted to stay in his arms forever. To forget about keeping their relationship secret, to forget all her fears, to forget everything.
Rachel was already swinging on the front porch when Jordan arrived Sunday afternoon. “Did you get settled in?”
“Yes.” He pressed his hands against his legs, his gaze somewhere on the porch floor. “Where’s Buggy Boy today?”
She didn’t want to talk about Paul. Jordan didn’t approve of their relationship, and it would be better to steer clear of that discussion. She also didn’t want to think about why they weren’t together right now, why she couldn’t be at his church services with him. How she couldn't stop wondering if Anna was there prancing around him, begging for his attention.
“They have long church services. It'll be later before he can come over.” She tried to sound upbeat. But what she wanted and what she was getting were two very different things. Familiar anxiety twisted through her stomach.
“How serious are you two, anyway?”
“I don’t know, pretty serious, I guess.” I love him.
“How does that work with him being Amish? I mean, won’t he have to leave his family or something?”
She raised her eyes to the deep blue skies, squinting against the bright sun. “Not if I join the Amish church.”
His firm hand on her shoulder brought her head back down. “What? You can't do that.”
“Why couldn’t I? It would be a whole lot easier.” Rachel bit back the rest of the words she wanted to say. It was the only way to be together.
“That's his idea?” Anger filled his voice. “Is he pushing you into doing that?”
The conversation was disheartening. “No, he hasn't said anything like that. Can’t we talk about something else? I don’t want to fight.” She leaned into him with a gentle push.
“Okay.”
The next few hours, tension hovered over their visit, corrupting his whole mood. She wished she hadn’t said anything at all.
~
Paul's conversation with Rachel yesterday had replayed in his mind throughout the night, depriving him of sleep and did little to encourage him. Jordan was the male in the picture. The one hovering over her. Much too close.
Rachel's features beamed with childlike enthusiasm that Jordan had come. Everything about their relationship was complicated, but a romantic relationship with Jordan would be easier. For her.
It was impossible to think that through any deeper. Imagining her with anyone other than himself bruised his heart.
They could run away, marry, and move to another community where no one knew them. But her mom. Mrs. Adams had already lost too much. With Jordan, Rachel wouldn't have to choose. Nothing about her lifestyle would change.
Banishing the rampant jealousy attempting to shroud him, he returned his focus to the minister.
After the service, things only got worse. As always, Anna made a point to serve his table. All the other guys mooned over her. Why couldn't she latch onto one of them and leave him alone? He'd tried to make it perfectly clear that he wasn’t interested.
“I wish Anna would look at me like that,” Jonathan said.
I wish she would too.
It didn’t matter how much Paul ignored her, she still clung to him. His aunt and uncle suspected he was courting her. It was wrong to mislead them, but it avoided suspicions about Rachel.
“I’m looking forward to the singing tonight.” Anna rubbed his shoulder, and he eased away, forcing her hand to fall.
He'd had enough of this and wanted nothing more than to see Rachel, so he excused himself. Paul turned to look once more at his family and friends as he drove onto the highway. Dread, the weight of heavy lumber, settled on his shoulders. Anna had been the only one who noticed him leaving.
Thirty-Two
Rachel’s mind drifted back to the preacher’s sermon. He talked about being unequally yoked even in dating relationships. It was as if the lesson centered on her relationship with Paul. He couldn’t even tell his family about her, about them. How long could their relationship last? In her heart of hearts, she longed for Paul to be the one God had designed for her. But how could he be, if they were unequally yoked? She grabbed her Bible from the porch swing, but set it back down.
This will only make me feel worse.
Paul came after lunch, much sooner than she’d expected. “How was your service today? Where did you meet?” She hated her reason for asking, but couldn’t stop
herself.
“Gut. The Zook’s held it at their place.”
“Really?” Insecurities raced through her head, sparking an impulse to know the truth. “Anyone I know?”
“Sort of. Unfortunately.”
Those insecurities heightened a notch. “Who?” Her fingers curled, and her nails scratched her flesh. She cleared her throat against the disturbing feeling trying to steal her breath.
He looked straight ahead. “Anna's their daughter, but they also have a son Joseph who’s a few years younger.”
She twisted in her seat and squeezed her eyes shut desperate to veil the raw emotion inching to the surface.
So that was it? Paul had been at Anna’s house all day, while she'd worried about them being together. Even if he didn’t have any interest in Anna, how could Rachel compare to her? Paul had tried to avoid telling her and looked uncomfortable when he finally did.
“There's no reason for you to worry.” Taking her hand, he squeezed it gently and brought her fingers to his lips, brushing tender kisses across her knuckles. “I’m the one who should be worried. When you start school tomorrow, all those Englischer fellows will be trying to steal my aldi.”
The warmth in those sapphire eyes had her melting. She crinkled her brow. “Aldi?”
“My girlfriend.” He kissed her forehead, then her nose, before his mouth claimed hers, intense, yet tender, with a sense of desperation. He lifted her chin, compelling her to look at him. The tenderness in his eyes shocked her. “I love you, Rachel Adams. I always will.” Taking her hand again, he weaved his fingers between hers.
Her confidence blossomed at his affirmation and an easy smile spread across her face. “I love you, too.” Rachel’s head spun at the three words still reverberating through her mind. He loves me. He said it. He loves me. She straightened, her fears diminishing with a statement that she'd remember forever … a statement that changed everything.
Her father’s voice echoed through her mind. Don’t ever let anyone still your joy, sweetheart.
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