by Lois Richer
“Because you love them.” Ben nodded in empathy. “And maybe you’re afraid of losing them?”
Victoria jerked her head up to glare at him. Then she wearily nodded. It was an unspoken truth she’d never dared voice.
“I get all that, believe me. You’re a good daughter and you want the best for them.” Ben held her gaze. “But Tilly and Margaret aren’t the type to be content sitting in their chairs, watching television or playing cards. You must know that, Victoria.”
“Yes.” Slightly annoyed that he was so perceptive, she was also relieved to have her thoughts challenged. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m here.”
“Part of God’s plan,” he agreed with a grin.
Single mom—God’s plan? Victoria gulped. If Ben only knew.
“I don’t think God had much to do with my coming back to The Haven,” she muttered, feeling her face burn with shame. “Excuse me. I need to change before I make lunch.”
“But you said the soup—”
Victoria ignored him, scurried out of the kitchen and up the stairs as if dogs were on her heels. In the privacy of her room, she collapsed on the bed and gazed at the molded plaster ceiling.
Part of God’s plan, Ben said. As if God would be part of the mess she’d made of her life.
May the Lord bless and protect you; may the Lord’s face radiate with joy because of you; may He be gracious to you, show you His favor, and give you His peace. Numbers 6:24–26.
The aunts’ prayer over her the day she’d left The Haven made her wince. God’s face hardly radiated with joy because of her now. Except maybe in embarrassment.
Victoria’s hand slid to her stomach. Her fingertips probed, trying to feel some sensation that spoke of a baby nestled inside. She felt nothing physically. But deep in her heart, awe blossomed. That she was now responsible for another life brought tears to her eyes.
And yet—the aunts would want their young guests to be taught about God’s love, to see it reflected in the staff. Victoria had messed up so badly; she felt unworthy of preaching to anyone. She’d face dismay and revulsion in people’s—Ben’s—eyes when they realized that she hadn’t followed the Godly precepts she’d been raised on, hadn’t walked her talk.
He’d be disgusted when he found out she wasn’t the worthy daughter he thought.
Why did Ben’s opinion matter so much?
*
“Good morning.” Ben had been at The Haven for six days. He no longer doubted his theory that Victoria was pregnant.
Each morning, when he arrived in the kitchen, she was there, pasty-faced, desperately trying not to show her nausea, though she didn’t race from the room as she had before. He knew why. He’d seen her outside, before the sun rose, and figured she was trying to get the worst of her morning sickness out of the way while she walked alone through the cold, snowy world. When she returned, she was always pale yet composed, munching on a stash of crackers she kept in a container on the counter. She acted as if she thought no one noticed.
But Ben noticed and he felt a strong sympathy for her. In fact, he couldn’t stop thinking about Victoria and her baby, couldn’t stop wondering how a strong woman like her had wound up pregnant and unmarried. This morning was no different. His heart raced at seeing her standing in front of the massive gas range, stirring scrambled eggs as if it was what the two of them always did on Sunday morning.
Dream on, Ben.
“Good morning. Church today,” Tillie announced as she and Margaret came sailing into the kitchen.
“I think I might stay home today, Aunties.” Victoria slid fluffy eggs onto a platter, set it in the middle of the big round table. She added buttered toast and a carafe of coffee.
“My dear, are you still unwell?” Though she ducked, Victoria couldn’t avoid Margaret’s palm on her forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”
“I’m fine. Just lethargic. I think I need to rest.” Victoria set a glass of milk in front of Mikey, smiled and ruffled his hair.
“Perhaps you shouldn’t have gone for such a long walk this morning then, dear.” Tillie sat, placed her napkin in her lap and bowed her head. Silence fell as she said grace aloud. Then she looked directly at Victoria. “I’m sure you’ll feel better once the service begins.”
Ben smothered his smile when Victoria exhaled. Weak, timid old ladies? Hardly.
“You’ll come along, too, Ben.” Margaret nodded at his start of surprise. “You can sit in the front seat of the car. There’s plenty of legroom.”
Thus, when breakfast ended and the kitchen was restored to order, they all attended the local church. Inside the white-steepled structure, Ben silently commiserated with Victoria’s reluctant presence, while obediently sitting where indicated, next to the ladies. Victoria was dispatched to escort Mikey to the children’s service upstairs. When she didn’t slide onto the pew next to him until the congregation was well into the first hymn, he knew she’d taken her time returning. She managed a smile when the pastor welcomed her back and nodded at those who turned to glance at her.
But Ben knew Victoria longed to be anywhere but here. In fact, during the minister’s sermon on the love of God, he happened to glance at her down-bent head and saw her dab at her eyes several times, accompanied by a sniff.
Strong, capable Victoria was crying. Why did that make him feel so helpless? Why did he want to comfort her? She wasn’t his responsibility and yet this plucky woman’s distress tugged at his heartstrings. He intrinsically knew that she’d lost at love, that what she’d hoped for had not come to fruition and that, besides leaving her job, she’d left behind the guy who held her heart. The guy who was the father of her child. Yet, as far as Ben knew, she’d still told Tillie and Margaret nothing. Why?
As they rose to sing the closing hymn, Ben glanced at his hosts. Couldn’t these usually astute ladies see that something was wrong? That the young woman they’d raised was desperately unhappy?
But as they chatted with friends in the foyer, on the ride home and all through lunch, Tillie and Margaret seemed oblivious to Victoria’s distress. They giggled at Mikey’s knock-knock jokes as if all was well.
When the two seniors finally left for an afternoon nap and Mikey was engaged in a Disney movie on television, Ben couldn’t remain silent any longer.
“Why don’t you tell your aunts you’re pregnant, Victoria?” he asked baldly, hating the way she winced at the word.
“How do you know—it isn’t—you don’t understand.” She shoved a handful of dark hair away from her face and picked at invisible threads on her jeans.
“What’s to understand? You’re going to have a baby.” Ben shrugged. “You’re not the first single woman to do that and you won’t be the last. Life happens.”
“Unmarried motherhood doesn’t happen to girls Tillie and Margaret taught to revere God and keep His principles,” she shot back, her voice shaky. “That’s sin.”
“I haven’t been a Christian very long,” Ben said, frowning at her. “But it seems to me that even David, a man after God’s own heart, sinned. And God forgave him.”
Her lack of response made him wonder if Victoria had even heard him. With her arms wrapped around her waist, she rocked slightly back and forth, her white face pinched with sadness and stained with tears. Beautiful but heartbreaking. And sort of remote.
“Victoria?” He touched her shoulder. “What about the baby’s father?”
“He doesn’t want me or the baby.”
“Are you sure?” Ben found himself curious—too curious—about that answer.
“He doesn’t want a child in his life. It would wreck his plan, weigh him down with responsibility for someone other than himself.” She gave a tiny huff of laughter. “It took me five years and a ghastly mistake, but the one thing I finally realized about Derek is that he always ducks responsibility. He doesn’t have the ability to see beyond his own needs.”
Ben asked himself, Am I ducking my responsibility to Mikey by asking for Tillie and Margaret’s help
to find the boy a new family? Am I doing it just to ease my own life?
The answer required no thought. He was doing the only thing he could to ensure Mikey had a safe home with parents who could care for him. Ben had to believe that, in time, the couple would come to love Mikey as much as Neil and Alice had. As much as he did.
“I don’t know what to do,” Victoria whispered in a softly weeping voice Ben didn’t think he was meant to hear.
Her sadness, grief, sorrow and worry touched his soul as little in recent years had.
“You’re going to get on with your life,” he told her firmly. “And I’m going to help you.”
“Huh?” She stared at him as if he’d lost his mind. “How?”
“I have three months leave, Victoria. While Tillie and Margaret find Mikey a family, you and I are going to get the ball rolling on their plans for The Haven.” He wondered where the idea had come from while mentally acknowledging that it was the least he could do to help the ladies who were helping him.
“But—but…” She gaped at him, unable to speak.
“You’re a fixer, remember? You’re smart, educated and you know how to get things done.” Now he had a goal. He was good at goals, concrete plans that weren’t like wildly swinging emotions. Ben felt more lighthearted than he had in eons. “You made a mistake, trusted a guy who wasn’t worth it. But that’s the past, Victoria. Now you’re moving on.”
“Meaning?” She frowned, dark head tilted to one side.
“Meaning you’re going to be an awesome mom.” He grinned. “But until then, you focus on making your aunts’ project happen.”
“I don’t know.” She didn’t look convinced and she would have to be to fight through the obstacles that could stop her aunts’ dream of a refuge for kids. “Maybe—”
“Listen, Victoria. Life gave you lemons. You met a jerk, got talked into something you shouldn’t have and now you’re home to regroup.” Ben suddenly realized that he wanted to do this. With her. “Let us take your lemons and turn them into lemonade.”
“Us?” Victoria stared at him, tears evaporating. A tiny smile flickered at the corner of her pretty mouth and spread across her entire face.
“Yes, you and me,” he said firmly. She burst into laughter.
“You couldn’t possibly know this, Ben, but lemonade is my absolute favorite drink.” She held up her fist and when he stretched out his own, bumped her knuckles against his. “I think we’re both nuts for even imagining their dream is possible, but—”
“We’ll do it for the aunties,” he said with a grin.
“And for me and you and Mikey.” Victoria looked dazed.
“And for all the kids who’ll come here to find a second chance,” he reminded.
“Yes.” She exhaled, pressed her shoulders back and nodded, as if to settle it in her mind. When she looked at him, he saw her chin lift in determination. “Thank you,” she murmured.
Funny how that tiny smile she gave him took away the lingering pain in Ben’s ribs and made his heart sing with anticipation.
He sure hoped he hadn’t taken on too much with this offer to turn The Haven into the aunts’ dream. But hadn’t Tillie said that trusting God was an important step in becoming His child?
“I have no clue how this will work,” he prayed later that evening. “What do I know about foster kids? But I can’t do nothing. Victoria needs me. So I’m trusting You. Please help.”
Ben stared out his window into the shadowy forest.
“Don’t let me make another mistake,” he added, suppressing the memory of another time when his attempt to help had ended in disaster.
Not again, Lord, his soul cried. Never again.
Chapter Four
Days later, Ben again found himself gazing at Victoria in admiration—until she caught him staring.
“Well?” she prodded, pushing back a hank of hair. “What do you think?”
“That you’ve accomplished a ton.” He admired the way she’d smothered all her reservations about Tillie and Margaret’s idea and simply got on with making their dream come true. “You’re like a machine.”
“Hardly.” Victoria shrugged. “Once I, the aunts and their lawyers put the necessary insurance in place, it was a matter of proceeding to the next step.” She stacked a sheaf of papers and slid them inside a folder on the massive oak desk. “That means drawing up an overall plan.”
“Why don’t I think you’re totally convinced this will work?” Ben muttered more to himself than her.
“Because I’m not.” Her rose-toned lips pursed.
“And yet you’ll go ahead with it anyway? Why?” But he knew. “Because you love them.”
“Tillie and Margaret are my family. I’ll do whatever they ask.” Victoria arched her back in a stretch. “Which doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. We need all kinds of inspections and permits before we open, but none of that can happen until I can nail down what it is we want to do here. Right now, I’m stuck on activities we could offer.” Her eyes fixed on him. “Any ideas?”
“It’s a good thing I had to stay off my foot this week. Gave me plenty of time to think about that.” Ben tugged a sheet of paper from his pocket, unfolded it and held it out. “Take a look. Some are only vague concepts so don’t laugh.”
“Why would I laugh? I’m relieved to hear any suggestions. Especially since my own seem so pathetic.” Her gray eyes darkened with her frown. “It’s weird but I remember very little about what my sisters and I did when we were kids here.”
“Really?” Ben remembered way too much about his youth, mostly the constant feeling of drowning with fear that he’d mess up. And he had!
“What I do remember is how much fun we had, how we’d burst into laughter at the slightest provocation. Mostly I remember how happy we were.” A nostalgic smile lifted Victoria’s lips. After a moment, she shook off the past, scanned the paper he’d given her and blinked in surprise. “Snowshoeing, zip lining, ice fishing. These are great ideas.”
“They’re things I’d like to do if I lived here.” Ben was flattered by her enthusiasm.
“Actually, offering activities like these should show anyone who questions us that The Haven has the ability to engage kids of all ages.” She tapped her fingertip against her chin, scanning the list. “Most of these are probably novel to city kids. I think they’ll dive right in. I just hope you’ll still be around to lead them. I’m no wimp but I do not clean fish.”
“As far as I know, Tillie and Margaret haven’t had any offers yet so I guess we’ll be here awhile, maybe even until my leave is over,” Ben spoke softly, his gaze on Mikey who was busy with an antique train set Tillie had unearthed from the attic. “Fine by me. Whatever it takes to find the right family.” He looked up to find a fierce frown marring Victoria’s lovely face. “What?”
She swallowed hard then shook her head. Puzzled, he watched as she knelt beside Mikey and smoothed his hair before pressing a kiss against his forehead.
“You’re such a cute little boy.”
“I’m a big boy,” he asserted, wrinkling his freckled nose.
Victoria agreed with a laugh, rubbed the heel of her hand against her eyelashes to dislodge the tears he’d glimpsed and then returned to her seat at the table. She waited until Mikey resumed train playing before speaking, her voice low, troubled.
“I know I’ve asked this before, Ben. But are you sure?”
“No. But it’s the way it has to be, Victoria.” He added, “Because I can’t think of a better solution.”
“Well, maybe we ought to start thinking in a different way.” Victoria switched on the kettle before giving him an arch look. “From a more positive perspective.”
“Huh?”
“You frequently say can’t, Ben. I can’t do this. I can’t do that.” Her eyes sparkled. “Do you know the first verse my aunties taught me to memorize? ‘I can do all things through Christ,’” she quoted.
“Tillie gave me that one to memorize, too,” he admitted. “I
guess I need to consider putting those words into action.”
“Unca Ben?” Mikey stood in front of him, holding a book.
“What’s up, Little Man?” Ben gathered his nephew on his knee and pressed a kiss against his head, loving the little-boy smell of him.
“This book is about Snow White,” Mikey explained. He glanced at Victoria. “It’s my favorite.”
“I guessed that.” She smiled and waited for him to continue.
“What’s your question, kiddo?” Ben tickled him in the ribs until Mikey squealed with laughter. Boy, he would miss that sound.
“When Vic an’ me go walkin’ in the forest, c’n I see her?”
“Her, who?” Ben asked, absently noticing that his nephew needed new shoes.
“Snow White. She lives in the forest.” Mikey slid off his knee and walked to Victoria. “With elves.”
Ben smothered a laugh as Victoria said in her most serious voice, “You mean with the seven dwarfs?”
“Yeah. Them. So will I?” Mikey turned to look at him with utter trust in his eyes, just like Neil once had. That sent a shaft of pain straight to Ben’s heart. He loved this kid so much. How could he just walk away from him?
“It’s a fairy tale, honey,” Ben heard Victoria explain. “That means it’s just a story. It’s not real. But we can pretend it is.” She lifted him onto her lap and wrapped her arms around him, snuggling him close. “When I first moved here, I used to lie in the long, tall grass and pretend the animals from The Jungle Book were all around.”
“Like lions and tigers?” Mikey’s dark eyes stretched wide.
Victoria nuzzled Mikey’s neck. “Exactly.”
He giggled when Victoria mimed a roar then wiggled free and returned to his locomotive, happily chugging it over the metal rails.