Hard Drifter

by Debra Kayn

  "He'll never know how proud we were of him for making that decision. Even at that young age, he cared more about his friend than if he followed the crowd. I don't think a day has gone by in the last four decades where Thaddeus hasn't been with his friends." Mrs. Bowers laughed. "Biker buddies. That's what I call them. I know they all want me to stop, but I remember them as little boys. It's my right to tease them. I feel like they're all my sons. If it wasn't for them, I don't know where I would be right now..."

  "Because of losing your daughter?" She'd never broached the subject of Thalia with Thad's mom. It was a touchy subject, but she sensed the story about not graduating was more for Mrs. Bowers than for her.

  "I wanted to give up after what happened with my daughter, and those boys wouldn't allow it. They were angels who took turns staying at the house. They were all adults, at the time, but they rolled out their sleeping bags in the family room like they were having a sleepover. It didn't matter if I got up in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping and walked the floors, wanting my daughter back. There would be Thaddeus or Wayne or Chuck or Glen or Rich." Mrs. Bowers sighed and smiled sadly. "It's been twenty- five years since that time, and do you know each one of those boys checks up on me at least once a week?"

  Lena swallowed, emotions clogging her throat.

  "The best part is they talk about Thalia." Mrs. Bowers voice broke, and she looked away. "Nobody else talks about her anymore."

  Lena reached out and squeezed Mrs. Bowers hand. She had nothing to say because she hadn't known Thalia and she couldn't understand a mother's love for her daughter.

  Mrs. Bowers looked at Lena. "You remind me of when Thalia was alive."

  "How so?"

  Thad's mom smiled and shook her head slowly in wonder. "My son's eyes are brighter, more excited about life, again. That's something I wasn't sure would ever happen, and I've been praying every day to see that happiness for life return to him before I'm gone."

  Lena's stomach clenched. Afraid she was going to be sick again, she excused herself, claiming to need a drink of water. In the kitchen, she held on to the edge of the counter and closed her eyes as the wave of nausea passed. She was responsible for Thad's happiness?

  What was she supposed to do with that information? She couldn't have him depending on her or...or relying on her to make him happy. She didn't possess the skills or experience. Their relationship wasn't meant to last forever.

  Her nose tickled. She sniffed and realized tears were falling down her face. Frantically, she brushed the wetness away, unable to remember the last time she'd cried. Then, it hit her that she wasn't crying because of Mrs. Bowers sorrow or Thad's returned happiness, but that she was afraid of losing it all.

  Thad.

  His parents.

  Notus Motorcycle Club.

  Clara, Gracie, Ingrid.

  The people she didn't even know but were in Thad's life.

  The chaos. The quiet times. The security.

  A gentle hand landed on her back, and a soft voice said, "Oh, honey, I didn't mean to upset you."

  Lena covered her mouth, trapping the sob that came from the comfort Thad's mom offered. A mother's comfort. A comfort she must've wanted some time in her life but had forgotten, and never received.

  She turned, and Mrs. Bowers wrapped her arms around her. She couldn't push her away. She couldn't tell her to go. She couldn't stop the feelings consuming her.

  Her legs weakened. The next thing she knew, Mrs. Bowers was lowering her to the floor. She couldn't leave because Thad's mom stayed with her. Mrs. Bowers held her on the kitchen floor as if it was the most normal thing to watch her son's girlfriend completely lose it.

  She pulled her knees up to her chest, and her head landed in Mrs. Bower's lap. Gentle fingers combed through her hair soothingly, and a soft voice murmured telling her it was all right. That she'd be okay. That Thad loved her.

  Was it all right?

  Was she okay?

  Did Thad love her?

  How was she supposed to know if everything Mrs. Bowers claimed was true? She had no way of knowing.

  Her mother was dying or could already be dead. She had no idea who her father was but fantasized over a picture of a man she didn't know. She was always on the outside of other people's families looking in at what was supposed to be normal.

  And yet, the woman holding her had brought her inside and let her touch how normal people depended on each other. How they looked out for one another. How life was better being loved.

  And, while she clung to what Mrs. Bower's gave her, she realized she wanted a family. A normal family. Thad's family.

  "Sh...it's okay..." Mrs. Bowers stroked her hair. "You're going to be okay, Lena."

  She squeezed her eyes closed, and her chin trembled. She was weak, and Thad's mom hadn't pushed her away. Mrs. Bowers gave her permission to not be okay, and that acceptance was the most pleasurable experience she'd ever had.

  "I'm sorry," Lena whispered. "I don't mean to—"

  "Don't ever apologize for being human." Mrs. Bowers laughed softly. "Lord, I can't even count the times I cried through my life."

  "I didn't think I could." She sniffed, staying in Thad's mom's lap.

  Mrs. Bower's hand paused atop Lena's head before caressing her again. "Maybe, that's something Thad has given you in return for making him happy. Sometimes, it's good to feel and let all your emotions out, and not just the happy ones."

  Mrs. Bower's voice had changed as she talked. Lena opened her eyes, blinking against the brightness of the light in the kitchen, and found Thad standing at the entrance of the room. He stared at her intently, possessively, as if he'd battle his own mother if he thought Lena was being hurt.

  She pushed up to a sitting position on the floor. "I'm okay."

  "I can see that," mumbled Thad, glancing at his mom. "Mom, can you give us a few minutes?"

  Mrs. Bowers squeezed Lena's hand and pulled herself to her feet using the kitchen cabinet. Lena inhaled deeply and wiped her face with her hands, embarrassed and ashamed of her behavior.

  Thad lowered himself to the floor on a groan and pulled her back against his chest, wrapping his arms around her and taking his mother's place. For several minutes, he simply held her, and she wondered how she ended up here, with them, going through things she never imagined.

  Her stomach calmed. Today hadn't turned out like she'd imagined.

  "I am going to apologize to your mom for how I behaved," she said.

  He squeezed her. "You did nothing wrong, and she can handle whatever happens between you two. Everything is catching up with you and Mom was here. I'm glad she was here for you."

  "I am, too," she whispered. "I've never..."

  "You've never what?"

  She leaned her head against his chest. Unable to see Thad's judgment of her, she said, "I've never had someone comfort me the way your mom had. It's...nice."

  Thad kissed the top of her head. "Mom is going to love you, too."

  She blinked extra-long and swallowed. Thad never said he loved her. He always said he was going to love her. Now, he offered his mom to her.

  "I better get off your floor." She needed to move to keep herself from getting her hopes up about the future. It was too tempting to believe everything that Thad said and take a chance that life with him could be exactly like he claimed.

  Chapter 29

  In Booth #3 at Vavoom's Bar, Maureen put a chef salad in front of Lena and a hamburger with fries in front of Thad. He eyed Lena's lunch suspiciously. One thing he'd learned about Lena during the time they'd been together was how she enjoyed a big meal and never shied away from eating real food.

  "I thought you were hungry." He poured ketchup on the edge of his plate.

  She looked up from her food. "I am, but my stomach has felt off the last several days. I thought I'd try something healthier. It's not going to hurt me to eat better since I haven't been running in forever."

  He set the bottle of ketchup down. "Do yo
u need to see a doctor?"

  She shook her head. "It's probably just stress."

  "Why haven't you mentioned it before now?"

  She leaned forward. "Cause, it's no big deal. You're making too much out of it. I'm hungry. I'm going to eat."

  He grunted, studying her as she picked up her fork. He'd brought her to Vavoom's because he noticed she was getting cabin fever at his house and hoped a change of scenery would settle her down and she'd quit staring out the window at the neighbors. If he'd thought there was more to her anxiety, he'd have made her go to the doctors or pampered her more.

  Lena wiped her mouth with the napkin. "When is Lieutenant Gomez going to show up?"

  "Anytime." He looked out the one-sided window of the bar. "He had something to do at the station and said he'd be by if no calls came in. He's on duty today."

  "He talked to the supervisor of the dispatch center about putting me, Yvonne, Shannon, and Gabi on days this coming week because we're scheduled to move to swing. Janet—that's the supervisor's name, put us on days indefinitely because of our situation, so I guess we're all off the rotating shift." She stabbed her fork into a stack of turkey and picked up a square of cheese, avoiding the lettuce. "That means when this is all over, and I move back to my house, we can still see each other whenever we want during our non-working hours."

  "Is that what you want?"

  She nodded and swallowed. "Of course. We can even have dinner together when we want."

  "That's not what I'm talking about." He leaned back in the booth. "You want to move back to your house?"

  She pushed her fork around in her salad. "I think I need to," she whispered.

  He grunted and bit into his hamburger. She didn't have to do a damn thing she didn't want to do. They both were stuck in a mortgage, but it wasn't impossible to work something out that was better than them living apart in two separate houses. Hell, they could turn one of the houses into a rental.

  The door of the bar opened letting in a rush of cool air. He glanced over his shoulder and found Gomez walking inside, and lifted his hand. Lena spotted the lieutenant and scooted in the booth, making room.

  "Sorry to interrupt your meal. I'm trying to meet with everyone and update them on how the investigation is going while pulling some overtime." Lieutenant pushed the edges of his uniform coat to the sides and sat down beside Lena. "There's been a lead and Detective Mooney is working on the paperwork to bring a suspect in for questioning."

  "You found the person responsible for the threats and doing the drive-bys? Because it's never one person. Tigres never act alone. You nail one person, and the rest will come after the ladies and the police department in retaliation for their family member getting locked up. You're going to have a fucking war on your hands." Thad tossed his crumbled napkin onto the table.

  Gomez dipped his chin. "We found something in the 911 recordings that were studied that would suggest this isn't about the whole gang. It's one member who is going after the ladies. I can't say anything else until we bring the suspect in to interview him, but you're going to have to trust me that we've linked the crimes to the person."

  "The 911 recordings?" Lena pushed her plate away from her. "Did I not follow procedure?"

  Lieutenant Gomez shook his head. "At this time, I'm not at liberty to say."

  "He doesn't want to jeopardize the prosecution." Thad curled his hand into a fist and banged it on the table. "Damnit, Gomez. You're putting Lena in more danger. The other women in more danger. Make your gang investigators do their fucking job because it's Lena's life that is in play."

  "Thad," whispered Lena. "Let him talk."

  "I'm following procedure." Lieutenant Gomez leaned forward. "This is a courtesy meeting, because of who we're dealing with and my relationship with the women involved. I want you to stay with Lena, until after we've brought the man in. I'll be telling the other women the same thing. Just lay low and be patient. Now is not the time to go out alone until we can arrest someone."

  Lena nodded. "I understand."

  She didn't understand. There was no way she understood how Tigres worked. She only wanted everything to be over.

  Thad studied Gomez. He wasn't giving him shit to go off of. If the St. John's police department believed finding one man guilty would make Lena's world safe again, Gomez was fucked in the head.

  Lieutenant Gomez slid out of the booth and stood. "I'll call as soon as I know more."

  Thad watched Lena. She inhaled deeper, and her shoulders sagged forward in relief. The promise of progress gave her comfort.

  And, he believed the police were going in the wrong direction. To stop Tigres, they'd need to be hit hard enough they couldn't rebound. They needed to be taught a lesson and stop whoever started the vendetta.

  While he believed the police department was doing all they could within the law, Notus Motorcycle Club could go in and do the job, knowing Lena and the other ladies were protected.

  "Well, that's something, right?" Lena took a bite of her salad. "It'd be nice to start work tomorrow not paranoid that someone is out to get me or someone is going to drive around the corner and start shooting."

  Thad took out his phone and texted a message to Notus. "Let's not let down our guard."

  "What? You don't think the police have figured out who the right person is coming after us?" Lena dipped a forkful of meat from her salad into the dressing.

  "I don't know."

  She finished chewing and jabbed her empty fork toward him. "I wonder what was on the 911 recordings. First responders are so quick to jump on dispatchers if we make a mistake or send out the wrong code. I swear, the last time I was reprimanded was over two years ago, and it seems like yesterday for how I felt getting ripped apart. I accidentally dropped a call. On review, it turned out to be a non-emergency call, but still...they take that kind of thing seriously, as they should."

  He finished the text and put his phone in his jacket pocket. "We're going to head over to Wayne's after you're done with your meal."

  "Why?"

  "Business," he said.

  She scrunched her nose. "Business which you won't discuss with me."

  "We went over this the other night." He finished his hamburger in two bites and looked at Lena's plate. She'd only finished half of the salad but most of the meat, cheese, and egg slices. "We should get moving. I want you back at the house before it gets dark now that Gomez updated us."

  She wiped her mouth on the napkin. "At least it isn't raining today."

  "You like riding?"

  She smiled and raised her brows. "Uh, yeah."

  He grinned. It was another thing he loved about her. Before the shit with Tigres went down, she was always willing to try anything. Athletic, adventurist, and mysterious. Hell, even now, he doubt he'd ever find out every single thing about her if he spent a lifetime with her.

  Maureen stopped beside the booth. "All done?"

  "Yeah. Thanks, Maureen. You can put it on our tab." Thad laughed when the waitress scoffed and waved her hand.

  He grabbed his and Lena's jackets and stood. Lena reached out, and he lifted his chin for her to turn around. He helped her into her coat and zipped the front up to her chin to keep the cool wind off her neck. She stretched to her toes and kissed him, laughing silently against his lips. He swatted her ass at what she was thinking. If they'd been home. If they'd been alone. She'd tease him about having manners. Helping her with her jacket had nothing to do with what his mom taught him as a kid and more to do with being able to touch her. He could never get enough of her unless he was planted deep in her body and had her wrapped around him.

  Outside, traffic passed in front of the bar sporadically. Whether from the chilly weather forcing so many people inside or because it was Sunday, he was thankful for the respite. Lately, it seemed as if Lombard Street was one long, mad rush of traffic. Less traffic made it easier to keep an eye on his surroundings.

  He left his jacket open, giving him access to his pistol, and sat on his Ha
rley. Lena climbed on behind him and cuddled against his back. He pulled away from the curb and headed north two blocks before turning. The shortcut would take him past Gracie's townhouse, and he could visually make sure everything was okay there. A habit that'd developed anytime he went from Vavoom's to Wayne's house. It had taken a long time for Gracie to stay by herself after her abduction and all the Notus members looked out for her.

  Lena lifted one of her hands off him and pointed ahead of him. A skinny, long-haired dog stood off the curb at the corner. The noise of the motorcycle had grabbed the canine's attention. He shifted down and took a wide sweep around the animal. He'd had many dogs take chase, thinking something with two wheels moved like a bicycle, and he'd had to swerve to keep from laying his bike on the asphalt.

  He rolled to a stop at the red light and glanced in his side-view mirror. The dog had crossed the road and headed in the opposite direction.

  "I've had that dog chase me before when I've been out jogging," said Lena, over the sound of the pipes. "I think it's a stray."

  He hitched his thumb over his shoulder. "It got off the road."

  She patted his stomach. The light turned green. He crossed the intersection and turned onto Wayne's street. As he shifted into third gear, a car came out of the side street and stopped in the roadway. He braked hard riding the clutch and turned the bike sideways within ten feet of the vehicle. In the driver's seat, a Hispanic man wearing a blue bandana stared at him with a smirk on his face. The hair on the back of Thad's neck prickled and he looked behind him on the road and found a car speeding toward them.

  "Hold on," he shouted, planting his boot on the ground and accelerating.

  He turned the Harley around in a tight circle and headed toward the oncoming car, knowing they wouldn't stop. He had Lena on the back of his motorcycle. His options were limited.

  Unable to prepare her, all he could do was hope she held on and if the situation changed, that he could lay the bike down without hurting her.