Those men all seemed to adore the young man lying on that hospital bed. Jude had overheard a nurse say earlier that Ian Pierce had absolutely no family to call. She was wrong. Maybe he didn’t have blood relatives, but there was no mistaking the fact that the men who rallied around him were most definitely family.
Jude didn’t catch Snow in time and he didn’t want to disturb the grieving widower, so he took the coat home. He’d bring it back to work with him tomorrow.
Chapter 5
Daisy was stretched out beside him, her head resting in his lap. Rowe scratched the German Shepard behind the ear, but her tail didn’t thump the floor like it normally would when he hit her favorite spot. She knew something was wrong. All three dogs knew.
For the first several hours, they paced from him to the front door, waiting and watching until he could no longer take it. Rowe moved to the bedroom, but he couldn’t sleep. Not when he could smell her on the sheets, her flowery shampoo on the pillow beside him.
Melissa Ward was everywhere. Sitting on the floor in the corner of the bedroom, he held the T-shirt she’d slept in the night before. A pair of running shoes stuck out from under the bed while he could see two pairs of heels piled beside the dresser. A worn, muddy pair of gym shoes were by the front door — she wore those when she walked the dogs — and a pair of slippers in the form of the killer rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail were somewhere in the living room. The woman was horrible about leaving her shoes everywhere. At least, she had been.
But now, like the dogs, the shoes sat waiting for their owner. The entire house held its breath in anticipation of Melissa breezing through the front door.
Rowe closed his eyes and dropped his head back against the wall. His eyes burned from too many tears shed and his throat felt as if it had been sliced up by his screams. But none of it compared to the weight on his chest, crushing his heart and keeping him from drawing a deep breath.
He was drowning.
From the living room, Lucas’s low voice rumbled. His heavy footsteps creaked on the worn floorboards. He was pacing as he talked on the phone. There were calls that needed to be made and decisions that had to be decided, but Rowe couldn’t bring himself to move. He was fine with letting Lucas handle it all.
He should have called Mel’s parents. But calling made it real. Made it final. There was no going back when he said the words out loud. And he couldn’t do that yet.
Hours passed and his keepers rotated. Lucas was replaced by Andrei while Lucas took Andrei’s place at Ian’s side in the hospital.
Mel was gone. She would never blow through the front door like a mini whirlwind of chaos, sending the dogs into a barking, jumping tizzy. On the tip of her tongue would either be an excuse as to why he had to be the one stuck with cooking duty or a dirty joke she knew would make him smile. One she couldn’t wait to share with Snow.
Snow.
A hard knot formed in Rowe’s throat, threatening to cut off his air. He never should have said those things to his brother. But he couldn’t stop himself from thinking that if Snow had just been working that day, if he had been at the hospital, he might have been able to save Melissa. The man was a genius with a scalpel. The few times he ever murmured a word of praise was for his surgical team. Couldn’t they have saved his wife?
None of it made any sense. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He was the one who lived dangerously, the one who had weapons stashed around the house and invested his time and energy in developing state-of-the-art security systems. He was the one who kept a toe in the underbelly of the city and maintained contacts in both the military and various spy agencies. His head was full of shit he had no business knowing and he loved to be in the middle of it all when bullets started flying. He was supposed to go first.
Not Mel. Not because of some stupid car accident when she had this long, amazing life ahead of her.
The front door opened and closed again. Someone new was speaking with Andrei, a soft woman’s voice. Daisy lifted her head, her ears turning toward the voices, but she settled back when she realized it wasn’t who they were all waiting for. The newcomer was Gidget, Rowe’s hacker from work. Someone new to keep a vigil over him.
Rowe blinked and turned his head toward the window. The slant of the light coming through the blinds had changed, becoming dim and gritty. Night was fast approaching. Was it Saturday night now? Had Mel really been gone almost twenty-four hours? Or maybe it was Sunday morning…he couldn’t tell anymore. He couldn’t stay like this. Stay here. Not when she wouldn’t be coming back to him.
###
Snow flinched at the sound of a key being inserted into the front door deadbolt. The silence of his home had stretched untouched and unyielding for so long it was as if he’d fallen deaf.
Looking up from where he sat on the couch, Snow wasn’t surprised when Lucas entered and locked the door behind him. He shed his long winter coat, revealing the same jeans and sweater he’d been wearing at the hospital. Had he not been home yet? No, Lucas would have been with Rowe, and probably with Ian. Snow had gone back after Rowe left, stood watching over Ian.
A shudder wracked his taut frame as the memory of how Ian’s panic and then hysterics over Melissa had forced him to finally shout for help. He’d had to drug the young man back into oblivion so that his body would have a chance to heal. Snow had stayed with Ian until his boss finally sent him home, admonishing him to sleep and shower before he returned to prowl the pale yellow halls again. He hadn’t been able to find his coat anywhere.
So far, he’d gotten no farther than his couch. His eyes burned with exhaustion, but nervous energy zinged through tense muscles as his brain alternated in a sickening picture show between Rowe’s accusations and endless memories of Mel laughing.
Lucas dropped into the chair closest to the sofa, resting his forearms on his knees. Heavy lines dug into his face and shadows were smudged under his normally bright eyes. He looked worn down to his soul and still he kept himself moving, probably from sheer willpower. Snow wouldn’t have expected anything less from Lucas. They’d been friends for three decades and he always seemed to be a force of nature. When Lucas wanted something, he worked and pushed until he held it in his hands even if it meant nearly breaking himself in the process.
And that included taking care of the people who meant the most to him.
“Have you slept?” Lucas’s voice was little more than a rough murmur, as if he’d worn it out.
“Some,” he lied. Snow couldn’t remember the last time he’d closed his eyes. “Rowe?”
“About what you’d expect.” Lucas lowered his head and shoved his fingers through his hair, tousling it more. “Not talking. Not eating. Not sleeping. When I go back tonight, I’m going to try to get him to do one of those things.”
Snow grunted and shoved to his feet. He paced over to the windows at the back of the house, looking out over the Ohio River as it wound its way past the edge of his property. The jogging path was empty, leaving him with only a barren parking lot, brown water and dead, brown trees to stare at. But it was better than trying to look into Lucas’s eyes, letting the man try to tear down the wall that was holding him together.
“Andrei said you stayed with Ian for a while. How is he?”
“Broken leg. Some bad bruising across his chest and neck from the seat belt that will likely keep him off crutches. Mild concussion. A few cuts that required stitches.” Some of the tightness in Snow’s chest eased as he listed Ian’s injuries. He took the young man out of the equation, the person he loved, and thought only about the recovery time and the necessary rehab. Sinking in to the clinical gave him a sense of control, a safe zone in which to operate. “I’ll check on him again tonight before I start my shift. If he can go without the sedatives, they’ll send him home tomorrow.”
“Do you have to go in tonight? Can’t—”
“No, I need to work.” He paused and he could feel an ugly smile twist on his lips as he turned back to look at Lucas. “
Besides, I already switched shifts for Friday night.”
Lucas’s head popped up. “What?”
“I was supposed to work, but I swapped with another doctor. Got her to fill in for me.” Snow stopped, not wanting to explain that he’d been exhausted before chaos poured through their lives. Let Lucas think the worst of him, let him think that he’d taken off work to get his dick sucked. It was certainly what Rowe thought. He’d heard for years from his family that he was trash. Maybe they were right.
Lucas rose and walked over to Snow, his footsteps muffled by the thick carpet. “Ash, it’s not your fault.”
“Fuck you! You don’t know—”
“I spoke to the surgeon who worked on Mel and I talked to one of the paramedics on the scene.”
Snow jerked at Lucas’s announcement in surprise, blinking at him as he tried to order his sluggish thoughts. “You spoke to Torres?”
Lucas shook his head, looking a little confused. “I don’t remember her name. Both said that nothing could have been done for Mel.” He placed his hand on the back of Snow’s neck and squeezed. “She flat-lined while they were getting her out of the SUV and again on the trip to the hospital. There was nothing you could have done to save her.”
Knocking Lucas’s arm away, Snow stepped back, clinging desperately to his anger. He sneered. “Why are you even here?”
“Snow—”
“Your friend’s wife just died. Shouldn’t you be with him? You’ve got another in the hospital. Maybe you should be hovering at his bedside. Or even keeping an eye on your boyfriend. He was close with Mel.”
“What the hell, Snow? So were you.”
Snow shook his head, knowing he was making little sense. He balled his fists at his side, fighting back another wave of memories of Mel. This time it was a summer cookout where Rowe was in danger of setting the back of the house on fire. Mel and Ian were trying to pepper the rest of them with water balloons she’d filled with ice water.
“I’m fine,” he bit out. “Just go. I’ve got to get ready for work.”
“Ash, you’re not.” Lucas placed his hand on Snow’s shoulder when he tried to walk past, but Snow knocked it away with a low snarl.
“Just go. You can’t fix this just because you want to. Mel is dead and the world has to keep moving. Go check on Rowe or your boyfriend. I’ll look in on Ian tonight. If you’re needed, I’ll call.”
Snow pounded up the stairs, not slowing until he reached the third floor and the master bath. Work would clear his head. He’d take a blistering hot shower and then he’d bury himself in the twisted, wrecked bodies of his patients.
Chapter 6
Snow drove under the Spring Grove Cemetery arch, his hands tight on the wheel. The trees had lost most of their leaves. A few golden survivors hung on—the last gasps of fall. The only other splashes of color were the stands of evergreens spread about the gently rolling hills of the graveyard.
This resting place was a popular local attraction for its carefully designed gardens and massive monuments, so a scattering of people milled about despite the cold. To him, the statues that so many found mysterious and beautiful were nothing more than elaborate wishes made by skilled artist hands. Permanent displays of yearning for something more beyond this world.
Ian had brought him here once for a walking tour and the younger man had run his hands along the flowing lines of a girl leaning on a sarcophagus, talking about people making beauty out of the devastation that was death. Snow had loved that day because for a time, Ian had made him see it; made him look beyond grieving maidens and weeping angels, and wonder if there could be something more. Because he didn’t believe there was. He believed in this life, in doing everything he could to make this one last for anyone lucky enough to be alive.
Grief and pain had become interchangeable to Snow the last few days since the accident, a black mass of writhing, spiked torture that suffocated him and bored huge holes into what was left of his heart. Flashes of Melissa passed through his mind, so many memories—especially those of how she’d transformed Rowe. Snow couldn’t imagine the absolute hell of what Rowe was feeling.
But the woman herself had left a loss within him. Knowing he’d never hear her foul-mouthed, sharp wit in play again broke his heart. She had wanted a gathering of friends and family to celebrate her life instead of a service, but Lucas had called this morning to say that Rowe planned to put his wife into the ground alone today.
Fuck that.
Snow wasn’t sure Rowe even wanted him there. The guilt that he hadn’t been at the hospital ate at him until he felt like he’d fade into the gray of the overcast day. Become invisible. He’d tried calling Rowe and had driven to his home, but hadn’t been able to talk to him.
He parked behind a medical transport van with an unfamiliar man sitting at the wheel. A hearse and another black sedan were parked in front. Snow’s breath fogged the air as he walked to join his friends, his footsteps crunching through the two inches of snow that had fallen the night before, coating the world in a sparkling white blanket. Lucas and Andrei stood behind Rowe. Ian was bundled in a wheelchair, his full-leg cast propped up on a pillowed extension.
Looming in front of them on a bed of bright faux grass was a pale, honey wood coffin with gleaming golden handles. The top was covered in an elaborate spread of bright, colorful flowers as if summer itself was bursting up from the wood. Everything about the coffin was warm and gentle, and yet just the sight of it resting there in front of them was suffocating. It was so out of place against the covering of snow and dead trees.
Another tarp of faux grass was thrown over the nearby mound of dirt. It was a testament to how mild the winter had been that the grounds crew had been able to dig a hole in the first place. Snow wanted to just keep his eyes on the garish green, hating its plastic fakeness, but his eyes kept going back to the box. His heart thudded painfully in his chest and his stomach churned. Melissa was in that damn box. The woman, who couldn’t and wouldn’t stop for anything or anyone…well, she paused long enough to snatch up Rowe, was suddenly gone and just the thought made it fucking hard to breathe.
Lucas turned to look at Snow and held out his hand, eyes so sad, Snow choked on the lump of despair in his throat. When Lucas’s eyes narrowed on Snow’s collarbone, he knew he hadn’t done well enough covering the new bruise that now went with the one still healing on his jaw. Rowe packed a hell of a punch. He adjusted his scarf, unable to meet Lucas’s gaze this time. Lucas still held out his hand, so Snow threaded his fingers with his friend’s, nodded a hello to Andrei, who looked just as devastated as Rowe. Snow remembered then that Lucas had told him Andrei and Melissa had been close. There were a lot of people who would be here for Melissa. What was Rowe thinking?
He tightened his fingers on Lucas’s, knowing that Lucas took as much comfort from Snow as he gave.
The young chef didn’t look well at all. He shivered under the thick blanket—the black color making his pale face and red cheeks more prominent. The tips of his uncovered ears were bright red. A bruise darkened the side of his face and a cast wrapped his leg from the thigh down. He shouldn’t have even been here, but Snow understood why he was. Rowe needed them, no matter what he thought. Snow let go of Lucas, pulled a dark navy beanie out of his coat pocket and pulled it over Ian’s head. The younger man tried to smile up at him, but the gesture faded too fast to be anything more than a grimace.
He’d been so lucky to get out of that accident alive. Snow hadn’t seen the car, but he’d heard one of the cops talking in the hospital and knew that it was a miracle. Even Jude had told him that. The paramedic had been going out of his way to seek Snow out, had even brought him the missing coat, and Snow was a little ashamed that he’d been going out of his way to avoid him.
Snow put his hands on Ian’s shoulders and bent close so he could keep his voice low. “That transport van belong to you?”
Ian nodded. “Lucas hired it today. And the nurse.” Some of the stubborn fire Snow loved so muc
h briefly lit Ian’s eyes. “They both think I’m not going back to work tomorrow.”
“Most definitely not. Tomorrow is too soon.” Snow shook his head. “I know you want to be here for Rowe, but you should get home.”
Ian opened his mouth like he wanted to argue but instead, he shivered and then nodded, lips turned down.
“I’ll take him back to the van,” Andrei said as he quietly stepped up beside them. The man always moved like that—silent and graceful.
Snow nodded and stepped aside so Andrei could take the handles. He watched as Lucas leaned over to hug Ian. “I’ll be over later to check on you,” Lucas murmured, his voice hardly above a whisper, thick with emotion.
“Yeah, it’s our turn to bring you food,” Andrei said as he turned the wheelchair.
“Wait,” Ian said, staring at Rowe. “Rowe? I’m so sorry.” His voice broke.
Snow took the few steps left to reach Rowe and balled his hands into fists because he was afraid to touch him. Then, he inwardly cursed because this was his friend and he had been for years, since they’d both served in the Army together. He touched Rowe’s arm, hating that he startled him. Rowe looked up at him and then he looked around at his friends. His expression just crumbled, his eyes watering, his throat moving as if he was fighting to hold back the sobs Snow knew were piling up in his throat. He reached for him and Rowe held up his hands and backed up, his steps almost frantic in his need to escape.
And he kept backing up until he turned and stalked toward the parked vehicles. He never uttered a word.
“Rowe, wait!” Lucas yelled and took off after him. He reached him before Rowe got to his SUV, grabbed his arms and pulled him into a tight embrace. Rowe’s shoulders shook and for a brief moment, he held Lucas back, then he pushed him away. He got into his vehicle and peeled out, too fast and too hard.
“He shouldn’t be driving,” Ian said, his voice raspy—probably from the tears wetting his face. “I’ll be happy if I never see one of those company SUVs again.”
Shatter (Unbreakable Bonds Series Book 2) Page 6