“Second,” Wendy says, stifling a yawn.
Fred pounds the gavel and adjourns the meeting.
Several people leave.
I pick up my coat and rush to the front door. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
Especially Ben.
I run out into the surprise first snow of the season. “Really, God? It’s not even October.” Fat flakes stream like confetti on a game show. I zip up my coat as far as it will go. “Guess it’s going to be a cold walk home.”
A door slams behind me and footsteps follow.
“Jenna, wait. I picked you up, remember?” Ben takes a few long strides to catch me, but I keep power walking.
“No. What you did was dump all over me.”
“What? You’re mad about the meeting? Honey, I was being a council member. Asking questions. Good ones. I thought I was being supportive.”
I roll my eyes and keep trucking. “Please don’t call me honey.”
“It wasn’t personal. Jenna. C’mon. Let me take you home.” He stops, his voice low, almost wounded.
I’m about to respond when a sleek black SUV pulls up and the driver window rolls down.
“Jenna. Let me take you home. It’s too cold for you to be in this.” Kyle’s voice sounds less smarmy, almost warm.
I look up and several flakes land square on my lashes. I glance over to Ben, whose mouth is wide open. I focus on the shiny vehicle. “Okay, Kyle. Drive me home.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Mornings like this make it extra hard to open the center without Howard. I bang the chairs around knowing if he were with me, he’d have a smart remark. Instead, I’m opening the center alone, dwelling on last night’s meeting.
“Well, hello, sunshine.” Carla pushes through the door and joins me at the table, grabbing a metal chair to unfold.
“I take it you heard about my report.”
She sets up for a minute then takes two chairs and places them across, patting on one.
My bottom touches the cushion when Carla starts the inquisition.
“What’s going on? Why would you take a ride from Kyle when Ben’s the one that drove you?” I sense a laser-like gaze stemming from her.
I don’t like it.
“How about you? Why haven’t you accepted Will’s money? Forgiveness for yourself regarding your past?” I fold my arms and refuse to lock into her stare.
“Jenna, come on. This is about Ben calling Will, sounding lost. He doesn’t understand. I don’t either.”
I sprung out of the chair. “He humiliated me. The questions kept coming. I had good research, and he didn’t even look at it. This wasn’t about the council. This was his vendetta against the center.”
“Perhaps it isn’t him and his issues, but yours?” Her voice softens.
I sit back down. “I don’t understand.”
She leans forward. “This proposal was your first as director. Were you really expecting them to trip over themselves to give you everything you asked for?”
Well, actually…
“I wanted support.”
“Don’t you think that happened? They want to take time to read it. That’s promising, Jenna.”
I bite the inside of my mouth. “His questions seemed endless.”
Carla pats my knee and stood. “Go to God with what you’re feeling. He understands your fears. You want to fit in, especially with Trish in town. You worked hard. You love what you do and everyone at the center. And you know what?”
I stand and face my friend, shrugging.
“I’m pretty sure Ben wants you and the center to succeed.”
Bart and Dora, inseparable these days, greet me as soon as I flip the “open” sign on the door.
“So? Can you start advertising for bids?” Bart’s eyes seem bright with hope.
“You presented the center’s rich history, right?” Dora never wavers from her favorite topic.
I head for the coffeemaker, certain it’s going to be a caffeine fueled day, and the two follow.
“It was informative.” I pull out my Ohio State mug.
Once the coffee perks, I pour the hot liquid in my cup and hear the door. I turn to see the Beebes enter. The coffee turns to sludge in my throat as they join us. Fred helps himself to a drink as Janice gives me a hug.
“You did a fantastic job last night.”
Dora jabs Bart in the arm. “I knew she would.” She turns to me. “So, was the vote unanimous?”
Fred pours vanilla creamer in his cup and stirs. “We didn’t vote yet. We tabled it so we could look everything over and make an informed decision.”
“But Fred’s confident the board can do something to help.” Janice doesn’t seem to notice my slumped shoulders and dark circles under my eyes.
“What’s your take on it, Jenna?” Bart furrows his brow.
I sip my coffee. “I’m disappointed because I thought I was thorough, and yet a few questions came up. But, I’m pleased knowing the board plans to be complete.”
Fred swallows, then nods. “Yes, Ben’s always good about asking great questions. Just like his grandpa used to do.”
“Excuse me, will you? I have some office work to do.” My steps are brisk, despite losing a couple drops out of my mug. I reach my chair in time to set the drink down and watch tears fall on the desk calendar.
“Lord, I’m so confused. Tired. Hurt. I don’t even want to be here. I wanted last night to go differently. I feel like Ben went after me and the center. I’m afraid to discover I was wrong. Because if he didn’t mean to hurt me, I definitely inflicted pain on him.” I take in a deep breath, poking my finger through the wet paper.
“Jenna?” A male voice surprises me.
I glance to the open door and find Kyle.
“Now’s not really a good time.” My voice sounds listless and matches my energy.
He doesn’t move. “I understand. Just wanted to check on you. Last night was quite a meeting for you. I know it didn’t end the way you hoped.” His tone is even, and I don’t detect the usual gloating.
“No, it didn’t. Thank you for taking me home. I’m fine and appreciate you asking.” I return to papers on the desk.
“Sure. Glad to hear it. Before I go, I just wanted to throw out an idea.”
And there it is.
He stays, arms folded, expression the same. “Why impose a small village with your financial burdens? Why not let Swarthmore Enterprises help meet your center needs?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Maybe it’s symbolic but I feel the chill as soon as I sit in my regular seat at church. The late September morning has a bite to it, but the fact Ben’s staring straight ahead feels cold.
And I deserve it.
Sara glances from side to side. “Oh, you two are so stubborn. I’m leaving for your mom’s next week, Ben, and then you have to sit here without me.”
Ben returns her look, but he doesn’t waste a glance on me. “Grandma, I don’t think church is the place to talk about this.”
She rolls her eyes. “I believe church is exactly the place to talk about it. You two need to communicate, plain and simple. You’re acting like children.”
Hey! I didn’t just roll my eyes.
Ben sighs and turns so he’s facing both of us. “I worked so hard to let God take my anger and fears from the last couple years. He even gave me the strength to enter the senior center again. None of it was easy. And the board meeting—Jenna, I tried to help. I wanted you to have the most comprehensive plan so we could help as a community. You’re asking for a lot of money for an organization that didn’t list a mission statement or long-term vision.”
I swallow hard. He’s right, but before I can utter a word, he continues.
“You didn’t even give me a chance to explain. You assumed the very worst, and then you followed up with choosing a ride with Kyle. That made it clear you don’t trust me, and I can’t have confidence in you.” His voice carries no emotion, and that feels worse than if it had
been laced with anger.
I blink back tears and bite my lip trying to think of something to share so Ben can realize I know I’ve messed up, and I regret it. I miss him. Before an idea comes to mind, Pastor walks to the podium.
“Good morning, everyone! Who here is ready to hear God’s thoughts on forgiveness?”
Who says God doesn’t have a great sense of humor?
Ben exits the sanctuary as soon as the service ends. I navigate through those already at the altar and try to pray. Before I close my eyes, Sara joins me, her arms opening for a hug. When her squeeze tightens, my tears escalate.
“I’m so sorry I hurt him. I ruined one of the best things that happened to me.”
She continues to pat my back a couple more times before releasing me. “It’s going to be okay, dear. He needs time to think, but he’ll come around. Keep praying.”
“I don’t think either of us can function without you here. I wish you weren’t going to Florida so soon.”
Sara digs in her purse and hands me a tissue. “Nonsense. You don’t need me. I have a little business with my daughter, and I always stay about six weeks. I’ll be back for the holidays.”
I blow my nose, making a honking noise that my dad always said only a parent could love. “You probably know this, but I love Ben. We drive each other crazy, but he’s my best friend. Even if he doesn’t want me as a girlfriend, I miss his friendship.”
“You sound like me decades ago. I drove that John Bivins between two tensions. Mad at me, and madly in love. We did okay, and you will, too.”
With a glance at my compact revealing puffy eyes and red cheeks, I toss the small mirror back in my purse and head toward the foyer. My stomach growls, and I contemplate lunch ideas when I see Jay Maxwell and his daughter talking with someone. The third person’s back is to me, but the clothes resemble Ben’s. Trish’s eyes meet mine, and her laugh appears to raise a decibel or ten as she reaches for the man’s shoulder.
“Oh, Ben. You never cease to amaze me. Thanks for saying yes.”
The three start to separate, and when the person turns, it’s definitely Ben, and he’s smiling. “It’s my pleasure, really.”
I paste a smile on for the remaining people in the entry, push on the doors, and race to the sanctuary of my vehicle where I can cry once more.
It takes a couple hours before I calm down enough to decide my cried-out voice won’t be detected by my family. Curled up on the couch, I dial my parent’s number and smile at the sound of my mom’s voice.
“Jenna, Your father and I were talking about you this afternoon. We wondered if you’re coming home for the holidays.”
The thought of being alone in Speculator Falls for Thanksgiving and Christmas has no appeal. “I wish I could for both but between the variety show and hosting a center dinner, my only opportunity to celebrate in Ohio will be in December.”
I can almost see Mom’s frown.
“I see. Well, that makes sense. You’re new to the job. Maybe next year you can visit for both, or who knows? I’m anxious to visit these mountains you keep sending postcards about.”
Mom meeting Sara. They’d be instant friends.
“I’d love that. Mom, I miss you guys so much.” A sob escapes.
“Honey? What’s wrong? Is it the center?”
I shake my head as if Mom can see. “I goofed up.”
There’s muffling in the background for a few seconds. Dad’s voice suddenly floats through the line. “Jenna, Mom had me pick up the extension. She said you’re upset, and you made a mistake. Is it the grocer?”
He always could read my mind.
I spill out nearly everything pertaining to Ben and me, skipping the hunting cabin and walking trail kisses. They don’t say a word until I finish twenty minutes later.
“Sounds like he’s doing some soul searching. Don’t forget to pray for him. I believe he’s really trying to let go of the fears he’s had, but the temptation to pick them up is there.” Mom’s gentle voice comforts like the blanket I’m snuggling against. “And forget that Trish girl, I can tell she’s no real threat. Ben will come around. I believe that.”
“It’s also important you give God your stuff. In less than a year, you moved away, started a new job where you’re in charge, grew close to the members, and experienced loss. You’re responsible for the building being safe and staying open. If you take those burdens on without making God the center of your life, you’re setting yourself up for constant heartbreak.” Dad’s wisdom at work again. But it’s all so overwhelming.
“Thank you both. Seeing Trish and Ben together was the last straw. I felt so alone. I admit I’m on overload and have a lot to consider. But I’ll definitely work on giving and keeping those things with God. And, I promise you’ll see me at Christmas.”
After we say our good-byes I stare at the phone. Should I call Ben? My fingers tremble as I start to dial, and finally I place the phone back in the cradle. Dad’s words float through my thoughts, and I get down on my knees and rest my head on the couch cushion.
“God, forgive me for not trusting you…”
Chapter Thirty
“Pastor Craig, what brings you by?” Shirley’s voice rises above the rest of the center chatter.
I exit my office and see him accepting a fruit cup from our helpful administrative assistant. Once I reach the front table where they’re standing, he smiles my way.
“Hello, everyone. My calendar wasn’t too full today so I thought I’d take advantage of the autumn day and visit. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” He stabs his fork into a pear piece.
“Not at all. It’s a pleasant surprise.” I gesture for him to have a seat and sit directly across.
Without invitation, Shirley joins us. “I wondered if you were coming by to talk to Jenna about getting back together with Ben.”
Poor Pastor starts to cough. “Sorry. Went down the wrong pipe.” He pounds his chest.
“Shirley, Dora’s running a little late. Why don’t you help Bart organize magazines?”
She sighs and stands, heading toward the opposite end of the room, but not without a last word. “Fine. I know when I’m not wanted.”
He regains composure, but I’m not so sure I have.
Please, God, don’t let that be the reason Pastor is here.
“You know, Jenna, being a Dear Abby of sorts is a misconception of the job. I’m a trained counselor but always by appointment.” He winks.
Phew.
“So, you really are here because you had time for a visit?” I lean back in the chair.
He empties out the cup and pushes it aside. “Pretty much. I should’ve come sooner. Many parishioners are members here, and I believe in this facility and want to show support for it.”
Is that a hidden message? He’s a board member, too.
“I appreciate that. The seniors are great.” I glance over to Shirley, who’s looking in our direction. And then she waves. “Despite their poking into other people’s business at times.”
“There’s something about your job that makes me think you understand the territory that comes with my work. Anyway, I wanted to also stop by to update you on what we talked about awhile back.”
I move forward, resting my elbows on the table. “You’ll have to refresh my memory.”
He looks serious. “I was in a real funk and confessed that. Since that day the Lord’s given me so many downloads and ideas for this area, for my pastorate. One of the things I’ll be speaking about in the coming weeks is taking on missionaries to support.” His eyes brighten. “I’m going to challenge us as a church to consider creating a short term missions team. By this time next year, I’d like to have a trip go to Haiti. Another ideas is have a second team visit the Appalachians and see help another mountain community. That’s just off the top of my head. As you can see, I’m passionate about it.”
“Pastor Craig, that’s amazing. My church back in Ohio did a lot of missions work and everyone that participated alwa
ys said it was life-changing. The results should be the same for everyone here.”
“Once I surrendered the lie about being useless, I felt completely rejuvenated.”
His smile is contagious, and now I’m grinning. “I’m glad you aren’t going anywhere, at least long term.”
“No, I’m happy to say I’m meant to stay put. I think the same about you, too. Seems like you’re meant to be with us for a mighty long time. That brings me to a question I have, if you have the time for me to ask.”
Dora enters the building, and I look at the clock, realizing it’s time for Bingo, and I need to cover for the Beebes. I stand, and Pastor follows suit.
“I have time for a question.”
“Would you like to be our elementary age Sunday school teacher? Sara and Shirley usually rotate, but they have been in that position for years, maybe decades. They both communicated their desire to step down as soon as I find a replacement. It would be first through sixth grade. Great group of kids. When I pray about it, your name comes to mind. What do you think?” We walk to the door.
“I’m, uh, I’m great with senior citizens. Kids, though, I’m not so sure. I’ve never been a Sunday school teacher.” I push a strand of hair out of the corner of my eye.
“Who knows, maybe this is for you to consider. All I’m asking is that you pray about it.”
“Well, Pastor Craig, that I can do.”
Three hours later it’s closing time, and I need to purchase decorations for the end of October harvest party. As Shirley and I walk to our cars, she has ideas on stores I can visit.
“Well, there’s always JB’s, but my guess is you’re avoiding the store.”
I roll my eyes. Why does she have to be right?
“Try the Speculator Falls Department Store. They don’t call it the world’s greatest department store for nothing, and often they have knick knacks and embellishments. Clarice Maxwell manages it. She’ll help you.”
“Trish’s mom?”
“Right. She’s a dear. You’ll be fine. And you know, it’s in the same plaza as…”
Entrusted (Adirondack Surrender Series Book 1) Page 17