Worth The Battle (Heaven Hill Series)

by Briscoe, Laramie

  As they got into the car, Liam watched from his front door, and Denise stood behind him, her arms around his waist. “Your boys are going to be fine,” she whispered as she placed a soft kiss on his neck.

  “I hope so, I sure do hope so.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I’ll come back and get you in about an hour. If you get done before that, give me a call,” Jagger told Layne as they pulled up to the front of Doc Jones’ farm house.

  Layne nodded, feeling nervous as he looked at the house. It wasn’t what he had expected at all. “Will do,” he mumbled as he reached for the door handle to let himself out of the car.

  Jagger reached over and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Between the two of us, Doc Jones is amazing. I’ve seen her before—still do sometimes. If you let her, she’ll help you tremendously.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “No, I’m serious, man, she will help you, but you have to be willing to let her help you. You’ve got to let go of everything when you talk to her. I’m not saying that it’s going to happen the first session, but you’ve got to let her do her job. Don’t go in there with a chip on your shoulder,” Jagger advised. “She’s released parts of me that I didn’t even know I kept hidden from other people. My life is a complete 180 from where it was when I started to see her. I want you to be happy, and I’d love it if you could have what Bianca and I do.”

  Wasn’t that the dream? To find a woman and fall in love with her. How did Layne tell Jagger that’s what had gotten him into this situation to begin with. “I’ll do my best to go into this with my eyes wide open and to try to work the program. That’s all I can promise you right now.”

  “That’s all I ask,” Jagger told him. “Just let me know when you’re done.”

  Layne watched the Mustang drive away down the gravel road, kicking up dust as it did so. It was a hot summer day, but he was cold as he turned towards the farmhouse and forced his feet to begin climbing the steps. He hadn’t been this cold in a very long time. His teeth actually chattered as he knocked on the front door. Within moments, an older lady with salt-and-pepper gray hair opened the door and smiled at him.

  “You’re Layne?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he answered, nodding as she opened the door for him and indicated he should go inside and make himself comfortable.

  “If you’ll just have a seat over there,” she pointed to a couch that sat to the left, “we’ll get started.”

  He nodded and had a seat where she indicated, rubbing his hands over his jean-clad thighs. His palms were as sweaty as he could ever remember them being. With keen eyes, he watched as she walked around the room, gathering the tools of her trade before having a seat and facing him.

  “So tell me,” she started. “What’s brought you here today?”

  How did he even answer that question? There were so many things that had brought him to this place in his life. Mostly people and circumstances. Jessica, Liam, Jagger, the military, going overseas, his childhood—they all played significant roles. He decided to go with the easiest. “In order to keep my patch, my pres tells me I’ve got to do these sessions.”

  “Your patch means that much to you?” she asked, sitting forward in her chair.

  “My patch means everything to me. It’s the only thing I have left,” he said, before he even thought about how profound those words were.

  “Everything? What about family?”

  He shook his head and shrugged. “My club is my family, which is there because I have that patch on my back.”

  “What about your biological family?”

  His eyes hardened as he gazed at her. “What about them?”

  It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about them, judging by his tone and the way his eyes had brightened. Writing in her notebook, she tried another angle. “If you don’t want to talk about them, why don’t we talk about why Liam sent you here today?”

  He had to give it to her, she was slick. She didn’t press, but she got to her point pretty damn quickly. “I had a flashback.”

  She chuckled and sat forward, snagging his gaze with hers. “You might think you’re Billy Badass because you’ve walked in here with a chip the size of China on your shoulder, but let me tell you something, soldier, I’ve dealt with people ten times worse than you and won. Now why don’t you quit with the attitude and tell me what I can do to help you…or I can just give Liam a call and tell him that you aren’t open to this. Either way, we’re not wasting any more time here today.”

  “You’re ballsy,” he grinned.

  “And you’re cute when you grin, young man. What made you stop doing that?”

  That was the million-dollar question, when had he started feeling like a complete piece of shit? When had it all stopped being fun? If he was honest with himself, it was before the incident in Iraq, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “I’m not exactly sure, but I do know that when I came home from Iraq, I wasn’t the same man as when I left.”

  “That’s going further back than I want to go right now,” she told him. “Why don’t we start with what happened to prompt this visit.”

  This made him completely uncomfortable, but he really did need to be honest with her. “I had a flashback in my sleep, the best I can tell. I woke up with my hands around a woman’s neck, and she was screaming bloody murder. I knew I was doing it, but I couldn’t make myself stop. It took Liam and Tyler both to pull me off her, that’s how strong that flashback made me.”

  “I’ve seen both Tyler and Liam before,” she said. “They’re big guys.”

  “They are. The fact that it took both of them to pull me off her,” he blew out a deep breath, “that just blows my mind. I could have killed her and not even known it.”

  He watched as Doc Jones wrote in her note pad. “Who’s this woman to you? I’m assuming you’re close if you were sleeping in the same bed.”

  That was a loaded question. What was Jessica to him? “She’s everything I want but nothing I’ve ever deserved,” he whispered.

  “Wow,” Doc Jones breathed. “That’s a loaded answer if I’ve ever heard one.”

  “Me and Jessica. We’re complicated.” He shifted on the couch. “There’s always been blurred lines where we’re concerned. We’ve never been able to stay on either side—whether it be friends or lovers.”

  “So you’ve been intimate with her before?”

  His mind flashed back to one of the weekends they had spent together before he had deployed. A snippet of time ran through his head, almost like the film of a movie. They were lying in bed, a sheet covering their naked bodies. Her eyes gazing up at his with something in them that he hadn’t been able to place, his gazing at hers with something that he hadn’t wanted to admit to anyone—including himself. He was a government employee of the worst kind, sent to make the world a safer place by killing others. She was as innocent as they came. It was in that moment he knew that he had to let her down easy and make her see that they were two different people in two very different worlds.

  “I’ve been more intimate with her than I’ve ever been with another human being,” he admitted.

  “So it hurts you that you hurt her.”

  “Absolutely,” he cleared his throat. “I’m not sure how she’s ever going to trust me again to be completely honest with you. I’m not sure how I’m ever going to be able to trust myself with her. That’s always going to be in the back of my mind where she’s concerned.”

  “Have you ever hurt another woman before?” Doc Jones asked.

  “Just once,” he whispered. “I was forced to do something I didn’t want to do while overseas—something I never should have had to do.”

  Doc Jones saw the faraway look on his face and made another note. Overseas and what he was forced to do seemed to be connected in some way with the Jessica he spoke of. They would have to sort through his feelings and his memories and what gave him anxiety. Glancing at her watch, she saw that they had been there for an
hour. “We don’t want to wear you out on your first appointment, so I try to keep them short. You’ll come back here tomorrow, and we’ll talk some more, but I want you to do something for me tonight.”

  “What’s that?” he asked, thankful that he was off the hook for the rest of the day.

  “I want you to make it a point to apologize to Jessica. Explain to her that something happened and you’re not sure what. Make her understand that this is a symptom of what you’ve gone through, not a new reality. As you explain that to her, I want you to let yourself believe it. We’re going to get you fixed up, Layne,” she told him as she closed her notepad.

  “You sure?” he asked.

  She almost thought he was joking by the tone of his voice, but when she got a look at his face, she saw just how serious he was. “I promise, Layne. I’ve dealt with people in worse shape than you, and they are now extremely productive members of society. They are boyfriends, husbands, fathers, and best friends. Just because something bad has happened to you, it doesn’t have to ruin the rest of your life. You can either let it define you or move on.”

  He sat there for another moment before he opened his mouth again. “One of the doctors at the VA told me that I just needed to come to grips with the fact that I would never be the same person I was before all this happened.”

  “That doctor was right, you might not ever be the same person as before, but I’m here to tell you that you might even be a better person than you were before. We’ll work through this—together. You’re not alone in this—at all. I’m here with you, and I’m willing to bet you have a clubhouse full of people who are willing to help you, no matter what that help entails.”

  She was right, he did. It was just hard to accept. “No doubt,” he nodded.

  They walked towards the door, and Layne saw Jagger sitting outside, waiting on him. One last thought caused him to turn to the older woman. “Are you going to prescribe me anything?”

  “Do you think you need it?” she asked him, her eyes taking everything in.

  “No.” He shook his head. “Everything they’ve always prescribed me makes me feel weird.”

  “Then we’ll do it without medication if that’s what you want. This is about you and your journey, not about what pills and medicine can do for you.”

  He was happy with that and felt more in control of his life than he had in a long time.

  “Hey, Doc Jones.” Jagger waved from where he stood beside the car.

  “Hey, Jagger.” She waved back at him. “How’s B doing?”

  “Good,” he nodded. “Nervous about starting teaching though. I’m pretty sure we’ll be in soon,” he laughed.

  She laughed along with him. “You know I’ll make time for you. Keep your eye on this one and make sure he doesn’t take himself too seriously.” She pointed at Layne.

  “Will do.” He nodded towards her as he and Layne got in the car.

  Neither one of them said a word as Jagger started the car and they left the little farmhouse in the dust, but Layne was sure that his life had just changed in the most important of ways. When they got a few miles down the road, Layne looked over at his friend.

  “Thanks,” he said, softly.

  “For what?”

  “For being my friend and checking on me. Those playing cards were the best thing that anyone could have done for me. You’ll never know how much I appreciated that.”

  “You’re one of my best friends, Layne. I’m not going to let you do this to yourself. Anything you need, I’m here.”

  That was exactly why Layne wanted to get himself taken care of. He couldn’t disappoint these people.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jessica was nervous, nervous as hell. It had been hours since Layne had left to go see Liam, and he had yet to come back. Millions of scenarios ran through her head. Had he done what they asked him to do? Had he freaked the fuck out and gone AWOL? What would she do if he hurt himself because of some ultimatum she had convinced Liam to give him?

  Desperate to stop the thoughts racing through her mind, she logged onto her email account. There were a couple of emails from her manager asking her where she was. She still couldn’t believe she’d left Hollywood without anyone knowing. Soon, she would have to face the consequences of those actions, but she wanted just a few more days. Just a few more days that she wouldn’t have to deal with everything that came with her brand. As she was scanning, she saw another email that warned her one of her accounts had been compromised. It read like Greek to her, so she got up and walked towards the dark room that Steele normally occupied.

  “Travis?” she poked her head in as she knocked on the door facing.

  “Yeah?” He didn’t even look up from where he sat in front of a computer screen typing what she could only describe as gibberish. When she didn’t say anything else, he stopped and turned so that he faced her.

  “Something weird is going on with one of my accounts,” she told him, biting her lip. She hated to interrupt him.

  “What kind of account?” he asked, taking the glasses he wore off his face and rubbing his eyes.

  “It’s from my cell phone company.”

  “Motherfucker,” he groaned. “Why today?”

  Jessica hated to cause him grief, but the way he jumped up seemed to mean that this was important. “Sorry,” she whispered.

  “Not your fault, but why don’t you show me what you got.”

  The two of them walked to the main room where she had her laptop set up at the table that everyone normally ate at. Sitting across from him, she watched as he put his elbow on the wood and used his thumb and forefinger to twist the soul patch of hair he had on his chin. If she hadn’t been so hung up on Layne, she would admit that Steele was a good-looking guy, even when he wore a look on his face that said he wanted to kill someone.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, when his expression got stormy behind his black-rimmed prescription glasses.

  “Looks like someone’s tried to hack your phone. You have the iPhone, right?”

  “Doesn’t everybody?” she asked as she pulled the electronic device from her pocket and handed it to him.

  “Unfortunately,” he grimaced. “You do realize with this little piece of equipment, someone can know your whole life and where you go?”

  “Well, yeah, but that’s the point, right?” she asked. “I need to be accessible in my line of work.”

  He sighed. “Give it here; I’ll see if anybody has installed anything that could be putting us all in danger. Remember, you’re with a group of people that are criminals who don’t need to be accessible to everybody else.”

  She swallowed hard. She had never even thought about that. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  “Just let me take a look at it and see what’s going on. This might take a while, so stick around here. I’m gonna need both your laptop and your phone. I need to sync up in case I gotta wipe it.”

  Jessica felt stupid, and if there was one thing she didn’t want to feel, it was that.

  Apologize to Jessica. Those words kept replaying in Layne’s head. He wasn’t one to apologize—ever. Especially since he wasn’t exactly sure what he was apologizing for. Well that wasn’t true, there were a million things he should be apologizing for, so maybe he should just pick one and concentrate on that one, this apology go-round.

  That wasn’t the only thing that prickled at him. What if she didn’t forgive him? Then where would he be? Would he be able to stay here with her? This was the place she had come for protection and peace of mind. What would it say if she had to leave because he was an asshole who couldn’t control himself around her?

  Letting himself into the clubhouse, he took a look around. Steele sat at the table, working on Jessica’s laptop. “What’s going on?” he asked, as he pulled up a chair and had a seat.

  “Your girl has had a security breach. A breach that could show people just where the fuck she is and bring them to this clubhouse,” Steele said, his eyes hard as he
ran a scanner on her computer. “The thing that chaps my ass is I just ran a virus scanner on this piece of shit computer, and she did have a virus on it, but I removed it.”

  “Do you know where she is?” Layne asked, looking around the main room.

  “She got up and left when I told her she may have brought people here unknowingly. She went back towards the dorms, and I haven’t seen her since.”

  Well, wasn’t that just fuckin’ perfect? If it wasn’t him trying to piss her off and get her out of here, she was doing it to herself. “Let me know what you find out on that.”

  “Will do.” Steele pulled a stick of gum out of his pocket and began angrily chomping on it, so hard that his jaw cracked. “I’m still a few hours from being there, just to let you know.”

  Leaving him to it, Layne got up and made his way back towards the dorms, wondering just where Jessica was. He first checked his room, even though he was pretty sure she wouldn’t go back in that room for a very long time. When he checked the room and she was nowhere to be found, he went to the room she stayed in the night before. He knocked softly on the door and heard a mumbled reply.

  “Okay if I come in?” he asked as he pushed the door open just far enough that she could see it was him.

  “Sure, but I’m going to tell you right now, if you’re here to tell me that I’ve put everyone here in danger…I’m not up for that right now.”

  He made a mental note to check with Steele and see exactly what the other man had said to her to make her feel that way. “No, this is about me, it’s not about you,” he told her.

  She sat up on the bed Indian style and motioned him inside.

  “You want me to leave this door open or close it?” he asked, carefully. He was so unsure of how she would feel being alone with him, and it settled like a stone in his stomach that she would be scared.

  “I trust you, Layne. You can close the door.”

  Those words meant more to him than he ever imagined words could mean. He quietly shut the door and walked over to where she sat on the bed, sitting down on the opposite side of where she did, facing her. There were several moments of silence that stretched between the two of them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Finally, he cleared his throat.