* * * *
Chapter 13
Dazi reluctantly sat in the passenger’s seat of Mateo’s car and closed the door. He wasn’t looking forward to this trip. He had taken as long as he could to pack what little he had and think of things to say, but every time he had spoken to Mateo this weekend he proved how bad he was at predicting Mateo’s actions and responses. He could have another week to prepare and, even so, something was sure to catch him off guard.
Mateo finished talking to Kesi and got into the driver’s seat. As he buckled himself in, he said, “Remember, you’re not allowed to be silent the whole way. I want to know what I’m up against. If you’re not allowed to tell me or you simply don’t know the details, fine. I at least want to know why you didn’t tell me sooner.”
That Dazi knew how to answer: honestly. “Call me scaredy cat, but I was afraid. I thought you might get upset, knock me out, and bolt, or at least be furious with me for putting you in this position.”
“Well, you’ve got a point there.” Mateo pulled out of the parking lot, following Kuhma’s beat-up Oldsmobile to the highway. “After all, the first impression you had of me was my jaguar form making a last stand in the bathroom. I was trying to scare you.”
“You did, a little.” Dazi remembered that clearly. His heart had been beating so fast, but he had years of training on how to keep calm in situations like that. “I didn’t think you would hurt me, not in a public bathroom, but…” He realized how many risks he had made from the start with Mateo. It made him worry about where their friendship would lead if he wasn’t careful. “I was gambling on the whole big friendly kitty routine, purring and acting like we were already best friends. I’m glad it worked.”
“So you don’t regret meeting me?”
“No.” Of that Dazi was certain. Not only would Mateo’s scent have haunted and bothered Dazi if he had never found out who it belonged to, but he never would have gotten the perspective Mateo had provided. “Without you, the four of us would have walked around unfairly judging people the whole weekend. Now that we have your insight, we can give our tribe the whole story. They’ll be able to make a decision about the furries based on fact, not fear.”
Mateo nodded. “I’m glad you got something out of this, even if I may not.”
“They can’t do that to you,” Dazi said. He didn’t know where the conviction in his voice came from, but he hoped it would be validated. “What you said last night is true. You’ve been keeping your secret all your life, like we have. The only differences are you don’t have a whole tribe defending you, and you have to hide your tail. Speaking of which, what do you do about your eyes in public?”
“Sunglasses, or at least tinted glasses that make them look browner. I used to get teased for them in school.”
“You went to school?” Mateo continued to be full of surprises, as Dazi had feared.
“For a few years, yeah. I got made fun of for my glasses, for the baggy pants I had to wear to hide my tail, and for never wanting to do anything fun, like go swimming or wrestle.”
“If only they knew.”
Mateo snorted softly. “Yeah, though we both know what problems that would’ve caused. Plus we had to lie about my age because I was eleven but looked seven, so they put me in first grade. Administration thought that would suit me better since I’d never been in a real school before. It drove me crazy, being stuck with all those little kids. My parents finally let me homeschool again at fourteen after I begged them for a year solid. Not to mention I was on the cusp of puberty, so…yeah. They didn’t want me in school anymore either.”
Dazi winced. He was almost done puberty by the time he received his second skin. Controlling the new instincts had been more exhausting than anything else at that age. Dazi didn’t even want to think about what it would be like as a jaguar with raging human hormones. “But you never told anyone? No one found out?”
“Nope. Even as a kid, I knew why it was important to lie about who I was. Plus, I had Alejo. He was my friend. I wasn’t lonely.”
But then he abandoned you. Dazi wouldn’t do that. He was going to be there every step of the way. Part of him wanted to tell that to Mateo, but part of him didn’t want to belittle Mateo’s childhood love, and the rest of him didn’t know if that would even be possible. “That’s something else you have going for you,” Dazi said. “You were able to keep your secrets at a tough age while surrounded by people who could have easily found out about you.”
“Mhm, I wore a tight belt every day in case someone tried to pants me and suddenly, womp, there’s my tail.” Mateo checked over his shoulder before he merged to the left lane, trying to stay behind Kuhma. “So will I just talk to the shamans for a while so they can determine how trustworthy I am, or will they read my thoughts and memories for things like that?”
Dazi shrugged. “I don’t know how they do it. When I was younger, I remember someone who came to the reservation for hunting season accidentally watched a member of our tribe changing skins. They took him to the shamans’ hut, and there were drums like when they go to the Spirit World for spells. There was a sweet smoke that I could smell from anywhere in town, and by the time the smoke faded it was over.” The hunter had been carried out unconscious and Dazi had never seen him again, but he didn’t want to mention that.
Mateo nodded. “That’s good to know. If it comes down to that, I can hold my own in the Spirit World…sort of.”
“What do you mean, ‘sort of’?”
“Well, most of what my grandfather teaches me has to do with the beneficial magic we do for people, finding things, curing sickness, blessing stuff, but since we’re the strongest things in our area by nature, he never taught me much in the ways of defense. He taught me some things, but he was always, y’know, right there in case I was overwhelmed.”
“I see.” Dazi was of no use there. He had only his experience in receiving his puha. He was better trained to fight off a real mountain lion than a sorcerer. “We’ll go see the chief first. You can talk to him, show him what you can do, tell him about yourself, prove to him what you proved to us this weekend: that you are not only trustworthy, but you are a worthy ally for our tribe. He would be crazy to dismiss you.”
“Let’s hope he shares your opinions.” Mateo was quiet for a moment. “Anything else you need to tell me?”
Dazi’s heart sank. “Are you going to tell him about your exile?” Kuhma had asked the night before.
“No, that is my burden to bear. Let him worry about himself.” Dazi hated the liar he had become. His fabricated response to Mateo had come so quickly, he barely had to think. Once this is settled, no more lies. I’ll say what I have to if it’ll save us both, and no matter the outcome, I’ll never lie to him again. His chest seized at the notion that he may never get the chance to lie to Mateo if Mateo had to forget he existed. He passed the twitch off as a yawn. “No, not really. I could tell you more about my tribe and my childhood, if you like.”
“Seems fair. I’ve been telling you a lot about myself. Didn’t know if you could do the same in case it got me further into trouble.”
Dazi adjusted his seatbelt. It felt too tight all of a sudden. It wouldn’t get you in trouble, but since I’m already doomed…“No, it shouldn’t. If they let you keep your memories, you would learn all of this eventually. And if they don’t…”
Mateo nodded. “Then it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.” Dazi wanted to reach out and touch Mateo on the shoulder, the leg, the hand, anywhere to show how much he cared. “I don’t want you to forget. I want to be able to tell you everything, share stories with you—” Share my life with you. He bit his lip and sighed. “From what I know of you so far, I want to be your friend. I could listen to you talk all day. You’re kind and compassionate and confident, and—” And hot, fuck you’re hot, and you smell amazing. If I wasn’t fifty percent sure you still hated me I would’ve had you pull over so I could make out with you.
To Dazi’s delig
ht. Mateo smiled. “Okay, okay, enough flattery. I’m not mad at you.”
“Really?” Dazi had hoped for this, but he was more prepared to give Mateo further excuses for his actions.
“No. We’re cats, not wolves. We have to be secretive and stealthy and examine our prey well before we make a move. We can’t go running after things and expect others to take care of stuff for us. I wanted to make sure you had the right motive, that’s all. If you were hiding this from me because you wanted me to fail and be unprepared when I was inevitably dragged before your shamans, I would’ve kicked you out of the car and driven home.”
“That…probably wouldn’t have worked.”
“Please. I know we don’t know each other that well, but trust me on this. I’m feeling cramped having to follow Kuhma at a pokey seventy miles per hour. I usually stay above eighty, or ninety if I can manage it. I’d be halfway to Utah before Kuhma even figured out I had left.” Mateo grinned. “Cat-like reflexes aren’t just handy when you’re on your own four paws.”
“I know, right?” Dazi laughed. “Getting to the convention was a pain because I had to sit in the back seat wishing I could drive.” He cleared his throat. “No, but seriously, they would find you, at some point. The longer it took the worse it would be for you, because they would find out everyone you had talked to and go after them, too.”
Mateo flinched. “Oh.” He took a deep breath. “Well, guess it’s a good thing I’m so compliant, then.” With a smirk he added, “And kind and compassionate and confident.”
Dazi rested his hand against his cheek in an attempt to hide the color seeping into his face. “Yeah, well, you are.”
“And, for the record, in case something goes wrong and I forget to tell you…” Mateo briefly glanced to Dazi. His eyes said it all, but Dazi was glad to hear the words, “I like you, too.”
“Yeah?” It was all Dazi could say. His mouth was too busy grinning ear to ear for words.
“Again, we don’t know that much about each other, but from what I’ve seen, yes, you’ve done some things you’re not proud of, but you know that you did wrong and you’re trying to be a better person, like how you tried to understand the furries better this weekend. You might be a fool for cornering a jaguar in a bathroom and trying to make friends with it, but that makes you a good-natured fool. You’re sweet, Dazi, and I really, really hope this works out because I want to spend more time with you, too.”
Dazi was tingling from head to toe. He was so caught up in Mateo’s praise that for a moment he believed they had passed the shamans’ tests and everything was going to be fine. That was the reality he wanted to experience, ephemeral as it may be. “Do you want to hear about the first time I wore my mountain lion skin?” he asked.
“I’d love to.”
They spent the final forty minutes of the trip talking about Dazi. He told Mateo about being a kid wondering what sort of puha he would receive, about being a teenager hunting on four paws for the first time, about his duties in the tribe and how nervous and excited he was at the thought of someday being a mentor. Though Dazi spoke freely and told no lies, he didn’t tell Mateo everything. He didn’t list the laws he had broken, or mention the second meaning to his puha dream.
A black cat with yellow eyes hunting at my side. It moved like my shadow but it looked like you. We were meant to find each other. This can’t be the end. It can’t. Yet with every exit sign that Dazi recognized he counted down the miles and minutes until he had to have a solution.
They arrived at the reservation all too soon. There was a distance to cross before they came to the Mukua’poan territory, but Dazi played the attentive host and tour guide, pointing out landmarks and popular hangouts and places that had significance to him.
“And…this is the entrance to our territory.” It wasn’t explicitly marked. There was a boulder shaped vaguely like a bear’s skull that everyone treated as the separating point between their land and the land for the neighboring Shoshone tribe. Dazi explained as much to Mateo.
“Oh, yeah, it does look a bit like a bear skull…if you cross your eyes until it gets fuzzy…”
Kuhma pulled off to take Kesi home. Dazi directed Mateo to the parking lot for the municipal buildings. This was it. Everything had finally caught up with him. He wasn’t as prepared as he wanted to be, but there was a chance for a happy ending. Dazi clung to that hope. It was difficult when the worst-case scenarios wouldn’t stop running through the back of his mind.
As Mateo put the car in park, Dazi put his hand out, gesturing for Mateo not to get out yet. “I don’t mean to sound cynical, but…in case this is the last chance I get…” Dazi bit his lip. “Can I kiss you?”
Mateo smiled. “I’d kiss you even if it weren’t the last thing I would remember about you. I’ve learned a lot about you, and I can say for sure now; I definitely like you.”
Dazi smiled. He blinked back a tear. The two of them scooted closer, leaning towards each other. Dazi let his eyes flutter shut. He wanted to memorize the way Mateo felt, soft warm lips against his, breath puffing lightly against Dazi’s cheek, the rightness of it all. Dazi had the urge to grab Mateo’s face with both hands and never leave this kiss. That wasn’t possible, though. There were things to do.
Their lips parted. “Are you ready?” Dazi asked.
Mateo shrugged. “As I’ll ever be.” He leaned in for one more quick kiss, one simple kiss that sent Dazi’s heart racing and gave him an idea.
I hope this works.
* * * *
Chapter 14
Mateo was walking on air for the first few steps from his car. While he was terrified of what was about to happen to him, getting one potentially final kiss from Dazi was enough to make him feel light as a cloud. Grandfather said not to get my hopes up, but that I shouldn’t give up either. I’ll make it through this, and I’ll ask Dazi out on a real date. There’s something about him, something special, and I care about him, too.
Dazi led him to the central building. “The chief’s offices are this way.”
“Is there any special way I have to greet him?” Mateo asked.
Dazi smiled. “Hello works. Just be respectful and try not to intimidate him with your impressive jaguar form.”
Despite Dazi’s reassuring tone, Mateo could sense and smell his anxiety. He took Dazi’s hand and squeezed it comfortingly. They could try to find some fault with him, but the fact of the matter was that Mateo had been at this game his whole life. He knew how to keep his mouth shut, how to hide, how to keep secrets. He was probably better at this than the chief himself. However, bravado and boasting would get him nowhere. He simply had to be on his best behavior.
A young woman greeted them at the door, a deer or some other hooved animal by the smell of her. She was friendly, which helped put Mateo at ease, and led them to the chief’s office. The chief himself smelled strongly of bear, and though he wasn’t magnificently broad or muscular, he somehow reminded Mateo of one. Perhaps it was the way he slowly but surely got to his feet, or the depth of his voice when he said, “I am Chief Werama, and you must be the one Tommo told me about.”
“I suppose I must,” Mateo replied. It wasn’t how the chief looked, it was how he felt. The jaguar beneath Mateo’s skin acknowledged the larger predator, and it was wary. Mateo took a meditative breath to keep himself human, at least for the time being. He didn’t want his first impression to be that he couldn’t control the beast within himself.
“He helped us to walk unknown among the fur—fake-skins,” Dazi said.
“Yes,” the chief said with a hard stare. “The mission I don’t recall sending you on, Dazitam, nor does anyone else.” Dazi shrunk back, his figurative tail between his legs. Mateo didn’t doubt his real tail would have done the same were he in feline form. “Don’t look so ashamed. While the errand was foolish, the intention was noble. For five years we have all wondered about this gathering of fake-skins, but I thought the risk too great to send anyone until there was a sign we needed to
.”
“They are no greater a threat than any other Outsider,” Dazi said. “Mateo has attended the last four conventions, and despite…certain things beyond his control, no one has ever suspected he’s anything more than human.”
Chief Werama turned his eyes to Mateo. The hair on the back of Mateo’s neck stood up. “Ah, yes. The…what did Tommo say you were?”
“Nagual. My family—I’m descended from a line of Maya shamans, dating back to time immemorial. Not all nagual are jaguars, but we were among the few that survived after centuries of civil war and the European invasions. We don’t know where the rest went, not even my own cousins.” Mateo paused as he tried to think of what else the chief would want to know. “I go to the Northern Nevada Con-fur-ence because it’s one of the few places everyone expects to find something strange, so I appear normal. They think my tail and eyes are a costume, because I do wear a costume when I’m there, and I simply don’t correct anyone who assumes so.”
“And no one has ever discovered your identity?”
“Not until this past Friday, sir.” Is he a ‘sir’? ‘Your highness’? ‘O great chief’? Mateo hoped he was saying the right things.
“Tommo says your secret is not entirely your own.”
“There are some who know about me, but they are a rare few and they have never uttered so much as a word about my family to any…Outsiders.”
Chief Werama’s face might as well have been a stone carving. His eyes were like obsidian marbles, but Mateo felt them trying to look into his soul. I thought the shamans were going to do that…
Dazi blurted out, “He doesn’t truly count as an Outsider, does he? He can change his skin like we do; he hides like we do; he smells more like one of us than he smells like a regular human. I could sense that before I ever introduced myself to him.”
“You still broke our laws, Dazitam.” The chief’s voice was harder than his eyes. Mateo got a bad feeling in his stomach. “In any other circumstances I would not hesitate to exile you as those laws demand. However, what you say has some truth. Our tribe has never met one like this before. Come, Mateo, show me your other form.”
Beasts Like Us Page 14