Blackness Within (The Blackness Series Book 5)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  He loved me.

  He was warring with himself to remain a professional.

  He knew I loved Sully.

  He let me go.

  The relief washing through me is beyond cleansing, it’s revitalizing. I can breathe easy for the first time in ten months. I can release the guilt that’s been tearing away at me. I didn’t do anything wrong. And while Blake was a junkie, he was just as much a victim in this as I was.

  Ben was the real monster in this situation. I didn’t see it. I was completely blind to it. I thought he was sweet and quiet. I never thought he could harm a person, much less plot to steal a baby, drug my brother to cover up his crime, plot Blake’s murder and then kidnap me with God only knows what in mind for my future.

  Roman didn’t ask for my forgiveness, but he has it. If it weren’t for him, Blake would be dead. If Ben had actually done the things he did to a real crime boss, my brother and I wouldn’t have survived. Roman fell in love with me. I know how much love can cloud right and wrong. He kept me safe from the Bratva and the people that Ben stole money from. He kept me safe. I’ll cherish that moving forward. Because after everything, I’m ready to do just that. I hope Roman’s able to do that too. He deserves the life he wanted with me. I hope he finds it.

  I fold up the letter and put it back in its envelope before dealing with the rest of the mail. I walk up to our wing and flop down on our bed. This is now ours. It’s not just Sully’s it’s mine too. He’s made sure of that. My pictures that survived the fire are on the walls. My stuff is all around the wing. My clothes share a closet with his. I have my own dresser sitting next to his. I have a side of the bed and a sink to myself in the bathroom. I’m comfortable here. Happy.

  I’m home.

  O’Sullivan

  I hate days like this. I had to work late and then hit the gym with the guys. I needed the release, but it meant I wasn’t home when Natasha got done with her shift. Kav ran home to help Kid with the boys while Kellerman finished a dinner meeting. I know Natasha got home safely because Kav told me, but I don’t feel comfortable until my gaze lands on her sleeping form in our bed.

  I stand at the end of the bed and just watch her for a while. Her platinum locks are spread around her head on the pillow. Quiet breaths move in and out of her crimson lips as her peaceful face relaxes in sleep. I can’t see her beautiful body beneath the navy duvet, but I know it’s amazing. It’s always amazing.

  I back out of my room, taking her bag with me. Kav said she had a ton of mail, which means she’s hiding bills. She doesn’t want me to pay them and I’m dead set on taking care of her. I know she can pay her own way and works hard for the money she earns. I’m not paying her bills because she can’t. I’m paying her bills because she’s my woman and I want to take care of her.

  I rifle through her bag and find four bills hidden in a notebook. I roll my eyes, thinking she needs to learn how to hide shit better. I shove her notebook in her bag and see another envelope. I figure it’s another bill, but when I pull it out, it’s handwritten. Personal.

  I take a moment to consider my actions. Do I go through her bag and pay her bills without guilt? Yes. Do I go through her bag and read her personal mail without guilt? No. But it’s guilt I can live with.

  I unfold the heavy paper and read.

  Then I sit.

  I sit in my leather chair for a long while considering the words on the page. I’m pissed that he contacted her. But somewhere beneath the anger, I appreciate what he did. He tried to apologize to her and he let her go. She deserves both of those things. She deserves everything.

  “I was gonna show you that,” Natasha’s voice filters in the room.

  I look over to find her leaning against the doorframe wearing one of my T-shirts. Stanford never looked so good.

  “I was lookin’ for your bills,” I respond, nodding toward them on the coffee table.

  “I need to find better hiding spots.”

  She pushes off and walks toward me, her eyes concerned storms.

  “You need to just let me pay for shit and quit hidin’ ’em.”

  “Okay,” she relents as I pull her into my lap.

  “Okay?”

  “I’m not gonna fight you about it anymore. If it means so much to you, I’ll let you do it.”

  She leans up and kisses my jaw.

  “Do we need to talk about this?” I ask, flicking the letter in my hand.

  “No.”

  I peer down into her face and find it almost as peaceful as it was while she was sleeping. She’s a glowing light again, soft and luminescent.

  “I’m gonna kiss you now,” I say the phrase that’s become so familiar to us, yet still holds a spark.

  She smiles coyly until I press my lips to hers. I drop the letter on the floor and push it from my mind as I run my hand up her thigh ending on her naked ass. No panties. Hell yes.

  My other hand holds the nape of her neck as her hands fist my hoodie. I never knew kissing could mean so much to me. Every time our lips touch, I feel like my lungs are given new breath and my heart can beat a little stronger.

  As our tongues tangle and dance, I run my fingers down the soft curve of her ass to find her moist folds. I drag the tip of my finger through the wetness as she shudders at the contact.

  “I’m hungry,” I purr against her swollen lips.

  Her nose crinkles in confusion.

  I stand up with her cradled to my chest. Then I let go of her back, dropping her head near my knees.

  “Sully!” she screams in panic.

  I move my arm from behind the back of her legs where she’s clinging to me and wrap around her waist, dragging her pussy to my face. I dive in. Natasha stops wiggling and protesting as my tongue laps at her juices.

  Once I have her thighs settled on my shoulders, I can eat at her more easily. I also have the perfect view of her plump round ass. I palm it roughly, exposing her tight little hole. I slide my tongue over it a few times, as Natasha’s hands feverishly yank at my sweats. As soon as my cock springs free, it’s down her throat.

  I continue to feast, moving to her clit as I drive one finger inside. Her pussy rocks against my face as she bobs up and down my length, clinging to my hips as her nails score my skin. I’m not going to last much longer.

  I add a second finger and suckle her clit gently. Her walls clench around me and I thrust forward into her throat. Her hot moans around my dick break my last bit of control. Fingering her faster, I want her to come once more before I do.

  She picks up her pace, sucking me deeper. I nip her clit and pound into her, my hands drenched. My stubble sucking up the fragrance that will cling to me, intoxicating me. She cries out as she comes forcefully, my dick erupting at the same time.

  I bury my face in her pussy, muffling my grunts of release. When Natasha stops quaking, I swing her back up into my arms and prowl to the bed. She’s gazing up at me with sex-hazed stormy eyes as I lay her down and remove our clothes.

  I crawl on top of her and then flip her so she’s straddling me. Natasha attacks my mouth and grinds her hips against my cock that’s trying its best to rise to the occasion. He’ll get there. He always does.

  I fuck her mouth with my tongue as I pinch and roll her nipples. When she’s gasping for air, I sit up and suck her tender tits. I nip and soothe, working my way up her chest to her neck where I feast on her sensitive skin. Her fingers dig painfully into my scalp as I leave a mark on her in the same place I did the first time I took her.

  That letter is out of my mind, but there’s a nagging need to mark her, claim her once again. So I do. I palm my dick and ease it into her and lay back.

  Perfection.

  Her hands spread across my chest as she lifts and lowers. Head tipped back, ecstasy written on her face as her hair tickles my thighs. As her tits bounce, I lower my gaze to her soft stomach. The rounded shape back to where it started when I fell for her so many years ago. I stretch my hand across it and imagine it growing with my child.
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  Natasha’s hips still and her head snaps down to look at mine on her body.

  Her eyes are nervous when they meet mine. I pull her hands from my chest and place them over mine before saying, “I missed this.”

  A shy smile pulls at the corners of her mouth. I sit up and cup her cheeks.

  “I love everything about your body. Never be nervous with me. I love you, Grey. I love you,” I repeat before kissing her tenderly.

  “I love you too,” she breathes against my mouth as I thrust up. I rest my forehead against hers and open my eyes to watch her pussy taking my cock. Beautiful.

  Natasha watches the connection along with me. Our bodies blurring, becoming one.

  “Please,” she moans as her orgasm builds.

  I flip her to her back and pound against her womb. My mouth melds with hers as she locks her ankles around my hammering hips. With her fingers digging into my tattooed shoulders, I feel whole. The knot on my back no longer the only thing good in me. It’s the woman beneath me that’s everything good in me. Everything.

  I make love to Natasha all night, until our bodies are spent and weak. I scoop her up onto my chest as the sun peaks through the curtains casting a warm glow on her dewy skin. She strokes my pec with her fingertips as I run my fingers up and down her spine. As her breathing evens out she whispers, “I love chocolate.”

  “I love you too.”

  Natasha

  Thanksgiving

  Our home is filled to the brim with people, bursting at the seams. When I found out I had today off, I was ecstatic. Holidays growing up were never really a celebration. My mom usually worked and with no money to spare, there wasn’t a big production. I invited her to join us today, but as usual, she’s working.

  She met Sully a few weeks ago over a tense lunch. Sully was sweet and charming like he always is, but my mom was uncomfortable and left quickly after Sully paid. Blake bit his tongue throughout lunch as she talked about her current boyfriend that sounds like a dick of massive proportions. She’s never going to change. I’ve accepted that and Blake is learning to.

  “Let’s eat,” Maggie says against my cheek that she keeps kissing today. I think she’s kissed me more than Sully. I love it.

  I help fill the table with food Kat, Shannon and I have been cooking and preparing for days. Once Maggie and Mary got here, that process shifted into high gear.

  We settle into our seats at the world’s largest dining room table and I take my time scanning the faces around me. Dylan’s at the head of the table with a sleeping Mary-Ann cuddled against his chest. Shannon’s to his right, beaming at something he just said to her. Moving from there is Kav, Cal, Aidan and Finn. The four of them fighting over food with Ryan and Adam, Kav’s twin brothers, and Collin and Hugh. Eight grown men behaving worse than the children playing at the table next to us.

  Kat and Nick are whispering over the head of Olivia while she tries to figure out what her parents are discussing, her sapphire eyes focused. Kieran and Quinn are talking to his parents, Clare and Rick along with Sully’s parents. Mary and Robert Callaghan are each bouncing a twin around. Karl and Thomas are arguing over when we’re starting our Black Friday shopping. Karl opting for early while Thomas wants his sleep before having to protect us from elbows and shopping bags.

  The Cooper brothers are scowling just as they have been ever since they got home for Thanksgiving break. Sawyer’s scowl is particularly lethal as he holds Jessie and feeds her small bites of potato. The cause of their irritation, Colton Evans. Cara’s new boyfriend. I feel bad for the guy. He’s not only getting it from the Cooper arsenal, but from Cara’s nine brothers, her three fathers, her Uncle Butch, and her cousins Nick and Kieran may be the scariest of the bunch. Shannon, Kat, Quinn and I have tried to make him feel welcome, along with Mary and Maggie. I don’t think it’s working.

  There’s an empty seat at the table for Jake. It’s a solemn reminder of his absence from this family. I’ve never met him, but my heart aches for the void his family is feeling.

  Blake nudges me to take some casserole and flashes me a bright smile. I can’t get over how good my brother looks. My proud lion is truly a glorious sight.

  Sully leans over and whispers, “Prepare yourself.” He kisses my cheek as Kav’s dad, Michael, stands at the end of the table, Johnny on his hip.

  “I’ll start this year. I’m thankful I was able to become a grandfather again this year,” he says beaming down at Johnny who wiggles closer to his shoulder. “Aaron, keep it clean,” he warns before taking his seat, smiling at Robert and Stephen. Three best friends from decades ago, sharing another holiday.

  “I’m goin’!” Kav announces. “I’m thankful for another successful year at the firm and for Brazilian waxes. See Pop, nice and clean,” he finishes with an eyebrow wiggle.

  The adults groan while the man-children laugh, Sully included. He gets an elbow to the ribs.

  Everyone proceeds to go around the table, most thankful for their kids, their accomplishments and quite a few for Brazilian waxes. When it gets to Blake, I hold my breath. I’m not nervous about what he’ll say. I’m nervous about how I’ll react.

  “I’m thankful for every day I find the strength to live sober. And I owe that strength to my little sister, who never gave up on me. Even when there was no reason to keep fighting for me,” he says softly.

  I hold my tears at bay while I hug my brother fiercely. He clutches me even harder. When we separate, I expect to find the table uncomfortable, but the faces looking at us are filled with love and a few unshed tears from Kat.

  “Dude,” Kav urges.

  “Oh yeah. I’m also very thankful for Brazilian waxes and for earplugs before my sister moved out.”

  Chortles and hoots break the love fest apart until it’s my turn to go.

  “I’m thankful that I lived a hard life without very much love, other than what Blake showed me.” Furrowed brows meet me as I continue, “I’m thankful for that because now that I have all of this…all of you, I’ll never take it for granted.”

  “I’m not fuckin’ cryin’. O’Sullivan, get your woman under control,” Kav demands as he squeezes his eyes shut.

  “I’m thankful for that too,” Cara announces, staring at me with love in her emerald eyes.

  “Me too,” the Cooper brothers state in harmony.

  “Me too,” Karl agrees with a wide smile.

  “Me too,” Butch says through a rough gravelly voice.

  “Me too,” Thomas grunts gruffly.

  “Me too,” Jack whispers from behind us, Zeus right at his side.

  Tears begin to flow at his admission as Kieran hops up from his chair and rips his son to his chest. This amazing family has grown and expanded with people that needed their love. At every turn, they’ve taken us in and made us feel whole. I cherish every day I have here, filled with love.

  “Shit,” Kav mumbles, swiping his cheeks.

  “I’m thankful that the name Sully fills me with pride now. That the blackness within me doesn’t hold me back from the light you give me. I’m thankful for you, Grey,” Sully whispers to me as he cups my face and wipes my tears.

  Then he steals my breath with a kiss. He steals my breath with every kiss and I give it willingly. Because at this table full of an unconventional family that loves unconditionally I feel the blackness within me fade completely. It’s filled with the warm glow of love. The love of a man that saved me, when saving me could have cost him everything. Instead, he gave me everything. And I’m giving it right back. Always.

  O’Sullivan

  “I love you,” I mumble against Natasha’s lips after telling her what I’m thankful for. I always hated this tradition and I hate and love it today.

  Kieran’s squeezing the life out of Jack after he broke the tear dam that Natasha began to pull down. I love my family, but hearing what they mean to my friends, my nephews, my sister and my woman, it made me appreciate them even more.

  I kind of feel sorry for Cara’s new boy
friend, Colton, but not really. We’ve been busting the kid’s balls since he got here this morning and we’ll keep doing it until he sticks or runs off. I’m hoping for runs off because I’m not ready to lose my baby sister to a guy yet. Nope, Colton has to go.

  “I love you too,” Natasha replies breathless from the kiss I just laid on her.

  Kieran retakes his seat and Clare yanks Jack into her lap, wiping her tears as she holds her grandson. Quinn rubs his back and sniffles as Kieran wraps an arm around her. His free arm gathers up Ashling and Anna Clare, setting them in his lap. He stretches his arm that’s holding Quinn over Jack’s head and wraps his other around his girls until it’s resting on baby Ricky’s butt. I offer him a chin lift and he returns it, nodding at Natasha. Silently appreciating my woman.

  “We’re not doin’ this next year,” Kav grumbles around a mouthful of macaroni.

  “Yes, we are,” Kid growls. “Every year.”

  “’Kay,” he relents. “So, Bolton.”

  “Colton,” Cara sneers at Kav’s intentional fuck up.

  “Uh huh. Anyway, you like football?”

  “Yes, sir,” the kid responds with a quiver in his voice.

  “Good,” Kav retorts with a lift of his eyebrows at us guys.

  We’re going to end up in prison for murder.

  “You can play on my team, Colton. My team never loses,” Kid beams.

  “Fuck,” Kav huffs under his breath.

  “Thanks, Missus Kellerman,” Colton returns politely.

  “I’ll be on your team too,” Natasha pipes in.

  “Me too,” Quinn and Kat respond in harmony.

  “I’ll play with you too,” Cara says and all the humor is gone.

  I don’t think she meant it the way it came out, but Colton’s face is scarlet red as he looks at his lap. The men at the table are pulsing for a fight. Sawyer just put Jessie on the floor and is balling his fists. Even I’ve gone rigid at the thought of her…you know. Shit.

  “Colton,” Natasha says clearing her throat, “Cara tells us you do a lot of volunteer work. What is it you do?”