by Jessica Wood
Pennsylvania
Instruction Permit
Chloe Sinclair
I read each line of the card and felt the butterflies in my stomach turn into the excited pounding of my heart. I’d done it. This was the first step toward being independent and not having to depend on Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom. As grateful as I was for everything they’d provided me since I’d moved in with them eight years ago, I couldn’t help but feel like a burden and an extra expense for them before they were able to retire. Their son, Charlie, who was eleven years older than me, supported himself financially. I’d heard Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom talk about their retirement before, and I knew they were trying to save up so that they could retire a few years early. I didn’t want to be the reason they couldn’t make that happen. I knew my driver’s permit was one step closer to my ability to take care of myself.
“Congratulations, honey!” Aunt Betty hugged me right in the lobby of the DMV and I shrugged out of her embrace.
“Not in front of everybody!” I rolled my eyes, feeling embarrassed over the attention. “Can I go to Jackson’s house?” I asked immediately, knowing that he was the first person I wanted to show my new permit to.
“Sure.” Aunt Betty smiled.
When we got to the Pierce’s home, I waved goodbye to Aunt Betty and made sure she had left before ringing the doorbell. I loved her, but she could be so embarrassing sometimes. There was no doubt that if Jackson or his parents had opened the door before she left, she would have gone on and on to them about how proud she was of me for passing the exam on the first try, and how hard I’d studied for the exam.
Once she had safely rounded the corner, I rang the doorbell and quickly hid the card behind my back, bristling with anticipation. Jackson was going to shit himself when he saw that I had passed the exam on my first try, too.
But to my surprise, his father opened the door. It was rare for him to be home in the middle of the afternoon.
“Hi there, Chloe. It’s always a pleasure to see you.” He smiled at me and held the door open so I could enter.
“Is Jax home?” I asked, already heading toward his room.
“No, he’s not back from football practice yet.”
The look of disappointment must have been evident on my face, because he immediately said, “I expect him back soon, though. You’re welcome to wait if you don’t mind hanging out for a few minutes with an old guy like myself.”
“You’re not old.” I laughed. I remembered when I was younger, I had thought Jackson’s father was ancient. But now that I was a little older, I thought he looked like Harrison Ford. There was a similarity in the eyes and the crooked grin. He was funny, kind, and had a certain charm, at least for an older guy. I wondered if Jackson would be handsome like his dad one day and I smiled, thinking he was already handsome.
“What’s behind your back?” he asked and I flushed to suddenly remembering that I’d been planning to surprise Jackson.
“Oh, nothing. Just this,” I said and I could feel my cheeks starting to burn. I held out my hand from behind my back and he gently picked up the card and read it. A grin curled the corners of his lips and his eyes flashed with happiness on my behalf.
“Congratulations! That’s a big deal getting your learner’s permit.” He moved toward me as if to hug me like Aunt Betty had done. I felt my heart begin to pound in my chest, mortified at the mere thought of it. But I had panicked for nothing. He was simply reaching out to return the permit to me. As I sighed with relief, a part of me was a little disappointed. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be hugged by a man as smart and mature as Mr. Pierce. That’s silly, though. I quickly shook the thought from my mind.
“Come sit with me and tell me what else is new with you.” He plopped comfortably on the couch in their living room and patted the cushion next to him. “I’ve been working so many hours lately, I never see you kids anymore. Please, tell me how you’ve been.”
I felt bad for Mr. Pierce. He really did work a lot and whenever I saw him, I got the feeling that he was lonely and missed his family. It was obvious he felt bad about not being able to spend more time with Jackson. Unfortunately, Jackson didn’t see it that way and complained to me about his dad on the rare instances that he mentioned him. Maybe if I sat and talked to Jackson’s father a little about his son, it would help make their relationship closer. It seemed like the least I could do.
“Things are good. Jax and I have almost all the same classes together this year, except for math and P.E. He’s doing really great in football; even though he’s a freshman, the coach let him play in the last three games. The first time was because several of the regular players were hurt and they needed a linebacker. He did so well, the coach has played him every game since.” I could have bragged about Jackson for hours, but his father cut me off with a friendly chuckle.
“That’s great about Jackson, but I was asking about you. How have you been, Chloe?”
No one ever really asked me about myself—especially not adults. It was weird, but kind of nice, too. Jackson was lucky to have a good dad; sweet, sensitive, and really caring.
I wanted to respond, but I realized that I didn’t really know what to say about myself. I shifted uncomfortably as I tried to think of something to say that didn’t sound totally stupid.
Jackson’s father tried to break the ice for me, asking casually, “How are your classes?”
“Good, I guess. I’ve got almost all As, and just a few Bs.” I tried not to sound like I was bragging, and added, “Oh, and one D.”
It was something I hadn’t confessed to anyone else yet, but for some reason I felt comfortable enough to tell Jackson’s father. I guess I just wanted to test the waters and see if he would freak out like Uncle Tom would and lecture me on the importance of grades or if he was really as cool as he seemed.
“What subject?” he asked and I could feel the lecture coming on.
“Math.” I said, biting my lower lip. “It’s algebra and the teacher goes over everything so fast I can’t follow him.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” John leaned toward me as if he was about to whisper the secret in my ear.
Curious, I nodded.
He got very close to me and said softly, “Algebra is bullshit. It’s just a waste of time.”
I couldn’t believe it. Jackson’s dad really was cool! A huge grin crossed my face and I struggled not to laugh.
“I wouldn’t worry about needing to learn it unless you plan to be an engineer, or else you’ll never use it in real life. But you do want to keep your grades up, though, so if you need help, I can help you with some tutoring.”
“Thanks, Mr. Pierce.”
He frowned. “John, remember?”
“Oh, right. Sorry.” I paused and forced a smile. “Thanks, John. That’s very nice of you to offer, but I know you’re busy.”
“Don’t be silly, Chloe. I’m not that busy,” John assured me and I watched as he put his hand around my shoulder in a comforting gesture. The flesh of his palm was warm on my skin and for some reason, it made me a little nervous. Uncle Tom loved me, but he wasn’t a big hugger like Aunt Betty was and he was rarely physically affectionate. I never knew my father. So feeling Jackson’s father’s arm around me made me wonder if this was what it was like to have a real dad and I allowed myself to lean into him.
“Chloe, you should know by now that nothing you could do would be an imposition to me. You’ve already given so much by being such a good friend to Jackson. You’re a special person and I hope you know how much you mean to all of us.”
“Thanks.” I felt my cheeks flush, but inside my heart soared. They were the kinds of words that a girl just needed to hear from a male role model in her life, no matter how confident she was or how much self-esteem she had. I thought about Jackson and felt envious that he had a father.
Just then, as if he knew I was thinking about him, Jackson walked through the front door and set his football gear heavily on the floor of the entryway
.
“Hey, Jackson. How was practice?” John cried out enthusiastically. He pulled his arm from around my shoulders rather abruptly in his rush to welcome Jackson home. But I hadn’t really noticed. It made me smile to see the two of them have a chance to connect. I knew from personal experience how much it sucked to feel abandoned by your parents and it was rewarding to be able to witness this small moment between them.
“Fine,” Jax said dully, then his face instantly brightened when our eyes met. “ ‘Sup, Clo? What are you doing here?”
What am I doing here? I knew there had been something I wanted to tell him, but at that moment, it’d slipped my mind.
Jackson’s dad stepped in for me. “Chloe’s struggling in math just a smidge and so I offered to give her some tutoring.”
“Algebra?” Jackson asked and I nodded. “Who’s your teacher?”
“Mr. Phillips,” I responded.
Jackson gave a disgusted groan. “He’s the worst! He talks a million words per minute and doesn’t let anyone ask questions. I’ve got Beiderman; she’s a lot better. They both use the same textbook and lesson plan. I can teach you everything you need to know, if you want. Come on, we can go over the stuff you’re having problems with now.”
I turned to Jackson’s father and flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks for the offer, Mr.—John, but looks like I don’t need a tutor after all. I’ve got Jax!”
John’s expression turned to one of disappointment, and I felt bad for taking his son’s time away from him. I’ll make sure I don’t stay too long so they can have some father and son time, I thought to myself as I waved goodbye to Jackson’s father.
As I followed Jackson to his room, I suddenly remembered why I had come over in the first place. Shoving the learner’s permit in Jackson’s face, I cried out happily, “Check out what I got today!”
“No way! Who’d you have to bribe to get that thing? Is it a fake?” Jackson ripped it from my hand and pretended to check it for authenticity, grinning all the while.
“No one, you jerk. I earned it myself and the lady at the DMV said I got one of the best scores she’s seen all week. It’s probably better than yours, so bite me!” I teased him back and we both laughed and fought with each other playfully in a battle over control of my learner’s permit.
When we reached his room, Jackson handed it back to me and I saw his eyes were shining with pride. “I knew you’d ace it.”
“No you didn’t.” I rolled my eyes. “You totally thought I was going to bomb. But I didn’t.” I couldn’t resist throwing it in his face that he had been wrong with his prediction yesterday.
“No, I didn’t. I just knew that telling you that would motivate you to study even harder. But I knew you’d pass the test and get your permit. You’re one of the smartest girls I know.”
“Yeah, well you’re one of the biggest jerks I know!” I said, but he knew that was code for how much I really liked him. He really was the most amazing best friend anyone could ever ask for.
“Speaking of jerks, I’m sorry you got stuck here alone with my dad.” Jackson made a face as he searched his room for his math textbook and a pencil. “The coach made us all run extra laps today, so practice ran later than normal.”
“Oh, it was fine. Your dad’s really nice.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me.” There was an edge to his voice I rarely heard.
“I’m not playing,” I insisted. I don’t know why, but I felt a strong need to defend his father. “You just don’t see the situation clearly because you’re too close to it.”
“What situation is that?” Jax sounded annoyed.
“I know it sucks that your dad works such long hours and is never here for you and your mom, but did it ever occur to you that it sucks for him, too?”
“Whatever,” he said dismissively, but I could tell from his voice that he didn’t want to talk about his father anymore.
“It’s obvious he misses you,” I persisted, feeling a little envious of Jackson and a little annoyed that he took having a father for granted.
“How would you know? You don’t even have annoying parents to know what’s it’s like!” he shot back.
His words shocked me and hit the mark right through my heart. I could tell he regretted them the moment they flew out of his mouth. His face went pale and his mouth was agape with the horror of his own cruelty.
My skin must have been equally pale and I could feel the hot tears brimming in my eyes. Somehow I was able to contain them just long enough to turn my back so he couldn’t see them falling onto my cheeks.
“Clo, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean that.” I heard the anguish in his voice and knew that he was truly filled with regret.
Good! He deserves to feel bad for saying something that awful. Not having parents of my own was something that I’d always been sensitive to. It was never the same when Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom came to parent-teacher conferences or Parent Nights. So to have my own best friend rub that in my face was almost too much to bear. I wanted to hate him for it.
But what happened next broke my resolve and made me instantly forgive him.
“Clo, I didn’t mean it. Do you hear me? I didn’t mean it! I’m so sorry. You have to forgive me. Say you forgive me.” There was an unfamiliar tremor in Jackson’s voice that moved me to turn around.
When I did, I saw that his face was red and twisted in remorse, and his eyes glistened with tears, something I'd almost never seen before. I could hardly believe that he was so upset at the thought of having hurt me that he was moved to tears. It was the first time I’d ever seen him like this and it touched my heart in a way nothing else could have.
“I forgive you, Jax,” I said softly and he embraced me in a hug that was quick and hard.
“Really? You forgive me?” He sniffled, rubbing his face with my hair in a move that was gross yet tenderly sweet.
“Yeah, you’re a jerk but there’s nothing you could do that I couldn’t forgive.”
He hugged me harder. “Same goes for me. No matter what fights we may have or what mistakes we might make, I’ll always forgive you and be your best friend,” Jackson vowed.
I smiled and decided to change the subject to something lighter. “Now, are you going to help me with my algebra or not?”
CHAPTER FIVE
November 2001
Seventeen Years Old
CHLOE
“Forget it. I change my mind! I don’t wanna go to college. It’s not worth the stress!” I cried out in despair. I felt buried alive under a mountain of forms. It turned out that filling out college entrance applications was a lot more complicated than I’d thought it would be and I was completely overwhelmed.
“If I can do it, you can do it.” Jackson gave me a pat on the back that caused my pencil to slip on the form I was filling out.
“Test scores, essays, references, extra-curricular activities? Ugh. I don’t have half of those things! And I haven’t even started looking at scholarship applications.” I huffed out a deep sigh as he sat down at the dining room table across from me and popped open a Mountain Dew.
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. What about all those dreams you had of traveling the world? Unless you’re planning to join the army, I think you’re going to want a college degree for that.” Jackson flashed me one of his boyish grins. “And I think you’d be too much a distraction for the male soldier to be in the army,” he taunted with a chuckle. Sometimes he had the most annoying way of being right about everything and it drove me crazy.
“Shut-up, smart-ass!” I tried to glare at him, but all I could do was smile. It made him laugh, and before I knew it, I was laughing too. He had the best way of lightening the mood when I got stressed out.
“Okay, now quit distracting me. I’ve got to get this application done if I want to get into Penn. You told me if I came over, you’d help.”
“Actually, what I said was you should come over and we’ll get my dad to help you. He’s the on
e who works there, not me,” Jackson corrected with that cocky grin of his.
“Did I hear someone talking about me?” Mr. Pierce suddenly strolled into the kitchen with a welcoming smile. “Hi, Chloe. Working on college applications, I see. How’s that going?”
“Terrible!” I moaned. “I don’t play any sports. I don’t do any community service work. My grades are decent, but they’re not amazing. Why would they ever accept me?”
“You’re smart, caring, and a quick learner. You have a lot of great qualities any university would be a fool not to want. You just have to know how to put yourself in the best light,” he explained. I blushed under the praise. It felt good to hear that. It gave me hope that maybe things weren’t as impossible as I’d thought.
Jackson looked at his watch and said, “Hey, Dad, Sarah’s coming over any minute. We have to work on our lines together for the play next month. Do you think you could help Chloe while I go study with Sarah?”
Ugh, I thought in annoyance. If I’d known that Sarah was coming over to hang out with Jackson, I probably wouldn’t have stopped by. Sarah was Jackson’s new girlfriend. They were recently cast as Romeo and Juliet in the school play, and after spending a lot of time together, she’d asked him out. She was blonde, with a perfect body, and she always wore her short cheerleader skirts around school. I didn’t like her because I thought she had the most annoying personality. Still, she seemed to make Jackson happy, so I tried to keep my feelings of disgust hidden from him.
Mr. Pierce must have seen the roll of my eyes, because he put his hand on my shoulder and said kindly, “Sure, I’m always here to help.”
Just then, Sarah showed up at the front door. She greeted Jackson with a kiss and pressed her body up against his. When she whispered something in his ear, Jackson abruptly said, “Okay, we’re going up to my room to study. See ya later, Clo! Thanks again, Dad!”