by Jessica Wood
I wanted her to say she was, but she didn’t. Instead, she locked eyes with me and said coldly, “I came here because I thought I needed to tell you something, because I felt bad and thought it was something that’d affect our friendship. So I wanted to tell you as soon as I could. But after this morning, I think I was wrong about that. You’ve made it clear that whoever we casually sleep with has no bearing on our friendship. So thanks for saving me the effort of that conversation.”
I wanted to ask her what she meant by all that, but before I could, she sped off. I watched her drive off, wondering what this was all about. Had she met someone new that she was interested in? Was she here to tell me about him and how much she liked him—or loved him? Had I somehow just pushed her away and into the arms of that man? My chest ached in pain at the thought and I wondered if my worst fear was being realized: Was Chloe going fall in love and marry someone before she turned thirty?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Present Day
Thirty Years Old
CHLOE
“Hey, Charlie.” I tried to sound cheerful as I walked into the house and saw Charlie at the dining table. My encounter with Jackson was still fresh on my mind and the coldness he had for me continued to grip against my heart, and I found it difficult to breathe when I thought about him. His words today had stung me more than I’d thought possible. And what was worse was that he used to buy me tulips when I was sad, and it seemed ironic that it’d be a bouquet of tulips that was the cause of my current sadness.
“Hey, kiddo. I heard you fainted last night. You okay now?”
I forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just dehydrated. No biggie.” I walked over to the table and a genuine smile spread across my face. “Is this the new case you were telling me about the other day?”
Charlie grinned ear to ear as he looked at me. “Yeah. It’s a new environmental project the city is doing along the Schuylkill River. There’s a lot of possible legal implications from the project, so they’re taking me on to help with the research.”
“That’s so great, Charlie. This is like the sixth project they’ve sent over to you in the last five years?”
“Yeah, it’s been great being able to work again. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed that feeling of contributing to something and being a functioning member of society.”
I could tell how happy he was and it almost brought tears to my eyes to know that his life wasn’t completely ruined by my selfishness years ago.
“So my mom said you’re thinking of moving back to Philly?”
“Yeah.” I gave a shrug. “L.A. wasn’t what I thought it’d be. So I was going to live with you guys for a bit while I figure things out.”
“That’s great. I guess you can have your room back.” He pretended to be upset.
I giggled. “It was your room first. I don’t mind staying in the guest room.”
“Nah. I don’t want that room. You can have it. After dad put up all those fake stars on the ceiling, it never felt like a room for a middle-aged guy. So it’s all yours, kiddo.”
I beamed at him, knowing he was just saying that to let me have the room. “Thanks, Charlie. You’re the best.”
“Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” He gave me a wink before he returned back to his work.
Feeling a little better after talking to Charlie, I decided to take a walk to clear my head and figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. When I opened the front door to leave the house, my breath caught in my lungs at who I saw walking up the driveway toward me.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Jackson.
He looked up and met my eyes and I stood there, momentarily frozen, wondering what he was doing here. Aunt Betty wasn’t coming back home until tomorrow, so he couldn’t be here for her. Could he possibly be here to see me? I didn’t dare hope for this as a possibility, not after my last few attempts in trying to talk to him. He’d made it perfectly clear to me that he hated me, and there was nothing I could say to change that.
But what was he doing here then? Deciding to throw caution to the wind at the risk of another heartbreak, I forced my feet to move forward to meet him halfway.
“Hi, Clo,” he said softly when we stopped in front of each other.
My heart fluttered when I heard his nickname for me leave his lips. What does this mean?
“Hi.” The simple word came out breathy from my mouth as I gazed into his eyes, trying to read his thoughts. “What are you doing here?”
“I just got back from the hospital.”
“Okay.” I felt a trickle of nerves paralyze me as it moved down my body. “Aren’t you supposed to be on the train back to New York?”
There was an unusual smile on his face and I couldn’t work out what he was thinking.
“I’ve changed my mind. There is something here that I need to stay for.”
“Oh, there is?” I felt disappointed by his words. Had he met a girl last night at the wedding that he was interested in?
“So you know how I said earlier today that I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk to you?”
“Yeah.”
“Well I’m ready now…if you’re still willing to talk to me.”
For a moment, I just stared at him in silence, wondering if I’d heard him correctly.
“Yeah,” I responded softly. “I want to talk.”
We stood there in silence, expecting the other person to say something first. It then occurred to me that during all this time I’d wanted to talk to Jackson about what happened years ago, I’d never actually thought about what we’d talk about when we actually talked.
“Umm. So what do you want to talk about?” I asked, hoping he had something in mind.
“I hadn’t actually thought about that yet.” I watched him turn and look over his shoulder before he turned back to me and continued, “It’s a nice day out. Wanna take a walk?”
I nodded.
We walked in silence for a few minutes. We kept our eyes forward but would occasionally sneak a sideways glance at one another when we didn’t think the other person was watching.
Then at the same time he blurted out, “I’m sorry, Clo,” I said, “I’m sorry, Jax.”
I gave him a small smile. To my surprise, he gave a light chuckle and he flashed me one of his boyish grins.
“Clo, your aunt said some things to me today that made a lot of sense, and it’s really got me thinking about what happened to us ten years ago.”
“Oh? What did she say?” I felt nerves prickle down my spine. I hadn’t prepared myself for the possibility that Aunt Betty was going to say anything to Jackson.
“She said that I needed to hear your side of the story, that things weren’t as simple as I’d thought they were.”
“Yeah, they’re not,” I agreed softly.
“I’m sorry, Clo. I know that I can be pretty rash and stubborn, and quick to jump to conclusions. After talking to Aunt Betty, I realized that I’d never once stopped to listen to your side of the story. That’s not what a best friend would do. And thinking back to the two years before that night with my father, I remembered all the times you’d called and texted and I’d ignored you because I was stupid and I was so self-absorbed in my own world to realize something was wrong. I remembered all the times you’d told me point blank that you needed me and I blew you off like your words didn’t carry any weight. I really wasn’t there for you and I really didn’t know what was going on in your life. And yet I turned on you and never gave you a chance to tell me what was going on.” He looked away in shame.
Touched by his words, I felt my heart go out to him. “It’s okay, Jax. I wasn’t always great at being your best friend. I let my pride dictate a lot of things that had happened, and I wasn’t as straight-forward with you as I could have been.”
He let out a sigh. “I can’t believe it’s taken me ten year and a kick in the head by Aunt Betty to finally sit down to hear you out. I’m a total idiot.”
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p; “I’m not going to disagree with that.” He turned to look at me, and I let out a giggle. Then I shrugged. “It’s the truth.”
He chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, it is. But I’m here to listen now, Clo. Can you tell me everything that happened during those first few years of college? How did things get so screwed up between us?”
For the next half an hour, I told him about what happened after he didn’t show up for my birthday, about how lonely I’d felt, and about how I’d guilt-tripped Aunt Betty, Uncle Tom, and Charlie to visit me. I told him about the accident, about Charlie’s medical bills, and about the possibility of losing the house. I told him about being upset with him for not returning my calls or text messages, about going out and having a one-night-stand, about how the stranger thought that I was an escort and how I started doing that to secretly pay for Charlie’s medical bills. And finally, I told him the most difficult part to tell—I told him about his father, about the times he’d touched me growing up, about how he had me blindfolded our first time so I wouldn’t know it was him.
I saw the anguish and anger in Jackson’s eyes as I retold that story. I knew it wasn’t something anyone wanted to hear about their own father.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, Jax,” I said softly. “I never wanted you to find out that way. I’d wanted to tell you everything that had happened, especially with what happened with your dad.”
“So why didn’t you tell me about what happened with him?” There was a mixture of anger, disappointment, and sorrow in his voice.
“I tried,” I assured him. “I wanted to tell you as soon as it happened.”
“But how come you never did?”
I paused as all the unpleasant feelings from that moment in time came rushing back to me. “I tried to as soon as I saw that it was your dad. I couldn’t sleep that night and I left Philly really early in the morning so that I could get to Harvard around ten in the morning. I figured you’d be up by then.”
He frowned. “I don’t remember you visiting me to tell me anything.”
I cleared my throat. “That was the time I visited you unannounced and I walked in on you having sex with Amber, and then we had that huge fight.”
There was a moment of silence, as if he was replaying that moment in his head. Then suddenly, something in his expression changed completely. There was a look of understanding and horror that painted across his face. Finally, he turned to look at me, his eyes full of despair, and he murmured in a low, tormented voice, “It’s my fault. I told you it was okay. I told you I didn’t want to know… I drove you to him.”
***
It was almost by instinct, or habit, but as we walked and talked about everything that’d happened in college, we somehow found ourselves in that park with the small lake that was near our houses.
As I snuck a sideways glance at Jackson, I realized that every fond memory of this park included him. The place was less than a mile from our neighborhood and we used to come here for hours at a time. He’d taught me how to skip rocks in the lake—telling me that the trick was to find the flattest rock with the most surface area. I still remember the sheer sense of accomplishment when I’d skipped a rock across the lake and watched it leap five times across the water’s surface before it’d disappeared.
“I loved feeding the ducks here when we were younger.” Jackson’s words interrupted my thoughts, and they caused me to smile. He was also reminiscing on the amazing times we’d had here.
“Me too,” I whispered. Our eyes met in a smile, and I saw the familiar warmth in his rich, emerald eyes that I’d yearned for during the past decade.
“Remember the time you fell into the lake and I had to save you?” He laughed at the memories as a wistful expression blanketed his face.
“Umm, no, Jax.” I frowned at him “I didn’t fall into the lake. You pushed me into the lake and then tried to play the hero when you rescued me, remember?”
“Really?” He twisted his face as he tried to recall the memory.
“Yes,” I said as I shot him an exaggerated glare, “You thought it’d be fun to act out a scene from The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But the only problem was, you forgot to tell me that it was your plan before you pushed me in. You basically just pushed me in and then told me afterwards when I was crying.” I made a face at him when his face lit up as the memory came back to him.
“Oh yeah. Oops.” He chuckled. “Guess boys will be boys.” He shrugged and flashed me one of his I’m-so-innocent grins.
I rolled my eyes at him. “That’s your excuse for everything.”
He laughed and then abruptly stopped as he looked over at me. “I’ve missed you, Clo.” His eyes were full of emotion when I gazed up at him.
Those simple, sincere four words were all that it took for the tears to collect in my eyes.
“I’ve missed you, too, Jax.”
We smiled at each other in silence as we gazed into each other’s eyes.
“Hey, let me try something,” he said suddenly as he took a step forward me, our faces only inches apart. Then he held my gaze without saying another word.
I frowned, feeling a little nervous by the intensity of his stare and the proximity of his body to mine.
But he didn’t seem to notice my unease. Instead his lips curled into a devious grin, and he continued to stare at me, never moving a muscle.
“What?” I finally asked. “What is it?” I giggled nervously. Is there something disgusting or dirty on my face? Is it a bug?
“Nothing,” was all he said as he flashed me a coy smile.
“Jax, this isn’t funny,” I warned, feeling uneasy.
Suddenly, he burst into a fit of laughter. “You’re pretty adorable when you get nervous, too.”
“Too?” I searched his face for an answer, starting to feel annoyed. “What do you mean? Tell me!” I slapped him across the chest, shooting him an evil eye.
He chuckled. “Fine, I’ll tell you. Just don’t abuse me like that.”
I rolled my eyes at his silliness. “I guess some things never change.” He was the same boy from decades ago who teased me and called me Pippi Longstocking, the same boy who knew how to push my buttons and annoy the crap out of me.
“No, I’m serious.” He gave me a stern look. “Friend-abuse is a really serious problem in this country.”
I shook my head, letting him know that I didn’t think it was funny.
“Okay, I’ll tell you. For reals this time.” He grinned and held my gaze. “So a really smart girl who didn’t want to be called a nerd once told me that people who love each other can sync up their heart rates by staring into each other’s eyes.” He then shrugged. “I just wanted to test the theory out.”
“You still remember,” I gasped as my chest was filled with an indescribable sense of happiness at that moment.
He nodded and looked at me. “Before I was that asshole you’d met during our college years, I think I was a nice guy who remembered everything you’d said to me.”
“I liked that nice guy better,” I whispered.
“Me too.” He nodded.
For the rest of the afternoon and into the evening, we sat at our regular spot by the lake, watching the sun set into the horizon, and talked for hours and hours about everything from our childhood, to our lives after college, to our dreams for the future.
After the sun had set over two hours ago, our conversation had died down, and we sat together, enjoying with comfort the silence of each other’s company. Instead of heading home, we continued to sit there in the meadow, lit only by the pale moonlight and the star-filled sky overhead. It was obvious that neither one of us wanted to leave the other—not after we’d finally reconnected again after ten years apart.
As evening completely fell onto the park, a cool breeze blew across the lake and caused a shiver to run down my body.
“Are you cold?” Jackson rubbed his hands up and down my arms, sending more than just warmth through my body.
“Just a little bi
t,” I admitted as I turned to smile at him.
There was a pause before he spoke. “I guess it’s getting late, huh?” He took off his blazer and wrapped it over my shoulder.
“Thanks,” I whispered as I leaned into his body for warmth. “Yeah, I guess so,” I agreed reluctantly. I didn’t want tonight with him to end. I drew in a deep inhale of his intoxicating scent. I never realized before how amazing it was to just be close to him. I could hear his heart pound against his chest as his breathing deepened. We both stared across the lake, the moon’s reflection rippling in the water.
Suddenly, I could feel the anticipation in the air as the silence between us continued. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt nervous around him.
“Should we walk home now?” he finally asked in a hushed voice.
I turned to face him and we gazed into each other eyes, seeing only the glow of the moonlight.
Maybe we knew that something had shifted between us at that moment, or maybe we were caught up in this emotionally-charged reunion, or maybe we could no longer deny the unbreakable love between us that went beyond just friendship, but at that moment, it felt as if the world had stilled and stopped around us. As our eyes locked onto one another, everything else faded into the background and before I could think about what was happening, I felt his lips greet mine in a hungry, passionate kiss. With his hands cradling my face, his mouth moved in harmony with mine as we slowly explored each other. A whimper escaped my lips as his tongue parted my mouth and began to taste me. I don’t know how long we lost ourselves in the moment, but when we finally pulled out of the kiss, we looked into each other’s eyes and just smiled without saying a word.
As the memory of his mouth lingered on my tingling lips, he whispered, almost afraid that speaking any louder would shatter this precious moment, just one word: “Finally.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Present Day
Thirty Years Old
JACKSON
Dear Chloe,
Last night seemed like a vivid memory from our childhood, and for the first time in almost a decade, I felt that pure happiness of having you by my side return to me. It was a feeling I’d never thought was possible again. But when I woke up this morning to see you still fast asleep in my arms, I knew what I felt last night had been real, and not a dream. Right now, the sun is just starting to come out over the horizon. It’s starting to cast its pale yellow light across your face, and I am in awe with how beautiful and peaceful you look asleep next to me. I’m not sure how I lived without seeing your face for nine years.