by Sean Donner
Marcus said, “I’m not sure, maybe it was the Taliban.”
Sean sat up in this seat. “You don’t think…”
“No, Sean” Julie interjected, “Islamic extremists did not steal your Britney Spears poster.”
“Why not?” Sean questioned, “What’s more American than Britney Spears?”
“Independence Day” Marcus stated proudly.
“No, think about it. Britney Spears is one of the most recognizable people in the world. Why wouldn’t the Taliban want to wipe every bit of her out of existence?”
Slowly Brent questioned, “So you think the Taliban came into our high school today and tore your poster off the wall because it was too American, but they left the American Flag alone?” Sean said nothing so after a few seconds, Brent continued, “I think Reid did it.”
“Where is Reid anyway?” Sean asked.
“Yeah” Marcus added, “I thought for sure he’d find us by now.”
“He said he had something to do.” Brent answered.
“Brent, tell me the truth. Is Reid at home finding the perfect place for my poster?”
“I honestly don’t know if he took it for not.”
“If Reid has your poster” Julie added, “you don’t want it back. Too much time has passed.”
“I think he’s shifty.” Sean said, not wanting to think about what Julie said.
Sean had a dream that night that his poster was surrounded by at least a score of men with a big black beards, wearing turbans and holding AK-47’s. They said something Sean couldn’t understand and then cut the head off of the poster. He woke up screaming in a cold sweat and didn’t fall asleep for the rest of the night.
He laid awake pondering ways to take revenge on the Taliban for the terrible thing they had done to him. “I could join the military” he thought. “Yeah the military is after the Taliban, we could join forces!”
Sean thought about the barren desert half a world away, strange caves, the huge spiders he’d heard of, and the discomfort of being shot at and possibly hit, and decided the military wasn’t the way to go.
“They attacked me here. I’ll just fight terror on the home front.” In the dark he considered the ramifications of fighting terror anywhere in the world and decided it might be better if he looked further into his other suspects.
The rest of the night dragged slowly on, much like a sloth crossing the street until at long last the sun rose above the horizon and Sean found himself greeted by the break of day. It was finally time to go back to school and continue his investigation. He knew that as time marched on, the likelihood of recovering his beloved poster diminished.
He arrived at school a half hour early and sat in the corner of the commons area. He was well aware that he probably looked pretty shady, but he was on a mission to bring an incredibly horrendous criminal to justice, “And this time,” Sean said aloud, “justice isn’t blind.”
Sean watched each person individually. John and Paul, they were twins. Twins think a like; they also look alike. Were they the evil mastermind type though? This was the million dollar question that needed to be answered. He concentrated on the twins. They didn’t fit the type but Sean also knew that people can be very deceiving, especially when they can be in two places at once and that made these two so much more suspicious.
Sean’s attention was taken from John and Paul when some girl said to another girl, “Look what she’s wearing! What a slut!”
“Jealous girls suck.” Sean said to himself. Then it hit him, maybe a girl tore the poster from the wall and did something terrible to it. He had never considered that a girl would take it from him, but that comment was enough to make him reconsider the way he went about his entire investigation. He knew it sounded shallow, but he also knew that this was no situation for worrying about being politically correct. And so, Sean began another list in his notebook. This one was called, “Ugly Angry Girls” and at the top of the list were those two girls. Because he really had no idea what their names were, he named them Ugly One and Ugly Two.
Sean walked slowly down the hall but to him it seemed like he was going much faster than a cannonball. He wasn’t high; he was low. His mind wandered like it did so many times before and likely would for the rest of his life. He thought about summer. He missed summer. It was always the most care-free time of the year. He’d drive aimlessly for hours. Eat hotdogs, chips and ice cream cones. Sean always had a hard time eating his ice cream cones before the ice cream melted down the cone and onto his hands. His friends always laughed at him while saying things like, “Are you three years old?” It was all in good fun and Sean knew it. Now autumn, which Sean called fall, was upon him and winter would surely follow.
“Winter sucks a fat one” he thought.
As he approached his locker, Sean saw something strange. It didn’t necessarily surprise him; he almost expected it, but when it came down to it, didn’t dare because it seemed to perfect. He looked at his locker and saw Reid standing right in front of it.
“Well, well, well” Sean said, “Here he is waiting at the scene of the crime. I can’t say I’m surprised, in factually I almost expected to see you here.”
“Kid!” Reid exclaimed “I didn’t steal your poster and why the hell did you just say “in factually”?”
“Oh I just made that up.” Sean happily declared “It’s a cross between in fact, which I like to say, and actually, which I also like to say.”
“That’s actually kind of cool.”
“Isn’t it though?” Sean could tell that he was quickly digressing from the business at hand. Also he was being much too friendly with one of his prime suspects.
Sean pulled out his handy notebook and flipped through the pages he’d been filling since he had first discovered his poster was missing. Upon inspection of the “Scene of the crime” page, Sean could easily see that Reid had been to his locker a lot.
“What is that?” Reid demanded.
“Beeswax comma none of your.” Sean replied
“Ah, actually it is my business because you have my name on it and a bunch of tally marks.”
“That’s not your name, Reid.” Sean snapped back “There are other Reid’s in the world.” Sean thought for a moment. “For your information, I have been counting all the Reid’s I meet so that’s what the tally marks are.”
Reid looked at the list of names. “You’ve been counting a lot of people and you’ve only counted three Ashley’s? There’s like five of them in the school.”
“Sounds like you’re counting Ashleys, too. Anyway, it’s a work in progress.” Reid was actually sounding smart. Sean knew that if this kept up, he’d have to come clean about what the tally marks really meant.
“Whatever dude.” Reid said with disgust as he walked away.
Sean put another tally mark next to Reid’s name. He was proud of his spontaneity with Reid regarding the tally marks, but he was pretty sure Reid didn’t believe it.
Sean looked up and down the hall. Ugly Two, or was it Ugly One, was walking to class, but she didn’t even look toward Sean, his locker, or the spot on the wall where the poster was once proudly displayed.
“That’s weird,” Sean thought, “usually ugly angry girls can’t let go of anything. She must not have taken the poster. I’ve been subject to their kind’s judgment before and it lasted like three years.”
His thoughts were interrupted by Ashley’s voice. “Hey, Sean.”
“Hey. How are you doing?”
“I’m good.” She paused for a moment. “I’m just getting ready to start a fun filled day of learning. Are you going to be late for Computer Art again?”
“I make it a habit!” Sean was flirting. No one could tell. Actually his body language and the tone of his voice made him seem annoyed by the whole conversation or the very fact that she was talking to him, but in reality, he was in a state of utter ecstasy.
Ashley looked at the wall above his locker. “What happened to that Britney Spears poster?”
/> “It disappeared yesterday. I’m taking it pretty hard.”
“Did someone steal it?”
“That’s what it seems like. I’m making a list of possible suspects. So far I’ve got Reid, those twins John and Paul, some girl I’m referring to as Ugly One because I don’t know her name; Ugly Two just got dropped from the list because she wasn’t holding a grudge, and then the Taliban.”
“So, you’ve put some thought into this” Ashley smiled.
Sean laughed. “I guess so. Do you think it’s a bit too much?”
“Maybe” Ashley answered, “but I kind of miss the poster. It was cute that you had it there.”
Sean got really nervous. Was the poster cute or was he cute? He didn’t know exactly what that meant. Then he realized that he was probably going to make a giant ass of himself if he didn’t leave right away.
“I should go to the Downfall of Western Civilization.”
“What?” Ashley asked.
“It’s a song.” Sean felt really awkward. “Don’t talk about punk songs” he said under his breath.
Ashley looked confused.
“I should go to Western Civ.” Sean continued, “I’ll see you in Computer