by Ali Parker
Of course, I didn’t want her to know that she might be in danger. Until I knew for sure what was going on, I didn’t want to get her worked up over something that might be nothing.
When I ended the call with Penny, reassured that she was alright and that nothing had happened to put her in danger, my phone rang. Ms. Houghton’s number flashed on the screen.
“You’re a difficult man to get a hold of,” she said. I had missed two calls from her already.
“Yeah, sorry about that. It’s been rough at work.”
“I need you to make a decision about the house. Other people are interested, and I can’t keep stringing them along forever.”
I hadn’t given the house another thought since I had seen it last. “I’m not sure if that house is the one for me.”
“Alright, if you need time to think then take it, but I’m going to keep showing it to people. If it's gone by the time you decide you want it, I can’t do anything about it.”
“That’s fine, Ms. Houghton. Thank you.”
I hung up. I hadn’t thought about the house because I had been very busy, but that hadn’t been the only reason. Every time I thought about the house, I felt uneasy. It was so permanent, and even though I had decided to make the move to New York and make sure the company was running smoothly, I still wasn’t convinced that this was where I would eventually find happiness. My heart yearned for Portland.
Maybe going back home for a couple of weeks wasn’t a bad idea. I knew I had said goodbye to everyone as if I would never return, but my heart ached for the city I had grown up in. It was a sudden decision, but so was coming to New York. I wasn’t always so sure I had made the right one.
I had been right to come back to take care of the business, the funeral, and to ensure that Penny was okay. And it was important that I found out what was going on with the plane accidents and if anyone had been behind them. But to think that this life – with tall gray buildings, jam-packed schedules, and constant stress – would be it for me for the rest of my years made me dread the life that was to come.
And I shouldn’t have felt that way about it.
I pulled into my allocated parking space under the building and rode the elevator up to the penthouse suite. When I unlocked the door, the place was cold and dark. I had lived alone in Portland as well, but it had always felt warm and cozy to come home, there.
Maybe I was rushing into things. I had rushed here, and now I wanted to rush back. So much had happened lately, I needed time to figure out what I felt. I had to think about what was in my heart and if my feelings were because I had lost someone close to me, or because I was already getting homesick.
Filtering through my feelings and figuring out where they fit in was hard.
Chapter 25
Mila
By the time I got off work on Friday, I was dead on my feet. I’d had a hell of a week. Sometimes it felt like the bad things that happened in threes to everyone else, piled up in infinite amounts for us at the ICU.
I drove home on autopilot, barely remembering how I got there. Despite the comfortable shoes I wore because I was always on my feet, my feet were sore, and I sat on my bed and gave myself a foot massage. It hurt more to work the knots out of my feet than it was relaxing.
I ran a bath instead of standing in the shower. I had to sit down. I couldn’t tolerate another minute on my feet without feeling like it was torture.
When I lay back in the hot water, I closed my eyes. The bath was deep, and the water lapped up to my neck, everything else submerged. This was the break my body needed.
But for my mind, there was no rest. The moment I closed my eyes, images flooded into my mind. The patients’ faces flashed before my eyes, and I groaned.
Yesterday, there had been a four-car pileup on the highway. And not the usual bumper-bash, either. Instead, the accident had been ugly, and most of the drivers and passengers had ended up in the ICU. We didn’t often have so many patients come in at once. All our beds were full, and most of the nurses had had to pull double shifts to take care of everyone.
Next week would probably be filled with double shifts as well.
So many people had been hurt in that accident, and the situation had been touch-and-go for a few of them. They had gone into shock, their hearts stopping under the strain. Some of them, more than once. We hadn’t lost anyone so far, but it was still early days for them, and I wasn’t sure they would all make it through in the end. I had hope, but it was better to prepare myself for the worst.
I tried to push the thoughts of the patients out of my mind. Images of blood and pain were pinned to my frontal lobe, and I forced myself to think about something else. Anything else.
My mind jumped to Ben – his dark hair and ocean-blue eyes – and I swore out loud. The curse words bounced back at me from the tiled bathroom floor. I held my breath and sank under the water, wetting my hair as it floated around my face. My new hairstyle was just above my shoulders now since my latest haircut. I wished the thoughts of him couldn’t find me underwater.
All week, as if the ICU and the emergencies hadn’t been enough, I had fought through the stress of Ben leaving. Somehow, despite everything that I was dealing with, it still took precedence in my mind, and I hated it. He had chosen to leave, and I hated how much it troubled me. He was just a man. I had bigger things in my life to worry about. I hadn’t ever needed a man before. How ridiculous that I couldn’t stop thinking about Ben, now. Especially since he had made it clear what was important to him.
And it was only fair. Everyone had something that was important to them. We didn’t want the same things. Our paths headed in different directions, and that was fine.
At least it should have been.
When I couldn’t hold my breath anymore, I came up for air. I ran my hands down my face to get rid of the water and opened my eyes. With my knees tucked to my chest, I sighed. I just wanted a break from it all. Thank God I had a couple of days off.
My phone rang, and I dried my hand with a towel before reaching for the phone that was still in my pants’ pocket on the floor. The edge of the bath was cold under my armpits as I fished and finally pulled the phone free.
Skylar’s name was on the caller ID.
“You’re just the person I need to hear from right now,” I said.
“That bad, huh?”
“Worst. Week. Ever.”
“So, let’s go out for a drink. My week hasn’t been awful, but I could do with some distraction myself.”
“I’ll be ready in half an hour,” I said.
“I’ll pick you up, then.”
The line went dead, and I reached for the shampoo.
I got ready in record time. I only dried my hair, not straightened it. I had on minimal makeup and a pair of pants and a blouse that I knew went well together without worrying about it. I didn’t wear heels – my feet were still killing me.
“Where are we going?” Skylar asked.
“Anywhere,” I said. “Your call.”
“The Cottage?”
I nodded and climbed into the car. Skylar looked bright and fresh in a butter yellow top and jeans. She wasn’t wearing heels, either. Her red hair was pulled back in an attempt to tame it, and it made her sky-blue eyes stand out. She hadn’t bothered to cover up her freckles with concealer.
“I like the natural look,” I said.
Skylar rolled her eyes. “Everyone says that. But I can’t stand these freckles.”
“You’re beautiful just the way you are,” I said.
Skylar glanced sideways at me. “You really had a tough time.”
“What, because I complimented you?”
Skylar nodded. “You never do that.”
I laughed. “Just take it for what it is.”
Skylar parked in the lot in front of The Cottage. It was my family’s restaurant. My parents were still running it, but Jerrod, my older brother, was in training, and he would eventually take it over. Once upon a time, they had seen the sa
me future for me, but I had fought with them until I could become a nurse – my dream. They were happy that the restaurant was still in the family, and they supported me in my career now, even though it had been a rocky road.
The restaurant was warm and cozy when Skylar and I walked to the bar. It felt like home, and I was glad Skylar had suggested we come here. Jerrod came to say hi to us, hugging us both.
He looked like my twin with the same light brown hair and big brown eyes, but we were opposites. I was still irritated with him for what happened between Ben and me. Even though it wasn’t exactly his fault. But his protectiveness over me was one of the reasons it hadn’t worked out with me and his best friend, and I resented Jerrod for that. His big hug meant he’d forgiven me for how snappy I had been with him about it last weekend.
“So, what shifts do you have this weekend?” Skylar asked. “How drunk are we getting?”
I laughed. “What a way to plan it. I don’t have work at all this weekend. I asked for a break after the week I’ve had. The job is mentally strenuous, and they get that. They gave it to me.”
“Oh, good. Wasted, then?” Skylar asked.
“Not too much. I don’t think I have the energy.”
We ordered drinks at the bar. Jerrod made them for us before he left to take care of his tables.
“So, how are you doing?” Skylar asked.
“I’m doing okay. Work is a little rough right now, but it will pass. I’m happy where I am.”
“That’s good,” Skylar said. We sipped our drinks in silence for a moment.
“Now that we’re done pretending, how are you really?” Skylar asked.
I chuckled, and I suddenly felt like crying. “You’re great, you know that?”
“I try,” Skylar said with a shrug. “What’s bothering you?”
I swallowed down the lump that had swelled in my throat. I wasn’t going to cry about this. I had already wasted too many tears over Ben. After he had left, I had a good cry that he decided a life without me was a better option.
“Work has been really rough. So many people nearly died, and they still could. That always gets me. But I would have been fine dealing with it if Ben hadn’t just left me like that.” I let out a shuddering breath. After Ben had left, I had called Skylar and cried to her over the phone. I had told her everything – how he had looked me up at the hospital to talk to me, and then it had been a trivial conversation. He’d cut the conversation short, too. I’d told her how I had gone to his place and caught him just in time. I’d asked him how he felt about me, and he had made it sound that we had never been anything more than friends.
When we had been so, so much more. It had never been official, of course. Not with everything that had gone wrong in his life. He had nearly lost three firefighter friends in an accident that should have included him, and worry and guilt had consumed him. His uncle which was really only a close friend and more like a dad had passed away, and he’d had to deal with it all at the same time. I had been there for him but never expected him to make a decision about moving to something official with me. But I had expected that he would acknowledge his feelings, at least.
Instead, he had made it clear that there was nothing between us and probably wouldn’t ever be.
“If he wants nothing to do with me, I can understand that,” I said to Skylar. “But then he shouldn’t have –” I stopped in the middle of my sentence when Jerrod came toward us. He couldn’t know that anything had happened between Ben and me. Even if it had been nothing more than kissing, aside from all the emotions that had developed.
“How are you ladies doing?” Jerrod asked. “Time for a refill?” He nodded at our almost-empty glasses.
“No, we’re not going to stay for long,” Skylar said. “Early night, it’s been a long week. Thanks.”
Jerrod shrugged and walked away.
“What about getting drunk?” I asked.
“We can do that at your place where we can carry on talking about this where we won’t get interrupted by your brother,” Skylar said, and I understood. She was being the best of friends.
After we finished our drinks, I said goodbye to my parents, and we left The Cottage. Skylar drove to my place, stopping on the way to buy booze. When we got home, we sat on my couch with our alcohol and carried on drinking.
“He shouldn’t have made me believe he felt something if he was going to ditch me like that.” I said what I had wanted to say when Jerrod had come along. I realized how bitter I sounded. And the truth was, I was pissed off. I was upset that Ben had fucked me around like that because that was what I felt he’d done.
“Do you think that his feelings weren’t real, that he only led you on to get something?” Skylar asked.
I sipped my drink and shook my head. “No, I think that whatever he felt was real. It just wasn’t enough. And I get it. I didn’t want to put pressure on him or anything. But he could have been honest about it, at least. After everything we had been through together.”
Skylar nodded. “That was a dick move. I mean, he’s a nice guy. But he’s acting like a dick.”
“I think so, too,” I said. “I’m crushed by how he handled it. And even though I’m usually very good at pushing things away or dealing with it then and there so that it’s over, I can’t seem to forget about this. Or him. And that’s all I want. I want to forget.”
Skylar reached for my hand and squeezed it. “You really care for him.”
I nodded. “That’s what pisses me off so much. I do care. More than I cared for any other guy. And now I’m stuck not being able to get over him. It irritates me.”
“Do you think that it’s just the crush you had, messing with your mind?”
I shook my head. “To be honest, I don’t. He was gone for seven years. I got over him after he left. And I was just a silly teenager when I was crazy about him like that. This time, it was serious. I got to know him as a person. And he got to know me. It’s not just a crush.”
“So, you fell for him?” Skylar asked, looking surprised.
I rolled my eyes. “Sounds like it, doesn’t it?”
We sat together in silence for a moment.
“I know this is so cliché to say,” Skylar said. “But if it’s meant to be, it will work out.”
I groaned. “Yeah, that’s very cliché. And I don’t think that it works that way. This is real life, not some kind of movie where quotes like that come true.”
Chapter 26
Ben
Had it really only been a week since I left Portland? I had such a busy week, trying to keep the company going and working with David to figure out what was going on with the possible murders, it felt like a lifetime had passed.
When I landed in Portland, the sweet relief that came with coming home washed over me, and I knew it had been a good idea to come back. Even though I had said my goodbyes to everyone as if I was never coming home. I desperately needed a break away from all the drama that was happening in New York. I needed to clear my head and see the people that meant the most to me. Now that Uncle Dean was dead, even though Penny was still there, I didn’t have anyone to lean on in New York anymore.
Now that I was in Portland again, I wanted to talk to Mila. I had shattered her by shutting her down before I left. I had thought it was the right thing to do, then. When I had tried to call her from New York, she had been switched off, and I knew it was all my fault. I had realized – too late – that I wanted to be with her. I loved her, and I needed to tell her that.
I didn’t know if she would accept me after I had crushed her like that, but it was worth a shot. Mila was worth it. She had snuck into my heart, and she meant so much to me, now.
Before I did anything, I went to my mom’s house. When I knocked on her door and she opened it, her surprise and happiness at seeing me warmed my heart. My mom threw her arms around my neck.
“I can’t believe you’ve come to visit so soon,” she said. “Come on, tell me how things are going.”
&n
bsp; After making coffee for us, my mom and stepdad, Paul, sat in the living room with me. We all drank coffee from cups that were so big they could be used as cereal bowls. I had grown up with cups like this and still ordered the biggest cup from Starbucks I could find because a single cup of coffee seemed dismal in my eyes.
I told them how things had been going at work, explaining how hard it was to get the company turned over to me as the new owner, even though everyone was happy to have me there.
“It’s a logistical nightmare,” I said. “I’m drowning in paperwork and protocol. But the work itself is going well. I think the company is going to do great once we sort all of this out.”
“I’m so proud of you,” my mom said. “We both are.” She reached for Paul’s hand. He nodded. Paul was a quiet guy. Even though he had been my stepdad for a long time, I had never had a very close relationship with him because the man never said anything.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said.
“You need to take care of yourself, though. You’re very stressed, I can tell. Are you sleeping enough?”
I nodded. “I am. The long hours at work drag me down.”
I hesitated for a moment, thinking of telling them what was going on with the investigations, but I decided against it. My mom was already worried about me. There was no reason to make her worry anymore until I knew exactly what was happening.
“Are you happy with your choice to go back?” my mom asked.
Paul cleared his throat. “I have a few things to take care of. I’ll leave you to it.” He stood and left the room. I knew he was leaving so that my mom and I could have a heart to heart about this. When we talked about the company, my dad came up. Even though Paul didn’t have any hard feelings toward my dad, he didn’t like being involved in the conversations about him.